Spice Girls..."Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)"

The "girls" sit around in their underwear and fake sing. This is el stinko. Sporty Old Spice is still the only one who can sing.

Get the fuck outta the way, dumbass's

TMZ has this stupid pic of Britney running over a cops foot at her last court hearing. The week before she ran over a paps foot. Now the LAPD is investigating it as a hit and run. Oh, shut the fuck up..get out from under her wheels, ya retards. She can't drive anyhow, let alone balance her Redbull, latte, cheetos, ice cream, tacos and pill bottles. These people are all nuts.

Tune in to Tyra to hear about her vagina

Tyra intends to spend the whole hour on Monday, Nov. 5th, talking about vaginas. Now, you'd think we might learn something here, but, if you've watched Tyra you can just toss that insane idea out because it will be all about Tyras vagina. It's always about Tyra. If it's a show about big butts, Tyra will show you her bootay and the audience will discuss how Tyra is big but not fat. If the show is about breasts, Tyra brings on an x-ray tech to show you hers are real and the audience claps for her sagging chest fat. If the show is about death...never fear...Tyra will spend an hour explaining to her fans how someday, when she's 110, it's possible, she might die. Then they all cry and tell her it's not true because Tyra will live forever with her not fat ass and her beautiful natural lady lumps. So tune in Monday for more information and possibly gyno photos of Tyra Banks vagina which she WILL call cute names like va jay jay, hoo ha, pootie tootie, cootchie cootchie, kitty kat and maybe big old giant gummy hole from has been runway hell. Oh, and a prize for the first viewer to catch her mentioning Naomi Campbell and her inferior vagina.

Lohans lip-itude

The Blow's been hiding because she got her lips did. Like I care..she's so boring now that she's pretending to be sober again. But, I don't know why it's such a fad to blow up your kisser. It looks like one of those wrestlers when their buttholes explode..only it's her face. TY to OMG for Putting that pic together, I'm too lazy today to do it for a Lohan post. I'm also too lazy to post "Lindsay goes shopping!" "Lindsay goes to a tanning parlor!" and the favorite.." Lindsay smoking a cig!" I liked her better when she kept her coke in someone elses pants and hated her daddy.

More Britney crap

The lovely Britney spending her $4,758 a month "eating out" money. The latest is..she can't remember to take her birth control pills and laughs that she can't even find the suckers sometimes. Friends say she thinks she can't get pregnant if it's just casual sex. Now she's hot for Kim Kardashian..Brit loves Kims big ass and calls her a real woman and a "horny beast." Good deal, at least Kim can't get her pregnant.

What's next? Nothing she does surprises us anymore. She could get bukkakied by a rabid camel, stark naked in Times Square with a burning broom up her ass in a giant pile of tacos and we'd just shrug and go "That's Britney."

What about the boys? Brit got them for Halloween and took them to some party. She kept them about an hour then dumped them back at Kevins and went out to party at the clubs. Jayden was dressed as a puppy and spent his time crying. Sean P didn't rate a costume at all and both of them spent most of the time in her car. Keep in mind, the bitch managed to buy several costumes for herself. What fun childhood memories these two are going to have. I can't wait for their tell all book.

Britney, Kevin..and the money

The financial records or the much watched couple have been leaked. Here's what they spend per month..

Britney's Expenses:• $102,000 on entertainment, gifts and vacation• $49,267 on mortgage payments• $16,000 on clothes• $4,758 on eating out• $2,500 on phone bills

Kevin's Expenses: • $5,000 on entertainment, gifts and vacation• $7,500 on rent• $2,000 on clothes• $1,500 on eating out• $750 on phone bills

How the hell does she spend 16 grand a month on clothes and still look the way she does?

Amy and Pete do the MTV Europe Awards

Amy at the MTV Europe Video Music Awards yesterday singing Back To Black. Yeah she mumbled a bit, stumbled a bit and seemed nervous, but, Amy Winehouse bad is still pretty damn good if you ask me. At least she showed up. And she didn't puke on anyone.





