An open invitation to Amber (trailer park) Heard and her boyfriend, what's his name

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So, Amber Heard has just told us, the world, that she may seem like a nice girl (who thinks JD's gf would be totally nice?) but, by golly, she can go 'trailer park' in a hot second when she gets angry.

This girl comes from a decent Texas upbringing and was educated in private parochial schools. Making a bunch of D list films does not allow you an insight into 'trailer park' life. WTF planet is she on now? Oh, Planet Depp, that's right. (Insert hugeanitic eye roll here.) Life must be hard on Fuck Off Island, or did Vanessa get that in the conscious uncoupling?? What......ever.

Dear Amber, you are cordially invited to spend a weekend with us in Guntown. It could be a movie, later. We'll talk. You can brang your boyfriend, what's his name, and you can sleep in our guest suite. By guest suite, I mean you can sleep in the loft and the kid will sleep in the living room with me. I will be right below you with no walls, so remember, I can hear everything. That's okay though, I'm writing a book. It's an Internet book, yeah. You and what's his name will be provided with generic cola, always chilled because the fridge actually works. Though sadly, it is about the only appliance that still works. So sorry. You will also be provided, free of charge, with your very own personal fly swatter. I hope you aren't afraid of spiders! The Hannah Montana sheets will be clean and line dried for your comfort. Sorry, I would have bought Edward Scissorhand sheets, but, yard sales are limited here. You will share our personal bathroom. Don't stand too close to the right side of the sink. I have to get that sub floor fixed! Pay no attention to the exposed pipes, they add to the..umm...verbal ambiance! I will introduce you to the neighbors, the drunks, the druggies, the crazy trucker who's voice pipes through my computer speakers from his CB, that one is a gas. He's on my Facebook now, isn't that funny? I love Facebook, don't you, Amber? We can go to a Guntown BBQ! (Bring your own Miller light.) The neighbor's barking dogs will be your 4 am wake up call. You'll learn to enjoy their promptness.

After you spend a whole weekend right here in Guntown, you WILL know what it's like to go 'trailer park'. You will be amazed at how much you never knew about trailer parks before. So will your boyfriend, what's his name. It will be so much fun! I can't wait! How about you? Excite? Yes, you're so excite!

ps..do not come at the last of the month or I will have to apply for more food stamps. You know how long that takes, right? Paperwork. It's such a drag on us jet setters!