Do you watch that hoarder show? I did and I'm convinced some of it is just people too lazy to get off their ass and clean their shit until they get someone else to do it. I mean, really, saving shit is one thing, but, not taking your stinking garbage out and letting your cat shit under a table is just lazy and gross. And I think some of the shows are staged. You know why? Their clutter is too clean. You noticed that too? Yeah, piles of crap, but, none of it is dirty. I got those pics off the net, they remind me of my mom's house, only where's the filth? There should be grease, bugs, roaches, hairballs, thick dust, mouse turds galore, spilled crap..and just general grossness. Also hoarders leave little paths and stuff against walls is piled to the ceiling. And when the pile topples, it is left there and more stuff is piled on top of it until whole rooms become so over stuffed with stuff, the door is permanently closed and no one can get in. And hoarders never repair anything because they can't get to it. Windows can rot and fall off the house and they can't get to the damn window and rain will come in and mold will grow..and that's real. Real hoarders build room after room and porch after plywood porch onto their house so they can shove more stuff in it. I should know, I grew up with a hoarder.*
I inherited a bit of the hoarder tendencies and I have to watch it. But, my house has never looked like my mothers. Remember I told you she had a guy come in and redo my brother's room? Yeah, now she's real proud of the fact that you can't even walk in there anymore. She has it filled to the top with her "valuables." You can still open the door, but, there is no space to enter. WTF? She showed it to me the other day and I was in shock. I wanted to cry. And the stuff is gross. She claims it's real "good" stuff and she can sell it. First off, she's 80, so how the fuck is she going to organize a sale and second, who the fuck is going to buy old out of style polyester clothes that smell like cat urine?? And out of date faded Christmas crap made of plastic? And buckets with holes in them and broken toys and well, you get the picture. It's just awful..and it stinks.
*
And now that I live next to her, I am not allowed to throw anything away. I cleared out the toy box and pile the other day and threw out two boxes of broken crap and she scammed onto it from the garbage..she goes through all my trash...and she took it. Then she gave it back to Lissa piece by piece and told her she could play with it over here. So, I'm watching Lissa carry all my trash back into my house. My very tiny house.
*
I remember how bad it was when I was a kid, you never ever invited a friend over. You just couldn't. It was too humiliating and smelly. Now it's worse and it's encroaching on me. Her side door is near my front door and no matter how much I pick up, something is always appearing near me. Boxes of rain soaked crap she has to save, milk jugs and leaky hoses and broken planters, moldy furniture, and on and on. I feel like I can't win. When my son was alive he used to rent those big semi sized dumpsters and just toss and toss. But, he said it didn't do any good because in a couple of weeks, she'd have more. More and more and more.
I remember how bad it was when I was a kid, you never ever invited a friend over. You just couldn't. It was too humiliating and smelly. Now it's worse and it's encroaching on me. Her side door is near my front door and no matter how much I pick up, something is always appearing near me. Boxes of rain soaked crap she has to save, milk jugs and leaky hoses and broken planters, moldy furniture, and on and on. I feel like I can't win. When my son was alive he used to rent those big semi sized dumpsters and just toss and toss. But, he said it didn't do any good because in a couple of weeks, she'd have more. More and more and more.
*
I just want a tornado to come and take her whole stinking house away....boom! Gone. If the hoarder people want a real show, they should come here. Because what I see on TV isn't real hoarding and I should know. Those people are amateurs compared to my mother. In fact they're OCD clean freaks compared to this nightmare. I have bad dreams that I'm buried in smelly crap. It could happen because I can't fight it like I used to. And every day is a new challenge, a new frustration and a new pile of useless broken crap.
