I have this client, I don't see her often, she lives far away, but, she comes in a few times a year and has for about five years now. She's an adorable person and everyone seems to like her. She always came in alone or with a group of girl friends having a girls day out. She's a brunette and had (awhile back) decided to cut her hair in a very short style. We were all surprised with the result..the short cut brought out her elfin features and was so flattering. The style was a big hit. I didn't see her again for about six months.*
Two months ago she came back in and this time she brought her new fiance. He apparently likes to be involved in every aspect of her life.....yeah. I noticed her hair was growing out and, well, it looked a little straggly and her pixie features were kind of disappearing again. I didn't mention it, I'm her card reader, not her stylist. She caught me looking at it and smoothed it with her hand. Laughing a bit, she explained that her fiance prefers long hair on women. He nodded his approval and said "Long hair is sexy on a woman."
*
A month passed and they came in again. This time her hair was blond. Really blond. She's a natural brunette with a brunette complexion. It looked very weird. She smiled and said he likes blonds. He nodded again and said he found women with long blond hair very sexy. She giggled a little, but, it was a nervous laugh. He seemed to be nodding at her like you would a child when they've done something right. I got a creepy feeling.
*
She took off her jacket and she had a low cut shiny top on with a push up bra..did I mention she's never dressed that way before? Yeah. She's not naturally busty and the push up bra looked like it hurt, it was shoving her small puppies up under her chin as best it could. He kept staring at her chest and licking his lips and then looking at me like I should be impressed. When he wasn't giving her his weird mating signals he was checking out my old knockers.
*
Her cards had a wedding in the near future and also a lot of surgery cards. I'm pretty sure when they come back she'll be the owner of a brand new set of plastic titties. Did I mention I really like this young woman? Or, I used to..I'm not even sure I can find her in there anymore. My advise would be to run far far away from him, but, he's always sitting right there.
*
Has anyone else ever lost a friend to someone you hate and you know they suck, but, you can't say it?
41 comments:
Can't you throw in some cryptic remarks like 'someone new in your life is ruining you.' Or, 'you need to clean house and get rid of those who don't accept you for who you are.'
I have. He auto answers for her blaming people she works with. It's bizarre. I could try and get her alone, but, is it my place to tell her that I think she's making the biggest mistake of her life?
when i lived in the trailer park my neighbor's daughter met a guy who had a BLACK aura....if he came within 6 feet of me i felt physically ill...i have never EVER had anyone person give me such bad feelings before...
well kelly decided she was gonna marry this guy, after 2 weeks! i told her the feeling i got from him and she laughed it off....
the guy is a total control freak....has made her son from a previous relationship suicidal, and controls pretty much every aspect of their lives....
she's too bullheaded to admit she made a mistake....eventually though we think she'll get away from him....
so even if you try to tell someone, they probably won't listen....you can only be there when they wake up and hope there is no children involved.....
I think you should say something. She obviously values what you say or she wouldn't be a regular client. This guy sounds like the kind who will wind up abusing or killing her someday down the road. You may lose a client but I don't think you'll ever regret trying to do the right thing. At least you'll give her something to think about.
yeah, i'd try to say something anyway.....but with the cards saying wedding and surgery....that'll just feed his ego more...SEE SEE we're gonna be married and you gonna get some plastic surgeries...
if you try to say something with him there it'll probably be the last time you see her though....
She's trying to hard to it's costing her a lot
and he will never be worth all she gives up
in the form of paying to get him. A friend or
boyfriend you have to buy is never worth the $
you paid but in this case this lady is paying a much
dearer price in the way of her true self. What
a shame if u can't even be yourself with
a man you are engaged to marry and spend
your life with ?!?! It's a tragedy waiting to unfold.
On a similar note if a man such as this guy
states that he loves you to death please run
the other way and don't look back because
they will kill their mates one day if they percieve
that they are losing them or their complete loyalty.
People should pay close attention to ones that
state their true intentions and when they tell you
a certain lil quirky remark believe them it's an
out and out form of a verbal TELL. FYI & safety.
Sadly nothing you say will make her open her eyes. And if she ever does, it sounds like she won't ever admit failure.
