"You will remove that post and you will NOT post again!'

Look at me, two posts in two days. How about that? I think I may be getting into the swing of things again.  I never delete this place because it's pretty much the rusty, dusty junk yard of my brain. I thought maybe someone in my family might want to know who I really was someday..maybe. I am in here. The stats I was reading said this is my 21st year. Could that be possible? I have literally grown old on this site. I have raised a child here with the advice and laughter of my friends. I bought a house and redid it  right here. Animals have come and gone. Photos of everything are on here. Now, I have entered into the next and most likely the last stage of my life. I have a shattered skeleton and stage three kidney disease. I live in a nursing home. I am still here and planning on going nowhere soon. I'm still pretty independant, especially compared to most people here. The worker bees leave me to my own devices and I am getting to know them on my own time. I heard a few of them talking about me today, they always forget I don't have a hearing problem, and they were going on about how funny I am and how much fun they have when I have to intereact with them. I'm glad they like me but, anyone can be hilarious talking about the Depp/Heard trial. "Ms. Heard, did you tell Mr. Depp to suck your dick? Amber: "Yes, I most certainly did." I mean, these people are unreal and I'm still not used to the way we can put trials out to the public now. Right on daytime TV. I'm showing my age. I still remember when a married TV couple had to have seperate single beds and now they show pictures of poop in Johnny's bed right on the screen and play recordings of people telling each other to suck wanky doodle. I can't look away and I can't stop laughing. I stop laughing and smiling when I hear about how the fuckers are closing women's clinics all over Oklahoma, shutting off reproductive choice for not only that state, but, once again in Texas where the women who had to drive over the state line will now be out of luck as well. Councilers talk about panic attacks when the women find out their proceedures are cancelled. I'd be panicked as hell. I'm too old to panic, but, my rage is there. When I hear about women being controlled and the disgusting forced birthers getting their jollies by being ''morally'' right about someone elses medical decisions, I could easily fly into a rage of proportions never seen before. I am not even joking. I said on someones FB post that this is the hill I would gladly die on. Oklahoma's govener, Stitt, I believe his name is signed off on a ban of all terminations and shut down clinics because of Corona. What the fucking fuck? That shit make zero sense. If you feel ill, shouldn't you go to a clinic and be tested?  Or do these fuckwad, weesel dicks like Gov Still think that termintions are all women's clinics do? I'm sure they will have a lot more Corna infestations because a shit ton of women don't live near hospitals and now they can't be tested at their clinic. I got tested today, by the way. I just thought of that. When I first got here they tested all of us every other day. We had an outbreak here, but, I have to give the worker a lot of credit. They put the skidds to that and it asn't long before we had none in either residents or workers. The wing of no return was turned into an equipment dump from what I can see. I'm off subject again, it's been quite a day. I'll be lucky if the subject returns to me tonight. Kind of kidding. I am beat though. I pissed the cook off here. I posted to myself on FB from my Pat Jones account which is just a quick daily journal to my own page at Pat Harbin Jones and bitched about being served rotten food here last week. Te post had the name of this place in it, so it went to the Garden View page. The cook, who's name is Dallas and I know her personally, I know her whole family, she read that post and got really upset. She's young, this is her first nice paycheck and she works hard. She jumped me saying she was very unhappy with me and I was to take that post down because it was a lie. It didn't even rile me. I felt bad that her feelings were hurt, but what I wrote was true and I had three witnesses and Kate's food was also spoiled. I told Dallas that and she just stared down at me and said, no, it easn't spoiled or I would not have sent it out. I told her she wasn't even here, but, she insisted she made that food. I was told she had left for the day and that's why staff couldn't give me a PBJ instead. So, I went without and so did Kate. It's not worth a war and shit happens. If she had checked previous posts on my page she would hve seen that I have always spoken well about the food here in general. But, she thought I had posted it TO the home's website. I said, nope. She raised her voice and said, "you did." Did not. Look up top. But, the fact is I really didn't care if they did see it. Told her that. What are they gonna do? Poison me? I have change for the vending machines. The funny part of the argument came when Dallas told me I would no longer post about the kitchen. She said, you can not and will not. It was a firm order spoken to someone you expect to obey you and maybe fear you. Anyone who knows me can figure out how I felt about being told I am not allowed to post on a public forum