Crazy crazy surrounded by crazy

I live in a dump, you know that, I've told you all that. It's an ordinary cottage looking dump and it's solid, I don't mind it. It could probably be nice if you had money to redo it. I don't, but, I make do really well. I am very good at making things look comfy on the cheap. I knocked out some retarded walls and now I have this great big kitchen. I don't have any cabinets, like in normal kitchens and I don't have the cash to go buy new ones and have them installed. So, I use my tall antique glass fronted free standing cupboards for food storage. They look nice, but, I still need something over my sink to hold cups and coffee and things I use there. I have this dilapidated metal cabinet hanging there, the only one in the house and it's ugly as fuck. It looks like that photo, but, mine is rusted with holes in it and covered in contact paper. It's a 50's leftover mess and the right side doesn't open because some douche bag installed it in back of a light fixture. Or maybe the electricity was installed later, who knows? This place is over 100 years old. But, that nasty cabinet is just embarrassing looking.
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So, since the kitchen has this antiquey retro country look by accident and necessity, I've been looking for a long shelf to put over the sink. If I painted it white and stored my stuff in pretty baskets, it would look fine, like a kitchen from the 30's or 40's since that's when my furniture and collectibles are from. I finally found the right shelf, it has a scrolly iron work background and it's real long and has two shelves. I asked my cousin to do the work for me, since it's heavy and needs masonry screws. Sounds simple, right?

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Guess again. My mother got wind of the plan and came over here all freaked out. "OMG, you can't move that cabinet, that's a load bearing wall!" "Load bearing" is a new term she just learned from TV. I said, of course it's a load bearing wall, it's the outside wall of my house. (Idiot.) It's just a metal box screwed to the wall! I can't believe the shit she comes up with. Then she yelled, OMG, that's holding up the ceiling, (she hasn't been in here in a long time) the roof will cave in!" WTF? It doesn't even go to the ceiling, I use the top of it to store rolls of tin foil and garbage bags. She is worrying herself sick now because I'm going to cave the house in. Everytime I step out the door she's on me about it. Jebus cripes on a cracker. If I caved the house in it would probably improve the looks. This house is made of three foot thick cement. You couldn't cave it in with a scud missile. It's my house anyway. Why was I born into this stupid family? What did I do in a past life to deserve the punishment of THIS RETARDED FAMILY???? This reminds me of the time I had plumbers come over here and install a chimney cap on the roof so the wind would stop blowing the pilot light on the furnace out during storms. They were up on a ladder while I was at work and she called them down and sent them home. Her reasoning? If you put a cap on the chimney, you will smother! I had to wait a week for them to come back.

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If it isn't my family it's the dumb ass neighbors. They want my yard and she wants my house. All I want is to be left alone. And have a place to put coffee cups. I live surrounded by crazy.