You should have a new policy: only admit in the room the person who you read. Make the companion wait outside. I bet even if you do that she still won't see through it. Shouldn't readings be a private matter anyway?????
Personally, I would not tell her. I have been in the position of having to tell a friend something bad about their man a couple of times and I have always lost a friend because of it. I mean, if she asks you your opinion then yes I would give it. And if the cards tell her she's making a mistake then I would report that too. But as far as telling her what to do...... she hasn't asked for your opinion and on some level she 'knows.' And if she's as vital and outgoing as you say she has other, closer friends who have almost certainly said something to her about this man.
Just reread your post and I'm wondering if you know how to contact one of those girlfriends of hers that she used to come in with? Are they also clients?
When she comes in with a black eye & bruises it will too late. TELL HER!! Make it up if you have to from the cards. He is controlling her as MissTia said. I cannot even believe he allows her to see you! And I agree with Meissa, a reading is a private matter and the information is up to the client to divulge to anyone else. I think thats a good policy , really. You may be holding back so he wont hit her or not let her come back. Tell her flat out you see dangerous mistakes being made in her future with this man. It's a warning not a command. She can take it as she sees fit. Do it. She will come back one day & thank you! Trust me!!! And you will have a load off by telling her. This guy is f'g bad news! I would have no problem saying it. Not at all. And she obviuosly is having doubts about her life by seeking you out, she trusts you. She would not get mad at you. She comes to you for guidance. Give it. You are too good a person to hold back. Tell her in private but just tell her. He's going to hurt her or kill her, I agree. Plus, he will be cheating on her with long blonde haired, big boobed bimbos anyway. So, whats the point?
rox
I had a therapist once say, "Hey's hyper-critical you YOU'RE hyper-sensitive and you're marrying HIM?"
I didn't listen.
One of my Sisters married an idiot once that WE ALL told her was an idiot and she wouldn't LISTEN! She found out later the hard way after he stole everything out of the bank account and ran off with someone else. Sometimes life lessons are the best thing for people. They don't seem to make the same mistake twice.
My mom shouldn't have married my dad, he is an abusive idiot. She divorced him when I was 17. My grandmother told her not to marry my dad but my mom did anyway because my grandma is kind of mean and usually doesn't want what's best for people. In this case my grandma was right though.
As for the woman in this story, I think it's so sad. She's clearly changing her whole personality for him. I'll never understand what makes women decide they should change their whole lives just for a boyfriend. I'm single and somewhat lonely but even I would not do that.
I don't think there is much you can do for this woman DD, sounds like she can't think for herself any more, even if you drop hints. The guy sounds abusive, and honestly when you said you saw surgery ahead for the girl I thought you meant her boyfriend was going to beat her so badly she'd need surgery. It's all very sad. But when someone makes up her mind to be with a jerk there's very little anyone else can do.
From what you've described DD this lady is a potential gaslight victim. She wants her fiance's approval so much that she is losing herself. Gaslight 101.
Actually Pat, I should have listened to you. ;-)
I agree with Meissa2112 and Tonya. You can never win an argument with someone else's feelings.
Sadly this may be a lesson she has to learn and move on. Predatory scum bags like that guy are too common.
Jarhead
At first glance, I thought this was a picture of my Lhasa Apso's coat. Looks just like her!
My sister's husband. I had to say something to her. I couldn't live with myself if I let her marry him without telling her she didn't have to go through with it. She married him because he dangled an insurance settlement in front of her like a carrot. So in the end I have to accept that she made that bed because she ignored the obvious lies - nothing he promised her during their entire engagement ever came about - and sold out for the promise of money. He blew the settlement he got in less than a year and she lived in poverty briefly until his mother died - while in their care - and they got an inheritance and he blew that and now my sister has nothing but this hideous 500 pound corrupted soul of a man to live with.
He's a control freak who is only happy when he's roping people into drama. He's a closet gay man and has taken the sister I knew and turned her into a zombie with his abuse. Talk about a man requiring a woman to change her looks - he needs her to look like a boy. If he could get her to look Asian, like the porn he orders off eBay, he would. He also feeds her prescription drugs and alcohol which she accepts because he's convinced her he's medically knowledgeable and he knows best. She would rather stay in complete denial about everything than admit she made a huge mistake. I'm convinced he has Munchhausen's syndrome - he matches every profile detail of a person who has it. And he lives from surgery to surgery.
