I sigh, grab a paring knife and go out to slit the screen. If I did it nice and neat, I could save the snake and sew the screen back up. Problem solved. But, as soon as I stuck the knife point against the screen, it hit glass. The goddamn thing has a storm window on it too! I felt all over trying to find the snakes entry point and nothing! Not one goddamn hole. I figure he must have fallen in there from above somehow. I still won't give up. I go back in the house, move her kitchen table and her microwave which sits on an old dresser full of crap (heavy mother) and now I have a clear shot at the stuck window. I grab a meat cleaver and pry for all I'm worth. Yay! I hear it give. I pry some more and it comes open about and eighth of an inch. Now I can push up from the top. I do that and open it wide. I can see Mr. Snake and he's a good one about 2 feet long. Because of the shit she has in there, hanging plants and crap, there is no way I can look at the snake and grab him. I have to kind of bend down with my head turned (owch) and feel for him. I found him. He feels like a snake. Wait, wtf, something is very wrong here. I quickly remove my hand. Curious feeling inside there, like, I don't know. Like, he's way bigger than I thought or something. Curiosity got the best of me. I stuck my head right in the open window, it was the only way to really see what was going on.
I pulled my head out faster than you can imagine, slammed the window shut and started laughing my ass off. I mean, this shit is hilarious. The snake didn't fall in from above and he wasn't trapped. He was just sunning himself with about 40 of his brothers and sisters. The hole is big and on the bottom of the sill, between the window and the storm window. The entire wall is filled with snakes. I put on my big girl panties and open it again, stick my head in and take a real good look. That picture up there is what I saw in the hole. Which is a big hole. The whole sill is rotted out. I shut the window. And continue to laugh my ass off. I wish to fuck I could find my camera, but, it's lost somewhere.
I tell the old lady what's up and enjoy her horror. She asked what to do??? I said, leave them alone, you'll never have to worry about cockroaches. And I laugh some more. Aww, shit. I patched a hole she thought they'd come in the house through. It was just a piece of loose wallpaper, doh. I hammered the window shut and duct taped the bottom. She's still upset. I said, damn, Ma, I told you last year we are BOTH living in snake pits. Hell, enjoy them. I haven't seen a real bug in my house in years and my garden is always nearly bug free too. The snakes are harmless. Fuck, you'd have to tear down both these houses to get all these snakes and who even cares? It's the snakes on two legs you have to fear in Guntown.
15 comments:
Awww, damn. You do know that google blog, though annoying at times, has now put in an IP grabber and a blocker. You're going to make me go figure that shit out now, aren't you trolly? Then it will be buh buh to you. You'll have to get one of those free trial routers. The trouble with those is they all come from texas and repeat constantly. Sooooo easy to block. Then you have to load a new one. Same thing. I'll make you work too. I know, it's not a word you're familiar with, troll. Work. But, get used to it. That welfare check for being a nutter won't cover what you need to buy to get on here. See yaz.
Hahaha, you've kept the snakes but locked out the troll! Good on you!
Thanks for the nightmares!!
har, Lia, fuckity fuck.
Tricia, not my nightmare. Mine involves bugs. Snakes eat bugs. I am well adjusted here.
I have not seen one snake since I moved. But I sure got good at identifying copperheads, they were all over the place where I used to live---even in the house. I really don't know why I never had a heart attack.
They are so rare here. Everyone says they see them, but, I think they see corn snakes. I swear, I rarely see a poisonous snake here. I do, but, man, usually after a flood in Spring. I think most ppl fear them so much, they think they're all bad. But, I get that. I fear a GD Cricket. Yeah, I know, it won't kill me. It will make me kill myself trying to run from it though.
2 words: "I'm moving". That's all I'd say or "Call The Orkin Man!"
Nope. No way would I be sleeping in a house of snakes. Good-bye! See ya! In my nightmares. Oh Hell no...
I do every night. Well, I don't think they're in my walls, they are under my patio thing outside my front door. I figured out long ago that some idiot covered an old storm cellar with cement to make it. That old room down below contains hundreds and hundreds of garter snakes. They LOVE my doormat where the bugs gather in the lights at night. The stupid door is a piece of shit and they constantly crawl under it, but, they usually go right back out. I sit here and watch them. I dunno, they just don't bother me. Like I said, my fear is bugs. Hate the mother fuckers. SO, I'm okay here, but, I'll be glad to move to a real house with real doors and shit.
ps..as long as you have a cat or dog in the house, they let you know if there's a slinky intruder you missed.
This is a nightmare story to me. Nothing else (except maybe sharks) creeps me out the way snakes do. I don't know what it is about them, but if I saw what you saw, I would have to pack up and move. There was a snake in a laundry pile on the back porch last year, and my husband said he heard me screaming, upstairs with the door shut. It was only a little, brown garter, but for me, that is the stuff of nightmares. I don't mind frogs, toads, salamanders, lizards, bugs I don't particularly like, but they don't horrify me.
My mother told me that I used to pick up snakes and put them in my doll carriage, but those days are long gone. I don't know what turned me against them, but I remember trying to desensitize myself to them when I was maybe 4 or so.
Christina
I DO understand, I really do. You can not imagine the terror I went through every friggin' night at that apartment house I lived in. It became Cricket infested. The bug man came faithfully every week for months, but, he told me once it got bad, the spray wouldn't help much, (and is useless against spiders, which I also do not have a problem with). So GD Crickets crawling out of vents, jumping out of closets, eating my fav antique scarf, landing on my grand babys head (OMFG), it was nightmare time. I could hear the fuckers at night screaming and chewing. My neighbors said the same thing. I couldn't live there. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. Fuck that shit. oh man. So, I get fears. I guess we all have something and the way it works for me is, the infestation here, eats MY nightmares. Ha ha stinking bugs!2
If someone is holding a snake and I can see that it is not poisonous, I will actually hold it. It's when I can't see the head to identify it (or I identify it as a poisonous one) that I really turn to jelly. I really think it is not knowing that scares me the most. But to see that many of them would really make my knees weak.
Spiders bug me more than snakes, but I wouldn't want a snake in my house. The two main snakes you found around here are both highly venomous.
*Find around here
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