The wedding of two idiots and what's happening here

Welp. THE wedding of the century has taken place in fancy pants France and Italy and everywhere else, I guess. Kimyeezer's guests flew here and there and back again with private planes and private fireworks displays in private castles. (One assumes there were assistants of assistants hired to poke out the eyeballs of any peasants who dared to look at the sky.) I have to tell you, I don't care and I'm pretty sure you don't either. Though I won't speak for you. I give not one shit who that big giant fat head ego Kayne West married. Nor do I give one fuck for his 3rice married attention ho or her 37 custom designed ball gowns, otherwise known as monuments to bad taste. I hear Anna Wintour has been abducted and replaced by an alien who will feature it all in Vogue. May Karl Lagerfeld rest in piss. Because you know that fucker will faint dead when he sees that spread. Speaking of spreads, will Kimyeezer release a honeymoon porno? For the right price..though if they're smart they'll include the ever growing horizontal behind of one Sasquatch in law, Khloe and her Pinnochio butt. That ass is growing faster than the bill for this bogus wedding.

Yes, Khloe, I'd go with horizontal stripes too, if my ass had it's own zip code. This, despite recent weight loss, leads all to believe it aint natural. At all. But, someone had to be the Pippa at this royal wedding.

What's up here, you may ask? Or you may not give a shit, but, since this is my diary..here we go. Cover your eyes if you aren't interested. My mother, the Queen of Guntown, had declared this and everyday henceforth to be 'Aunt Bitch Face' day. Contrary to what my troll thinks (duh-rrrr) Aunt Bitch Face does indeed exist and I will have to post recent pics..as soon as I take some and assuming that they don't break my camera. Yes, the B-face is still alive. I am actually happy to say she made it though that horrid operation even though she's 9,000 years old and her first pet was a Pterodactyl. That's a lie. She hates animals. Her first pet was probably human. She's going to be undergoing some chemo soon, but, her vital organs are now working again, since they removed that huge cancerous tumor. I wouldn't actually wish suffering on anyone, so, this is all okay with me. It explains why even though doctors told us to say goodbye to her, I saw nothing around her. It wasn't her time.

Now, here's the part that affects me. As you know, I am the only idiot who will drive to the next town to see Bitch Face, only to take my mother there. I have sat through the most ridiculous medical meetings, not because I give one fuck, but, to act as a translator for my mother who refuses to wear her hearing aid. The GD medical staff are now convinced I give a shit and call here with updates, medical meeting time, etc. I give them the old lady's number and I have flat out told her I don't give one shit. Bitch Face has been mean to me all my life. That could be forgiven. But, she was holy fuck all mean to me on the day of my son's death, and that will never be forgiven. Bitch! Contrary to what anyone believes, I am not a martyr and I have no intention of ever being one. I can be a real cunt when I need to be. Recent net events should tell you all that. BTW, I like the word cunt. Feel free to use it here anytime.

I am about to put my foot directly up the butt of that woman who claims to have given birth to me. (I think she might be lying and I'm probably an alien implant.) The old lady has decided we're going to visit Bitch Face today even though there's no meeting scheduled. Which means, traffic from the weekend, and another trip next week when there IS a meeting. It also means I'm broke and can't go thrift shopping. It makes her happy when I have to wait in the hot car. She loves the suffering of others, 'specially me. BUT, school's out. Which means the kid has to wait with me. Nope. I am not doing that to her. She will not spend 3 hours in a hot car or inside having her cheeks pinched by old geezers in the air conditioned lobby of that home. No way. I may have to get 'suddenly' sick. Whatever it takes, because fuck that noise. She can wait a week until there's a meeting and I have some money.

I keep thinking back to the times I was in the hospital with serious problems. Not once did the old lady try and come and see me, even in critical care and not really expected to make it. She couldn't even be bothered to give out correct information to my friends so I could at least get a flower to brighten up the ward! But, Bitch Face is the end all. Go figure. Well, I DID figure it out. Money. It's always about money with the old lady. She's planning on having that old Bitch Face transferred here! Here! To our place! She even hired someone to move the piano so she could put Bitch Face's bed near the bathroom! Bitch Face can't even walk yet, how the fuck does this work??? Who does she think is going to help her wipe Bitch Face's ass?? How can she tell Bitch Face's face from her ass? Wait, scratch that..just a stray thought. Seriously, I am NOT helping with that crap. You may think I'm nice enough to have a change of heart, but, you are wrong. I am not doing it. I am not driving over there today in this heat with no money either. These old woman are fucking crazy. The old lady has scheduled a lawyer visit to get power of attorney over Bitch Face's sizable income. I am supposed to go as a witness. A witness to what, Tuwella? You're latest scheme? Your attempt to rip off your own sister?? There you go. There we all go.

Now, my job seems to be how to figure out how to get my share. Think what you want. Both these old Bitches owe me big time. My mother is not smart and Bitch Face is incapacitated. Fuckin. A! I need an updated car and a new computer. Just because. Fuck it. Does that sound like a martyr to you? Doesn't even sound like a nice person, does it? Nope. If you read my stories, you know what I've taken all my life from these old cunts. I am done. My brain is scheming and I guarantee you this..I will not wipe one old wrinkled ass for any of it. Unless it's my own. Bwaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha.(evil laugh. In case you missed the evil.) I think if she needs a ride, it will cost $100 dollars to fill up my gas tank. Wait, scratch that..$150! Yeah, I KNOW I drive a Focus. Shut up. Gas has gone up, doncha know? Neither one of them has seen a gas pump since 1954 and that was when they were parked next to it while some man filled it up for them.

There is no such thing as Karma. You make your own damn Karma. Working for them is a full time job. I will not take minimum wage. If I wanted that, I'd go apply at McDonalds where people are nice and only the fryers are burning.

Rest In Peace, Matthew Cowels

Actor Matthew Cowles has passed away from unknown causes (at this time, unknown). Matthew was one of the biggest daytime soap stars ever, his role on All My Children had me actually trying to watch that show when I had neither the time or interest in it. Now, of course we can watch anything anytime, but, back in the 70's there was no Inerternet and he was a heart throb. And unlikely one, but, he was. He was married to Christine Baranski, another favorite of mine. She's awesome in everything television and a Broadway darling as well. The couple have two daughters.

Cowles as daytime villian and hot pimp,  Billy Clyde Tuggle. Gone, but, not forgotten, rest in peace, Matthew Cowles.

