Lindsay Lohan takes a rehab break

The Blow is riding bikes and getting out of rehab for short periods of time. She always does this crap. First it's getting a tan and bike riding (or go cart riding) then it's dinner with friends in places where they have bars and then just skipping out blatently to go hang out with friends. Why can't this chick realize she's up shit creek and stay her silly butt in rehab??

The Invasion

Nicole Kidmans new movie looks good.

Do you know the theif?

A woman bought a few items at a convienience store in London the other day, but, on her way out she looked over at the busy clerk and quickly snagged a copy of the New Musical Express and hustled out without paying for it. She was described as havign a two foot high beehive, lots of crummy tattoos and dirty ballerina slippers. This is such a mystery. Any clue?

Britney Spears without hair extensions

Haven't we all been waiting to see this? Her hair looks okay, it's her face that's killing me.

The Pitts go boating

Brad and Angie took the whole clan boating in Chigago. As soon as they boarded Angie and Brad started slapping life preservers on the kids. Maybe Britney can take some notes, huu?

Vanessa Minnillo Nick Lachey nude photos

The nudies of Vanessa Vanilla Pie and Nick have hit the net. I told you she was a fug skank. If you wanna see, check 'em out quick before their lawyers hit. HERE.

Evan Rachel Wood karaokes with Manson

Evan On singing a Manson song in front of Manson: “We actually just went karaoking in New York. And you haven’t karaoked until you’ve karaoked with me. Everyone’s like, ‘Aw, no, I don’t wanna go.’ So they drag their feed, but the second they get there… [smiles] So Manson and I sang ‘Don’t Stop Believe’ and ‘Born to Run.’ But in the middle of the night, I looked at him and said, ‘I’m gonna sing one of your songs.’ And I Was just threatening as a joke, but then I saw ‘Lunchbox’ in the karaoke book. I don’t think he thought I knew the song… so I went up and just screamed it and sat it, sat back down, and he looked at me and said, ‘I’m so in love with you. You have no idea.’ It was really awesome.”

Why did this make me shudder like something dirty had been thrown on me?

Jodie Foster confuses me...

Jodie on being a mom of two boys:
"There's a lot about me that's like my mom, but she's a different generation. My mom has never held a ball in her hand in her life. I have two boys. Now I really see the differences. She starts with the Barbie thing. And I'm like, 'No Barbies. What are you thinking, Mom?'"

Is she saying her boys don't like Barbie or that boys shouldn't play with Barbie? Because Jody Foster is a lesbian who has two boys with her partner who is a woman. Call me confused here. There's no law that says boys can't play with Barbie, it won't make them gay. They might become a famous designer, or they might just like boobs. I had GI Joe (he was Barbies best dance partner) and I still have him. Generally I like Foster, but, that bit was weird.

First pic of Story Elfman

Jenna Elfman's new son, Story, looks like he's thinking "I'm a fookin' Scientologist??" Awwwww, he's cute..she's weird.

Paris might be trying

ParAss Hilton opened a launch of her clothing line at Kitsons by showing up in person and helping people style like her. Her biggest fans seem to be people too short to own a credit card. But, 20% of all sales were donated to LA Childrens Hospital...by Kitson, who actually ate the 20%, but, we all know that's deductible. No word on ParAss's fee for showing up, but, I'm not bitching. It's a start. If she didn't want to do some charity work, she shouldn't have told the world she planned to. It's not yet enough to stop me from calling her ParAss...not just yet.

This is the LAST time..

Hiedi is crying about her single which was "accidentally" leaked on the Seacrest show yesterday. Boo hoo, it wasn't the "real" one, she claims. Truth..they thought they could sing. Truth...they found out they can't and now blame it all on someone else and promise better. Bullshit. Her singing is as fake as her "diamond" ring. And Spencer...the rap...oh man. Spencer says he heard himself on her record and went "Oh my God, I am K-Fed, I am K-Fed." No, you're not, Spencer, K-Fed had to have had some kind of talent to begin with or he wouldn't have been hired by stars to backup dance. You, Spencer, and your fug dimwit girl friend have no talents at all.

After some of you guys said you watch The Hills, I got curious and watched a few episodes. It was awful. Untalented horrid little creeps with no direction in life but to fuck each other over. Who makes these retards celebrities? The media. And unless they kill each other, this is the last time they'll be mentioned on here.

