Dinner...with mother

So, I had dinner with my mother. I should leave it at that. I was only there about 30 minutes. That's all I could take. My brother decided he'd rather stay in 'the home' than come to her house. They say he's mentally ill, but, he might be smarter than they think. Her sister had her own dinner at her house with all her spawn and their spawn. Lissa didn't show up. Casey had already visited the week before, so it was just us. Two women who don't eat much and she bought a turkey as big as my car. She invited her irritating friend, Pin. Pin, with her broken English, comes in the door with a bucket of cleaning supplies, so I know who's gonna deal with the mess after dinner. Not me. I don't feel bad, I know the old lady pays her. Actually my mother's house has been clean and almost decluttered lately. Pin is on her Taiwanese toes. But, I had to behave myself and listen to Pin say witty things like "hi, you ead all da tookee yet? Ha ha, dat tookee not so lucky, huu?" Yeah, that's so funny. How does she think of these things? She also prays and gives thanks to jesus every time she takes a bite of food. Every bite, seriously. I mean, enough already. Jesus doesn't give one shit about the gravy.

I sat on the couch with my plate and listened to these two idiots talk about people I didn't know while I ate. The food was actually good. My mother is a notorious bad cook, so this was unexpected. I was thinking of the monkey and the typewriter tale. Like, it was bound to happen someday. The odds are there. I was on my third big bite when out of nowhere my mom looked at me and said, did you know, after you were born, I took you home from the hospital on Thanksgiving? I said, oh, did you? (Like, who gives a shit, right?) Yes, then she said, ''That was the worst day of my life. I regret that more than anything. Sigh. My whole life is full of regrets." I stopped mid bite and stared at her. See, she has moments of senility now where she blurts out the weirdest and sometimes meanest things. She doesn't even realize she's speaking and not thinking it in her head. The last time she did it, she said, "Boy, I hated you when you were a child. I didn't think it was possible to hate a little kid, but, I hated you as soon as you were born." Anyway, she was doing it again. Then she skipped right back to reality, didn't know she'd said anything wrong and started talking about the cats and the weather. It's sort of amusing at this point. If I'm wrong and she actually says things like this on purpose, then that would make her some kind of  brilliant opponent in our long standing war. Since she's a dumb ass, I refuse to believe it's diabolical on her part. It just doesn't seem likely. I think she's lost the plot. There is no hurt or pain, just the pissed off revelation that I spent my childhood thinking she was normal and trying to please her. I thought I was the most evil child ever born. If someone, anyone, had just told me she was fucking retarded and insane I could have gone about my business and life. Talk about regrets.

I quickly shoveled in my food, didn't go back for seconds and went home. I took Niki and Rich Cat some turkey which they are eating today too. There was plenty. I wonder if anywhere on Earth there is a family that actually likes these holidays?

No, I do not want any pie.