Meh I could go into so many details but it's not worth it. Almost 20 years of shit. Nothing will get my sister back and he refuses to die. As a family we've all made sure she has someone to flee if she ever can't take it anymore up but she resents our implications and has disowned us.
Some situations are unwinnable and you have to find a way to come to terms with them.
(I have a brother who married a wife with just as many control & abuse issues...just try to get a guy to admit to being beat up by his wife. I'll spare you that story)
My remaining two sibs - two wonderful and well adjusted sisters - get along wonderfully. We don't understand why our estranged sibs chose the spouses they did. Does birth order play a part? They're both right in the middle.
I've been that girl. A few times, I'm sad to admit.
Maybe everyone has been her?
I wonder if she'll lose any friends over this, like other commenters have.
I know for me, it's almost always easier to keep lying to myself than to admit it, because then I have to spend the next long while sifting through my mistakes and trying to right them. f ing hard.
Ugh! "He apparently likes to be involved in every aspect of her life...." Hopefully when the novelty wears off he'll get his own damn interests, if he doesn't, the newness will wear of for her and she'll feel smothered.
Lisa K.
OMG! That's my SIL's story, but know one had the nerve to tell her. He was a TOOL! Always had to have name brand everything, status symbols. But, he made peanuts!
I'd have to agree with most of the comments here. There is nothing you can say that will change her mind, but the key here is can YOU live with not saying anything? The worst that can happen for you is that you lose a client. We all can imagine what the worst thing for her will be.
Having said that, I just really want to know the name of the stylist that does that hair :)
Frimmy yes birthorder is a factor. I am the eldest of
an all girl family with my four sisters I have some what
similar tales to tell. The 3 middle ones are
the ones who let their mates abuse them
change them steal their identity and basically
do all the work while the bf gets all the joy.
The middle child often being sanwiched by the
firstborn - go getter and the last born baby of the family
will & do assert their autonomy at an early age
and will not compromise on the terms which
accompany it. They own themselves and are
not for sale ever! But the middlechild are used
to having the shelter of being sandwiched by the
others and allow them to bear the brunt of the
extremities of the real world as they stay safe and
seemingly on the preverbial fence. I am a staunch
believer in trying ones best regardless of failure
but when u don't try it's like you already gave up on
the person that matters most being yourself.
Mike Jordan said something in his bio about
paraphrasing here that you will miss 100% of the
shots you don't take in life. Using his basketball
analogy it conotes a strong metephorical image.
- Kiki.
Btw I forgot to sign my name earlier at the anon comment
that says she's trying too hard and getting no worth
out of having to buy this guys love :-/ yik.
Pat,
I would say--TELL HER. If he controlls her that much, he probably won't let her come back to you after they're married anyway. At least you will be able to say you did what you could for her.
I have a question. Does she have a lot of money? It just feels like he's after more than just her.
My best friend of almost 20 years has met an asshole.
She knew him for a total of three months and they moved in together. She has start smoking again and drinking with him. Many of us think he is an alcoholic because his everloving beverage of choice is always alcohol.
She does not talk anymore. She does not say anything. Everything is hunky dory and she is very vague.
The tip top of the whole shit pile happened last night.
She and him decided to punk our mutual best friend online. Telling her these awful things that was happening. She was telling me and I was getting upset. When they were done with their prank..they told her she was punked.
She fucked up. She ended to very long friendships over it. If the shit does hit the fan, she will have neither of us to turn to.
I even de-friended her on Facebook. If she wants to be with an asshole..so be it!
I hate when that happens. I can't imagine letting a guy tell me what to do like that. If my ex or my current ever told me what to with my hair, pfffft! An opinion, sure, but not a total do-over like that, no way! That guy sounds like a walking personality disorder!
Yes.Me.
Was this a couples' reading? If not I am kinda confused about why he was sitting with her at her reading then and the times before. IMHO a person's reading is private whether or not they may want a friend or partner sitting there unless the reading is a verified relationship reading for friends or partners.