32 comments:
DD, your post made me cry. My mom is a horder too and you are right about the mess. She has two problems, first is she is just plain lazy and the second is she is a complusive shopper. It drives me crazy and yes I completely understand. I too have to watch my own little house. I grew up that way and I vividly remember the fights my parents would get into and the time I helped my dad carry loads of dishes down to the basement wash tub to wash them. Also we NEVER had company over after my sister was born. It would take days to clean the house and that doesn't count the bedrooms that all the stuff was stuffed into. My mother remarried and that man is a saint although once in awhile he will get mad at her and he will yell at her like when she can't find her keys. Oh the hours spent in my childhood looking for keys. I have a designated place in my house just because I remember that nightmare. The whole thing has affected me beyond explanation. Her house is still like that and none of her grandchildren have ever been in her house. She is talking about moving to be closer to me and my sister once her husband retires. My husband and BIL joke about just pulling up a dumpster after she packs her clothes in her car. And yes, her car is just as disgusting. I had always felt alone and ashamed growing up. Not that I am happy anyone else had to go through this too, but I am glad someone else understands.
Muser, do NOT let that woman move near you, she will invade you with her clutter. It makes me so mad sometimes I could scream, and I do. I just scream with the unfairness of the burden she puts on everyone. Why the fuck can't she throw away a milk jug or a margerine tub???? Why why why? She's has 40 years worth. I am at my wits end and I hate it here.
And my gardens..omg. What people don't see on here is that every other time I go out to sit and enjoy my hard work I will find, like, an old broken TV set next to the flower bed. I'm like wtf? Why would anyone throw a tv..or a microwave or a toilet in the yard? Why?? We have trash pick up, we pay them..wtf? WHY?
my mother was the total opposite...i have to say that having an obsessive cleaner is probably just as bad as an obsessive hoarder...not to mention my mother's other mental issues....no one could come into the house (she was paranoid) and if/when they did, she was fucking nuts about them touching things....of course she said nothing until they left and then she'd bitch that they put a crease in the sofa cushion, that they used the ash trays (uh why have them in the first place?) that they used glasses (why offer them a drink?) they used the bathroom and got the hand towel wrinkled....
my response to her obsessive cleanliness has been to basically be a slob...have to make sure i do do housework, but i want to make sure i am not like that psychocunt mother of mine and get obsessive about it....
of course she would bitch that i did nothing to help her around the house but she would not let me do anything (double bind trap there) because i would do nothing right and she would have to redo it.....
FUCK PSYCHOCUNT MOTHERS!!!
No kidding. Man, we were raised by the truly fucked.
PSYCHOCUNT MOTHERS DO DIE. Mine did. She ate herself into the grave.
I'm beginning to think some of the people who post here have mommy issues.
Wow - these posts are the reality of how truely fucked up obsessive people are - and how the next generation tends to mirror opposite behavior.
Pat - at least you recognize that you do have some hoarding genes and have taken steps to keep the beast in a box, but it must be kind of like being a meth addict living next to a meth/crack house -every day is a depressing battle.
It really sounds like you need to put up one of those 8' privacy fences between you and your mother's house. And a big padlock on the gate.
One of the grossest Clean House shows was the one with the mother of that kid who starred in Speilberg's "The Goonies" (can't remember the name - think it was the rotund little boy who befriended the "monster child") - anyway, rats had totally invaded her house, and along with the mold and mildew and piles of "valuable" shit, totally grossed out everyone involved - Neicy Nash came close to turning white on that one.
There's an idea - give Clean House a call. They're always looking for new projects like your mother. (You can entice them with "But we've got a FAMOUS AUTHOR in the family!)
was your mother very poor growing up? My grandmom was and she said that's why she never wanted to give anything up. even stupid little things. she lived in fear of going through another great depression and wanted to make sure she was stocked up...
I think it's different for some people. Some hoarders are not lazy, they are true hoarders in the sense that they can throw nothing away that might be "useful". My grandmother was one of those. Her house was crammed but it was never filthy. She did throw away anything that was obviously cheap crap or broken. She wasn't one of those who'd keep something broken in the hopes of getting around to fixing it someday. She did keep valuable things and stored them properly in order to preserve their value. However, having said that, when she died it took WEEKS to clean her house out. Her collection of greatest value was what they used to call Depression Glass - bottles, jars, bowls, etc made of multi-coloured opaque-ish glass. She had hundreds of thousands of pieces including many sets of the rarest colours. That collection was sold to another collector for sixty thousand dollars.
That made her look pretty smart. But then again, she had jars and jars of buttons. Probably a couple hundred jars, all neatly packed away, full of thousands and thousands of buttons. That was worthless and I was giving jars of buttons away for years afterwards.