about my own experiences. She said "Do you realize what you've done? Some of us could lose our jobs!" I just left it there with "I told the truth and I will continue to do so." I felt really bad that these people think they could be fired for one round of spoiled lunch meat (how stupid when we are rated one of the nations worst on Google.) Shit happens. Fix it. But, put all that aside..shouldn't they be blaming themselves for the incident? What have I done? I am not in the kitchen. I have never vetured farther than the fucking coffee pot, so how have I ''done'' something? Ehhh, no one reads that dumbass site anyhow. The last posts before mine were years old. Isn't that some bullshit? I know it's all sounding completley stupid to anyone reading, but, the way she put her foot down... "You will remove that post and you will not post again. You will NOT." She's copying the strategies of other older workers who fail to realize this isn't a prison and none of us are detainees. You work here? Guess what, baby? I LIVE here. This is my home and other people's home and some of us still have most of our marbles. You work because of us when you think about it. ~Shakes head.~ We all have to get along and she should have listened to my complaint, said, sorry and I would have said, "it's okay, I get it. Shit happens isn't just a T-shirt"  and life would row, row, row on down that river mediocre. This brings me to my one other complaint this week. I have eluded to it above..why do some of these workers treat us all the same? I don't mean in a fairness way. I mean in an intellectual way. Some people can't hear, so staff yell-talks to all of us. I mean, don't you people know what an inside voice is?? I can hear you word for word on the next wing. Why must you wake me up at 5 AM just changing the neighbors sheets? Why is it okay to yell a joke at your coworker down the hall?  I'm not laughing. The annoying part is, if any resident did that they would be told to quiet down. There are some that get off on barking orders. I have a feeling young Dallas has started to listen to some of their dumb advice on how to deal with us 'crazy old people'. However...If I don't want to get up for breakfast, you can't make me. If I refuse to eat in the dining room (I do), you can't make me. If I don't want to take my meds, get up at the asscrack of dawn, change my clothes, take a bath, join an activity, be social, attend a meeting, stay in the building, not leave the property, stop petting the neighbors pit bulls, stop playing ''tea for two'' on the piano, throw my vapes away, you can't make me. I can still do just about anything I want to within reason. If I was allowed to have a cat in here, it would almost be just like home. There IS a giant Raccoon who loves to get in our windows. Maybe he'd like to be my friend. I could only lose a finger or two trying and I only need a couple to type.

There is very little they can actually make any of us do. It just never occurs to most of these residents. Some of them have been conditioned to accept bulldshit. I point out to them how much it costs to live here. We are left with a pittance, usually spent in the vending machines. Yet some of these twats are telling grown people when they have to go to bed. They even call it beddy bye time. The first time one of them came into my tent and said it as beddy bye time and tried to turn my light off, I aks them who the fuck they were talking (too loudly) to? I said that I was used to staying up all night and had no plans to change. Then we stared at each other for awhile and she said she'd be back to check on me. She never came back. I was never told when to go to bed again. How absurd. Some people who live here have lost their minds, literally. So some workers treat all of us like we're suffering from Dimentia. No shit. They talk loud and slow and repeat things and constanty say "did you understand that?" Of course I did, you putz, you're in my personal space. It took awhile, but, most of them now know that my brain is just fine and physically I usually need no attention. They leave me alone. I have made two friends here, well three, but, one left for medical reasons and I don't know if she's coming back. That would be the vivacious Miss Gloria. She's a wonderful activity therapist and person in general. The other two are Viv, phyical therapist and another physical therpist, Jaylah. I had them both for phys therapy when I came, but, now my stint is over and I still talk to them often. Jaylah is a young gorgeous farm girl and we talk and laugh for hours. Viv is an adorable married mom of two boys, Filipeno, she's pregnant now with a girl. I've been knitting! I'm closer to Jaylah though, we just hit it off for some unknown reason. I have met some residents too, of course, unfortunatly I have found that on this wing, most of them suffer from some form of Altzheimers or whatever that makes them, well, not buddy material. There are some I like so when I get to know them better, I'll put it in here. I'm sure they aren't all goofy, but I have to get out of this wing to find them. I'll end this now and I apologise for the length of this lameness. Next time I post I want to tell you about the other residents on this wing. If you read my last post you know there are some doozies. It gets even worse and crazier. Way crazier. Oh and an update on my mom.