Lisa Niemi marries again

Lisa Niemi remarried. She married jeweler, Albert DePrisco in Palm Beach yesterday. He's sort of cute. That's the one photo I could find of him anywhere. I wish her only the best, she deserves happiness. But, seriously, after 34 years with Patrick Swayze, I wouldn't have even tried it again. Hell, if I only had a one night stand with Patrick, I'd never think about marrying anyone else. Interestingly, in her book about their life, Lisa talked about how Patrick's ghost came to visit her. She sounded credible and I do believe her. I wish his spirit would show up here, just once. Sigh.

Here are more wedding details. 

An open invitation to Amber (trailer park) Heard and her boyfriend, what's his name

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So, Amber Heard has just told us, the world, that she may seem like a nice girl (who thinks JD's gf would be totally nice?) but, by golly, she can go 'trailer park' in a hot second when she gets angry.

This girl comes from a decent Texas upbringing and was educated in private parochial schools. Making a bunch of D list films does not allow you an insight into 'trailer park' life. WTF planet is she on now? Oh, Planet Depp, that's right. (Insert hugeanitic eye roll here.) Life must be hard on Fuck Off Island, or did Vanessa get that in the conscious uncoupling?? What......ever.

Dear Amber, you are cordially invited to spend a weekend with us in Guntown. It could be a movie, later. We'll talk. You can brang your boyfriend, what's his name, and you can sleep in our guest suite. By guest suite, I mean you can sleep in the loft and the kid will sleep in the living room with me. I will be right below you with no walls, so remember, I can hear everything. That's okay though, I'm writing a book. It's an Internet book, yeah. You and what's his name will be provided with generic cola, always chilled because the fridge actually works. Though sadly, it is about the only appliance that still works. So sorry. You will also be provided, free of charge, with your very own personal fly swatter. I hope you aren't afraid of spiders! The Hannah Montana sheets will be clean and line dried for your comfort. Sorry, I would have bought Edward Scissorhand sheets, but, yard sales are limited here. You will share our personal bathroom. Don't stand too close to the right side of the sink. I have to get that sub floor fixed! Pay no attention to the exposed pipes, they add to the..umm...verbal ambiance! I will introduce you to the neighbors, the drunks, the druggies, the crazy trucker who's voice pipes through my computer speakers from his CB, that one is a gas. He's on my Facebook now, isn't that funny? I love Facebook, don't you, Amber? We can go to a Guntown BBQ! (Bring your own Miller light.) The neighbor's barking dogs will be your 4 am wake up call. You'll learn to enjoy their promptness.

After you spend a whole weekend right here in Guntown, you WILL know what it's like to go 'trailer park'. You will be amazed at how much you never knew about trailer parks before. So will your boyfriend, what's his name. It will be so much fun! I can't wait! How about you? Excite? Yes, you're so excite!

ps..do not come at the last of the month or I will have to apply for more food stamps. You know how long that takes, right? Paperwork. It's such a drag on us jet setters!

'Hermione' graduates from University

Emma Watson, aka Hermione Granger, graduated from Brown University, last week, with a degree in English Lit. Good for her. I'm showing this to Lissa because I've been telling her some young woman have better things to do with their life than post orange skinned, lip injected, duck photos on media outlets constantly. I am not a huge Harry Potter fan, but, credit where credit is due, and it looks like Emma earned enough credits to get her sheepskin. Congrats, Emma, you're one smart cookie. She can probably even spell cookie.

Angry Boys (official trailer HBO)

HBO's Angry Boys..starring, yep, Chameleon Chris Lilley. I watched it all yesterday and man, he blows me away. It's such a clear look into how the youth of the Internet generation thinks and dreams. The idiot rapper, the idiot twins (the idiot deaf kid), the idiot surfer, the idiot mother of the skater king. That's my favorite, Timmy's mom. Jesus, talk about a tiger mom. "Teeem, you rittel shit. You gay, Teeem! You hea me, you gay! Fuck you haad, Teeem, I kirr mysef."  Yeah, I don't know why I find that so funny, but, I do. Lissa hates her, she yells at the screen for someone to save Tim from his tiger mother. Not suitable for her, you say? Ehh, her whole life isn't suitable for young children. I doubt Chris Lilley will ruin her future.

 

OMG, Look what I found. It's all Tim's mom, The Best Of Jen Okazaki. She's the most controlling tiger mother in the world. 

The Lovin' Spoonful "You Didn't Have To Be So Nice" 1965

Someone in Abbyland said they had money saved to hire The Lovin' Spoonful to play at their funeral. It cracked me up. Does anyone remember these guys? How old ARE you? OMG, how old am I?? You just find the strangest mind tweaks at Abbyland.

Abbyland..and Yahoo News misses the boat agian

How old IS Dear Abby? Hell if I know, but, one look at the 80's earring on that old drawing or the plastic helmet hair on her photo should tell us she's getting up there. We all know the original Abby was her mother, who sadly, passed away. The advice torch was passed to her daughter, but, now our present day Abby has vanished. Gone missing in action. Or no action, actually, just typing. But, by golly, Abby put out her letters and answers every single day, she was never late. You could count on her (or her assistants, who knows?) Sometimes you'd get a boring one, an obvious fake (even when it wasn't April Fool's Day) and the dreaded 'read alongs', so dubbed because they were a previous letter with extensions on the same thought. No one like those anymore than they like to go to Slate and see Dear Pruddy videos. Please, I read, dear 'what ever', because I CAN read.

I became addicted to Dear Abby years ago and sadly, not because of Abby. Her responses have become static and outdated. Yes, Abby, we all know twerking isn't dangerous. (It hasn't seemed to hurt Miley Cyrus yet.) While we're at it, maybe we could look up free versions of the recipe and advice booklets you insist we want to order from you so badly. Yawn. Talk about a repeat letter. Those repeat more regularly than cucumber sandwiches at a pre-wedding bridal tea. No, I am talking about the wonderful readers and commenters Abby has amassed over the years. A group so dedicated to following Abby and interacting with each other that they even have their own name..Abbylanders, from Abbyland.

