Crazy crazy. I had to go pick out a bathroom sink today, it's the last thing going in. My mother thinks she's the boss of this whole house deal and you can not tell her different. She thinks I'm still a child and she's in charge. She demands to know where I'm going and what I'm doing daily. And often, she demands to go. She's nuttier than a fuck cake and she can't hear either. So, taking her along was a trip to hell. I went in first and told the people in the store that I was apologizing before she even got in there. It's a good thing I did that, because she fucked with all of us. She fucked with me over the choice of sinks. No, I do not want a dark wood cabinet and I don't care how expensive that one you like is. It isn't your sink. I want this white, ordinary one that's on sale. Okay, let's have the saleslady repeat every thing 4 times and you argue with her. Now, bargain with her. Now take the sink you got and shove it up your ass because that fucking thing is not going in my house. Now ask about things we don't need. Demand to see them and demand to have them explained even though neither of us have any intention of buying those things. Keep saying, 'huu'? repeatedly. Now, follow the sales lady around, interrupt her with other customers, ask her who her people were, tell her you knew her grandfather's second cousin's wife, tell her about the great depression, explain to her that I was a teenage mother even though you tried to raise me right. Now, be sure and rob the popcorn machine. You make sure you take 5 bags, even though the sign clearly says, take one. If it's free, you must have it. Promptly take it to my just cleaned car and spill 3 bags on the floor.
(Unbeknownst to me, the crazy old bitch added a shower head to the deal worth $65 bucks. The lady called me and I had to go back and exchange it for a thermostat, which is what I actually needed. I already have a shower head installed. The sales lady said my mother insisted that this shower head be put on the bill. Why does she do things like that? When she saw me getting back in the car to go back, she demanded that I pick her up some more free popcorn. Umm, how about, no.)
Now, stop at the house and fuck with the dude who's working on it. Do not let him explain anything, interrupt him, ask a thousand stupid questions, say 'huuu?' to every answer, admire a sink drain for 15 minutes, put your head in it, say it smells funny, demand that he stop what he's doing and help you to the car because you are old. Tell him how old you are. Show him your plastic stool tied to a jump rope that you keep in the car because you're old and too short to climb into the car seat. Explain every health problem your hypochondriac ass has ever not had to him. Tell him your old. Ask him if he wants stale popcorn? Wave bye bye. Go home, but, as soon as we get into the driveway, tell me you forgot that you want to go to the grocery store. YOU CRAZY OLD BITCH.
How is your day?
Homecoming parade. My kid is the one turned away from the camera. That has never happened in the history of photos.
11 comments:
I have insanity, too, though it is not of the caliber of yours. You are truly the keeper of the funny farm. Though it is not fun. She is seriously derailed. And manipulative. I don't know how you handle this without losing it on a regular basis.
My craziness is all related to my soon-to-be-ex douchebag dipshit husband.
Yesterday I spent two hours in a cable office in his neck of the woods (naturally, it couldn't be my neck of the woods, as that would inconvenience him). The trouble was, both our names are on the account, but his is the first, so he had to transfer his service to his new address (his mom's, of course), and that had to be done before I could have service "started" at my home address. As it turned out, transferring his service was a very complicated thing, and they had to "make it work". It took way longer than expected, and they actually had to run a "hard" credit check on me to "start" my service, as they were considering my service as new. That is particularly lovely in light of the fact that I am trying to refinance, and hard inquiries are not a good thing. It drops your score right away.
We worked out a package, and I added in security, and even though the normal sale price is an additional $30, I am saving money over the old bill. I specifically asked to make sure the DVR was included in the package,and they said "oh, yes!" One day later, and multiple calls, speaking with at least 10 comcast people, and I finally (after having multiple signals sent to my DVR, unplugging, replugging, waiting for different periods of time to allow the signals to reboot the DVR, got a guy named Paul on the line. He said, "I don't know why operators have been having you go through all this. DVR is not listed as part of your package." The DVR is really the only thing I use. Neither he nor I can comprehend the incompetence. He kept saying "I don't understand why they had you do any of this, when anyone who looks at your account at all, can see that it does not say DVR."
So, the upshot is, I have to disconnect the unit and take it in to a store 10 miles away, and make sure that they have the special code, which will allow me to have it for free, (which knocks another $10 off my bill). They would normally come out and install it, but I have a service appointment scheduled for the security aspect in 10 days or so, and they can't have more than one on the books at a time. (That particular encounter is an all day item. Literally from first thing in the morning until late afternoon.) It is all so frustrating, and all due to my farked up asshole of an ex.
I literally have been living my life around trying to get this crap to work, and no-one working for that company knew anything, except this guy.
Every time, so far, that I have had to change an account over, it has been like this. I feel like I just want to slap them all. One, long ago, when my husband was annoying me, I sternly told him "I want you to go over there, RIGHT NOW, and sit in that chair quietly, and slap yourself, really hard!" That's how I feel about all of them, now.
Christina
I just wouldn't take her to the store. Pls, get in the car and leave her behind. What is she going to do? Run after the car? Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
I never get free popcorn.
Here's some fun stuff.
http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episodes/episode_639_-_keith_richards
Christina, what the fucking what? I hate them for you. Jesus. The gas company wants my everything. I had to hire a plumber just to fill out their service form and I am not joking. I hate these companies. All of them, it aint that hard to just make the fucking shit work!
Melvin, hey thanks!!
ps, I HAVE to do what she says until I get the fuck out of here. She runs me like a dog and can make my life hell.
I know and I feel for you, I really do, but damn from this end, it's hysterical.
Do you have some nerve pills, by chance. Booze is not good for you; probably end up in the hospital. Maybe the funny smokes.
But I'll miss the old hag stories. I'd be screaming my head off and everybody would be looking at me like I was a mean elder abuser. I know this by experience.
Christina get DISH or something. Stay away from Comcast.
Border, I do have pain pills, I only take them in the mornings though. I have the back patch on. If I couldn't get some pain relief, there would be a homicide. Not really, but, there would be screaming. I've learned I can just talk to people and get eye contact and we sort of get through it. She talks constantly and won't allow anyone else to speak. She also loses the subject and rambles. Her constant chatter is insane. She's also a bully. A bad one. I just ignore her most of the time. I do take her anywhere she wants to go though, but, she has to give me a heads up. She is not allowed to just demand it instantly any more. It pisses her off, but, she doesn't drive, so fuck her. She's had to learn a bit of patience. I also won't let her hurt me physically by demanding I do things I shouldn't do. Nope, I will not get your AC out of the window, call some man. That sort of thing. It makes her hateful, but, I've learned my limits. Most of the time.
Remember this is the woman, who when I called her and told her I was code blue, in critical care, she launched into the headache story. Oh, her head hurt so bad last night, bla bla. The nurses were just astounded. I wasn't. I'm used to it.
And I forgot this...at 6pm she sent Lissa over here with a bag of stale cold popcorn to give to me. Ummmm, thanks, mom? It was so gross the raccoon wouldn't even touch it. I mean, cat. The cat didn't want it. :)
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