Yesterday, Tuwella took over. Oh, yes. For some reason, when Lissa called to come home, she dialed Tuwella's number. Instead of redialing, she just asked Tuwella to tell me she was ready. Instead of walking 20 feet to tell me, Tuwella decided to get a neighbor involved. She sent the neighbor to pick Lis up. Why? I'll explain what I think. Tuwella pays this neighbor to do this and that around her house. I think she thought she'd make her go pick up Lis as a bonus, you know, so she could get her money's worth. That's how she thinks. Nothing is ever free with Tuwella. You have to work for every stingy penny she pays and she will invent jobs for you if she thinks you owe her. So, she sent the neighbor to the pool. Lissa knew better than to go with her and tried to tell her no, but, she claims the neighbor made her. I can see that. She's one of those pushy types. BUT, Lis should have gone to the pool desk and told them she didn't have permission and needed it to leave. She didn't. So, she's grounded. I am not mad at the neighbor, she was only trying to help my mother..she thought.
We both (Lis and I) went over to Tuwella's house and without yelling or cussing, I told her in no uncertain terms, that she is not in charge of Lissa, I am. I told her that by deciding to send a neighbor to get Lis without even telling me, she broke a big rule and cost the kid her freedom. She effectively stole her safe place. Tuwella tried to play it off by saying she called me, but, my phone was busy. I told her I knew that was a lie, because I hadn't used my phone all day. She lies all the time, but, nobody ever calls her on it. She yelled that the neighbor is safe and Lis knows her. I agreed that she's 'safe', but, that Lis knows a lot of people. The point is, now I know she can be talked into a car without my permission. She's grounded. And it's partly Tuwella's fault because she thinks she runs the show.
Tuwella became unhinged and threw a plate of food at her own door, breaking the plate. She was screaming obscenities. Lis was crying and scared, but, I just took her home. I calmed her down and made her laugh about it. I said, hey, Tuwella is improving with age because when I was a kid, she would have thrown the plate at my head and then beat me half to death with a stick. So, that's the way it stands. The last thing she said was, fuck you and I never want to see you or your fucking kid again! I didn't say a word. I'd never even raised my voice to her. But, she can't stand being wrong or not controlling everything. She'll want to see me again as soon as she needs a ride to the grocery store. Her cats haven't learned to drive yet. Old people suck.
24 comments:
How long do you think your luck will last?
I totally get it. Trust is a huge issue as kids transition to older kid/preteen status. You already know you cant trust your mother - so it's an even bigger job for Lissa to be on her toes and think around what your Mom sets in motion. Trust has to be earned so you know your kid is safe. It's not about being paranoid - it's earning and proving that kids can think straight and develop a gut instinct of right vs. wrong.
Do you and Lissa have a "safe" word? It's usually for a stranger danger situation but maybe it would help given the circumstances.
I must agree, the punishment fits the crime. So to speak. She will remember and she will also get over it. And hey, my mom threw every iron skillet she had, at me. I was good at ducking. And she was just busting her good skillets. The hot cup of coffee in my face was it. What mother does that to an 11 y.o. Kid? Sure, I probably said something smart. But her and my dad were considering remarriage at that time, he saw that. He stayed to comfort me for a bit and left. He moved to Florida and she never saw him again. So, she caused the damage she did to her life and I lived with grandma or my aunt till I was married. No problem. I was so happy to be free from her. I'm sorry your mom is ruining your days in your life that should be yours by now. You deserve it too. I hope the move helps. Anyways, I worried about you with all those tornadoes in Iowa last weekend. But you must have not been close to any. Our country is going to hell and that too worries me. But please just take care. Your mom will apologize, in her own way. Eventually. Lol.
As I read this, I was thinking "Poor kid...stuck in the middle of a shitshow". Then I read your explanation and it made perfect sense. Getting talked into a car is not to be taken lightly. Then I read your mother's response at the end. Holy shit, Batman...I bet you can't wait for the day when you move over to the new house. It may only be a few houses away, but hopefully you're right and she won't take the time to walk over. Chances are Lissa has learned a big lesson as well. You say old people suck...I say raising kids can really suck, as well. Sorry for your crappy day.
Jane, a few days I guess. She wants an apology from me. She aint gettin' one. I swear on my dog's life, I didn't raise my voice or swear. But, how dare I tell her she can't make decisions for Lissa. She went off like a flashfire.
Connie, it's a huge issue right now because Lissa's mom has sent strange men to pick her up. I have always said, no. NO. But, now I wonder if I wasn't there, would she go?? There is one I'm suspicious of and I did a search on him. He's done time for armed robery and violent rapes. That's her mother's friend. She sends him here. He's been here three times and I have politely said, no, lissa has other plans. Then I lock the door and look for the gun and ammo, just in case. So, she really needs to make me confident in her trust.
Wow. Just wow. You are a saint for your level of patience. Dealing with Dad and his Alzheimer's, I can appreciate how someone reacts when their mental capacity is effected but she takes the cake. You won. I am sorry that poor Lissa is in the middle of this but part of me is glad she saw the fuss and commotion. She'll think twice about not abiding to your rules. Nice that you took some of the sting away but it still was a hefty price to pay. Hope your week improves. Truly.
