HERE is an interesting story from one of those 'free range' moms who try to make their kid more independent. It's called 'Why I let my daughter walk home with a creepy older boy' and it goes into how the boy started to talk sexually to her young daughter on the way home from school. She explains how she handled it and I thought it was good. She sort of lost it when she found out the kid didn't even live near them, it turned out, it wasn't on his way home from school. He clearly went out of his way to be with the little girl. Yep, creepy. I would have flipped out long before that. I try and think 'free range', but, a few blocks and I'm watching the clock and checking. Alissa is ten and I just can't go completely free range on the school walk, not yet. I have my reasons. I figure every kid is different and so is every neighborhood. I have let go a little bit lately, but, man. It makes me nervous.
There's also a story on there about a mom who fought to keep her baby when she was advised to get an abortion, so that she could get cancer treatment. HERE. She refused to abort her much wanted child and told everyone 'she would rather die'. This story has a happy ending and her baby is beautiful. I love stories like that and I cheered for her. Good for her for standing up for what she knew was her right choice. It's all about choices, isn't it? Yay, choices! Women have a right to them, it's OUR body.
16 comments:
I really want to be a free range mom...but I'm nervous as hell. I just started letting my 9-year-old walk to her friend's house the next street over (cutting through yards), with the help of a walkie-talkie. I make her talk to me the whole way, the whole 30 seconds lol.
I think I was, to a degree. We lived in the country, so it wasn't as easy to just let them go, but I was pretty relaxed about the things they did. The kid that I babied the most, turned out to be the biggest asshole, so there's that.
Briezy, I like that idea. One step at a time. They really need to earn the trust as much as we need to learn to ease up.
Angie, that made me laugh. But, seriously, living in the country is good in that you have a safer people-lees place, but, they can get up to some dangerous stuff in the country. I know I did. If there was a river or pond or high bridge within 5 miles, I was on it or in it. Machinery? Yep. Bad bulls, man eating sows, packs of ferel dogs..oh, hell yes.
When I was a kid we ran around as much as we wanted and no one said boo unless we got home too late. And I'm sure 90% of the time my mother had no idea where I was and didn't worry for a second.
I'm with Melvin on this one. My mom either had the baby to take care of, or she was working. I don't recall getting picked up from school. A friend I still know to this day and I had a circuitous route we'd take and many things to do.
I agree that eating free range kids is more ethical than eating caged ones.
Haha!! I can't imagine Melvin as a kid I don't know why. I used to worry about my kid but tried not to let on to him. Then he grew up and became gigantic ape-boy-man and I haven't worried one second since then. All bets are off when he starts driving.
Yep. We seemed to have more freedom when we were kids, or maybe there were less laws to worry about. I remember when cars didn't even have seat belts, let alone kid's car seats. I remember many things that seemed ordinary then, that parents would be arrested for now.
I'm going to risk sounding like my grandmother in my next few statements. I think today's practice of overprotecting their kids is in line with the child-centered universe families create. I fear we've ended up with a bunch of egotistical, self centered, entitled little shitheads who have very little respect for others.
Kids who grew up running all over town learned a multitude of lessons...some good and some bad. The beauty of that is that if you have a solid rock of a home life, you knew better than to explore the "bad" too much, because you were getting your ass smacked if you did. You learned boundaries, reasoning, compromise, how to manage your time (streetlights are on...get HOME), to love nature and that getting dirty was the best. By fighting it out with your buddies, you learned how to get along and that the world didn't revolve around you. You learned to be brave and daring, because you did things that your parents would shit twice and die if they knew you did. You made memories.
Kids today are missing out on the best part of childhood and one of the saddest things about that is that it isn't just the fault of overprotective parents. It's the fault of the scary society we now live in. You hear about atrocities committed to children and it makes your blood run cold. I thank god for my childhood freedom and am glad I could provide that to my kids, but I know my grandkids won't have that luxury. It's sad.
Angie, that was a good post. Thanks. Yep, I agree with you. But, my daughter once said to me, you had it easier, there weren't all these perverts like now. I said, oh, yes, there were. They just didn't make the news, like now. Most of them got away with it. I like the 'streetlight' part of your comment. That's a good idea. We only have one here in Guntown, but, it's where the kids gather. I'll use that.
And maybe I'm over watchful sometimes, but, I remember how I was. OMG. Lissa is pretty street smart because of her background, but, she is still only ten. She doesn't understand that. She thinks she's 18. For real. And with her particular problems, I have to lay out times and plans very clearly and directly. I even have to write things down sometimes and have her check them off. I could write a page about a Chiari kid with an anger and attitude problem. But, anyway, she's pretty good as long as I make things clear. She's still naive in some ways, I worry about her being conned. This IS Guntown. Guntowners are rough, but, they look out for each other. There are always a few rotten apples though. Some real crazies.
You're right, perverts were definitely around then. I will also say that today's kids are more apt to speak up and out, than kids of yesterday (the whole "respect your elders" thing). Getting today's kid in the car might not be as easy, but perhaps that's wishful thinking.
Living in a small community is one of your big defenses against child harm, because they DO watch out for each other. The very thing that drives us crazy about small towns is also the thing that can keep us safe. That bitch across the street might gossip about me, but she won't let someone hurt my kid in front of her, either.
I understand when you have specific issues to deal with and I think you handle those things with great wisdom. Having a kid is hard and having a kid that has additional challenges can be overwhelming at times, I imagine. It seems as though you walk that line very well.
I free-ranged Andy to some extent. We live at the very end of the street, and all the kids on this street played out, kitty-corner across the street or kitty-corner from that house, so I couldn't see him a lot of the time. I would peek out the front windows to get a bead on him from time to time, but otherwise just trusted that he would be okay. Our street is so tiny that people on the main road don't even know it's there, if they're not looking for it. So, not much traffic, other than those who live here, or the mail carrier.
Still scarey to me, but he made it through my half-assed parenting.
When I was growing up, my parents did know where I was pretty much at all times. We had acerage, and other folks in the neighborhood sent their kids over to our place to play, which always pissed my mom off.
They didn't know where, on our little farm, we were, but they knew we were somewhere at home.
Christina
I have always been a helicopter mom until we moved to a small gated military community a few months ago. We live on one side of a large bare field/dog park/playground and it's filled with other children that are also 9, Most are between the ages of 6-10. The rule is that they have to stick together and no one is allowed to play outside by themselves. When it's warm outside, every kid is playing in this playground somewhat unattended. Even though the field is 20 feet from my house. I still check on them and do worry, but I know that this is good for them to be able to play outside alone and get some independence.
Angie, believe me, that line is hard to define sometimes. I have never raised a kid like her, so I learn as we go. I do the best I can and when I make a mistake I apologise. She's tough, let me tell you. I'm glad she has some family that helps me out. I couldn't do this one alone.
Christina, we say 'katty corner' here. The more common,'kaddy whompus' means the same thing. I like being able to walk out to the steet and 'get a bead' too. As long as I've had a bead in the last 15 min, I'm okay. In good weather, I like to sit on the old lady's porch and read. I just keep an eye out. It's hard to know when you can let go.
Anon, 9 is a good age to start letting go a little with most kids, I think. I like it when they play in groups too. It makes them easier to spot and safer.
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