He held a bible in his shaky old hand and said, hello, I am here to bring you the word of god and the love of jesus. Hallelujah! I said, this is an Atheist-Pagan house, so, no thank you. He then went off and said, "GLORY TO THE HIGHEST, I am in the right place. Jesus loves you, my child, the lord beckons you into his fold..."
I said, I am an Atheist Pagan, no thank you. I didn't yell, but, I got louder in case he was hard of hearing. I opened the door wider, so he could see. I mean, it's obvious I'm not a christian. It took me about two minutes to realize the old relic was from that damn Pentecostal church down the street. I was raised Pentecost and I hate those damn Holy Rollers. But, I'm not about to go off on some century old, old scrawny man.
All I wanted was coffee and a smoke, but, this guy wasn't leaving. He started waving that old black bible around my Pagan porch (bad juju) and hollering about the blood of the lamb and darkness upon me. I held my hand in front of his face and said, 'Finding beauty and light in the darkness cannot be a sin, my friend. I do not believe and I will never believe what you do. You are in the wrong place.'
It took awhile, but, he finally gave up peacefully. Then I had to help him back to his car. It's a long driveway. When he got in his car, he said, 'If you ever want god, come to me.' I said, 'Your god is the last thing I want. If you ever want truth and reason, come back. Do not ever come back to preach here.'
He HAD to try and have the last word (ironically the name of my other website) and yelled, 'jesus loves you!' I yelled, 'Tell jesus to leave me the hell alone.'
WTF? Why are they sending this old man to my door? What's next? More late night phone calls or trash in my yard? Missing pets, pamphlets on my car? They've done it all. Now I have to sage my fucking porch. I swear, these god suckers never give up.
On a positive note..Niki got a spa day. He loves the groomers. I'll post a photo when he comes back.
15 comments:
Did your mother send him? But it sounds like your town is crawling with bible-thumpers so it could have been random. Did he keep traveling up the street to your neighbours or did he just target you?
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Jesus DID, in fact, actually return? What would he do? Go straight to the Vatican, contact the BBC or CNN? And HOW would we treat him? Would we believe him? Or would we treat him with fear and suspicion and then kill him again. Or throw him in a prison for life? Or would he end up seeking Aslyum in Russia or somewhere? The mind truly boggles!
He only targeted me, now that I think on it.
Lia, my mind stopped boggling over Jesus when I found out there's not one single shred of evidence he ever existed. Put that with the fact that all writing done about his life started 100's of years after his supposed death and what do you have? Hmm. I wanted to believe he was real. I still do. But, come on.
Hells no! He may have existed but I totally don't believe he will ever come back, as Christians do. But since we just went through Easter I got to thinking about how society would deal with it if he did come back. I mean seriously, if you think about that, your mind starts to boggle with all sorts of scenarios that lead him to the exact same demise.
I'm an atheist btw!
If he comes back, I hope he slaps the shit right out of all of them who claim he said this or he said that.
Speaking of coming back..that old preacher is back. He's just sitting in his car watching the house. Should I be scared?
Pat;
Call the popo. He's stalking you. I'm not kidding. Do you have a gun or taser? A bball bat??
I know he's old, but that's no excuse, and in no way lowers the creep factor.
I'd mess with him. Smudge his car. Draw a circle around him in salt. Anything that looks weird to him. I have a neighbor right across the st. He flips me off and calls me a crazy old witch. He's way older then I am!! I say noting to him. He does this while his wife, and my husband are at work . I'll just come inside and think of something crazy to do. I've made patterns by my mailbox in white rocks. They mean nothing! Just thinking them up and then arranging them, then maybe moving my arms around and mumble something under my breath. Then come inside and watch the show. He goes out there at MY mailbox with a rake, hoe, shovel-whatever he can get, and makes a huge commotion messing up my cute little white rock patterns. We have security cameras all around our house now, so he stopped coming in our yard, but it's fun to show my husband the "movie" of old fart going nuts at our mailbox. I can do this because I do not live alone.
I'm a little afraid for you though, Pat.
I would take a couple of pic of him sitting out there. And I'd go out and get one of his license plate and a good close-up. And then I would offhandedly say, "The newspaper reporter I talked to said to get a good close-up piture of you so you could be identified." Then watch his face. I know it's not true, but what the hell. You might as well get a laugh out of it.
When I posted, I didn't see Cut's comments. I really like the idea of the smudging and salt. Bring one of your Halloween skulls with you. Damn I live in a boring place. Nothing fun ever happens around here.
Hahahaha Pat, nothing that some chicken claws and bloodied feathers on his front doorstep can't fix!
Lia, that's a great idea too. Pat, dress all in white like you always see the voodoo priestesses wearing. And lay it on thick. Are we being evil? Maybe, but it sure is fun.
Yes! Yes it IS fun to fuck with mean old fuckers who have nothing better to do than to stalk helpless ol' women. We gotta do what we gotta do!
He prolly just has a crush on Pat and assumed he'd be welcomed in and offered sweet tea and cakes. Those old catholic ones ate everything in the house when mom was dying and bed ridden. Before I ran their asses off.
Seriously though.....if this old guy is sitting in his car, watching you...that's too creepy.... SHOOT 'em!!
Cut, I'd like to see what rock patterns you come up with. You might be a witch and don't know it. Heh heh. I really don't have time to 'play' with these people anymore. When I get a rare alone day, the last thing I want is interaction with freaks. I might call the police if he does this again. (The watching.) I've had enough.
Jane, that is brilliant. So simple. Thanks so much.
As for the smudging and salt, I had to do that anyway. It cleanses his energy from my place. It only took a minute, but, I had to hunt for my smudge sticks in this clutter. Sigh.
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