Dear Diary, now that Steve and I are home from our honeymoon, things have started to settle into place. While I still wash Steve's clothes every Monday with Tide, I have mastered stain fighting. I am also learning to cook. Steve's mother is teaching me. She comes over almost every day, but, she usually leaves right after dinner. She says newlyweds need their privacy. She always gives me a wink when she says that. She's so sweet. I get embarrassed because I wish we didn't have any privacy sometimes. Because I seem to be inept in certain areas of marriage.
When we were on the camping honeymoon and he went fishing, Steve's mom had a talk with me about things you do when your married. It was awful and humiliating, but, thank god she told me. She said there are things that women hate. Things that are disgusting and disturbing, but, men have needs. A good wife endures these things for her husband. At least twice a week. She said it would taper off later to only once a week, then even less. Whew! That is good to know!
But, diary, you know why I feel so dirty? It's because I don't really mind 'that thing'. I don't. I am so ashamed of that. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I like it, but, it's not that terrible and it only lasts a minute. Sometimes only thirty seconds. So, I don't see what the big deal is. I wonder why I don't like it as much as Steve? I tried to talk to his mom, but, she misunderstood and said, if Steve finds it....unpleasant, I must douche with Lysol. I went beet red and agreed and we dropped the subject. I already douche with Lysol, so I know that's not my problem.
I got up the nerve to talk to my best friend, Judy about it. Judy is real worldly, she once worked in a bowling alley and she chews gum right in public. Judy is a feminist and she says women can like...'that thing'...as much as men. I started laughing when she said that, but, I managed to look serious and pretend I was coughing. Anyway, Judy gave me some pointers and boy! She said there are women who actually...I can't even write it. I told Judy that was sick. Judy claims she's actually done it. I felt my face go hot and my hands go numb. Though I would never admit it, I practiced it later on a Coke bottle. I just don't think I can really do that though. It's just too dirty.
Judy said dressing up sexy will help your love life too. I got out my Singer and made a hot maid costume. I haven't had the nerve to wear it yet. I'm afraid Steve will think I look like a trollop and maybe be sorry he married me.
I have decided that true happiness comes from a clean home. Oh, and delicious home cooked meals. Steve's mother is teaching me to make home made noodles. Steve's favorite. Maybe I will just have a baby. Then I won't worry about all this other stuff. Yes, a baby, that's what we need! The sooner the better. Steve's mother will be pretty happy about that!
Yours truly, soon to be a mother, Marge
12 comments:
... freaking blogger ate my post.
Can't stop laughing. I'm picturing my mother, even tho she was a decade before Marge. Don't know who taught her those things because she hated her MIL & MIL (supposedly) hated her.
in my vintage ads community we often get the lysol douche ads....canNOT believe women actually really used lysol to douche and lysol actually promoted it!!! just makes me CRINGE!!!
Ha ha...my MIL's name is Marge. Remember, DD, what you told me to tell her to do at Thanksgiving?
Hahahahaha...
Oops, signed in with wrong account. I commented as Kylie's Mom on Canadian Thanksgiving.
Steve needs to cut the apron strings and work on his endurance.
30 seconds hardly seems worth the trouble. MIL needs to talk to Steve!
you know what disturbs me more about this, there are still women who think this way about sex. Too scared to admit they might enjoy it or want it for fear of upsetting a man or being thought of as slutty.
religious in-doctrine has a LOT to answer for in taking away womens sexuality.
I'm sitting her laughing...
So, should I keep writing Marge's story on Sundays?
has this become a regular sunday feature?
Yes, we need more Marge. What is in her future? Does she have children, does she ever get a job, go back to school, join the Women's Lib Movement, find a voice or just play bridge with the girls on Thursday nights?
Not sure, as I write off the top of my head. I do think Marge and her mother in law (who needs a name) will have some friction. MIL is not as sweet as naive Marge believes she is.
And I know that Steve is an only child. I think Marge's parents are both dead. That would explain her dependance on her MIL.
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