Food Stamps...you need a Masters degree in bullshit

Remember when food stamps looked like that? Maybe you were lucky and never had to use them, I dunno. Anyway, now they don't look like that and they don't come in a booklet like play cash. It comes on a plastic card that looks like a credit card. You'd think it would be less conspicuous, but, it's not because it has a bright picture of a perfect farm scene on it and is easy to identify. Plus, most of the clerks will announce that you're using it. Thanks. Like people don't know. (Huge eye roll.)

But, you know what? I am way past the days when I was embarrassed about it. We need them, we're entitled to them and anyone giving us 'those looks' in line get a worse one right back. I don't give one fuck what anyone thinks. Snots can walk a mile in my flip flops. So, here I am, right now, trying to fill out an application to get Alissa some food stamps, which we really could use. I don't get child support or any kind of welfare for her. She's been pretty much living here for years and social services giving her back to her mom has always been a joke. I hate playing with the system, I hate not being truthful by silence, but, they force you to! Cripes. Their goal is reunification with any biological parent and there is no stopping them. I've told you all about it before. So, basically, they meet their goal on paper, and I always have the kid. Now, you know I love having the kid. I'm raising her. I'm happy to do it. She's safe and loved here. But, financially, it's their fucking game. You know what I mean?

So, I said, fuck it and I'm applying for some help because legally we're entitled to it. Social Services can take their reunification game and go play it out. For now, she's legally my kid. You should see these forms. I shit you not, they are not readable. Whoever made these forms is a fucking idiot. Let me show you..

They want to know if I receive FIP and TANFL and a dozen other abbreviations for shit I have never heard of. Maybe if you're a professional welfare person you know what all this crap is, but, I have no clue. So, I tried looking it up on the Internet and after a shit load of clicking I figured most of it out. But, it wasn't simple. State websites seem to hate getting to the damn point. I have to wonder how in the hell people who don't have the Internet do this?? How hard is it to type out a few descriptive words on a damn state form??? Lazy ass from writes need to be slapped up side their goddamn lazy heads. Who do they think is paying their wages?

Okay, here is an actual question from the form.."List everyone who does not eat in your home." Seriously. And it is proceeded by nothing that is relative to that question. That's the first question on the page. I re- read it about five times and scratched my head. WTF does that even mean? Okay, everyone who does not eat in my home?? Uhh, the entire rest of the world. That question is worded so badly and is basically so stupid it makes me want to print out an entire Chinese phone book and send it to them. I would if it wouldn't cost thousands of fucking dollars. Who the fuck writes these idiot forms?? Lissa had a social worker here this morning, so I asked her. You know what she said? Uhhhh, just ignore it. It's killing me, it's funny, but, so frustrating. When even social workers have no idea what the dumb ass form questions mean, you know it's total ignorance on the part of the state. I have a college degree and I can't make heads or tails out of some of this retarded crap. It makes wonder what, umm, simple or special people do? How the hell do people with low IQ's as well as low incomes ever fill this stuff out??? Why should it be this ambiguous and weird? And just plain dumb?

Moving on..leaving blanks (hate that, it's against my nature)..here's a part that says I can never use food stamps to pay for liquor. No shit, Shitlocks. Who the fuck would entertain that idea? The same retards that wrote these forms? No one is that stupid. And get this..it also says I am not allowed to use food stamps in any store that sells liquor. WTF? Every store sells liquor these days. We have one grocery store, they sell liquor. We have one other little food store off the highway..it sells liquor too. I don't know of any food store around SW Iowa that doesn't sell liquor. This shit is the craziest stuff I have ever read. So no matter where I buy milk and bread, I will be breaking the law. Nice.

Okay, that's me done bitching. The forms are filled out, blanks are left and all I have to do is mail it. I have to go to the post office because the way they made the forms, they're way too big for a regular envelope. You have to have a big one. That's completely stupid and not even necessary. Has the state ever heard of conservation? They poke and fuss at us with all these stupid forms, but, THEY are the ones who can't write a decent application and who waste all this paper. Not to mention gas. They force you to lie by leaving blanks because no one knows what the hell some of these questions mean. They have no possible answer. Shame on the state of Iowa for not doing better than this.

This is what they look like now. When you pull that bright ass thing out of your wallet, it's like waving a flag and then the clerk almost always says, "OH, YOU'RE USING ELECTRONIC FOOD STAMPS!" And I smile and say, YES, I AM AND THOSE ARE MY GENERIC HOT DOGS AND BOXED MAC AND CHEESE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US FOR DINNER! And they shut the fuck up because they know I do not have one fuck to give. Give me my bags and kiss my ass. You can't shame someone who doesn't care what people think. You just proved who the real asshole is.