Dear Abby has not published a letter in Yahoo News since May 19th. This is unheard of, Abby is always on time. Many a wee hour of the morning has been spent in Abbyland and she was always reliable and as popular as ever. In fact, you could nearly set your digital clock by her. Suddenly, and without warning, Abby has vanished. Her column is still there, in it's time honored spot on Yahoo News, just as it's always been, but, Abby is MIA. Is Abby sick? Is Abby taking a much deserved vacation? Where is Abby? Her fans and her fan club at Abbyland want to know.

In Abby's absence, an amazing thing has happened. The Abbylanders have taken over for her. Oh, if you read the comments in Dear Abby, you already know that the commenters are the best part of Dear Abby these days. But, in their concern over Abby and each other, they have taken over and they are re-publishing current Abby letters from their own local papers AND they are answering them. Some ask for advice of their own in new letters, right there in comments. They get it too, plenty of it. They are also bidding each other fond goodbyes, should Abby be phased out in favor of some more modern gimmick. There even seems to be a few digital celebrations here and there relating to the sister/brotherhood that is Dear Abby. It looks like fun. Indeed, I even had to post a farewell there, just in case. Me, I am usually a lurker, not a poster, but, I wanted them to know how very much I'll miss them should the Abby column disappear into the cyber horizon.

I wanted them to know how much they've entertained me over the years, collectively. I will really miss the corny joke of the day guy, the eye rollers, the sarcasm, the hilarious one liners, the genuine concern and the much better responses to letters I find there every single day. Yes, sir, Yahoo News has a genuine human interest story on their hands here. The story of how the fans of Dear Abby have rallied to save the day, her column and Abby herself. But, mostly, each other. It's quite touching and would actually bring a tear to your eye. I think, no, I know, Abby would appreciate their effort. How could she not?

I'm going to go finish reading the column now, it could take me awhile, they are a determined bunch. They are also quite witty and insightful. So, while I may not have been an official Abbylander, I most certainly am a fan of Abbyland and proud of it. Rally on, Abbyland! What a shame that Yahoo News has ignored the phenomenon that is Abbyland and the Abbylanders. But, then, Yahoo News is the only place you'll find the story of a three headed dog, with no helpful photo. As people in the cyber age like to say, "No picture.. never happened''. But, Abby DID happen and we never needed an outdated photo. We like to read. Isn't that what a newspaper is all about?





PS..In Abbyland, I have found out that Abby is not dead or sick. Abby is just being ignored by Yahoo News and we can't figure out why. Why have a column if no one updates it? What exactly is the problem?


PPS...

One letter #2: Dear Abbdicts, I need to get a new freezer. Should I dispose of old freezer and any bodies or such in it all together or wait to get new freezer and then transfer contents from old to new?

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Debi 15 hours ago

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The chosen should stay frozen until you have some southern fried homicide. 

(Now, THAT, is why I love Abbyland.)

Facebook..be ma frein?

I finally caved and got Facebook. My name on there is Pat Harbin Jones. I haven't figured it all out yet, but, it's the only way I can keep track of this child. Do you wanna be ma frien?

He ma frien. His name's Mark, right? (Fuckin' Facebook.)

Speaking of theatrical...(Mary Mary!)

There's our Mary Mary at the height of her Gothic phase. Wow. I'm impressed AND scared. I love it! Can any of you top that? Come on, let's see blasts from your pasts.

ps..is that a skull on your butt, Mary??

Ja'mie: Private School Girl

OMG, I can spend the afternoon catching up on this show. I'm late, as usual, but, I love Chris Lilley. He must be the pride of Australia and he personifies what us Americans LOVE about our Oz friends. They're all good crazy and funny as hell.

I've blogged on Chris before, when he was doing Summer Heights High, which you definitely should look up. That show had me literally crying with laughter. I shit you not, actually tears would pour down my cheeks as I shook with laughter.

Anyway, I won't bore you going on and on about him, though I could. Ja'mie (no doubt born plain old Jamie) is a self centred, ego-maniac high school girl who is convinced the Universe revolves around her and her popular friends. Mostly her. This shit kills me. Oh, and he told us recently that Paris Hilton is a fan and now uses his made up word 'Quiche' for super hotness. As is, 'I am beyond hot, I am Quiche.' You have to be born Quiche, you simply can't be faux Quiche. Peasant.

I wonder if Lis would like this? I'll find out. I can't believe I missed Ja'mie's graduation.

What a shocker!!!!

They can't be serious! This can't be true! Someone paid Solange Knowles (Basement Baby) $20 million for a book???? No way!  :)

KimYeez wedding ridiculousness

These two penis's. I swear. Now, Kim and Kanyeezer are requiring everyone at their wedding rehearsal dinner to dress in period costume. No, not clothes Kris bled out in before she went into menopause 20 years ago. (Great, I'm making vag blood jokes. I have definitly hung out with the kid too much this week.) But, vintage costumes of French royalty. Seriously. These two idiots can not get their heads any farther up their assholes, even with a Kardashian ass. Vintage French royalty. Jebus Yeezus.

Kim, I thought world wide fashion icons knew that you flash either leg OR tits. Not both. But, at least it takes the attention off that frozen face. Geez.

Here, she looks fairly decent, but, that dress is a mess. The color is good on her though. But, look at his face. OMG.

How very...special. Kim: "Why, yes, that IS my fiance', he's mentally challenged, but, quite wealthy, thank you". Who am I kidding? That sentence has way too many big words in it for Kim.

Get real, North, you weren't invited. You might upstage the bride. (This is sad because it's true.) You sure are cute though. The wedding dinner shindig is tonight. I shiver with antici...............................................................pation.

Tree Giudice is hoping for the best in court..and it's was Juicy's birthday

I find it slightly interesting that Teresa Giudice is refusing to do any promo work for Bravo before the big Season 9 debut, because it might implicate her further in legal problems. Since she and Juicy have pleaded guilty to 41 (!) counts of federal fraud already, I doubt she could get in any more trouble unless she enters a table tossing contest (she'd win, hands down). Seriously, could this really be season 9?!

I know what everyone is saying about these two, but, I would be really surprised if she got any time. She has no priors and she's basically an idiot who believes everything her husband tells her and ignores everything he doesn't tell her. Don't get me wrong, I like Tree. I like Juicy too. Hell, I even like their loud mouthed kids, but, it is what it is. Juicy will do some time, but, I don't understand the hate for either one of them, 'specially her. The only thing they hurt was the federal government. I just can't boo hoo for the government. Nope. I aint gonna happen. I just can't figure out why people are so anxious to see a young mother go to prison, but, they want it. They want it bad. It's amazing to me that someone like Casey Anthony can kill her innocent baby, walk free and people accept it, but, the same people pray for tax evaders to do time.

