So, I have tons and tons of bar stories. I was a beertender for years and I've seen it all. I've heard every dirty joke known to man and I know every two bit bar trick that's ever been invented. But, this one took the cake. I was serving a beer breakfast to a bunch of redneck regulars one morning...now, I liked these guys, they weren't anyone I'd hang out with in real life, but, they were good old boys. You know the type, hard workin', middle aged, married, bored, balding, poker playing, spare tire, draft beer men. They'd all step in every night for two or three cheap beers before heading home from work and they all come in on Saturday morning to get away from their families.*
I went up to the table to see if they wanted another round or if the old lady was gonna get home from shopping soon and expect them to do something horrible like, mow the lawn, and this one dude, the ring leader says to me, "I'll make you a bet." And I'm bored and I sigh and say, what? And he looks around at his cronies and says, "I'll bet you this dollar (and he slapped a dollar bill on the table) that I can feel your tits without touching you."
*
And I scrunched up my eyes at him and I said, wtf? And he repeats it. "I'll bet you this dollar I can feel your tits without touching you." And I was like, is he a psychic toucher? Is he drunk already and what is this shit? So I asked him, "and you swear you won't touch me?" And he says yes. And I shrugged and said, okay.
And I scrunched up my eyes at him and I said, wtf? And he repeats it. "I'll bet you this dollar I can feel your tits without touching you." And I was like, is he a psychic toucher? Is he drunk already and what is this shit? So I asked him, "and you swear you won't touch me?" And he says yes. And I shrugged and said, okay.
*
He reached up and grabbed both my boobs and squeezed them and said "I lost." And all the other rednecks crack up. And I took my dollar and said, you sonofabitch. But, it was pretty funny. Only tip I ever got from any of them and the last chance in hell they had of touching me either.
He reached up and grabbed both my boobs and squeezed them and said "I lost." And all the other rednecks crack up. And I took my dollar and said, you sonofabitch. But, it was pretty funny. Only tip I ever got from any of them and the last chance in hell they had of touching me either.
*
Cut to a month later and he has a new audience and he pulls it again. He puts the dollar out and makes the same bet. I said, you'd better put out something that has more zeros behind it because now you're just a cheap sonofabitch. And all his cronies crack up. Bar life, aint it enlightening?
7 comments:
!!!!!
i would offered him a $1 to touch his balls without your hands!
dicks....
I was a bartender when I was 16/17 years old. People have always wondered why I hate hanging out in them and stories like this is why. I've seen and heard all I need to experience in a bar. *shiver*
I always wanted to be promoted to bartending when I was waiting tables; but when I finally was. I hated it. As a bartender, you are trapped; and any digusting perv in the world has a right to sit at your bar and hit on you all night. It's disgutsing. As a waitress you can get away--I went back to serving as soon as I could.
Now I could handle it, but as a hot young thing I was abused by a lot of dirty old barflys.
That's one I never heard! Hey Miss Tia, I love the way your mind works!
I'm with you.
That's really gross. He clearly had no idea how disgusting that is to women. However 'decent' or 'normal' he may have been, he was lacking awareness he should have developed by middle age.
You've never worked in a bar, have you? They never called me "honey", that gave them points right there.
Wow. DD you had a great attitude. I like your spirit. It was wrong what he did but you handeled it well. Bet you made good tips overall. Miss tia you have anger issues.
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