Here's my question, is this piece of furniture always going to carry that sad sense of loss? I don't mean to be weird, I guess I just am. But, like, say, 70 years from now, when that mother is long gone and this baby forgotten by new generations, what if it's not treasured and kept in the family? What if someone puts it in another yard sale or it ends up in an antique store (by then it would be proper shabby chic) and it's just innocently sitting there looking cute...would it still hold that sadness? I know some of you are rolling your eyes, but, some of you have experienced feelings like that for inanimate objects. If you touched this bench, do you think you could feel something, even without knowing the story? Have you ever had something like that happen with furniture or objects? Tell me your story.
8 comments:
It was a very kind and generous thoughtful thing to do. But, No thank you. I wouldn't want it back. And if the mother does love it and she leaves it to others and they don't care about it, that doesn't matter. It was made for her. If she loves it, so be it. I personally think it's far too depressing to have around.
And the stuffed bear part is morbid. He never played with it. I would get rid of it too. Or pack it up for a child that comes by someday to visit. It might be unhealthy, what she is doing. It's kind of weird. If I was doing that? I would hope somebody would help me see how depressing and morbid it is. The whole thing. She needs to seek help for her depression. It's f'g sad as hell. IMO.
I think what she is doing is okay. People grieve in all different ways, and to say that she needs to conform to how other people feel grief should be expressed is pretty harsh. Hasn't she been through enough? She was in a position where she most likely was forced into labor to have a child that was already dead. It's horrifying when you think of it in terms of what she went through. In my line of work, we occasionally see people who lose babies before ever coming to the hospital. We have a whole system set up for them, and there is a very wide range of handling grief. Some people want to hold their babies repeatedly over the course of a day or two, some do not want to see the baby. We have special little boxes for families, that contain a number of items related to their child. There may be a silk flower, a little book, a small hat, a shell, maybe a small outfit to put them in for pictures. We also have clay or plaster of paris to make little hand or foot prints, if possible. All of that, along with whatever pictures they wanted, goes home with them. They lost a child, and to mourn that death is very natural. What is not natural, is denying that experience.
If that bench makes her feel better, then so be it. I don't think there is anything weird about her holding her baby's teddy, either. Regardless of whether the baby ever played with it, she still bought it especially for her baby. It is part of the story of that child. It causes no-one any harm, and no-one should sit in judgment on her.
As far as the bench retaining a memory, so to speak, I don't think there would be much except for maybe a little bit of sadness from her sitting there. Nothing bad happened on or in the chair. I think that with a change of setting, those feelings would dissipate, if that makes any sense. (Especially since sitting in the chair is affording her some comfort.)
What a kind thing for that carpenter to do.
Christina
I guess I forgot one comment.
The only thing I remember having serious vibes about was a truck my husband and I were looking at. We wanted an old, 60's or 70's model Ford pickup. We had seen and test driven a lot of them, and a lot of other makes, like International, Dodge, Chevy, etc. One truck that we looked at, was a reasonable price, and it looked nice, but when we test drove it, my husband asked me what I thought of it. I said I did not like it, and that the feeling was so strong, and bad, that I thought I might die in it. I love my husband. He immediately said, "Well, that settles it. We don't need this one." We did not buy it, for which I am very grateful. I have no idea what it was about that truck. I have never felt that way about any other vehicle. We bought another old Ford truck, and I love it. Jade green and white, and a little beat up, but I love the feel of it.
Christina
I think it is only something you can understand if you are in that place. I'm glad I never was and I'm sad for those who were.
You can actually make a gemstone out of a deceased loved one nowadays. Originally I thought it was a lovely idea until I thought it through... having the gemstone set into a ring and then after you die... what then? Would the dead person, now a gemstone, be handed onto the next generation, then the next etc. And what if you lost it? Or if it ended up at a pawn shop, the responsibility makes the mind boggle. So, no thanks, after all.
About the cot turned into a chair: a bit of a mixed blessing. A lovely gesture but probably by do-gooders. Maybe the woman selling the cot was trying to achieve closure. They should have asked her first. Now she's stuck with it.
Yeah, I was just commenting on feelings left in objects, not how a mother (or anyone) grieves. I hate seeing anyone judged on that and people need to shut up. Only an awful horrible person would tell someone else how to handle the death of a child.
ps, I agree with Lia, they should have asked first. But, it was a nice thought and the mom did love it.
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