Happy Birthday, Juicy Joe. No big party, just a low key restaurant celebration with kids. That must have killed Tree. Spending no money on a party is way worse than prison for her. Gawd, next they'll want her to buy her shoes at Payless. Just kill her already.

ps..I just realized that I know it's a reality show criminal's birthday, but, I forgot it was my son in law's. I'm sorry Dan. Happy Birthday!

            I know Casey drewed it, but, I love you too! Man, I suck at remembering dates.

HELLFIRE! (Something's burning, a'right..and it's ME!)

Sometimes silence isn't golden. I am a Guntown girl and I will only take so much shit. I have addressed my Troll. I know who it is, she makes no secret of it now. At first, I couldn't even talk about it because to think, to know for certain, that all these years, the person that was making the hideous comments on here about my children! my grandchildren! and even on my son's funeral post..turned out to be someone I thought was a friend..it was just too much. But, I've been slandered enough. I won't be walked on, I won't be lied on, I won't take shit and I won't be blackmailed, 'specially when there is nothing to blackmail me with. Only in her sick mind.

I am warning any of my readers, if you don't want to read a rant to a troll, do not click the link. It's long and it's bad, do not go there, it's not for you. But, do listen to the song though, it's an oldie, but, a goodie. But, to those who do want to read it, you will find it HERE. I mean every nasty word of it. And I am not leaving the net, nor am I leaving this blog. This will be the first and last I will speak of what happened. I will not taint the disher site with it. I will leave it on The Last Word. Tomorrow will be blogging as usual here. Have a good night, a better day, and know that I love my commenter's. You don't have to read this or get involved in any way, but, if you have questions or comments, email me or put them on that post. Just on that post, please. No, troll, you do not get to talk any more. Not here. Not ever again.

No more pencils, no more books! And rain

The last day of school! Yay! I think. No more alarm clock. No more hurried rushes and forgotten items. No more packing lunches. No more panic attacks over rain on laundry days. No more frickin' pancakes every morning, eww. It will be officially over for a few short months, this afternoon. She can eat pop tarts, make them herself, sleep until noon (peaceful), wear the booty shorts with mismatched socklets, or live in a bathing suit. On the other hand, she'll be here all day, every day. With her stanky little friends. Yikes.

There's a lovely outdoor scene. It's raining cats and dogs, I love it! Lissa had been reminding me all night that I promised, PROMISED!, she could walk to school again. It just went on and on and on. So, before she even got up, I layed out a raincoat with a hood and her favorite umbrella. She got up, looking like a zombie, took one look out the door and said, 'Will you drive me?' Umm, yeah. Go figure. Kids always want the opposite of what you think they will. After playing field games all day yesterday, in the heat, and walking home, her shoes were so stinky, I gagged. I actually gagged. She thinks this is hilarious. She's proud of it. She said the teachers didn't allow anyone to close windows or doors when they came inside because they all stank so bad. She asked me what 'ripe' meant. The teacher called them all ripe. This is also quite funny, I guess. Poor teachers. They don't get paid enough to endure that sort of grossness. She lost one pair of sneakers (yep, flat out lost them. How do you do that??), she left one pair at Grandpa's house, she lost one pair to pond mud, so, she only had these left and they smell so bad I made her leave them outside. I figured she could break the rules on the last day and wear her fancy new flip flops Grandma Laura bought her. But, then it poured, so I told her to go put on the stank shoes and I'll throw them away after today. I totally forgot she left the stinkers outside. Minutia, right? Oh, well, what's new? Big ol' size 10 sneakers filled with rain water. Boats..ha ha. She also thought this was hiiiiiiiiilarious. Joke's on me. Dim ol' grandma. Yeah, yeah. She wore the flip flops. Who cares?

I'm stoked to see this hard rain. My garden and transplanted flowers will flourish now. When the heat that follows this hits the soaked ground, all my seeds will sprout overnight. It's pathetic how excited this makes me. I'll be working outside in the rain today as soon as it tapers off a bit. This is a perfect time to move plants. It means I can save some more big flowers growing the wrong places. I have high hopes for my weedy back fence line. But, nature always has it's own plans and ways, so we'll see. Anyhow...this seems appropriate today...

The 'mystery' of the statue within a statue

source
A woman in Tennessee made a 'shocking' discovery when she accidentally broke a Gnome statue given to her by a friend as a joke. Inside the Gnome was another statue. News reports followed as well as thousands of comments across the country about the explanation. They varied from everything to 'it's made of smuggled cocaine!' to 'The Chinese are putting cursed and Satanic statues inside to kill us christians!'

This same story and the 'evidence' pops up every year or so in the news and I get so tired of it when the answer is easily found by a quick google on how this cheap crap is made. There is nothing sinister here. It's most likely a cheap counter-weight used to balance the thin skinned Gnome. You'd re-use a bisque fired statue that didn't make it through the kiln process intact. It would be cracked or otherwise imperfect and not sellable. Why waste money molding and firing counterweights when you could go find one the right size in the scrap or grind pile? Depending on the size of the pour hole in the mold, it could have accidentally dropped in there during the pour. These things are not solid, they can't be or they'd explode in the kiln. It's all poured in with liquid clay called slip (slip slop). Then it dries a little, but, the center remains liquid and is poured off forming a shell, which is actually the finished piece. The slip buckets or vats always contain pieces of 'scuptures' which have not poured right. They have pieces missing or are cracked. You toss them into the left over slip to liquify the clay and reuse it. You use that 'scrap slip' to even out molds, or you may use it exclusively, if you're cheap. If the pour hole on your mold is big enough, sometimes a scrap piece gets poured in the new hole because you forgot to stir the bucket. Then you say fuck it, because you can't fish it out, it's stuck and you know it will fire that way. No one will see it, so who cares?

Sorry, this story just grinds me every time it comes up and it's just ridiculous. Back me up here, people who do poured, molded ceramics. This stuff is mass produced crap. It can be fun, I own a couple of pieces myself, but, this is right up there with people who believe they own something valuable because it's 'Porcelain'. Porcelain is just clay. It's a less porous type, with chunky particles sifted out. But, it's clay. Saying Porcelain is valuable would be like saying cake flour is more valuable and rare than whole wheat flour. It's just fucking fired dirt, fecripes sake. By the way, your toilet is made the same way and it's porcelain too. People just don't need to be so ignorant in the day and age of Google. I personally, like the Gnome better this way. It's more interesting.