One of the things I noticed when pulling out boxes from her basement was how clean it was, even behind all these boxes. She must've spent all her time pulling out boxes, cleaning behind them and putting it all back. Her house was stuffed but spotless. I found that to be very very sad nonetheless, because, instead of enjoying her life she appeared to have spent her last years doing nothing but cleaning and organizing her "inventory".
Overall, even though her house was clean and she was able to have people in and all that, I still think her hoarding took over too much of her life and she ended up being a slave to her stuff just like anyone living in the worst kind of squalor.
PS I have to watch myself too, I found out I'm quite capable of hoarding books so I strictly allow myself only so many and then I must get rid of some before I bring any more into the house. Otherwise I'd have been buried in books by now I'm sure.
my husband is a semi-hoarder, he calls it collecting! I try to sell the stuff as soon as it comes in. I am always having garage sales and he is glad for the money, but every once in a while, he gets that crazy look on his face, like, please please don't sell that for a buck I need it!!!! I just wait till he goes to work and get a black trash bag and go to town. Our house could be neater, but I can still invite "my closest friends over", they don't mind eating dinner off their laps! sucks, I know! This post has inspired me! I am going to pack my online sales and then me and my mom are gonna throw some shit OUt!!!! THANKS BIMA
Crabbie you are FUNNY!
The neighbors can't throw away trash either..she goes and gets all their broken shit and leftovers from any yard sale and puts it all in her house. The stupidist stuff..I can't even describe it.
My maternal grandmother was a hoarder. We did not use the term "hoarder" back in the day, we just thought she was a lazy slob. I realize now it was a form of depression, and she should have been speaking to a doctor.
My mother was sort of a hoarder in that she didn't throw stuff away. But our house wasn't a junk house by any stretch. She would occasionally have a garage sale or something and only sell stuff that was valuable (for nothing) or useful. Very self abusive. One thing she did always do, is scream at us constantly because there was dirty dishes, or books on the dining room table, or shoes in the entry way. And I mean SCREAM at the top of her lungs like THERES A FIRE! GET OUT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! She would wait until we got home from school to start vacuuming, or vacuum early saturday mornings, banging the vacuum against the doors and baseboards, waking us up so we could get screamed at about the laundry, or the bikes in the yard, or the toys on the front porch... It was a screaming nightmare, and I am SO GLAD IT'S OVER.
This post makes me feel better. This past 2 or 3 mos we have spent cleaning out, sorting thru and throwing away all the old shit we have had for 30+ years! Our attic esp. It was awful. You know how that is. You dont ever see it so you dont think about it. That attic was about to 'splode!! So, we were going to insulate this fall & it had to be done. That meant my grown kids had to go thru all their shit too. Most of it honestly got thrown out or donated. Our roofer had a huge dumpster parked in our drive for 2 weeks. And he said we could fill it up! We did!! That wasn't all. We are finally getting to a place where it's all but finished. We just have way too much shit. All of us. I know it. I have some clsoets to go thru. That will seem minor now. We had hauled checkbook records & statements back & forth across the country for 30 years! Just never throwing anything away. Too much trouble to sort it out. Well, me & my husband have health issues and we decided that we should get it doen before we are not able. We didnt want to leave it for our kids to go thru. Jeesh!!! So, now our attic is all organized and the storage tubs all stcaked & marked. It's great. But then...my daughte moves back home after being moved out for 3 years. So, now I have boxes & trach bags full of her clothes all over my house. Roll about things full of her unerclothes etc. In almsot every room. It looks awful. So, I get one mess almost done & now I am depressed looking around at all the shit just sitting there. In my nice clean little house. It looks awful. I am nervous and on edge now. I hate it and her pup is being house trained too! It's awful!! But the pup isn't the issue. Its her shit. She has a storage unit for most of her things but she needed access to her clothes. I want to move in the middle of the night by myself!! At least it will be temporary. But right now it's no fun being at my house. I want to f'g scream. Everybodys shit, everywhere.
