This is what I've been doing and I do not fucking enjoy it. My arthritic hands don't need to be handling wire, wire cutters, screwdrivers or any other shit like that right now. My goddamn fuck up of a cousin, Boobhead the Retard, asked to borrow one of my antique F holes. He said he'd never played an authentic 'cowboy' guitar and was impressed with the deep, mellow sound. I said, sure, take one and play on it for awhile, you may decide you need to buy one. Fortunatly, I gave him mine, not Eric's. I have had that guitar forever and it's value has really increased over the years. I couldn't buy one now. Well, the son of a bitch gave it back to me after I bugged him for months and when I opened the case I could not believe what I saw. The bastard gave it back to me in pieces. He claimed he broke some strings and was trying to fix it. Every one breaks fucking strings, you don't remove the bridge, the saddle, the frets, (the fucking frets????), the keys, the nuts, the tuning pegs, the goddamn pick guard and everything else you can think of. OMFG. Needless to say there were no strings included, so I have no idea what this halfwit Elvis impersonator thought he was doing. My guess is, he got high as a fucking kite and had no idea how to simply change strings. By the time he stopped trying, he was in to deep and decided to just fuck me. Here's a hint for non guitar players, all you do is unscrew the tuning pegs until the strings are loose and unthread them, then take them off the pegs on the botton, or in this case thread them backwards through a metal piece on the bottom. Just like a needle and thread only bigger and wire. Then reverse the procedure to put the new ones on. It's so simple it only takes someone showing you once and you can be a roadie. But, this fuck nut literally tore my git into about seven dozen pieces, lost screws and just fucked it. At least all the wooden parts and ivory parts were still there, in the bottom of the case. The instrument is very old and I would have had to replace the ivory with plastic. The cocksucker made me so mad. Who in the fuck would do that to someone else's beloved guitar??
I was going to give it to my brother, you know he's in the 'home' now and he's been wanting a guitar. He really isn't very good at it, he plays, like 3 or 4 chords and does a few old tunes from the 60's. But, he would have enjoyed it and taken care of it. When he got bored with it, he would have returned it unharmed. I was going to let him have it for Christmas, since I feel sort of guilty about how little I visit him in his 'home'. Also, I knew it would be safe and I rarely play it now. I'm a little past my cowpoke/folksong days and I prefer the electric/acoustics or straight up electrics which are better for the diverse shit I bang out. But, that old F hole meant a lot to me, it's sentimental. And believe it or not, I still climb up on stage with the local cowboy bands once in awhile, it passes the time and I can still do a great Patsy when I'm in the mood. Eric always wanted it and his joke was always, 'Hey mom, when you die, can I have the F hole?' Well, now I have his F hole, which is also old and nice. But, he was a leftie, so I have to adjust it. I never got around to it, since I had one of my own. But, I spent 2 days putting mine back together and even though I know I did everything correctly, something is off. If you didn't know the guitar, you wouldn't notice, but, that git has been a friend of mine for decades and I know something is off. The sound just isn't as rich, the tone just isn't as haunting. Fuck, it pisses me off so bad I could cut the cousins no good fucking idiot head/dick off. So, I am changing Eric's old F hole to a right handed guitar so my brother can have it and I'll have to take mine to a professional repair person to find the problem. Luckily, Eric's best friend is in the business and he can do it for me and not rip me off. (Did I mention he also stole the fucking pick up in it?? Nice pick up too. Son of a cock probably sold it. Eric bought that pick up for me and installed it.) I might as well take the old Stratocaster in too, it needs changed to be right handed. I'm comfortable working on the old F hole, but, no way in hell am I taking apart a vintage Strat. That would be like taking a Jaguar to your drunk neighbor kid who can almost change a tire. So..the whole thing is just grinding me to a fury. I suppose it will work out, but, I can't believe my own cousin did that to me.
He also broke a bunch of my yard ornaments and stole my antique shotgun (also a present from Eric, that kid knew his mom, huu?). He (the bastard cousin) asked, real sweet, if there was any way he could help with the last of my move. I was really appreciative, since I have physically had it for real. I said sure, thank you! This was before I opened my guitar case. I told him all I had left was a heavy, old gun in the closet and one big box of kitchen stuff that was too heavy for me. I gave him my key. He said, he'd be glad to bring them over. The son of a bitch threw the kitchen stuff in the garage so hard everything broke and it was mostly food in mason jars. Canned stuff. Now I have home made jelly, jam, tomato sauce, juice, green beans and such ALL over the fucking garage and big shards of glass hiding all over in there where I walk. And he knows damn well I'm diabetic and can not risk a foot injury or I could lose a limb. His mom is the same way, so he knows. He also stole my gun. I think he gave it to his dumb worthless kid. It never showed up here. I am so mad. Now, I know he's just fucking with me. He also destroyed some lawn ornaments on purpose. My mom didn't believe me until I showed her what he did. But, I told her to keep out of it and I meant it. I have plans for that fucker. No one plays me anymore. No one. He has something I want and I am going to have it, and it will make him cry. Here's some advice you never got from your mother or in Sunday school. NEVER turn the other cheek, there is no redemption and you must take karma into your own hands. Recognize your enemy, weigh their sin against you and get them back twice as good. Make the fuckers cry and then laugh at them. Never let them know it's coming, never threaten them. Smile, act dumb and strike like a fucking King Cobra. Cobra's don't rattle, they dance. Then someone dies. Also, protect yourself for afterwards. Think your plan all the way through. I have.