Pete Doherty and Babyshambles rocked. This is why I love Pete. He stuck up for his friend Amy too and said he wished people would stop giving her a hard time. When asked if he had advice for Amy, Pete said "I wouldn't give her any. She's fine. It's all bollocks. People should leave her alone. I went for a drink with her earlier today and she's totally fine. Perfectly healthy and happy.
"People are saying she's out of control, but she's not. She's a sensible girl and she knows what she's doing. She ain't doing nothing wrong."

I don't know if drinking with Pete is a good endorsement of her good sense (or his), but, I just can't pick on either one of them. I don't want to. I'd rather just listen and enjoy.

Nicole and Joel waiting for their baby

Last week their were reports of a pregnant Nicole Richie smoking outside two NYC restaurants..now it turns out they weren't even in the country. In fact these two are so excited by the baby that they've been busy babyproofing the new home daddy Lionel bought them in LA already. Joel is doing most of the work and wants to have it all ready when he and Nicole bring their newborn home. The cutest thing is that Joel has been designing baby clothes. He and his twin brother, Benji already have a clothing line called DCMA and now it includes tiny onesies and T's for babies. That's adorable. I don't think I've ever seen two people turn themselves around so much for the sake of their child.

Tyra! We can see your pouch

That's not even a camel toe, it's more like a camel goiter.

Did you know?

Did you know that Mila Kunis is the voice of Meg on Family Guy? I did not know that. Actually, I hate that show, it's too pervy for me, but, Mila aka Jackie Burkhart , is adorable. She's dating that Home Alone kid, wtf was his name?..oh yeah..Macaulay Culkin.

Readers photos!

Look! It's the lego cuties again, only this time they're a jack in the box and a crayon! That's amazing. They have no idea how lucky they are to have such a creative mommy. My mom always waited until the last minute and threw us a raggedy sheet and a pair of scissors. Every year I was a stained ghost. Sigh. These are great!

Ashie is a "nice" witch. What a cutie.

Guess who Jessica Simpson's dating?

Yeah, I know some of you are guessing..her dad. Nope..it's Owen Wilson. They've been spotted out together for a couple of weeks now and she has gone home with him. Witness's say he can't keep his hands off her. I don't know if this is such a good idea. It reminds me of the time I tried to balance an old rickety stool on an old rickety chair to reach the smoke alarm. That wasn't well balanced and didn't work out..and neither will this.

More Halloween costumes

Ellen dressed as a pregnant Jennifer Lopez. No, Ellen, you're not psycho at all. Ahem.

Violet Affleck went as a little lamb and mom Jen took her trick or treating just like a regular kid. That's adorable.

Here..Alissa went out as John Belushi..making her watch old tapes of SNL when it was still funny has paid off. She was with her long suffering baby sitter Debbie. I want that woman nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, but, I'll settle for a Hershey bar. Not one that's gnawed on either. (Yeah, she was DAMN cute.)

Da Brat arrested for assault..for the second time

Brat got bumped by a waitress in a crowded club and smashed the girl in the face with a bottle. She's been charged with felony aggravated assault. In 2000 she was arrested for pistol whipping some chick outside a nightclub.

Did anyone catch her on Surreal Life? This cunt was so mean and snotty to the rest of the house I wanted to smash my TV. She claimed to be so much better than old has-beens like China Doll, that Brady Bunch guy and Vern the midget Troyer, it made me puke. She's such a MAJOR bitch she makes Naomi Campbell look like Mother Teresa. I hope they lock her up and toss the key in the ocean. She can pull her diva-tude in a Cali prison and get skank shanked while eating a rancid hot dog for all I care. Good riddance and I hope they confiscate that vermin nest she calls hair too.

Paris Hilton saves the world..one thigh high at a time

ParAss: “I’m wearing this for the troops because I know they’re having a hard time right now and don’t really get to celebrate Halloween.”

She's such a humanitarian..it's bringing tears to my eyes. And remember, two dollar hookers need support too.

Hayden Panettiere gets her young heart hurt

Hayden Pantyliner sobs as dolphins are killed in Japan. She went there to stop the slaughter and thought that by paddeling into the killing cove on a surf board she could make a difference. Instead she got to watch the dolphins slaughtered up close and personal.