Angelina news and possible shade throwing (this is good)

Okay, today we get some good gossip. Well, I found it yesterday and damn, I didn't have time to blog it. Angelina has written a film and she and Brad will star in it together! Oh, yeah! It won't be a big movie, Yay!, and it won't be an action film, double Yay! It will be a small independent, triple yay! I can not wait for that. That's HERE with video.

AND, the juicy gossip. Yesterday, I could have sworn Angie was throwing some shade at that fucking big head Gwyneth Paltrow. You know how she pissed every mom in the world off with her shit about how SHE was busier and SHE worked harder. Well, Angie had this to say..

“I’m not a single mom with two jobs trying to get by every day. I have much more support than most people, most women in this world. And I have the financial means to have a home and health care and food. My kids, they’re here upstairs,” she added, pointing toward the ceiling of the hotel conference room where she was grilled by reporters.

AND...
 “I actually feel that women in my position, when we have all at our disposal to help us, shouldn’t complain. Consider all the people who really struggle and don’t have the financial means, don’t have the support, and many people are single raising children. That’s hard.”

I saw the Celebitchy had picked up the story HERE and their take on it was the same as mine, shut the fuck up, Goopy, you entitled Bitch. There's more there, but, this is really the gist of it. I really think Angelina was talking to Goop and all entitled celebrity mothers just like her who think they work soooo much harder than us pleebs. Fuck them and fuck Goop the most. I just hate that woman. I think Angie does too. See, I can call her Angie, instead of Angelina because we both share a hate on for Goopy Paltrow. You tell 'er, Angie!! Tell that bitch off good.

You have way more kids than she does! You make way more movies than her! You make way better movies too! You have a way better looking man than she had! Wait..you have HER former man, only YOU kept him! Ha.

School is almost over, first walk alone to school

School is over tomorrow. They rescheduled the school party/picnic athletic events for today because it's going to storm Thursday. So, she's excited about the festivities. She already cleaned out her locker and brought home a 5 foot pile of crap that includes three winter coats and 4 lunch boxes. Are you kidding me? I have been asking about that stuff all Winter. She drives me nuts that way.

Here, she's starting out to walk to school alone for the very first time. You may think I'm overprotective, but, you don't know this kid. She has no, NO short term memory skills because of the Chiari and surgeries. I have to make lists for her for everything from homework signatures to water bottles, lunch, milk money, weather gear..you name it. She even forgets the lists. I have to keep on it all the time or the results would be a disaster. So, even though she really IS the smartest kid I have ever met, she does have her problems. That's why it's always better that she stayed with me during the school week. Her mom worked a lot this year. I didn't. I have time for the endless minutia.

Sorry to be so long, but, today I promised her she could walk to school. I went over the route with her several times and last night again. It's not far, about 9 blocks. One turn. It's all in Guntown. Turn on D street, I told her, a hundred times. "I KNOW" she said, all mad, like I'm the dumb ass. Look at her pissed off face.

So, there she goes. Carrying her lunch with the can of fruit punch she requested, on ice. Already mad as hell at me because I made her wear athletic shorts, tennis shoes and a nice, plain white T-shirt in her size. And a bra. A damn dinky sports bra. She had dressed herself in this crazy ass Goth (she thinks) outfit that was too tight, booty shorts (she borrowed from her teen age aunt) and a tiny semi suggestive skull tank. Oh, and studded black velvet flats. Are you nuts?  I said, no way. You are playing field games today, it's a picnic. She pitched a fit. But, I stood my ground. She said, "FINE, I'll just wear my Goth jacket all day and die of the heat and you'll miss me and feel like poop!! And it will all be your fault!!!" And I said, okay then. Glad we got that settled. So, there she goes. Turn on D street, I yell. I KNOW!!!! I can't help but think that I could have reminded her that I have to help her put her sassy, cut and torn 'Goth' jacket on every morning because she can't figure out where the armhole is because of the torn and frayed parts. Nope. I also just crossed the one sort of busy street with her. Just in case.

She had second thoughts here. She knows I do the things I do because I love her. No one else does the things that she needs. The everyday stuff that seems to go on forever. I do it. She turns around and waves at me. She smiles. I yell, 'D street!' She ignores me. She's right in front of Aunt Bitch Face's house there.

She keeps walking, but, I don't leave. I stand on the corner and keep watching. She knows it. She's playing it like she's a big kid and doesn't know who I am. Some crazy lady on a corner, so what? Nuthin' to do with me, I'm a bad ass Goth.

It's not long before she's a tiny semi Gothic black dot on the Guntown landscape. I still don't leave. I go back across the street and walk down a block after her. I hide behind some trees. I see her turn on C street. Are you kidding me? I shrug and go home. But..I get my purse and car keys and sit them beside me. I get a cup of coffee and wait. Sure enough, the door opens before I'm halfway through the cup and she says, sheepishly, "I got lost."

One turn and she got lost. I knew it. I've lived here, with her, since she was in pre-school at the same school. But, I know this kid. I said, you know, you would have gotten there if you'd kept going. But, I know what you were doing. You went down C street because you think that's where your buddy's babysitter's house is, didn't you? Yep. You thought you'd run into her and you could walk together, right? She hung her head. Then you got scared because that street curves and you didn't recognize anything, right? Yep. I sighed and said, we've been down that street, literally, a hundred times, you just can't remember because you never concentrate. (Too busy learning the words to Timber and Party Like A Rock Star. )

I also told her if she'd followed my instructions she WOULD have walked past her friend's babysitter's house. I am not a dumb ass. I knew where I was sending her. Geez. I got my keys and we got in the car and I drove her to D street and stopped. She looked at me all wide eyed. I said, "Get out and walk, you goofy Goth". She grinned like a clown on crack and jumped out of the car. I said, 'Straight down, got it?' Yep. Okay then. Miss Know It All. I drove off..but, around the block and spyed. Her buddy came out and joined her and off they went. Sort of like Dorothy, only no brick road. Just the hallowed streets of Guntown. Hey, at least there are sidewalks most of the way in that part of Guntown. How she'll get home is anybody's guess. I may have to send out a search party. I sure hope she remembers where she put her lunch.