PS..no, I'm not gonna kill him. I'm going to get him the same way he got me. With false kindness, and when I strike, he will know who he's playing with. It sucks that all my family is this way and it sucks that I want a few of them to be different so bad that I got stung again. But, I know they suck and I'm done being the sucker who takes it and cries late at night, alone. Now, I'm just plain evil, but, with good reason. I'm smiling.
Who's wronged you lately? What are you doing about it? Does your family suck as much as mine does?
24 comments:
Oh, and I might just add, that if they decide to fire that ancient gun, they might get a horrific surprise. It should never be fired, there is something wrong with the firing pin. I only wanted it because it was ancient and cool looking. And hell no, I'm not warning them. It's just a shotgun, I'm sure they can take a few pellets close to their face and shoulder. They're fucking cave men. The dad is missing a finger..fireworks. He never even went to the hospital. He went and got more beer and fireworks. Fuck em.
That sucks.
Time to turn on Netflix and watch Tarantinos Django Unchained! Happy New Year!
I shoved a firework up my twunt once as a dare but it flew out prematurely and exploded everywhere and that's why Bruce's face looks the way it does now.
The audacity of people is astounding. I'd rather be alone than deal with that kind of disrespect. I hope you're able to fix it.
Pat,
Don't you get it? You are just as retarded and stupid as the rest of your inbreds. It is obvious in the choices you make for the little white trash skank you are raising. You are all stupid. You are all slow on the uptake and off. You haven't made a good decision your entire life. I am right, you are just to s l o w to realize it.
DUH! Ignorant white trash raising more ignorant white trash.
You are nicer than I would be. I would have lost it the minute I saw the pieces. But that is also why, one day, I will have a heart attack. I go from zero to a hundred (full fleged wacko) in less than a second.
Oh, I see the impotent little 40 year old virgin troll is up and playing on mommy's computer this morning. But your journalism is quite - um - imaginative, Anon 8:34.
Dan, hell yes, it sucks, but, my mom is pretty mad. SOOOOO, I told her to let that fucker fix that cabin up and THEN throw his ass out. Because he will piss her off eventually and that will evict him and his no good kid. THEN, I will say, I told you to let my friend Dan have the place and I'll sing your virtues. Made up, of course. Heh. If you really want to live in Guntown, I really want you here. But, I am not lying about it being a rough ghetto. But, I can tell you who to avoid.
Oh, and you'll see I am not making up any of the crazy shit here. I have always told the truth about this place. And my crazy family. But, my mom would LOVE you. She'd probably take me out of her will and put you in. Since she is the queen of ghetto ownership, I assure you there would be no hard feelings as long as you let me have her chicken lamp.
Lia, will do..you have never steered me wrong.
KIm Kardashian, you may stay as long as you don't insult any of my friends here. If you do, you will be back in the delete pile. No one trust you. You have to earn it.
Angie, I can't, but, Eric's friend can. He will hear what I hear. No one else can hear that it's wrong. He'll find the problem. I want him to come here for the Strat though. He's good, but, takes forever. I'd freak out if the Strat was out of my site, you cannot imagine how surprised I was when I found it. It was like finding gold. My heart beat so hard I thought I might have cardiac arrest. He never told me he had it. It is beyond beautiful and I looked up the number and it's genuine. Holy crap. Anyway, I really like him and it will be good to see him and for Lis to see his kids. They were very close.
Jane, I knew at that moment, I had to be cool. I am very good at that when I have to be. When I know I have to think before I speak.
Anon, I left you on, so that everyone will know how you speak of an innocent 11 year old girl who has been through literal hell. She has suffered more in her short life than most adults ever will. She has had part of her brain removed and learned to be whole again after years of hospitals and surgeons. She lost her beloved father. She was dragged through crack house hell by her mother and forced to raise her little brother. Which she did amazingly well until social services took him from her. They literally took her baby away. She has had massive therapy for it. They were put in foster homes. It took me 5 days to find her and get her. Then they returned her to her mom, over and over. She called 911 when she found her mother attempting suicide. She called 911 when she came home from school and found her mother passed out, the door open and her baby brother missing. Then the police found him wandering, put them both in separate police cars while she screamed for her baby. She was eventually returned to her mother and watched her have an induced miscarriage. Eventually, she was given to me permanently and now has a stable home. But, she still cries herself to sleep sometimes. Sometimes for her baby and sometimes for the things she suffered. She has a terrible fear of closets, the dark and many other things. Yet, she is on the honor roll and is the star of her winning town volleyball team. She refuses therapy now, she says they fucked her over. She doesn't trust many adults because they lied to her. She is a child with deep problems, yet she is an amazing girl. She is still trying to put her family back together and it is my job to ease her into the fact that it's over forver. She will never live with her mom and brother again. It is the deepest downer of her young life. So, for you to call her names? She is the bravest kid I have ever met, and the smartest, so yeah, we have problems, but, we also have respect and truth between us. She even decided not to pierce herself yet because grandma thinks she's too young. Her decision and I knew if I let her think on it, she's do the right thing. Oh, did I mention she started her mensus at 9? She had to deal with that and her height and breasts too. At 11, she looks 16. You think that's easy? How do you think she feels when grown men say lewd things to her when she's on her way to her 5th grade class? She deals with it well. I am just amazed by this kid and she's not only beautiful, she's so fucking bright. So, YOU calling her names is just perfect. People should know what you are. And I know who you are. You are that friend of Tia's. I can't think of your name, it escapes me because you are so dull and uninteresting and suck a slave to that lying psycho. She can still claim she never posts here, she has YOU do it for her. Aren't you tired of looking like a mean, stupid fool for her? She uses you like a snot rag to insult a child. A child who least deserves it. Enjoy your life of slavery and tell Cyrano de BergeRAG to crawl out of the bushes and post her own filth. Neither of you are brave or clever. You are what you have always been...retarded and boring and heartless. It shall return to you three fold.