Jessica Simpson wants a new..err, broke her nose

Jessica says she had an accident on the set of her new rip off movie..

She said, “I was running with a gun over my head and fell over and broke my nose, it really hurt!”


Ummmmmm, yeah. Soon there will be some surgery and she'll look just like her sister. Jessica swears she's never had plastic surgery, but, I think she's had rhino, a brow and eye lift and breast enhancement. Why can't she just say she wants her bumpy nose fixed? Does this birdbrain really think we care?

It's a joke

Amidst captions about clear radiant skin and bombshell hair a photoshopped Britney Spears looks into the cameras of Allure magazine. Britney herself has none of those things. Her eating secret is greasy fast food and drug laced candy. Inside the mag are photos of a half naked photoshopped Spears, hardly resembling anything except her memory of herself. She stripped down on her own, no one asked her to. She never showed up for the interview part of the article, thus the "tell us nothing" caption. Does Allure really think we'll buy this? Somehow I think this might be her last joke of a magazine cover, she made fools of them.

Kim Kardashian smuggling hams

Kim says her butt is real and she never had implants. I think I'd tell people I did, it'd be sad to be born like that. But, Hollywood thinks her ass is pretty cool so they gave her a reality show. I don't have a clue how you make an entire series out of an "accidental" porn film and a gigantic ass. Does her butt talk? Does her butt sing and tell jokes?

Cindy Crawford's beautiful children

Yep, both her kids are gorgeous, but one is a boy and the other is a girl. You figure it out, because I don't think I can without looking up ages. I also think they're both wearing makeup and Cindy should have skipped the kiddies and put it all on her own tired face.

Eva Longoria at the grocery store...

Eva stocks up on some home cookin' for Tony. I had to blow that up and find out what Longwhoria had in that cart besides Hormel hot with beans chili. Those are the giant cans, btw. She's also got BIG size hamburger in the tubes, canned veggies, several bags of tortilla chips and a huge bag of rice. There's a giant bottle of Wesson oil and some paper plates. Everyone who know me knows I'm a disaster in the kitchen, but, this is too white trash or maybe brown trash (not sure) even for me. I can't even think of a meal you can make with this stuff past hamburgers and canned peas or canned chili with no crackers. Can't these people afford a cook? Of course they can. Maybe this is the obligatory "bride goes food shopping" outing. I'm sure the Wesson is for the honeymoon bedroom, she just can't find the KY aisle. Shudder.

George Clooney cracks me up

After whining about how fatherhood has changed him and Ben Affleck, Matt Damon sent a Forbes article to bachelor pal, George Cloony. The article called Damon "Hollywoods best investment." Matt thought he was pretty cute by titleing the email "Suck it, sexy boy."

George fired back.."That’s great, I had that read to me by one of the servants at my villa."

Dang..LMAO! You gotta love George.

Jesse Spencer and Jennifer Morrison not getting married

House doctors, Jen and Jesse have called off their engagement.

“After much consideration, we have decided not to get married,” the couple said in a joint statement today.
“We are still very close, and we look forward to continuing to work together on House.”

I really don't care what cripple lovin' psycho doc and Mr. Vanilla do. They just get in the way of Hugh Laurie for me. They aren't even good enablers. Ummmm, she looks like she could be his mom. Gawd, I'm mean.

Who the frick is dating who???

First of all, dating is such a subjective term. Pffft. Criss Angel is seen parading around with Britney Poontang. Angel used to be with Cameron Diaz (so last week) but, today Cameron is dating John Mayer who yesterday was seeing Mandy Moore. But, yesterday Cameron was dating Jude Law who used to screw Lohan (and no one in their right mind would call that unholy union "dating.") I admit it..I can't keep track anymore. So le'ts just call them all a bunch of whores (except Mandy) and I'll slap up photos and rumors as they come in. My head hurts.

I can only imagine what these two talk about...

Britney: "I used to walk on water too, but Kevin said it was lame. He was always puttin' me down."

Criss: "Yeah, Kevin was a bastard. Show your tits for the cameramen, that shit gets me off."

Britney: "Did you like, really cut that woman in half? OMG ya'll! If I did that someone would like, sue me. And Kevin would flip out, but, he can go suck it now."

Criss: "Yeah, Kevin is a bastard. Show your cootch to the paps, I get off on that shit."

