I forgot to tell you, when the guys delivered my washer and dryer, my mother....sigh...my mother...had them take the boxes off and deliver them to this address separately. I don't know how she gets people to do these things. It is probably better not to know. But, yeah, she did this. This is HER house you're looking at. Specifically, that is Cousin Coat's area of confinement. He has a separate entrance on the other side and a bathroom in there. They (her and Aunt Bitch Face) keep the door to this locked because they are afraid of Coat. Not that he'd hurt them, but, he'd steal anything that isn't nailed down (to buy booze) and they might see him masturbating again. "That was traumatic!" I'm sure it was. Really. (Not sarcasm, the thought made me physically gag.) Anyway, it's nice to see she finally stuck an AC unit in there for him because it's August and he won't take off his Winter coat. Ever. I've been told he sleeps in it. I do not want to know what goes on in there. At all. Ever. Oh, they do unlock the door three times a day and shove food through the crack. Yep. Because they care. They are just good people. I am told. Many times a day.
But, back to the boxes. I pondered it. They are way, way to big to store anything in. You could never move them. Are they cat houses now? No cat ventures in here that I have ever seen. Except my cat, Indie, who just checked them out and walked off to the tune of Stray Cat Strut in his head. Are they to be recycled? No one here is into that. Are they lawn ornaments?? Possibly. What will happen when it rains? Are they mulch of some odd sort? Nope, there are no weeds there. Hmm. If you have any idea, please let me know. It's been several days and there they still sit. The hot lawn dude mowed around them. I have no idea what he thought. I might have asked him (did I mention he's hot?) but, it was too hot to go outside when he was here. Here is my theory. My mother bought the appliances, but, she is not in the habit of giving charity. So, she HAD to get something out of it. THIS is all she could think of on short notice. Short, very short notice. That, my friends, was one of them double entendres. You know, because the woman is 4' 9" tall. And crazy as a pet Coon. Yesterday, she made me take her to the ER before I had coffee or food. I had tested my blood and taken my Diabetes meds, but, no food yet. Two hours I spent out there. Two long, tough hours. This is a woman who will NOT make a doctor's appointment. Apparently, they have pissed her off at the medical building, so if she doesn't feel right we go to ER. Oh yeah. You heard me. We have gone to ER because she's constipated before. I am serious, stop laughing. She can't poop right, go to the ER now!! The chairs in the waiting room are plywood with some sort of tasteful tweed covering. They kill my back. I can never walk out of there. They cripple me. The cafeteria was not open yet. Anyway, yesterday, it turned out she had a urinary tract infection. A legit complaint. They told her old people feel no pain from these sometimes, so she couldn't have known. Visit the doctor, like the rest of us? Peee-shaw. I laugh at your innocence. This is not a mortal old lady. This is...da da DA...my mother. They rest of my day, I was at her disposal for picking up meds and groceries. The wrong meds, which she could have told them at ER, but, preferred not to. I returned them. I got different one..oh, why bother with this thread. I could go on all day. The woman had giant empty cardboard boxes delivered to her yard!!! I think that photo says it all.
Speaking of pet Coons, here is 'invisible Coon'. Close inspection shows what appears to be a fur bowling ball. (Remember when he sat on this and kissed it and we all though it was cute?) We have to have a serious talk about this dude soon, you and I. I am at a hard place here, in his life, I mean. I am pondering what to do. But, we'll talk about that later. I'm resting up from yesterday. My mother nearly kills me physically sometimes. Today I am thankful..that Raccoons like to sleep a lot. That's all on that.
Here is something I (and probably you) will never see again. It's not natural. They stopped at a distance, shocked, and stared each other down. Then, they both began to move closer and closer, yet, pretended they were both interested in something else. Then they followed and chased and sort of played a game. For about an hour, this went on! It was hilarious to watch, yet, this interaction is not good for either one of these animals. I don't even need to explain why. Yet, there was nothing I could do. The Coon desperately needs his outdoor time, the Chickens live outdoors and are not caged. Sometimes, you just roll with it. It is what it is. BTW, that fucking curious young Chicken, is turning into another Rooster!!!! WTF will I do with two Roosters? Even one is pushing town limits, but, two? Jesus crimeny. This is fucked up. How in pre-sexed Chicken hell did I end up with two out of only four? It boggles the mind.
