Friday, September 14, 2012
Scary scary Dear Prudence
Q. Overbearing, Creepy In-Law: My husband and I, newly married, recently moved to the same town in which his bachelor brother lives. My husband travels frequently on business and encouraged me to invite his brother over if I ever felt lonely. He also told his brother to "watch out for me." One night I caught his brother peering in my bedroom window. He told my husband that he thought he heard me cry out and wanted to make sure I was OK. A few weeks ago, he showed up in the middle of the night and said he wanted to make sure I was alone. The final straw came last night, when I was showering. I turned around, and there was my brother-in-law! He claimed he hadn't known I was home and my husband told him where to find our hide-a-key. The issue is that my husband believes his brother's explanations rather than my feelings that his brother's behavior crosses the line. He has asked his brother to back off "a bit." Is it reasonable for me to expect more? How can I make a case for my feelings—that his brother is a creep—without coming off like a harpy?
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A: First, you need to call a locksmith and get your house re-keyed in case your brother-in-law, Norman Bates, has made a copy. Then you need a new hidey hole for the key and you must get your husband to agree not to tell his brother where it is. What you describe—the man at the window escalating to the man in the bathroom, is right out of the playbook of every slasher movie ever made. I don't want to unduly alarm you, but frankly, I'm alarmed. And if your husband isn't, then you are married to a dolt. You cannot wait until you are actually crying out, "No, Norman, no!" Sit your husband down and say it's possible that since he's a man, he doesn't understand how utterly violated and vulnerable a woman would feel by his brother's behavior. But he has to recognize that what is brother is doing is terrifying you. If he doesn't immediately tell his brother that he's been wildly out of line and should only be coming over if he has an invitation, then I'm sorry to say that you should pack and get yourself a living situation in which there is no one unexpectedly greeting you as you step out of the shower.
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Me: OMG, get out. Now. Don't tell anyone where you're going. File a restraint order on the perv. Get a lawyer and a divorce. Do not look back...except to check behind you. Buy a gun. Get a large dog. GET OUT!
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13 comments:
This instantly reminded me of that insane man, Josh Powell, missing mom, Susan Powell's husband and HIS father!! Instantly. & we all know how that ended! They are all dead except the crazy as he** father-in-law in prison. Both perverts, pedophiles, murderers. I swear they both had something to do with her murder. This is some scary sh**. She needs to leave asap. Like you said. Just GTFO! At least Dear Prudence referred to him as "Norman Bates"...thats a good description. The husband may be shielding the brothers tendencies also. If she would check, he is probably on a sex offender list.
rox
PS...what has ever happened to the 2 missing Iowa girls? Any news?
no shit huh, that's terrible. I would record the brother. That shits creepy.
with3love
OMG, Rox, that's true!! What's wrong with this husband for not wanting to protect his wife? Sick. I agree with DD on everything. Get the hell out!
rox two month anniversary article from yesterday....places the girls via surveillance cameras closer to the lake....and other than that, not much new.....i still think the one girl's parents are involved and i still think they are not alive (and i don't like to think that!! i just feel that and i hope i am wrong!!!).....
that woman is totally going to be raped and no one is going to believe her. i think the other advice should have been to call the cops.
yeah, why was there no advice to call the police?? who cares if it's her BIL??? he's trespassing, he's being a peeping tom!
and what kind of paternalistic world is it where her husband asks his brother to watch out for her???? she's incapable of taking care of herself??? did she live alone before marriage??? call the cops, divorce the guy and get a real man who realizes a woman can take care of herself....
I don't have hopes that this ends well when she starts with Dear Prudence. The first window peep would have sent me packing.WTH
Once she admits to herself how screwed up the sitch is, she knows she's going to have to leave the whole sick twisted dynamic. Is it fear, denial or sadness at the loss of what you thought you had that paralyzes people?
She's going to get dead and go missing one of these weeks hubs is away...hope she gets out fast.
Beth
Put inside chains on doors so they cannot be opened while someone is inside. The trust between her and her husband is violated.
File a police report. Ask the neighbor to keep an "EYE" on the brother about in the yards. Ask if any of the neighbors have had "peeping" incidents. Tell relatives or the brothers parents of the peeping and shower incident.
Tell the brother and husband about the contact with the police, neighbors and relatives and that her protection and privacy is not soley decided by them and that her privacy and protection have been violated. Adios if they cannot respect that.
Another...
This guy in Germany and from india with arranged marriage kept his wife locked up in the apartment. The apartment was 4th story and only one door. She had no access to a telephone. When he left he locked her in. He beat and abused her. He would be gone for weeks at a time. No visitors. He did not allow her to have contact with friends or relatives back in India. Nobody knew of her situation. No TV no radio. She did not speak English or German. Three years later one day he got a call on his cell phone and left in a hurry. He forgot to lock her in and she went out to the street she had no money she ran several blocks away she tried to talk to some people to ask for money to call her parents. Finally someone called the police she was put in contact with her parents, After her parents got her back to India they abandoned her as she was a bad wife. Some indians tell me of others with arranged marriages living in the USA the women are not educated, do not drive and are dependent on other Indian women while their husbands are off working IT jobs out of town. They feel isolated, don't speak English well and are afraid to go out in public by themselves. They hord gold jewelery in case they need money later and beg their parents or siblings to come and stay. Others hate that their children are being Americanized through school and hate that the kids talk back and that India is stupid. The women are told to call so and so while their husbands are away for protection don't talk to the police. The same way with illegal mexican families don't call the police so and so will protect you.
By the time this made into Dear Pruddies coulmn, she was probably in serious danger, raped, injured,dead or missing. Hopefully she is divorced and gone by now! or she's "missing" by her own design!
Cuz you know those letters are OLD by the time they get to print.
*Thanks for the little girls update, thats also about the last I had heard about them. I too believe one of the families or members of one the family's is involved. Of course the girls are not alive, it will be like Casey Anthony. Nobody will get in trouble. It will just go unsolved. BS!
rox
I have little hope for the Iowa girls too, but, there is still a tiny chance that they are alive. Some of the people involved are the type who could have bug out locations and survival skills.
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