rox
PS: I also think hoarding is about 75% laziness & 25% thinking it's useful somehow, eventually. My grandma was a hoarder. She actually grew up with housekeepers, maids, cooks etc. Even a wonderful black nanny raised her & her own kids. But when she got married the 2nd time, something happened. We think her health was failing and she just coulndt do it anymore. And it just got out of hand eventually. I remember her house was perfect when I was little and I thot she was a queen the 1st time I remember meeting her in person. I asked my mom who that queen was. Privilidge can sometimes make you unable to cope. Remember Grey Gardens? Same same. But these TV ppl are just lazy. I never even thot of it being staged. Maybe.
rox
Well I will probably not be popular today because *I* have OCD and massive germs and cleanliness isssues. I also keep trash too long because it's dirty and I don't want to touch it to throw it away.
HOWEVER. I work super-hard not to let myself get to where many OCD people get. I have tried tons of psychiatric drugs (they don't work for me, my heart medication blocks them out...THANKS you stupid fucking heart condition) and I see any doctor who will take me for free/cheap...right now I am seeing a psychology student once a week to work on my issues, it is free since she needs the experience to graduate, thank goodness. I hate going because I hate talking about this in real life but I go anyway because I do not want to end up like some people with OCD who can't leave their house...that's no good.
I do not excuse DD's mom or Miss Tia's mom or anyone else's idiot OCD mom..there are things you can do to help yourself. But a lot of people don't even want to try. My sister has OCD and she refuses to do anything about it even though I have lots of info on where she could find help. I don't understand people who won't even try. I think it's selfish.
I will never bring a child into this world unless I get my issues sorted out because if I gave her OCD by way of example I would kill myself out of guilt.
Also, as for reality TV, I don't believe anything I see on it. TV is fake, fake, fake. "Reality TV" is an oxymoron, it's all for ratings and show.
P.S. DD could you gather up your mom's trash and take it to the dump when she leaves it at your house? She can't get it back from there.
Rox, you need to lay down the law. There is no reason her stuff should invade your spaces. It's wrong.
Alison, I'm doing good to keep my own house half clean and take care of myself. There is no way I'd tackle my mom's mess. Not at this stage of my life.
i think it's laziness also. When I did my bedroom redo,I had to clean out alot of stuff.I realized that when I was lazy I would just shove stuff under my bed,in drawers,in my closet.etc.It wasn't like hoarders by any means.It was like mini hoarders lite. After the work it took to clean it out, I'm glad to know that I will never ever do it again. It took my having to clean it up myself to see how much it sucks.
This post just makes me itch...and want to clean a few closets or drawers or ANYTHING.
DD-I totally agree your mom's stuff is not your responsibility! What I mean is that when your mom leaves her junk at your house or in your garden, you could take that stuff to the dump. If she wants it back tell her it's at the dump and she's free to go get it.
Then again the scene that could follow might not be worth it, I don't know. My sister would kill me if I tried anything like that on her.
Yea!!! A kitchen worse than mine!
so much compassion on this blog. it warms my heart.
I want to know why those hoarder people never put anything away, why must the cabinets be empty and the counters cluttered?
Just spent the weekend purging my closet. Chronic illness + weight gain = a disordered and hopeless closet. Something to be avoided at all costs!! Both sides of my family are capable of hoarding. My grandfather had cans of veggies from the 1950's in his cabinets. I learned the hard way (food poisoning) to eat with care. He was cool as hell and had a locked closet my whole life. We assumed it was to secure his gun collection...turns out he had stockpiles of girlies mags and movies. When he died he had 3 full garbage bags in his trunk (in addition to the walk in closet), he was trying to get rid of it before he died. My dad was his executor and wanted to keep the "hoarding of whore material" quiet. My BIL and I were pissed, they could have sold some of that crap at auction--vintage girlie mags/movies would bring in some $$$. My grandfather was a unique character. A gentleman, but loved women. He was a doc in the Army and liberated a concentration camp in WWII. I forgive him a lot of things knowing what I know about his life...he was a dirty old man, but he kept it to himself! He was a kind person and would even go to 3rd world countries to volunteer as a doc when I was in HS. He was flawed, but also very cool.