Winehouse says no to rehab

Amy Winerun is back in London now and doesn't need rehab. She says the whole overdose incident was an accident and it embarassed her....and she just wants to get back to work. Yeah, it was just some seizures and a little coma, so shut up. Amy knows best.

ParAss still gettin' some Grenier action

ParAss Hilton is still seeing Adrian Grenier...and I said it would only last a week, bad me. Oh wait, has it been a week already? How'd you like to be the girl friend he dumped for ParAss? That'd be a kick in the teeth unless you were an infected wino living under a bridge. I don't know what those goons in the back are for, they seem to be carrying his...package. Big huge stars like these two can't go anywhere alone. Cough.

More bad Britney stories

source
*One of Spears' strangest requests? Before she had Jayden, she asked a nanny to sleep in the same bed with her and Sean.
Another shocking revelation: “She drinks in front of the kids,” one former staffer says of Spears, 25, who spent 28 days at Promises Treatment Center earlier this year.
“At first, the drinks would help her loosen up and not be so angry. But she’d inevitably drink too much and be out of it, at which point the nannies would take care of the kids.”
And multiple sources confirm Spears’ exhibitionist streak: “She’ll strip down in front of staff, nannies, whomever,” says one. “She’ll ask, ‘Do I look sexy? Do I look pretty?’ She’s extremely insecure.” *
************************************************

How much does she pay these people?? Because I wouldn't think she could get anyone to work for her if this crap is true. Maybe there are people in the world who would put up with any amount of nonsense to be near a celebrity. Maybe she needs to hire someone like me because I'd be yellin' "Put your clothes on, you daft bitch" and then I'd probably punch her in the face. Well, my job wouldn't last long, but, it would be satisfiying.

Nicole and Mischa

Nicole Richie has become glowing and slinky looking, which won't do her any good in jail, but, she DOES look good. She needs to stop hanging out with Mischa Barton, who looks like leftover Halloween.

Jude and Cameron still cozy

Jude Law and Cameron Diaz still claim they aren't dating, but, they were seen having dinner at the Marmont and cuddling and kissy poo-ing. Damn, I can't get over how much better she's doing in the man department. He makes Timbertard look like a popcorn fart.

Is John Mayer dating Mandy Moore?

Rumor has it they are seeing each other and paps did manage to get a pic or two of them. Hmm..really John? I guess she's a step up from dating a retarded girl, but, I'm beggining to wonder if John Mayer is afraid of women who are bigger stars or more talented than he is.

Brooke Hogan looks 60

Can you believe this chick is only 19 years old? Isn't that the saddest thing you've heard today? Someone needs to help her. Joan Rivers looks younger and more natural than this girl.

Marcia Cross and her feedbag

Buying one of thse bags feeds a kid in Africa for a year. Dang, Marcia, you're rich..just feed some kids and leave this nasty looking bag in the trash. Must we all suffer for charity?

Bachelor romance goes to hell

Tessa and Andy are through. Their therapist told them it's not working out. Duuu, when you meet your fiance on a reality show and he chooses you because you're the only one who's too damn ugly to be a true skanky whore, what do you expect? He should have picked Bevin, but, he's too gay.

Lohan on a rehab break

Lindsay out taking a break from rehab at Cirque Lodge, because she needed to go get some spray tan on. The Blow's been hit with her third or forth lawsuit in as many weeks and I couldn't care less. It's always the same thing..Lohan hit my car, Lohan hit my car drunk, Lohan ran away after she hit my car, Lohan chased my car...what...ever.

She's always going to be a drugged up drunk and no one is ever going to believe a thing she says, ever again. I think I'll change her nic to BlowHab.

Britney and Kevin..redneck guide to marriage and....divorce

K-Fed has had it with Britney and the custody arrangements..he wants his kids. Kevin has served court papers on just about everyone who's worked for her, bodyguard, assistants, her cousin. Word is, even sister Jamie Lynn has gone over to camp K-Fed. Now he claims he has some very interseting video from the old home life back when they were married.