“It was really frightening,” Panettiere told Sky News. “It was so incredibly sad. We were so close to them and they were sky hopping, jumping out of the water to see us. … One little baby dolphin stuck his head out and kind of looked at me and the thought that it’s no longer with us is really hard to take.”

I think the kid had her heart in the right place, she's just too young to know you can't change things like this in another country just by expressing your views. Dolphins are food in Japan and we aren't going to make the Japanese think like us no matter how hard we try. I will say one thing though..if dolphins are so fucking smart, why don't they tell each other to stay the hell outta Japan?

One vampire cat and one dumb puss

Heidi Klum always throws a huge Halloween bash and she always has the best costume. Ususally she's something funny or scary, but, this year she went as a sexy vampire cat. Nice. Britney showed up at Heidi's party dressed as a cat too (in her mind) and it looked like something from Wal-Marts sale rack. Later she added a sombrero, because cats wear sombreros. I guess. In Poontang world.

Number 1 horror movie..The Exorcist

HMV has named The Exorcist as the top horror movie of all time. I agree. Did you ever wonder how they filmed that bloody mastubation scene? Linda Blair said they put a small box between her legs and it had a sponge in it filled with corn syrup dyed red. She was instructed to stab the crucifix onto the box. She was only 12 and says she had no idea what the significance was until years later. Creepy!

Posh and Ellen trade shoes

Seeing Ellen in heels is kind of like seeing a horse dressed as a ballerina. It could work, you just don't expect it. You know Posh is hating those sneakers. She told Ellen “When we first got here, it was really intense. There was tons of press every single day. And then they kind of figured out that actually we’re quite boring and Britney’s far more interesting and so they go to her house.”

I couldn't agree more. Poshy also thinks her son, Romeo, could be the next Justin Timberlake. Why does she wanna insult her own kid like that?

How is this a Halloween costume??

Same old, same old. Is it a costume because Coco pulled the feather duster out of Ice-T's butt? Yep, the removal of household cleaning supplies from your anus always says "holiday" to me. Douches. They are the interracial Heidi and Spencer.

What's wriong with Angelina's arms??

Angie on the set of her new movie. I know some people just have prominent veins, but, that's just bizzare. What's wrong with her? Medical people..what could cause that?

Ashley Olsen is dating Lance Armstrong

The couple has been spotted out together more than once and were seen making out. That has to be the weirdest coupling ever. I thought he was dating Matthew McConaughey, hmm, guess not. Anyway, how's he know he's dating Ash and not her sister MK? I'll bet they play tricks on his ass, tee hee. I'm wainting for a photo of him on his bike and her trailing after him on her big wheel. I hope he likes Starbucks.

How do you work this thing??

Ahhhh, it's THE day. I have a ton of stuff to do, you know this is such an important holiday for me. Just so you know, you don't have to check back here today..but, I'll be back blogging with a vengance tomarrow. I hope you all have the happiest Halloween ever. Happy Samhain and Happy New Year to all my Pagan, Wiccan, Satanist, Vampire and Druid friends. Be safe and don't let the spookies get ya!

Speak of the devil

Ryan Seacrest scored a phone interview with Britney Spears this morning and she said "huu?" about a million times. He asked her if she'd seen her kids and she said "My lawyers know all about that." O.........kay. Then in the middle of the talk she hands slave Ali the phone and goes to take a shower leaving Ryan talking to her cousin, on air. Her record label has decided not to ask her to promote her new album because they fear she won't show up or will pull a crazy. Why do people even bother? Why don't they interview a ferret or a wood chuck? Or a fork? It would make more sense. If I scored an interview with her I'd ask if she knows her ass from a hole in the ground. Or I'd might ask "What city are you in right now?" That'd fuck her up for a good hour.

More punkin' pickin'

Terri Snatcher picks out a dildo. After she sleeps with it, she's making a pie for Ryan Seacrest.

When idiots look like their pets

Bruce Jenner, head of the Kardashian whore family, looks just like his little rat dog. I'll bet they both hump the sofa and pee on the carpet.