But, then, a lot of things around here do.
26 comments:
Ronald Reagan used to call those "affordable housing."
Ahhh. Mystery solved. Obviously, we will need some rent for them here. You know mom.
Interesting. Maybe you are onto something, with your theory about her need to get something for free. It's hard to come up with any other idea that makes any sense. Has she said why she wanted them, or does she ever explain things like this?
LOL @ "invisible coon". He was really invisible to me at first, because I was using my cell. It was the stripes on his tail that gave him away. You may want to mention that to him.
I don't know how you wound up with two roosters. My only thought is that someone else picked birds that were a little smaller, maybe less likely to be a roo. Though, I have to say, I really think it was the (un)luck of the draw. The way the two are around each other is a little uncomfortable, as there are internet sites with lots of horror stories about chickens and raccoons. As time goes on, your roosters will develop some lethal spurs, that will at least even the playing field a little. I think Angus's are at least four inches long at this point, maybe longer. If having roosters is against neighborhood policy, I would start looking around for local farmers who would like to add another rooster to their flocks. Getting a rooster as one of what you expect to be pullets is one thing, but a rooster that someone has already fed to adulthood is another. Locally, we have The Urban Farm Store, in Portland, and while my main contact for chicken-related arrangements there passed away a couple of years ago (40 years old, huge, mountain of a man, with a massive stroke) the legacy of that remains. There is a network of local farmers who will take on an extra roo and let them live out their life. You just have to get them to the store. I would bet that there are a few farms around your area who would take on an extra bird or two, if the need arises. I have a plan A, B and C for Angus. Our new next door neighbors have a few chickens, too, and she told me it looks like one of them is a rooster. She was a little nervous about it, but I told her that we don't have any city codes about chickens at all, so not to worry, and if someone complains, just have your alternate plans in place. Bummer that the sexing was in error, though, and that you have bonded with them. It was hard for me to give up the other two roosters that we had, along with other birds that we gave away. The first one we had, Buck, was a huge, glorious Buff Orpington that was yellow with orange and irridescent feathers. He was beautiful and huge! He was given to my husband's boss, who had 50 birds at that time. He had lots of roosters, but Buck actually took over the entire flock. He had a great chickeny life there for 6 or so years, until he went out in a blaze of glory, defending his girls against some hawks. R.I.P. Buck.
Christina
I am sorry about the lack of paragraph use above. I just realized that I wrote kind of a stream of conscious thing (probably without taking a breath). Sorry about that!
Christina
Well I guess I won't be livin' there then.
Christina, my other Roo is big and mean as hell. He is boss hog. He chases all the neighborhood cats AND dogs! He tries to bully people, even me. So far, everyone thinks it's hilarious. He stays in the yard though. He's been swatted with newspapers, sticks, a foot or two. LOL. But, he's mean to little Roo now, I have to watch them. Make sure small Roo gets enough to eat and all that. Pain in my ASS! We shall see. Maybe they can make friends. Maybe one will go. Maybe both. Fucking chickens, man, I thought they'd be stress free. No. Nope. Cocksuckers.
Ha ha on the striped tail. He's my fat love bug. He's nuts though. You can not imagine. Man, I love this dude.
Melvin, I will send you pics of this whore place when I'm out. She is not opposed. I asked. Can YOU handle her crazy, is the question.
PS, I don't care what town rules are, this is Guntown. We do things different down here. If the neighbors can cook meth..I can have roosters. We tend not to involve cops unless it's bizarre.
I wanted to tell you what Tooney is pulling now. Among a dozen other things, he is reaching through the cage bars, removing the waste catch tray and THEN pooping. Eww, it's so nasty. Is he this smart, yep. Is he this mean, doubtful. I think it's accidental, but, maybe it's not.
No matter where you live you're going to have to deal with crazy.
And I ain't exactly lacking crazy myself.
Melvin and your mom would probably be great friends. I think he would have her eating out of his hands. But could Melvin live in the country. I thought he was a big city dude.
Melvin can sleep on a hard floor, a cot, in a tent. Melvin is not a pussy.