Hi Jane, yeah, I can explode too, it's quite scary, but, it happens rarely. I like to stew and think about things. I like to get it right, at exactly the right time.
ANon with the diseased vag. I don't care and no one else does either. Take your filth and wipe your mouth with it. Next time, try to be funny. You really aren't at all.
The tales of your family always astound me. He sucks. His stupidity is only exceeded by his shitheadedness. What a moronic thing to do. I can't imagine, under any circumstances, borrowing a treasure, wrecking it, and then just handing it back. WTF? I hope you get him good, and that he never suspects a thing until it's too late.
On my personal front, everything here is now mine. I am allowing him to come back and get the vehicles after the deadline because it works out better for me that way. Whatever tools are in the sheds are now mine. If I want them. I don't think he even ever got around to looking in one of the sheds that I know has a lot of tools in it. So stupid on his part. He had 4 months to get all his stuff, and he did very little planning, and totally failed at handling this as an adult. Congratulations, douchebag.
I know it gets very cold in Iowa, but it has been our local brand of cold here lately. Temp in the 30 to 33 range with wind strong enough that it was a little scary during the night.
I didn't even attempt to stay up to welcome in the new year. I just had a conversation with the old year and made it clear that it could show itself out quietly. It sucked, so, ta-ta. I didn't even drink any of the cheap champagne in the fridge. Damn, no-good 2015. Go away and don't come back.
Christina
That's okay, Dish. I like hanging out here. It beats constantly having to compliment Kanye on the size of his shlong. I sometimes wonder why I married him... then I look across the room and see my collection of strapless Gucci twunt merkins spun from solid gold thread and it all makes sense again!
You just showed what an idiot you are. Why are you telling the WWW how screwed up she is? You feed her GMO, Frankenstein food, no wonder she started her period early. So men say lewd things to her? Dress her like a child, not like a slut. Let her BE a child. You think watching OITNB helps her be a little girl? Have you helped her hold on to her childhood? No, you have not! SHE decided to not be pierced??? Do you not hear how retarded you sound??? A child should not have to make that choice, her guardian should. You are just like your mother. And Lissa will be aborting her child in another year.
Delete the comments from abusive anon they don't deserve any space on this blog. I hate that person. If I could hit the delete button I'd do it myself. Filthy piece of inbred shit.
Does anyone else find it INSANELY ironic that this "ANON" moron thing comes here to point out all of Pat's wrong-doings, including "telling the WWW how screwed up [she] is?" while not even having the remotest clue herself that her psychotic, inane ramblings are the work of a sociopath who CLEARLY has nothing better to do with her life? You are to be pitied, you mindless, disturbed freak.
Hahahaha Nice Anon, you are so right!
Woo-hoo!!! Snow day, here! There must be an inch and a half! Time to pull out the emergency rations and hang out.
Christina
Dear anon, I feed her Mountain Dew and McDonalds, once a week I cook for her. She says I make the best hot pockets ever. I love shopping with her at Victoria's secret and I am so proud that she finally learned how to do up her garter belt and stockings alone. I've had to do that for her since she was three, so you can imagine how much time it saves in the mornings. And men only say lewd things to her when she wears her crop top and push up bras to school, or when we're having a family outing to the local tavern. Don't worry, I only let her drink booze at home, not in public. Boy, can that kid put it away and she's learning cooking skills. She made jello shots all by herself for all her friends. And she won't need an abortion because she's been on the pill since first grade. Gosh! How dumb do you think I am? Some people are so irresponsible, you probably don't even make your kid wear a seat belt when she drives. You can bet I do. Also, she only drives after dark or when I've had a few too many. You know what I mean?
Anyone who is happy about a snow day after December needs medication.
Awww. . . but DD. . . that's our first snow fall of the year. Probably our last one, too. We don't get all that much, but sometimes we are hit as late as March, so who knows? We just take our excitement where we can get it, you know?
Christina
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