Heather Mills threatens suicide

Heather Mills cried on Brit TV this morning claiming she was considering kiilling herself because we don't like her. No one likes her. She sobbed that she'd been called a whore and a gold digger when all she does is charity work. Hmmm, I think if you get called a whore and a gold-digger, it might be because you ARE a whore and a gold-digger. Peg legged psycho assasin to an icon. Mills said "if I'm dead, then she (her and Pauls McCartney's daughter) will be safe and she can be with her father." Oh, for fucks sake drama queen, you have about as much intention of offing yourself as I do of running a marathon. Let me mail you a big can of sympathy, but, it will really be dog poop. It will cheer you up when you open it. Laughter is good for the soul..if you have one. Which I doubt.

RIP Robert Goulet

Robert Goulet passed away, Tuesday, while waiting for a lung transplant. He had a great career, a long life, he lived long and will be remembered well. Isn't that more than most of us can hope for?

Posh and Brooklyn get some pumpkins

Posh has gone back to brunette and takes time out from her busy life of posing to pose with one of her boys. Those pumpkins look just like her boobs.

Suri has cute little toes

*Tommy recently told Hello! Magazine that he loves all his children equally. "I wanted to be a father all my life. Truly, it makes no difference to me between my adopted children and Suri. I've never separated them in my thoughts - I just don't feel that way about it."*

That's the way you're supposed to feel, Tommy. That's the way normal parents think. You aren't special and shouldn't even have to tell us that. In fact, there's no real need to even say it..the thought that you don't feel that way is insulting.

*"I like to encourage my kids to be open to other people, and other ways of life, and to be curious about them. That's why we like to travel as a family. I always say to my children how important it is to try and look at things from someone else's point of view, and that's what travel does for you. We can look at other people, see what we have in common with them, and celebrate our differences from them."*

If Tom's so "open minded" he wouldnt have gotten furious with Matt Lauer and Brook Shields for thinking differently and asking questions. He didn't celebrate differences..he raged against them. I think he wishes he was "glib" instead of psycho.

Britney..not getting her kids back

The judge has decided Brits getting the boys from noon until 7, twice a week and one overnight visit..all monitored. She also has to prove she's childproofed her pool. Wasn't she told that months ago? The monitors report was not good, Britney has little interest in the kids when they're at her house. *"the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all."* No kidding? They say she's not abusive, just uninvolved. I'll bet Susan Smith wasn't abusive either, she just eventually drowned her boys because they bugged her.

Amy Fisher has a sex tape

The Long Island Lolita has a sex tape and her ex hubby sold it. Amy's camp claims she knew nothing of the sale..it aint her fault. Yeah right. The sad thing is..no one gives a shit. Not even Joey Buttafuco..she's way too old for him now.

Larry Birkhead..trick or treat for herpes!

Hmm, I knew he was at that party, I was just waiting for a photo. Paris is probably hitting Petit Tresor right now for child size whore outfits. She's found a way to get her a kid with no stretch marks. Come on, you know it might be true. Larry's pretty, she likes 'em pretty.

Britney, vodka and the costume change

Britney was at Winstons last night getting her party on. She drank so much Grey Goose she spent much of the time in the bathroom, but, it didn't seem like she was peeing. After her 4th or 5th trip in there she finally ask someone where the stall was. So if she wasn't peeing, wtf was she doing in there so much? Yeah. Then she looked at the bartender and said "You have nice tits! Mine are all saggy’!” The bartender, a little shocked and confused by the comment, replied, ‘Thank you?!!’ Brit then asked the girl, "Do you wanna change? I wanna switch outfits!! Let’s switch!!"

The bartender didn't know what to do so she switched clothes with Poon and ended up working in a wench costume all night while Britney high tailed it out of there with her good black dress. She even made the girl take her bra. Britney loves trading clothes with strangers, so it's not a huge surprise. I hope that bartender knows about eBay.

Jane Seymour had a miscarriage on live TV

Jane claims she was leary of doing Dancing With The D-Listers because of this..

"I actually lost a pregnancy live on television, announcing the Rose Parade, but nobody knew at the time. I think that was pretty horrendous. Maybe I shouldn't be doing live television."