You might try a garden hose on your bigger roo. Just so he knows who is boss. If they have a bad attitude, and then start getting aggressive towards you, then you have trouble. My rooster is always a little leery of me, though he seems less so of late. So, I am making sure that I am dominant when I am out there. I get up close in his space, turn the water on, push him around gently with whatever I am carrying, etc. I just want him to know who is boss, and if he does attack me at some point, I am getting out the broom, and the hose, and we will see how much I can make him look like a drowned, flattened rat. I'll just pretend he's George.
Christina
Wow I'm impressed Melvin. But can you sleep in Crazy Cousin Coat's vicinity?
DD, you get me shaking I laugh so hard. Who is the crazy they have locked in a room with a toilet? They really only unlock the door 3 times a day to feed him? Really? He is certifiable it seems, whoever he is, and I hope they get paid something to provide accommodations and utilities and food. How does he get his booze or drugs? Maybe the boxes provide a place for his, ug, friends. They are going to end up being shelter for something big. A damned big critter they are not going to be happy about.
I think your mom wanted those boxes because how else will people know she bought you new appliances?
IAMBRIEZY, BINGO!!!
Melvin ain't worried about Cousin Coat but he better not touch Melvin's booze.
Briezy got it
Briezy got it
Bingo, Briez! I think you're on to something. Though she does hoard empty boxes too. She always thinks she needs 12 to 100 of them on hand, just in case. Just in case she has to pack up and run? I dunno. But, I like your theory.
Border, Cousin Coat is Rosalee's son, from my stories. They're preachers now and won't take him in. He's a mildly retarded alcoholic. He gets disability, my mom is in charge. You take it from there. Yes, they DO feed him through a crack. Pretty well too. He gets bacon and eggs done his way with hash browns and toast every morning! She orders him to shower at least once a week. You can smell him coming and I aint shitting you. He has a body odor problem, won't use deodorant, and is not allowed in my car anymore. Nope. Took me too long to get the smell out of my Focus. He likes to get drunk, wack off and preach the gospel. He calls me 'aunt patty'. I wish you could hear the whiny accent. His favorite tv show is Bonanza, though he's an expert at all 1960's tv. Even though he didn't live in the 60's. All my animals sniff the air and if they smell him they RUN the other way. Because he bores the shit out of them. Him love kitties! He makes me vomit, yet, I have sympathy. But, I cannot handle more than 3 minutes of him. I think his retardation is mostly environmental. He's just low IQ, but, fucked up because of his preacher dad.
Oh, and my mother thinks she will change and control him. She gets off on the control. She gives him 'jobs', but, he isn't capable. Pulling a few weeds? He has no clue and will stand out there talking to himself with a handful of flowers until someone tells him to go inside. She also buys his booze 'allotment' and hands it out like prizes. He gets it anywhere else. She used to store it here until I told her to shove it. I tell her all the time, leave him alone! The dude is worthless and has NO life, let him alone. Let him drink for fucks sake. Who cares?
Christina, I have no problem with Sherrie, my big Roo. He hates the hose for unknown reasons. Maybe someone doused him? Not me. He loves me, he hates other animals on my lap and flips out. He sneaks into my lap anytime he can. He's just a big mama's baby, like the rest. He only looks intimidating. Any of the adult animals here could easily kill him, they just don't know it. He's such a shifty phony. I get such a kick outta him and so does everyone else. He really is pretty though. We had a minor tragedy last night and mama cass, my fat hen, has gone on to the Rainbow Bridge. I'll blog it. It may help someone contemplating chickens. It's a rough one.
Melvin, I am serious. You could be my neighbor someday..if you can handle it. She would never treat you like she does me. She'd be nice to you, she'd just try to run you at first. She'd think you were her taxi. Her on call spider killer. (Also only men can figure out important 'smart' things, like the remote control.)If you can stand up to her nicely, she'd back down and give you some space. Unlike me, she will never stop with me because in her mind, she owns me and I am 12.
Jane, I have the same thoughts. This is hick city. Melvin aint a pussy, he just plays one on the internet, but, man, this place is backwards.
Would Melvin my brave enough to climb all the way inside my twunt and set up camp? Doubtful...
Kim have you ever seen the movie, 'Sybil'?
Kanye won't let me watch movies unless he's in them. Is Kanye in Sybil?
Wait, Cousin Coat just sits around all day drinking booze and jacking off AND he gets a full breakfast every morning for free? How do I get THAT deal. Just pretend to believe in Jesus?
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