Michelle Duggar goes to a fertility doctor

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This freaked my ass out. Michelle Duggar is seeing a fertility doctor to find out if she can 'catch' another baby from 'god'. I don't even want to deal with all the stupidity in that sentence. This woman is not smart. If you listen to her talk, you know that. She may be, umm, a tiny bit 'special'. For real. She is also 47 years old and has 19 living children. Technically, she has given birth 20 times and I don't know how many miscarriages.

Okay, we all know I'm slow at spotting the dangerous crazy, because I think everybody has some kind of crazy. Everyone. But, it finally occurred to me that Michelle is just like those women who refuse to age and get addicted to plastic surgery, Botox and liposuction until they barely resemble a human being. Only Michelle doesn't care about her looks, her clothes and hair should tell us that. What she cares about is believing her poor uterus can still carry and shove out babies like it did when it was 20. She just refuses to face the fact that her uterus is old. It's old and tired. Her ovaries are gathering dust. If you could Botox your ovaries, Michelle would have done it by now. Even when the doctor tells her that at her age the chances of having a Down's Syndrome child are probably one in four or five (scary) she blows him off.

I just think she's crazy and not in a good way. She needs help. Michelle is a great example of people who get sucked into cults very easily. She probably should be tested, an IQ test, I mean, so that a court could step in and help her. I've listened to her. She reminds me of my mother. She's a person who can pass as average, normal. But, she isn't. Not in any way, shape or form. She thinks dinosaurs roamed with humans, the Earth is 500 years old and you catch babies from god. This woman home schools her children! It isn't right. None of this is right. She has a good chance of dying if she tries to carry another baby, yet old Jim Boob isn't done trying to prove his manhood and devotion to his god by letting Michelle ride his old prune-pickle bareback. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed either, but, he knows what's up. He should be taking care of her and discouraging this pregnancy addiction she has. They have little ones and they have grandkids now. That should be enough. This whole story makes me feel sick. The stupid are trying to take over the world. Their numbers keep growing. As long as there are women like Michelle Duggar out there, the cults will keep choosing them. So, special, isn't it? The chosen ones.

Big ol' snake story!

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A Texas woman found a 12 foot African Python in her bathroom. She called 911 and they showed up with a bucket. Let that sink in. They thought she was a hysterical woman and showed up with a bucket to put it in. Okay, that made me laugh. Turns out the snake did NOT come in through the plumbing (now THAT would have been scary) but, was an escaped pet. The owner was found and he was very glad to have his cuddly pet home. The reptile was hungry and aggressive when it was found. Probably scared too. Poor thing.

I would have realized it wasn't poisonous, but, snakes like that can hurt you when they bite. They can break the skin, even though they have no fangs or teeth. I would have shit myself. But, I wouldn't have let anyone kill it. I don't know what they hell I would have done. I know I'd have trouble lifting it alone. Miss Peg used to have a snake like that and she had to help me get it on my shoulders for a pic. I think 'Baby' was bigger than that one, but, not much. They're frickin' heavy. Baby was a nice animal. I'll bet that snake is a nice animal when it's not scared and hungry. Wouldn't you just piss yourself if you walked into your loo and saw that!?

My Aunt Ruth found a snake in her yard that weighed over 120 pounds once. It was enormous. She and her husband lived in Chicago then and she found it living in a big drainage pipe. She hated snakes, but, she didn't have it killed. She got a bunch of men to come capture it. I have that newspaper photo somewhere. I should try and find it. It shows a whole bunch of guys holding that snake up. I always liked the story because she had a heart and didn't have it killed, even though she was afraid of snakes her whole life. Aunt Ruth was a good one.

I don't have any snakes like that, that I know of. But, I have met a friendly Garter about 3 foot long that lives here. She's always in my flower beds. Last night she crawled in my Tomato box while I was planting. Curious. You don't often see Garters that big. She must be old. She isn't afraid of me anymore and checks me out up close and personal. Anyway, I just thought that story was sort of cool and it's amazing to me that we can be living with these huge creatures and not even know it.

 'They' say, you're never more than three feet from a spider at any given time. I know that's true in Iowa.

KimYeez pics on the net

                                                Kim and Kanye in France, being Francy.

                                      Oh, that's attractive. Hello, implant scar? Bra, anyone?

                                               This one cracked me up. Ahhhh hah ha ha ha.

Happy, the stuff of nightmares

Say hello to 'Happy", McDonald's new mascot to help kids eat healthier. HERE is the story, morning glories. That thing is gross. And I'll get naked on the town square and post a pic of it, if you can find anything healthy that kids eat at McDonalds. It aint happening. It's a synthetic grease pit. I hate their food, except their oh so healthy french fries. The rest of their food tastes baaaaaaaad. Only kids could like it. Kids have no palette. They eat dirt and boogers. What do they know? No one goes there to get healthy food. Gawd. You go there because your tired or broke.

You know what else I hate? I hate that butt plug, fuck nut Ronald McFuckingDonald. That thing is creepier than the sex molester Burger Kind. I hate that big ass plastic one that takes up all the room on the waiting bench and I want to Bruce Lee kick him in the fiberglass genitals. Now, this new one. He's even worse. All I could think of when I saw him, was that maybe that skeevy pervert Ronald would tea bag Happy and get his nuts bitten off at the root. Now, that, would make me Happy.

McDonald's has missed the boat on ALL their advertising mascots and heads should roll. Seriously.

Let's have a Sunflower Brigade!

Susan inspired this post..let's ALL plant Sunflowers! Come on, who wants to join in? All you have to do is turn over one shovel of dirt. You don't even need a flower bed. You don't have to plant a whole fence row or a field. Just one tiny spot will do. Now days, the cheapo seed companies only give you 5-10 seeds in each pack anyway. You can get them at the dollar stores for about 30 cents. You don't even have to have a yard. They have shorter varieties that grow in pots really well. So, what do you say? Wanna have a Sunflower Brigade (please, someone come up with a better name for it) and we'll share Sunflower pics when they bloom, see who grew the tallest ones, the prettiest, the most unusual and the most amusing display. I think this will be so much fun! Anyone can grow these things, they only need dirt and...sun!