Oh, for craps sake. I'm sure you have a miscarriage and just cross your legs and smile for the cameras. You know what I think? I think she's full of shit. She reminds me of this whore waitress I used to work with. First of every month she'd have a miscarriage during the dinner rush. It got so bad that on the 31st I'd remind her to tell the boss to reshedule her because tomarrow was miscarriage day. Jane's an attention whore and I never could stand her. I know a lot of you may argue with me, and that's fine. You just go wank over your 17th copy of Somewhere In Time (the worst movie ever made) and cry about it on the posts. This fake bitch is a joke.

Michael Jackson, broke as a joke

Michael Jackson's not broke like I'm broke. When I'm broke it's ramen noodle time, when he's broke it's living in some boy humping shieks palace because he can't buy his own mansion. But, in 90 days Neverland is going bye bye because freako owes 23 million bucks and has about as much chance of paying it back as I do of winning the lotto. Sources think MJ is going to file for bankruptcy in the next few months. Isn't that too bad? Well, he said Neverland had bad memories and didn't want to live there anyhow. Bad memories, freako? Maybe for the kids who stayed there with you. I feel sorry for his kids, they've been all over the world and all they see is the inside of a pillowcase.

Becoming the new Lohan

That's right, Pantyliner..I knew you were stupider than you looked. It's only a matter of time.

J-LO pissing off record company

Jennifer Lopez is really ticking off her record label and they wonder if she's worth keeping. Her last album didn't sell squat and they took a financial beating. Costs included her diva demands like hair, makeup, photographers..not to mention re-touching. Her makeup costs them $8,000 a day..you read that right. WTF is this twat putting on her face? Powdered unicorn horn and dried fairy wings applied by the ghost of Picasso? Pffft, I'd be throwing her big diva ass a 20 dollar bag of and Maybelline and some Kleenex.

Is David Copperfield really a rapist??

I haven't blogged on this story because, at first, I didn't believe it. Why would a rich famous guy like Copperfield give up banging willing super models to rape some unknown? I know rape isn't all about sex, it's about power too and he likes power..obviously. There are just too many women coming out of the woodwork with tales of strange activity on Copperfields part to ignore this anymore.

Seems Copperfield used his stage act to spot women who were his type, then he'd use code words to his staff to target the women. The women were then asked to meet him backstage and fill out forms with their personal information. He would later contact them and invite them to a private bash on his private island. When they got there, guess what? No one home but David Copperfield. The FBI is taking the rape claims seriously and the word "creepy" has come up in every womans statement. Personally, I think ALL magicians are creepy..but, this guy might be the king of creep.

Justin Timberlake..not a nice guy

Timbertard's in Australia pissing off our friends down under. An excited paparazzi said "If my kid could see me now, he'd be so excited."

Timberlake reportedly replied: "I can't believe they let you reproduce children."

I'm glad you can't repoduce from jacking to a photo of yourself, or we'd be overrun with little Timbertards. The asshole also failed to leave a tip for a free $140.00 meal. Just because the restaurant comps it, doesn't mean the waiter gets a dime for their hard work. What a total jerk this lad has become. At one of his Aussie shows he joked that it was hot and he'd be more comfy naked, but, that would cost fans extra. Who does he think he is?? And who'd want to see him naked? Maybe Ryan Seacrest..nobody else. He's so full of himself you have to wonder just what he sees when he looks in a mirror, because it sure isn't what I see when I look at his pictures.

Britney Spears..been crazy, long time

Kevin Federline hasn't said much about Britney and their problems, but, I guess he told his girl friend Nicole Narain some stuff that will make your hair curl. Here's what SHE said HE said about his ex...

On Britney’s mental state:
“Her mood swings are now so wild that I live in fear of getting a call telling me that she has killed herself. I can't allow her to have custody because I seriously believe she could harm our sons. I've shared her life and I know she's capable of anything with pills and a few drinks inside her.”

On Britney’s drinking:
"I'd see her walking around the house guzzling vodka and Coke and looking very tipsy. Then a few moments later, I saw her pick up Jayden and start breast-feeding him. That sent me up the wall. I yelled at her, ‘If you really wanna drink then make sure the baby gets bottled milk, not yours."

Kevin has also warned Britney several times to stop letting the toddlers play by the pool unsupervised. That's some pretty sad stuff, if it's true, and who doesn't think it's true at this point?