DEAR ABBY: My parents live nearby and are extremely helpful with my young children. My mom feels the need to be the "fun" grandma, and her way of accomplishing it is to always have sweet treats available for the kids in her home. In my home, she allows them to skip vegetables at dinner and loads them up with dessert. Because she is helping me out I ignore this, but every once in a while I ask her in front of the kids to refrain from giving them sweets.
My children recently told me that the second I walk out the door she goes and gets the sweets and hands them out. They all told me they do not have to say a word -- she just does it. I feel this is disrespectful to me and sets a poor example for my children. Should I say something, or am I overreacting? -- SWEET SUE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SWEET SUE: By all means "say something" to your mother. What she's doing may be well-intentioned, but she is doing your children no favor by creating and indulging their appetite for sugar. When she's at your house, TELL her what you want the kids to have as snacks and for dessert. And when they're at her place, bring approved snacks that you prefer she serve.
By going behind your back she is undercutting your authority as a parent. You're lucky your children told you what's happening so you can put your foot down.
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DirtyDisher says, Hey Sweet Sue, how much are you paying grandma to "help out?" Does granny have the kids more than you do? Yeah, that's what I thought. Teach your kids that it's not nice to narc off granny and buy them toothbrushes to keep at her house. Enjoy happy hour secure in the knowledge that you owe nothing in child care and the worst that could happen is a cavity.
5 comments:
well, i disagree. I think the worst that can happen is childhood obesity. If those kids are not active enough to burn that sugar off, like we were back in the day, they will get fat. If they are old enough to tattle, they are old enough to ask grandma for cheese or something with less/no sugar. Everything we ate & drank as kids had lots of sugar in it, I never had but 3 cavities in all my life! I have never been fat or even heavy but nowdays, kids are not active. Sugar is a bad idea and it makes them tired when they crash. Why are they so different? Its all the additives & processed foods they eat, they have no energy and the calories just sit there and meditate and make a home for themselves around the kids waistline! Sugar=Very bad idea. & yes, a toothbrush is always a great idea, anytime! IMHO
rox
I have to agree with you on this one. If "Sweet Sue" does not want her children exposed to sugar then find and PAY a babysitter.
And for the grand children that told on grandma, I would feed them some nasty vegetables and everything non sweet and see how they feel then.
I don't know...what if grandma is guilting her daughter into letting her watch the grandkids (and guilt from the parental units is hard to throw off). My parents (and they are wonderful parents) will use every trick in the book to spend time with my kids LOL. I think that the grandma is being a little...underhanded about her dealings with the kids.
In fact, my dad would do the same thing that the grandma would do and I had to finally say "Do not give them XYZ if you want to see them" (and be serious about it).
You can always frisk grandma when she comes through the door. And unless grandma is staying with them 24/7, how much damage can she do in a short time---unless mom is really taking advantage of grandma.
Then I think mom has to take responsibility for her part in this.
I cant wait to be a grandpa. Hey Rox I will suger them up! Thats what kids like. I will also encourage them to play. Burn the calories. Fuck the lets eat right. I will teach them to enjoy life.
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