Today, the damage, the change

That may not look like much, but, I am SO freekin' happy with it. I finally, FINALLY talked the old lady into getting rid of that damn swing set. Lissa had outgrown it and it was an eyesore. This spot is right in front of my house. But, technically, that's her yard. She never uses it and I needed a place to sit where the neighbors stupid dogs won't yap at me. It's right in front of my front flower bed, and I can made some more now! Some little shade gardens by the fence. Yeah! That fence line will all fill in soon and it will be more private. I have silver Clematis there with a stem as big as a small tree now. I trimmed it back to help it grow better. And that dead lookin' bush is not dead. It's Forsythia and the neighbor stepped over the line and cut the hell out of it. He wasn't being mean, he just didn't know it blooms on old wood, not new. That's okay, I have a ton of that stuff. Anyway, in a few weeks, this will look a lot different. Goodbye, you piece of shit giant swing set. I might get Gabe a little sand box though. I need some better lawn furniture, ha, that stuff is pathetic. Yard Sales! Oh, and Mike, the yard man, got his huge truck in here yesterday and cut down some big old Walnut limbs, to open it up, while I directed from the ground. That was nerve wracking, but, worth it. Timber! Now my flower garden will get front sun again. That's exciting.

I lost several plants and trees to the unusually harsh Winter. Things just can't survive 40 degree below zero weather, so, that's sad. I lost my beautiful Ivy, which was starting to cover the side of the house. The Honeysuckles are gone. Asparagus bit the dust. I lost my River Birch tree, and sadly, I lost one Red Bud tree. I have to cut it down and remove it. It has a sister tree here too though, that made it. My Black Apple and all the other young trees made it too. And almost all the shrubs. We haven't had a Winter like that since I was a kid. Hopefully, we won't get one like that again for a long time.

Woo hoo! The veg garden is done and planted! So exciting (to me). I know, it's small and looks like shit. But, this WILL produce. A lot more than we need. Lissa likes planting, but, not the real work. I dug it all with my shovel. Yeah, I hurt myself. But, I just had to do it. Everything I think I need is in there. I concentrated a lot on fall decorating items. Gourds, various Punkin's and red Indian Corn. I grew most of it from seed. We also put in two rows of green beans because those are delicious and I can freeze them. Some various greens, not too many. We're not really into them. Some Herbs. We like those. And a few other this and thats. Oh, Zucchini, OMG, that's my favorite. I can't wait for that.

There are some Tomatoes in there, seedlings and seeds. But, my real Tomato bed is separate from this. Tomato's like another spot. I also have a tiny bed of sweet Corn for my Raccoon buddies. I planted it closer to their dens this year. That will keep the rascally baby coons out of my garden, since all they want is corn. The big Raccoons have good manners. The babies are ridiculous. I also have a seperate Strawberry bed and they all made it and are producing a little already! I have a small flower bed I turned into a Pepper and Eggplant bed. It actually looks pretty with a plastic bird bath in the center.

I got this done yesterday, it's part of the path that goes from the front to the back winding path. I was working on it all day and into the night. I finally finished in total darkness, and yes, I did accidentally pick up a snake. That's when I decided to stop. It looks like a tiny area, and it is, but, I had to remove two wheelbarrows of giant flowers and relocate them. Then I transplanted roses in between the Arborvitae and added Bleeding Hearts, Night Flowering Jasmine, Hibiscus, Moonflowers and Dahlias. Finally, I edged it and planted small Lemon Marigolds there. Something is bound to grow and like it there...(laughing at myself and my obsessive over planting.) But, hey, I covered my bases. It should look much more civilized near the front door this year. I needed a machete to leave the house by August last year. It was creepy and claustrophobic.

I love and adore Bleeding Hearts. I know this is too close to that Rose bush. I know. But, I was trying to think like a plant. The Bleeding Heart gets medium big, but, it's an early bloomer. That old fashioned yellow bush Rose (my favorite Rose) will get large, but, it's a late bloomer. The timing of their bloom sounds perfect to me. I think they'll get along. If not..I have a shovel.

 The delicate, baby Japanese Maple, exposed to the North wind, made it. In fact, it got bigger. Go figure, huu?


PS, I have to say, I am sort of liking this moderated comments thing. I get to answer you all and no one gets lost in the shuffle when I'm busy. Plus, I haven't seen any troll comments. I think blogger recognizes their IP's and they're are all being deleted automatically now. It's pretty cool and not as much of a pain in the ass as I thought. Oh, and I finally realized I can just put a comment control icon right on my tool bar, so, boom, it's right handy. No more clickity click click click to find them. You guys are awesome and I love your comments!

What did you think of the MJ hologram at the BMA awards show?

I just wondered what you guys thought of the holographic Michael Jackson at the Billboards show? HERE it is on D-listed if you didn't see it. It looked like MJ on film, but, I'm not sure what people who were actually in the audience were seeing. Some of them looked confused. I thought it was a cool novelty, but, it was also a performance of a new song by Michael and I can't help but cringe that someone made all the decisions for him. I know he was pretty hands on, on how his shit went down on stage and this seemed a bit like a slap in the face to him, in a way. And, yes, it danced some, but, it did not dance the way MJ danced in his hey day. MJ may be long gone, but, he's got a new album out and he did write the stuff. It's called Escape and what I've heard is good. At least, I like it. His unpublished songs SHOULD be released. But, I'm not sure about this holograph shit. It seems creepy, and a little disrespectful. What's next? Do we just create non-human, but, human looking performers, so no one has to worry about sick days, party nights, overdoses or missed concerts? It doesn't seem quite right to me.

I think Michael would have chosen differently for the choreography and costumes on this BMA shit, and that's what was going through my mind when I saw it. More of that then, 'oh, this is cool'. But, it's a good song, I like it. 'Slave To The Rhytum'. I guess I just felt weird and sort of outraged that anyone else would totally control Michael Jackson on stage, like he's a puppet.

9/11 memorial gift shop pisses some people off

Some of the families of the 9/11 terrorist victims are really upset that the gift shop is loaded with 'tastless, tacky' trinkets. The money raised will supposedly be spent maintaining the museum. HERE is the story. It's the damn Daily Mail. They said 8,000 people were killed there and remain unidentified, so they literally put them under the museum. I thought it was a typo, but, no, that dumb ass Daily Mail writer specified '8,000' again at the end of the article. Cripes. Some people need to be fired there, they are completely lazy and incompetent. But, the fact remains that they are selling junk 'over my son's dead body', as the mother of one victim said.

