Guntown storage and donations

Okay, this is sort of an amusing anecdote about living in Guntown.  Yes, I really do live in Guntown, Iowa, and no, you won't find it on a map. People already know exactly where I live, I never really try and hide it, but, it's a small, rural farm area and the main town has a name, but, this side of town has always and forever been called 'Guntown'. I've tried to find out where that name came from, but, there are just too many legends and no real facts. It's a rough place where the financially unfortunate live and has forever made it's own laws. I think, that's where it got it's name. The population of the main town is listed at over 5,000 people. That is a flat out lie. I think they're counting other rural communities (and farm populations), in fact, I know they are. Those communities are listed on the phone book and most of them can't be found on a map either. Even with the addition of all these tiny places added to the cover of our directory, it is still the size of a pamphlet. I could probably tear our little phone book in half and I have arthritis. This place is tiny. There is a one block square of little businesses in a square and that is our 'shopping area' or town square. If you go to the edge of town, there's a grocery and one McDonalds. There are two gas stations and two beer joints. There's a handful of churches, all christian and at there's a huge mental hospital, turned partial prison (more prison now than MHI) which employees a few people. It used to be big and booming in it's hey day, but, now most of the big Gothic buildings sit empty. A fate shared by many institutions gutted by the lack of state funds now. Anyway, You can drive the length and width of this whole town in about five minutes. It's around 20 blocks long, both ways. You can drive through deserted corn and soy bean fields for another five or ten miles in any direction and you'll eventually run into another town or holler even sadder and less populated than this one.



Look what I found on the net. It amazed me that anyone would film this and bother to load it, but, it tickled me because that's actually me at the 13 second mark, in my little red car, going home. That's where I live, out there by the Co-Op, where they load the grain into silos at the crop weighing station. By the fairgrounds where they have the 4-H and livestock auctions in the Summer. Guntown. Who ever this is, drove the entire town and the film is about 5 minutes long, so my estimation was correct. At the 3:12 mark they enter the town square, that's where I read cards. Come see me, I'm easy to find. It's a boring vid, but, that is really the whole freekin' place, nuthin' to see here. Let's move along before we get blocked by a combine or a 16 row planter.

So, this post is longer than I meant it to be, sorry. That's the way it always goes here though. Here's my story of the week. I went over to my new old house yesterday, I was curious about how I'd put my stuff in that little living room, since that dang room has four doorways in it. It's odd. Anyhow, I opened the screen and went in (it's not locked, no need to right now) and I got a surprise. The room is now filled with weird furniture. I had to squeeze sideways to enter, past dressers, vanities, a giant television and some other stuff. WTF? I went out back to the 'sittin' and beer drinkin' area and some guys were out there, like they always are, and I found out one of my cousins hit an auction and decided to store his bounty in my empty house. Hmm. Well, then a dude down the street saw him putting shit in there, so he decided he'd store some of his things in there. They both also added some things they thought I might like. Thanks? Actually, I scored a really cool old two globe green lamp I plan to make a garden ornament out of. Oh, and a decent lawn chair.

This is Guntown. They won't steal from you, but, they will leave you things without asking. Or use your property any way they want if you aren't around. I was highly amused. They have to move that stuff soon because we need to get in there and work. The work has begun in the bathroom already. I think they believe I am not serious about living there. I don't think they believe I can do it because of the shape it's in. They're wrong. But, whatever, that's my story. Lock your doors in Guntown or you may come home to a used furniture store. There's a cat living in there too. Nice cat, but, shy. It has a food and water dish and it's well fed. Nobody claims it, but, someone is feeding it. It can stay, if it wants. It has to stop pooping in the bathroom though, it's being gutted. I'll get it a litter box. The more I deal with this strange house, the weirder it gets. This should be interesting.

PS, I already told the Guntowners that I have no interest in taking away their 'sittin' and beer drinkin' area.  It's dirt, it's ugly and sits next to a huge ugly metal garage they've tossed their beer cans and cases in for years. We could keep that a little cleaner, for sure. Haul off the truckloads of stinky cans. But, I don't give a shit. It's far enough away from the house, right next to the alley, and it just doesn't bother me. In fact, if I have cousins and other Guntown men sitting near the place, it's safer in general. I won't be bothered by hoodlums, that's for sure. They are all very protective of Lissa, because her daddy was a true Guntowner. She can't go a block here without them telling me or telling her to get her butt home. It may prove to be quite entertaining sometimes. We'll see, won't we? When I told them they could keep it, they said, 'Noooo, you'll be plantin' all them flowers down here and makin' it all girly.' I said I wouldn't. They can have it. In fact, I might just fence or hedge it off from the rest. You can't just go changing Beer Can Alley. That's not right. Tradition, it's big here.

(Troll, did you call the courthouse and check the deed? What'd you find out? We used Bidding as the lawyer this time, by the way. He wrote up the deed, you might want to call him. Talk to him about fishin' and huntin', he likes that. You might get some dirt from him, he's known me for a long time.)