And there it trails off, leaving us to use our either open mind or creeped out mind to figure out why anyone would shove a lobster over their delicate, sensitive genitals. Pain is very subjective in sexual matters. And of course, we, me, are wondering how you could not fear feeling the pain of the damn lobster pinching you with it's freakishly strong claws. My immediate thought was, good drugs. But then, I have cooked live lobster while on very good drugs and never once have I felt the urge to take off my jeans and panties and put a lobster over my pubes. Besides, that is a BIG lobster and it's tail end wraps clear up around the really complicated stuff. *shudder* I once shaved my pussy at the request of an idiot boyfriend and had to cancel a pap smear because I was too embarassed to let my old stodgy doctor see that my usual neat trim had turned into the genitals of a nine year old. So, I can't even imagine going in and saying, "Hi, Doc, you won't believe this, but, a big lobster clamped his claw onto my labia major and injured it. Can you take a look? Thanks." Uhh, NO.
Okay, let's say it's dead. Though truthfully, you and I both know Chloe Sevigny is a bohemian, hippie, avant guard, ar-teeste adventurous HIPSTER...and she'd prefer the live lobster. Need I remind you of her blow job scene in Brown Bunny? But, even dead lobster, why? Why?
If you haven't seen Chloe give Vince Gallo head, HERE is a clip. I have seen the movie and didn't mind it. I wouldn't say it's good, but, it wasn't horible. I still don't really know what it was about. Lots of driving on the road footage shot through the dirty car window. Then angst in a relationship that just didn't work because the actors didn't seem interested in each other. Artsy? I can't say, I just studied art for years and have a piece of paper that says I did, I still can't tell you definitely what art is. Watching Chloe give Vince genuine uncensored head didn't bother me. It didn't turn me on either. Probably because it was Chloe and Vince. (Though Vince doesn't have any size handicap. I don't know if it was a prosthetic. Does anyone reading know?) And she only gives half assed head. Sigh. To me, blow jobs are power. Men are helpless in your clutches when you suck them off. Power is intoxicating. A major turn on for a chick like me who can't figure men out, except sexually. So, Chloe's blow job fell way short of perfection by my standards. But, I had a man tell me once, there is no such thing as a bad blow job. So, there you go.
But, blow jobs and a lobster on your cootchie, well, that is a whole different ball game. I'm pretty open but, there are still a few things I won't do for love of money. Wrapping a stinky crustacen between my legs is one of them. I've never even had a crab. (Pure luck, believe me.) I guess the lobster thing is a new one on my list of 'no fucking thank yous'.)
So, yeah, I got Chloe giving real head, I understood that it really was needed in that movie. I guess. *shrugs* But, what the fuck is she up to now? It didn't even say why or what for?
Hey I found the photo at another place. Someone wrote a caption for the lobster. Duuh, people. Anyway, it must be one of them there classy websites because when I tried to paste 'Marfa Magazine' (which is running Chloe and her lobster on the cover) it made my text all purdy and fancy. But, It had no explanation of what this crazy photo is for. Then I kept searching for 'Sizzler 77', but when I Googled it, all I got was ads for that steak house. Did you know they have unlimited salad bar!? Now I want T-Bone Steak (Medium rare) and potato salad. Oh, and bread and nice green salad with everthing piled on it and lots of French and Bleu Cheese mixed together. You ever try that? It's fucking good. Try it. I never liked either one of those dressings until someone made me try them mixed together. It's sort of like Pepsi and Orange Crush mixed. Sounds and looks gross, but, it's delicious. Ok, I got distrated, sorry. I guess I'm hungry not horny. Back to the lobster crotch..What is Sizzler 77 and what does a lobster have to do with it? Help a gal out here.
10 comments:
I DID warn you my libdo is back in full force. This stuff I'm writing now must seem weird from a person who suffered total sexual dyfunction since this blog began (Many years ago.) If my dirty talk offends you, please tell me. I just type off the top of my head, but, I can keep it a little more toned down if you hate it. Or if you're into it and want to add your experiences, hey, let me know that too. I only blog so you'll talk to me.
I don't know what else she has been in recently, but last season, she was in a number of Portlandia episodes. She had a recurring character, but lots of people seem to run their course in that show, and then show up again, later. Like Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley Jr. It always cracks me up that they have the mayor of Portland played by Kyle MacLaughlin, and his trusty assistant is the actual mayor, Sam Adams.
I'm not ignoring the sex part of your post, I just can't manage to connect with that this morning.
Oh, I saw Chloe Sevigny in an episode of whatever that show is about the creepy collections. Don't remember the name. The original, that she was on, is set in New York, and a couple of people run the store with all the weird stuff. Stuffed two-headed calf, old medical devices, side-show stuff. I think it's called Oddities. The second version was set in San Francisco, if I remember right. The New York version was better, though. More weirdos = better.
Christina
Odds are good that that is a cooked lobster since they're dark green and black when raw/alive. Sometimes blue. Occasionally orange but that's rare. I dunno about Caribbean lobsters. Also its tail would be tucked under itself unless the photographer arranged it otherwise. Which is entirely possible. I come from a land where they used to use lobsters for fertilizer. Crazy
Christina, I saw her in Portlandia but I'd never heard of Oddities. I have to look that up. She was positively great in that show about polygamy. I like most of the movies she's been in too. And for the record, I can't relate to the sex stuff this morning either. I was up all night fixing computers. My desk top was so full of bad asses shit, it took forever. The laptop had a glitch that was driving us nuts. Cerificates were being rejected and it constantly informed us every site was not safe and refused to take us there. After a ton of reading I found out it was the damn clock. If you ever get those damn notices, check your clock. It runs more than the clock. Anyway, after 3 days and nights, I finally got them both up and running fast and fine. It's such a fucking relief. So, I want coffee and a smoke...not sex. Later I might change my mind. Stand by.
Frimmy, you are correct. Maybe your area is like that. The lobsters I cooked were moving and pissed, but, very red/orange. The got bright red when I cooked them. I have to admit, I could not throw them live in the boiling pot. It was too awful. So, and old timer told me to put them in a paper bag and seal it for an hour. They died a pleasant death of suffocation and looked and tasted just fine when I cooked them. Where the hell do they use lobsters for fertilizer?? My BF and I caught ours fresh in traps. It was a lot of fun. Buying them is expensive. In Iowa, they are imported frozen. Still good, when I can splurge, which is rarely. I do recycle the shells. They're pretty.
That looks like an advert for FDS.
"smell a little fishy down there...try some FDS"
-TJH
Is that one of those pussy sprays that was so popular in the 70's? I was so mad about that shit. Like, pussy stinks so you have to spray it just to walk around??? Pussy is self cleaning, you just need to bathe. Pussy should smell like pussy and anyone who thinks it shouldn't should just avoid it entirely.
my cooch doesn't smell, though it was a great way to scare women into buying that crap by putting that false idea into our heads.
good on ya whateve shitty corporation manufactured it!
Yeah...FDS is the acronym for "feminine deodorant spray". I saw a comedian once that said in their stand up that FDS stands for "Fuck Dis Shit".
I avoid pussy entirely but for all different reasons. Although my partner is an OB/GYN (ironic huh...a gay OB/GYN???)he'll tell you some stories about some patients that smell to the point that he's gagged.
TJH
She's in Bloodline. Playing trailer trash.
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