Oh, Jack, you do talk some shit

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Jack is whining about how he wants, dreams, of one more great romance before he dies. He actually used the word 'yearning'. It's like, on his bucket list. He's finally realized he's not immortal and he's alone. (Boo hoo) He says he's too old to hit on women in public and he likes staying home. He says, “No woman has ever recognised what I say as being legitimate – they don’t trust me. They think of my reputation – Jack the Jumper – so I’m damned by what women think.”
He hates going out..
He said: “I got tired of arguing with women about going to dinner. The food is better at my house.”

See, poor Jack, doesn't it make you cry? Yet, I remember seeing a photo, which is probably still on here, of Jack, last Summer, on a yacht, with more bikini clad models than Leo DiCaprio could ever buy in his life. Putting that aside, Jack is old, he likes to stay home, look at his extensive art collection and watch movies. He loves to talk about modern art. He has a private chef who prepares nicer food than any restaurant could, so yeah, dinner at home is pretty damn nice. Why go out?

Whatever, Jack. Hey, I love modern art! I'd die to see your collection. I could talk or listen to you talk about it all night and not be bored. I hate foo foo food retaurants, I like to eat at home too. In fact, I love being at home. You could date me!

But, the truth of it is, I am too old for you. Isn't that right, Jack? Even though, you're what? Thirteen years older than me? Yeah, sounds right. It's very difficult to get a real discussion going with a 23 year old runway model who's career has just taken off, isn't it? They have such nice long legs, yet they have no idea who Paul Cézanne is, nor Wassily Kandinsky. Hell, most of them think Pablo Picasso is a new Mexican rapper, and they don't care. Their eyes glaze over before the cheese plate arrives. And the worst of it? No one is even around to see them or take their picture with you. Some press is what they were hoping for. But, no, you like to stay home. Then you want them to sleep with you? Because you're charming? But, sadly, they don't understand why you're charming, Jack. They don't get your wry jokes. They don't even know what wry means. Once in awhile they will spread for you. Because you're famous. But, damn, you won't even get them one press photo with you for TMZ. After they listened to you blab on and on about creepy old time artists and old people they've never heard of. It's a bad deal all around. But, the truth is, you'd never look at a woman like me, or even a woman like Helen Mirrin. Not in a serious way. You want the romance you had back in 1970, when you still had most of your hair and the sight of you with your shirt off, didn't make anyone gag. I'm not putting you down, believe me, when I take my shirt off, I am appaled and pissed off. But, for some odd reason, I don't crave young guys. I like old men. Old men know shit. They know who Three Dog Night is and The Grass Roots.  And they've heard of Vincent Van Gogh. They remember why we hated Nixon and Johnson. They know where Vietnam is. They remember Laugh In. Because we're grown ups. Yeah, we had the audacity to grow up and old. So did Anjelica Houston. Was that her crime, Jack? She looks pretty good for an old lady. I think you jumped off the boat too fast, due to sexual greed, ( I get that, but I hate relationships) and now you regret it. And her book of truths hurt your feelings, because she told the truth about you. Which you pretty much admit, but, now you want sympathy. You're so alone. Yearning for a real love affair. Afraid to die all alone in your enormous mansion. Alone. (Until you throw a yacht party.) And you're lonely. Sounds like a call to all the models who's dreams aren't coming true, come see Jack the Jumper. He will hump ya. He'll pay you too.

Jack, just go look for a woman in your own age group. One you never fucked over when you were hot. That may be hard in Hollywood, since you've fucked nearly everyone there (and sadly, no one is talking about it), you may have to get online. Have one of the younger servants help you. There are good and still hot women who'd love to date you, but, they aren't 23. Please let us all know, when you grow up. And please, stop whining. It's not charming.

Ewwww, you can't have dinner with Anjelica Houston! She has gray hair and wrinkles. And she hasn't fixed her saggy neck. Ewww. Can you imagine what her boobs look like? She's old.

She was supposed to stay like this forever, but, the dumb bitch let herself get all old and yuky.

Actually, you had her when she was more like this, right Jack? A fresh peach off a famous actor/director's tree. That couldn't have hurt, could it? Then she started to change..

Did you help her become glamorous, Jack? I have to read her book. Anyway, she's well known as one of the great beauties...of the past. Too bad she turned out to be smart too and still has an amazing career as both and actress and a director. Too bad she grew up and became an..ewww..old lady. The past is the past. There are hotter girls now, and everyone knows YOU'RE hot, Jack.

Yeah, you look exactly like you did back then, Jack. You haven't changed a bit. Anyway, everyone knows, it's only women who commit the crime of getting old. Those bitches just let themselves go.