Remember last Summer when I discovered the Carpenter Bees? I was amazed, had never seen them before, they aren't native here...bla bla. I took photos, fetched the pair water so they could be off on their migration and felt honored to see them. This year, they're back and they brought all their friends. They are drilling holes in everything and making it rain sawdust on us as we sit on the rickety porch. Yesterday I was digging through mom's shed, full of pure trash and some good stuff buried and BANG! I got hit on the face with a Carpenter. I didn't even know they stung people. It hurt pretty bad, burned, but, most stings do. As far as I know, I am only allergic to Wasps. I've been stung by about every bee around here and I just get some swelling/bruising at the site and pain there. That's it. But, when this no good Bastard Fucker hit me, it felt like my face was on fire. When the pain and tingling moved down my neck, I knew it wasn't good. By the time I'd driven the 10 blocks or so to the ER, I could feel it hard in my chest and armpit. It was HURTY-HURT-HURT and my breathing was just a bit labored.
My vitals were off, BP had shot up like a rocket and they IV'd me and filled me full of medicines. It was boring and exhausiting, but, that was it. It was a pain in my ass, but, better than death by suffocation. I am so mad at these fucking bees. I was nowhere near their goddamn fucked up, messy ass nest, so what the fuck??? They can eat me, I want these basTURDS gone and I am not messing around. Dear, Carpenter Bees, this is some BULLSHIT and you cocksuckers can play your 'look at me with my iridescent wings and cool hole drilling' act someplace the fuck else. I will evict you, if I have to burn you out. You no good mother fuckers. Fuck nature.
Ps, I still feel like shit. Nature can suck my skinny flat white ass today.
14 comments:
Gosh ain't Iowa charming.
Cocksucking, motherfucking , jungle ass, fuck licking, mentally retarded SHIT HOLE. These stupid BIG ASs cunt bees aren't even pollinators, FUCK EM, this is war. Oh, and no sound, the fuckers don't even buzz to warn you. It felt like I got hit by a goddamn fucking scud rocket. I fucking HATE them.
Can you get an Epi pen to keep with you?
I have an ass load of wasps on, in, and around my deck. I've also found out they are making nests under all my shutters. Last year I got stung IN the nose. I swatted it and it went to my face. At the same time, I inhaled it to my nose. I looked like a clown---big old swollen red nose.
Hmm...that kinda looks like the thing that flew out of my twunt last night as I was having it steam cleaned. Guess it flew all the way to Iowa! Sorry about that, Disher. I can let Kanye pound one of your holes as compensation if you like. Just not the ass, cause he only likes assholes he can fit his whole head inside. Unless your asshole is that big, in which case - have at it! My man is all about the ass. I can't think why...
Holy shit, Batman...that is infuriating. Where is the nest? Can you safely light that bastard on fire?
They're carpenter bees so maybe you can make them die of anorexia.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Terrible to be murdered by an ant. Ain't nothing noble about that.
Jane, I stupidly forgot to refill my epi last year when that mean ass wasp gor me while I was trimming Honeysuckle. I knew better than to trim Honeysuckle in the daytime, but, I had to because the shit had grown over mom's cable line and the cable dudes were coming. Anyway, I just forgot. I have a scrip waiting to pick up now and I won't poke through the shed again until I get it. I've found some cool shit in that shed under all the crap. I found some 1960's drink stirrers from Playboy, where you put them in water and the bunnies clothes disappear. They were pure vintage hilarity and I sent them to Mary Mary. I know she likes that odd 60's stuff. Yesterday I found a book on personal hygine from Victorian times. I can't wait to read that shit. It's hardback and in good shape. Found some great old 70's music books with guitar chords and just a shit load of cool little stuff crammed in boxes of pure trash. Just have to dig. So, I can't stay out of there, she says it's all going to the dump. She has someone picking it all up and I have to save the treasures. Maybe I'll do a post on it...after I pick up my needle.
You need to kill those damn wasps. I use those sprays that zoom about 20 feet. DO it. Those bastards are mean and worthless. They aren't pollinators either and they love sting people. I got it in the cheek this time, but, I once got wasped between the eyes, so I know what you felt. It looked like a broken nose and I resembled Jimmy Durante for a week.
Angie the nest is in the roof of my moms dumb ass porch. The underside, where we sit. She thinks they're interesting. I thought so to, until they torched me. Mother fuckers.
Melvin that went over my head. I just got it and LAUGHED.
Border, who got murdered by an ant??
Kim. thanks, but, Kanye isn't my type. And my ass is flat and white. He wouldn't like it.
Sorrry I meant bee, not ant
"I found some 1960's drink stirrers from Playboy, where you put them in water and the bunnies clothes disappear. They were pure vintage hilarity and I sent them to Mary Mary"
Those sound entertaining and pretty advanced for the sixties - maybe Marymary will post a pic or video of them?
I got stung by something between the eyes riding my motorcycle many years ago - I hit it fast don't know how it got its stinger in me and left or blew off in a fraction of a second. That hurt and I looked like I was made up for a Trekkie reunion for weeks afterward. But it was no carpenter bee - those have turbo venom.
Turbo fire will kill them. I will enjoy that.
Get some powerful wasp spray sure-shot stuff. Then be sure and fill in the holes with wood filler. You will have to kill all of them or they will never go away. And the trash is their food source. Also, fruit trees. Seal the garbage and any rotten, fallen fruit be sure and get rid of too. Spray every one you see. You don't even need to be very close. It IS fun. She might need to have someone remove the nest. You could set a bug bomb off in the area too, if you can keep the smoke inside. Just seal it back up tight. We had hornets doing that. We sealed the hole they were using to live in my walls and attic. Killed them all. Cut down the rotten old apple trees. And no more wasps.
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