I would ask to read with her privately and be forthright with her. You may lose a client, but you will keep your integrity as a reader.
Can you try to telling her that her inner voice is talking to her somehow? Or maybe to pay close attention to her intuition?
I'm in my mid-40s and I have lost friends because I've told them that I find their boyfriends alarming. EVERY ONE of them stayed with her "man" (using that term loosely)and jettisoned our friendship. After several year of being treated like utter crap, EVERY ONE of them finally dumped her asshole. I have happily reconciled with all of them.
But here's the thing: Why the hell do strong, self-aware women choose these idiots, even when their friends express concern? None of these women were wanting for male attention. It's baffling.
Jeezus people, listen to your fucking friends, step back and try to see why they object to how people treat you. You might be lucky enough to avoid a lot of physical and mental abuse.
lu
tom, you are a fucktard spammer....
Oh my God DD. Did your mom tear down your whole house this time? Did she give all your underwear away to the Salvation Army? Tell us what's happening!!!!!
omg! DD hasnt posted since Friday! Where is she? Is she OK? Does anyone know her phone number so we can call?! I'm so concerned for her safety! DD?? Where are you? PLEASE respond so we know you are ok!
I am having a similar problem with my best friend. Her son is an addict. She blames EVERYONE except for her son. He needs help terribly. But her excuse is "he won't go". So she provides him with money because she has lots of it. She provides him with alcohol. Well, I confronted her. The end result was the blaming got worse and now she is just lying and making up more stories and excuses. She lives for the day when someone elses child messes up. She gets excited about it. Because she just "knows" they are on drugs. She screams it from the highest rooftops. And then when it turns out thats not the case. Well, she just drops it and waits for someone else to mess up. I am just feeling so bad because I just cannot be around her anymore. I guess my point is it just doesn't always get through. And the end result is so scary sometimes. I'm like you I am not sure what to do.
i dunno why anyone would be worried...it's the weekend....we know DD usually is busy with Lis, work, etc.....
now if a week passes...then yeah....
:D
i got called an intuitive witch last night! i like that!!! i was telling someone what to do to expel negative energy from themselves and they asked me where i read that and i said i just picked pieces of stuff from here and there and they called me an intuitive witch!!! they were gonna go to the local witch store---with a NEON LIGHT, how 'witchy' is that??? but will now just ask me... :D
i have issues with psychics and witches with neon lights and the 'reading $15' sign....around here that means a huckster....one person was trying to convince someone they had to buy $150 worth of CANDLES to save themselves!! sooooooooooooo unethical....they left and got me and their mom and went and told that person off....
anon 4:25: My husband was a pall bearer at a funeral where the guy was never made to take responsibility for his drunkeness either. His mother always gave him money, even depleting her other sons inheritance. She let him move in & out all his life. Never making him go get any helrp ever. He finally dies at her home last week. He was 46. He had been a surgical assitant for many years. Having to move from job to job after losing one after the other from drunkenness & being a n-show. He had the potential for having a wonderful life & career. But it never would happen for him. He'd be ok briefly then fall back into the drink. He had 2 ex wives and 3 kids. And nobody made him get help. He made great money when he worked. But he would have hit & runs and DUI's. He never got straightened out financially. Mom would always help him out. Now he's dead. Thats how it ends.
rox
Tia, wanna buy some candles? eh heh heh.
The privacy of readings is up to the client. They can bring whoever they want or no one. They can also record the reading if they want.
sure i'll buy some candles!!! hahaha!!!
Yes, I have. I said something and it didn't go so well. At first it did. She felt all empowered and wanted to leave him. When they make up though, then you are just the a-hole who hates your friend's husband. I was shut out as a "bad influence". He started eavesdropping on all our phone calls and reading our emails. We had to start writing in these weird little codes which was, of course, ridiculous. She moved away and we are still friends but we don't really talk about the details of her life anymore. Just superficial stuff. I do wonder a lot if things are as bad as they were. She seems happy, so I hope that means he is better. But I know if he wasn't, she would never tell me that.
Yep, you can totally count on losing a friend by telling them the truth about a man they think they love. This chick is a casual friend, so I guess I can risk it.
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