My aunt is so bad that you can smell her house on her clothing and in her car...doggie urine, stale stench. It's awful. We never visit because we can't stay at her house in another state.
When I am sick or blue, my place gets messy--it's like the disorder around the place is a mirror to my spirit. Bright and shiny or dark and dank...profound and sad when you realize it. I am lazy, I own it. But I am really lazy and a mess when I don't feel good. No energy, no cleaning. I LOVE having a clean space, it feels so good, it feels like an indulgence and makes me wish I stayed on top of things everyday.
I was a really good kid but my parents were hard on me for being a slob. The family still teases me...as a teenager, I often wished they noticed everything I did right than how tidy my room was. A messy room was looked at with distain...dirty equaled evil! I'd rather have a small messy disorder than be uptight and not know how to take some down time. I always have the most organized workspace/calendars for my job! No one believes I'm not a clean freak at work.
This was therapeutic. Thanks for sharing the intimate details of your life, DD. Sometimes we really need to stop, take a look at ourselves and keep it in perspective. You've had a lot of loss in the last few years. I hope your garden thrives...bet your readers would invade your mom's yard with pitchforks if she messes with your garden!
Hugs. Beth
Alison your not alone. I also have OCD &
I got it from my dad I'm the first born and I
also passed it on to my oldest son. I don't
take any Rx neither does dad or my son.
We have done well with cognitive behavioural
therapy. It is not a joke when I say that I do
not allow the dust to fall. It's just how our
brains are wired anything less than model home
perfection is out of order to my mind. Don't get
me wrong though I do use all my finery and
something in me always has a do it now, anything
is possible positve attitude. I don't hide it. I find
my dad and son handle it even better than I do.
Perhaps it's less of a struggle for males. It is
in all aspects of my life too. My writings my art
the impecable grooming habits and ability to
self teach languages and speed reading with
full comprehension. One of my boys is developing
a new computer application for his brother who
will be entering med school this fall. There is
a correlation between high I Q levels /savants
and OCD ironically it is also linked to short term
memory loss , escapism & absentmindedness
cited with the uncanny capability to be accident
prone like a duck takes to the water. - Kiki :)
LauraJean--what makes you think the shelves are empty?
I fight a battle with clutter in our home. I like things clean, and organized, but my husband likes to keep things. Junk gets mixed with the usable/useful items, and pretty soon everything is a mess. It gets hard to clean around it, too. In my home, stuff continues to sit out because the shelves, closets, etc. are already full. There is no room at the inn.
We simply have too much stuff. I get so frustrated with his collecting, that in the past few weeks, every other day, I randomly take five or six objects he has collected, and toss them directly in the garbage. If I don't do it, it won't get done. The kitchen is a complete wreck right now, and it is not even my stuff!
I am planning a garage sale for this coming Saturday. One day only, and the leftovers go directly to Good Will. I am not kidding around.
I used to date a guy who was a hoarder. It was insane but still rather tidy. All of his shit was dusty and in boxes..... and the paths between rooms is so familiar! It's weird. He'd vacuum those paths and wash all of his dishes as soon as he used them but he lived alone in a huge 5 bed/3bath house and he only 'lived' in one room. Slept on his couch. It was just so weird! He made a good living but would wash out his paper towels to reuse. WTF?
For those who claim they hoard out of laziness let me assure you that getting rid of everything you don't need keeps you from having to clean all the time. I despise clutter and always have. I spend maybe 20 minutes a day cleaning my house and it usually looks good.
Tonya yes that's exactly it get rid of what u
do not need use and less stuff to tend to.
It's just stuff why do so many people want
all this stuff anyway ?& Where are you going
to put it? Enuf already for the sake of this
:) big beautiful blue ball we all call home here
on planet earth. Kiki :)
I choose to believe that it is a disorder because if I didn't I would completely lose it on my hoarder MIL. MuserMommyinPA, your line about all the hours lost looking for keys as a child actually made me laugh b/c it's a direct quote from my husband. And you're right, it does affect even adult children far more than most people would ever realize.
I seem to be constantly collecting bills that I just can't get rid of, does this make me a hoarded?
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