Everyone is different, but, I think I could ignore this. The museum has to raise money somehow. All of it is privately funded. What I question is the salaries of people who work there..wtf? Like, the museums CPO, Joe Daniels makes $378,000  year. From 'private donations'. There's more on there if you go read it. Jebus. WTF do museum directors do to earn that kind of dough? How many private donations are there and how are they used? How many of these high earning dudes are there? When I think of selling trinkets in a gift shop, I think of our little hospital and insignificant amounts. But, this is the 9/11 museum in Manhattan. Those 'trinkets' represent million of $. That stupid little dog toy costs $20 bucks. I'll bet they sell millions of them this year. This could be nothing but a money making opportunity. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this should be watched closely. There's probably a huge conspiracy theory group out there. There always is. You know, like, George Bush sent those planes himself as part of an Illuminati plan. (Giant eye roll.) Anyway, yeah, the gift shop is tacky. But, it's ALL privately funded. Who's gonna watch them? The IRA? Hahahahahha..fucker please. Dis be da goberment secret project. You can't tell me they don't have their sticky fingers in it. The museum has a $63 million dollar a year budget! The families of victims have more to worry about here than tacky trinkets. This whole thing could blow up into an embarrassing fiaso in a few short years. As for me, it doesn't interest me to see a bunch of blown up pieces of metal and a gift shop. The towers are fine, but, that memorial pool looks like a peek into the depths of wet hell to me. It's really, really bad looking. Maybe I just had a bad feeling about the whole thing once I saw that pool. It's creepy.

The Daily Mail needs to make some heads roll. A quick search will tell you that nearly 3,000 people died in the 9/11 attacks. Not 8,000. That's some shamefully bad reporting. What do you think of the memorial and museum?

The TRUTH Game

Let's play the truth game. You can ask me any question, no matter how personal, and I will answer you with the truth. Like, you can ask me, where were you born? Los Angeles. But, I don't remember it. I like to tell people I was born in L.A., ( it sounds more sophisticated than Iowa) but, it just doesn't come up much. Or you can get more personal, like, how old were you the first time you had sex with a boy? Ohhhh, my. I was 17...and I got pregnant. At 17. Smart, huu? There was no MTV then, so I missed my reality show window. Heh. Okay, ask me any question..anyone can play.

BUT..you know there's a catch..after I answer you, I get to ask YOU any question and you have to answer truthfully too. Wanna play? Can you handle the truth?

NO ANON COMMENTS, PLEASE. Just pic a nic, type it in somewhere and stick to it.

A disappointment and a challenge

Oh, an estate sale in a $5 million dollar mansion..everything goes!!! I couldn't wait to click it, I love things like this. What a load of crap. Even the big amiour has mirrors, eww. The brown leather furniture would be good in a library. How many people have a frickin' library? I could not find one thing I wished I owned. Even the house is..sort of fugly and I don't care if they tear it down. I saw that dancer statue thing and decided I could put that in the garden, even though I don't love it. HERE is the article, tell me what one thing you'd take home if you were forced to take one thing home from there. This should be interesting. Better than those stupid quizzes.


There were several others today, castles and mansions. They were all ugly. But, then I saw THIS! Wow, Dolly Parton is selling her Cali home. Oh, that's so cute.

The place is small, for a celeb home, but, soooo cute. Look at that! I see lots of things I want in those pics. I want her metal trash can with the flowers on it. Yep, I covet Dolly Parton's trash can. I want all her cute patio furniture! I want her old upright piano. Wait, mom has one just like it. All I have to do is outlive her. Put that on my list of things to do. What do you think of Dolly's place? Oh, Natalie Wood lived there too! OMgosh..the ghost possibilites!

Thoughts on Nicole Kidman as Princess Grace

I just watched a trailer for Grace and it was a strange choice of just gorgeous images with a voice over, and no actual acting by Nicole. HERE is the article and trailer, if you want to see it. That photo of Nicole disturbed me. If you click it, you can see what I mean. Now I understand why gossip sites are always making fun of her and her frozen face. It's pretty terrible. I'm hoping it's new Botox and it will wear off. Because I'm a huge fan of Nicole and I love most of her movie choices.

But, I don't think I'll like 'Grace' because I have never had any interest in Grace Kelly or the Princess of Monaco stuff. Maybe I'm in the minority, but, I don't think anyone could make me interested in that story. It probably has great costumes is the best thing I can say about it. It also seems to me that January Jones would make an outstanding Princess Grace. (I'm a January fan too, I like the Ice Queen.) But, this doesn't seem to suit Nicole Kidman and I'm afraid it will be so bad and boring that she'll get all these bad reviews  knocking her acting skills and I'll get mad as a fan of hers. Nicole IS talented, she just needs roles that fit her, like 'The Others', one of my favorite scary movies. Princess Grace of Monaco? Not interested..at all. Even with Nicole Kidman. And someone please stop her from ruining her beautiful face with Botox and stuff. Please.

Better pic. Gorgeous. The woman is tall, leggy, perky boobied and that gown is amazing and I don't usually even like blue. She's built like a runway model. I wonder what that's like?


Watch the trailer and tell me if YOU think you'd pay to see that. Is anyone fascinated by Grace?? BTW, it says in that article that Nicole turned down and Oscar winning role and Kate Winslet got it (and the Oscar) because it was Holocaust stuff (The Reader) and she thought it would permeate and affect the baby she was carrying. I totally get that and agree. Call me superstitious. I wouldn't have done it either for the same reasons.

I have to put in this, though it's off subject, I just saw Revolutionary Road with Kate Winslet and Leo Decaprio. I'm not into Winslet, but, I love Leonardo. That movie sucked so bad. The director tried to show how boring suburban early 60's life was. Well, he succeeded. In fact, he was so good at it, it bored the shit out of me and I love minutia. I love stories just about people and I love period backgrounds. But, this was so ridiculously slow and mind numbing I couldn't handle it. Also, there is NO chemistry at all between Winslet and Dicaprio. That was a joke. She looks more like his mom in the film. The director, Sam Mendes, was Kate's husband..I looked it up. Talk about missing the boat because of family ties. Geez.

Hi, mom. Hello, son. Seriously. Have you seen this movie? Never have two love interests been more mismatched. I would have believed Leonardo was in love with the fake Colonial furniture before Kate Winslet. The only thing good about Revolutionary Road was, it shows what happens when woman aren't allowed to make decisions about their own bodies by law.