Clair Danes,
‘Being a mum is incredibly challenging,
but we still feel a pressure to talk about it in very romantic terms.
And it’s not just that. We all have that resentment at times and
anxiety about being trapped by the role, that responsibility. And then
chemically it can run riot . . And there’s no “off” button.'
Wow, is all I can say. I thought that was a true and really brave thing to say. She should not have said 'we all' as if speaking for all mothers, but, damn! It's nice, if you ask me, to have a new celeb mom speak some truth instead of shoving photos of herself breastfeeding in our face while proclaiming herself the new Earth Mother Queen. She says kids act like Koala Bears and cling to you and you feel the responsibility to be there for them to cling to. I totally get what she's saying and agree with her. It's very difficult to satisfy those primal feelings you have with a child and still be yourself. I think the things she's said here are going to cause her some real trouble, but, I liked it.
9 comments:
My friends used to think my mom was a terrible mother, but she always let me know having kids was no day at the park. I knew it wasn't rainbows and unicorns, same is true about marriage. Sadly, I have neither, but I do have pets I adore and they appreciate me!
She's not British, yet she uses their term "mum"? How come all these women celebs want to pretend to be British? It's insufferable. My brain shut down after I saw she used that word. Another Paltrow in the works? Gawd. So, I didn't even finish the reading. She's a very 1-dimensional actor, IMO. Boring as hell and no expressions. Vanilla all the way. I Love Love The Family Stone, she being it's weakest link...
Rox
Let's face it, once you have kids, you will never be your former self again. For any celeb to admit it and be on a level that your everyday mom understands is unusual. But we also know that in their line of work, they have to have a nanny or babysitter or whatever. So, emotionally, she may be "trapped". But, physically, she can always escape. That's something most moms can't do.
I'm watching her right now, in Terminator: Rise of the Machines. It's really the only thing I've ever seen her in, and she did alright.
It is unusual to hear a celebrity say anything about motherhood that is this honest. It's not easy, but when celebrities say it is, it makes it somehow seem like it should be. Jane is right. They have far more resources than most of us, and that gives many an "out" where the rest of us may feel trapped and anxious at times. I can't tell you what an awful time I had finding child care for my son. I absolutely had to work, and I worked 11 am to 7 pm. No-one, absolutely no-one wants a child in their home after about 5 pm. It was pure misery. I worked so hard, just to find care, and then had to change several times because the work load was not safe in one home, and another didn't take proper care of him, etc. It really is hard, and it's just refreshing to have a celebrity recognize the difficulty and be honest. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. I don't tell my son how difficult it was, I just tell him he is the best thing that ever happened to me (it's true) he is. But it ain't for sissies.
Christina
Ok...I'm not British and I call my mother Mum. My son calls me Mum. Mumma when he was little. Some families do that. It's what we've grown up with and that is all. I'd go so far as to say the word "Mom" sounds foreign to me but I've seen too many US TV programs. Nobody I know personally calls their mother "Mom" unless they're American. But that's just me and feel free to disregard anything I say after this.
I applaud her bravery and honesty. Anyone who's painting motherhood as a saintly, peaceful and grace-filled endeavor is selling something and/or has a nanny so handling the day to day emotion-sucking, brain draining nitty gritty is optional. It's very hard to maintain who you are in the middle of a mire of life happening + a child and their natural egocentricity. Not their fault, it's just how it is. They don't care about your new shoes or how you're feeling. If they need you they'll walk over your shoes with their muddy boots, climb up your body elbowing all the tender spots and wipe their snotty nose on your shoulder.
I think her words lend credibility to the fact that she's actually doing the caring and not handing the child off when it's drippy. I have loved my kid through all his stages and took a great deal of pleasure in experiencing life again through his developing eyes and mind. He was a joy far more often than not and when he was not there was a darn good reason for it. Doesn't mean it was easy. I found having one so hard I knew having another would cheat them both out of a mother. I'm not proud but I was an older mom and I knew my limits.
I'll second Frimmy's sentiment. My girls call me "Momma". Does that make me a fat, black, Southern woman? My son calls me "Mother" and yet I'm not a New England WASP. Once in awhile, he switches it up and calls me "Madre". Wrong again, I'm not Spanish...not even a little.
I think CD gave an honest interview and seems to know what's up.
I used to call my mum "get over here bitch."
My angry, immature mother told us constantly "Don't ever get married, Don't ever have kids." & That was pretty much the only advice she ever gave me.
It kind of bit her in the butt though when none of her kids had kids. I think she was pretty embarrassed to not be a grandma. Or maybe just pissed that she could never say "I told ya so" to us girls.
I never told her, but the truth is I didn't have kids not because of any advice she gave, but because I never wanted to treat anyone the way she treated me. And I made that decision when I was about 10 years old.
On the other hand, I did get married and it has worked pretty well for us. But I think that's because I waited until I was older and knew I could support myself without help if I had to. I don't think there is any test to prepare a person for a kid though. It's trial by fire from what I understand! :-)
My son calls me "Mah". We're born and raised in SE Tx. No he I know says Mah. Even when he texts me he spells it that way. " What's up, Mah? "
Sounds like he's from Brooklyn or something. No idea where he picked that up. But when he wants something, he bends down, (6'3"), pats me on the head and calls me "my lil mamacita bonita".
He's 30-something. Very cute...and condescending.
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