Rox, no she wont. She wants me to apologize. She's nuts.
Angie raising kids is stressful at times, but, raising old mean women is worse.
Old people do suck. I was a caregiver to my bitter mother in her final months. She was blind and could not walk and it was all my fault. She never had a kind word for anything or anybody. I am so glad that my caregiving days are over.
Fark, I agree with the password suggestion. We have one wih the boy, he's 7 and will go with anyone so we have a password and he will never go with anyone except, me, dad, nanny, my sister without it. If someone doesn't know the password he knows to shout loud "leave me alone, I'm not going with your a stranger" he even has to practice it regularly. Overkill possibly but this is one of my greatest fears.
She'll get over it and it will hopefully make her think if it happens again
Bubble at home
Isn't tomorrow old lady Tues?
Tomorrow she'll act like nothing ever happened.
Maybe her neighbor can haul her ass around and unload chicken and cat food for days.
You did the absolute right thing,Pat. Teenage girls,and all kids for that matter, need to learn to STOP and think. This may have scared Liss enough to maybe make her think the next time. You should get her one of those Obama phones- with your # , and all other #'s programmed in. Make sure she knows to always call you if it's not what you planned. I say, boycott the old lady- she's the one who needs to stop & think!
It wasn't a big deal, but then again it was a big deal.
And yeah ^(what cut said) let the neighbor take her "old lady check day-ing".
Shelly
A 12 yr. old girl went missing about 5 days ago. They found her slippers in her mom's boyfriend's SUV (it didn't work) parked in their yard. Yesterday, they found her body in the cane field near where the bf works. No information has been given on how she died. You can't be too careful. You were right to refuse to let Lis go with that weirdo.
I am sorry you have to go through this with your mom again. Does she really not have anything else to do with her life?
I think you did absolutely the right thing by taking Lissa over there, and with a calm voice, telling your mom how wrong she was to interfere in the arrangements you had made. You can't make her accept what you have to say, no matter how common-sense it is, but you can make an impression on Lissa. Which I am sure you did.
I keep thinking about Kyron Horman, and that he left the school with someone he wasn't supposed to leave with (Even if that person was his step-mom). We may never know what happened to him, and that is heartbreaking.
Lissa will remember this, and it may make her stronger, the next time this comes up (which I think will happen).
I'm sorry your mom threw the plate, and reacted the way she did. Terrible (but important) for Lissa to see, but awful for you, too, even though you know that is how she really is.
Christina
I think my mom suffers from control issues and a deep resentment of me in general. I also think she fears parting with money of any kind, even lawn mowing money. I kind of understand that, the depression was depressing. My mom doesn't mean to be a monster most of the time, she just can't help herself and living around her takes a lot of patience. I borrowed the money for the new house from her and I do appreciate it, but, it can't make her the boss. She has to see that. It's my job to make sure Lis is safe and she's in a unique situation here with her mom and everything going on. I am not allowed to say more about that at this time.
Troll, yes social services DOES think her swimming and swim team is a good idea, they bought her the Summer pass. The age to leave them there without a parent is 7. She is 10 and swims very well. She has passed all the required goals to enter the deep end and I was there for that. I DO go and watch her swim occasionally. But, the smell of chlorine and the sun are not for me and she loves being there much more than I do. Now, please go call social services and tell them what I just claimed. I can provide you with their number if you email me. You're an idiot.
Ps, I think a safe word is a good idea, but, I want direct contact. She does have a phone and wifi at the pool. She just dialed the wrong number and didn't think it was a big deal. It was.
I think it's very, very hard for young people to stand their ground against older people and therein lies the danger. It probably would be best if you told Lis that if this ever happens again she must first get the person trying to usher her into a car to speak to you first and if they refuse, then she should call you first, if the adult refuses to either of these requests she should be very, very alarmed and call another adult. We all have mobiles. I think it was irresponsible of the neighbour to collect Lis without letting you know first, I'd tear strips off him/her too. Fuck them all, where is their common sense? They are adults. For christs sake! If I'd confronted my mother the way you did, she would have found a way to punish me, physically/emotionally/financially.. any way she could. Is your mum like that too?
I have their number. No place allows a child at a pool without supervision. It is a HUGE liability.
Wrong again, Dirty Liar!
The pool number is on the net. So is DHS. YOU are a total idiot.
The pool my son went to when he was a lad, which is still open, allowed children to swim unsupervised. There was an age limit, of course.
Shut up Troll, you know nothing.
......and I've only come across one person on the internet who would go to that much trouble to research someone else's business.... in a town she doesn't live in....juss sayin'! Get a hobby- the cross stitch ain't cuttin' it.
My son went to pool by himself when he was 11 thru 15 by himself . He took swim lessons and pass the test to jump off diving boards and deep end he did alright by himself . He knew there wasonly 4 people that was supppose to pick him up unless they hsd a password
Karen from il
Well done. Kids are put to difficult choices. Ours just made a bad one. (not home at dark when dad got home AND lied about 4 dollars egg money.) other than a talking to about lying and running the vacuum. What is good punishment? I don't think a beating with a stick will do.
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