(From D-Listed)*This is the smoking gun Kevin has been waiting to use,” said an insider. “Kevin said: Divorce that bitch and then get my boys away from her.’” In one tape, Britney slaps Kevin after screaming at him about a weekend he spent in Vegas. In another incident taped Britney whacked Kevin with a frying pan. “Kevin was going to use the frying pan, but Britney grabbed it and hit him with it when he turned his back,” said the insider. “He grabbed the pan out of her hand and walked away, but she hurled an ashtray at him. He dodged it, and it hit the sliding glass door.” In addition to the video tapes, Kevin has voicemail tapes of Britney admitting she was out drinking with friends, the insider revealed. “Kevin believes that Britney lets the boys run around with dirty diapers because she’s too lazy to change them.”*
**********************************************

Kevin's not fooling around anymore. This stuff is bad. I know the image of that hillbilly Britney smacking him with a frying pan is too stereotypical not to smirk a bit, but, she's really nutzo and he has it on tape. I think the place she's at right now is called Shit Creek and she's missing her paddles. I'm betting he's saving the big guns for court..you just know he has proof she partied while pregnant. Betcha!

How Clean Is Your House - Santa Monica Slum 1

Super cleaners Aggie and Kim bust the worst housekeepers in the world. I loveeeeee this show! But, don't watch it if you're eating. Some of the houses are so bad, I'd just burn them down. Like this one.

Britney..todays amusement

Can you imagine what these kids have to see at home?

A new kid for Angelina Jolie?

Angelina's set to travel to Ethiopia to get Zahara a matching sister. That's the latest rumor. A source close to Brad and Angie says they plan on going there within the next three months to get the new kid. Angie hopes this will make her and Brad closer and help Zahara feel more like part of the family. Isn't she already family?? Angelina's obsessed with skin color and matching pairs of kids..I think it's psycho. At the end of the day, the stains on your bathrobe are all the same color. You know?

She should have just saved herself some trouble and paperwork and adopted a set of twins from every back woods third world country she's enamoured of. I know..I lack patience today.

Is Matt LeBlanc hot?

Sure, he was funny as Joey, who can forget "How you doin'?" Like a retarded puppy. But, hot? He looks like some redneck gangster who chews tobacco and keeps a loaded 12 gage under his bed. It's slow today..I got nuthin'.

Fug shoes..No Doubt!

Someone make Gwen Stefani STOP designing things!! Oh gawd, just make her stop!

Taylor twins meet the Olsen twins

James Taylor's twin boys met the Olsens at the Hamptons Social. WTF is the Hamptons Social anyway? It sounds like someplace I wouldn't want to be no matter how much money I had. Like a place where they make you wear sweaters knotted around your neck, play croquet and drink pricey dust. James Taylors still hot though.



Ashley's shoes..not so hot. They look like someone cut up an old tire and polished the pieces. Anyone for a gladiator fight?

Choke on it BJ

Brody Jenner celebrates his birthday..gag me. He's such a bland halfwit. First he put out that stupid half naked party invitaion thing..what is with these dumbass's and the party invites lately? They all half to be in a bikini or half naked, stupid. So then there's this crap, which I guess is supposed to make us all wish we had as much cool fun as douchebag Jenner does. Please. I was gonna shop swap a dick for that bottle, then I realized I'd just be insulting innocent gays everywhere who wouldn't touch cuntflap Brody with their worst enemy's weener.

Alli Sims gets served...

I found some pics of Cousin Alli getting served by some rep of Federlines lawyer. The guy tracked her down at a party at 3 am. At first Alli tried to get away because she had some idea that if she didn't physically touch the paper she hadn't been served and wouldn't have to tell all on her cousin Britney. Bright. Hey, she's in the Spears family, what did you expect? Anyhow, she got served and was all shocked and crying. Awwwww, man, she needs heroin lolly. Someone check Brits purse.

Kirstie Alley .....to go

So much for being whored out by Jenny Craig..I knew that shit was fake!

Jessica Simpson..dumbass of the week

Jessica to Self mag...“My father was a minister, so growing up, we’d go on a missionary trip every summer.” “The first time I went to that orphanage, I was 16. I remember holding this baby who was found in a dumpster. I wanted to adopt him right then and there. I was like, ‘Dad, can I have him for my birthday, please?

At 16, most non-retarded people are old enough to understand that an orphan is not a birthday gift. >bangs head on desk< It's always those ministers daughters, isn't it?

Stars and food..the ongoing battle

source

I love this story...Faye Dunaway strolls into the Koo Koo Roo and she's wearing plastic gloves. She orders some food and a go container. She sits down at an empty table and pulls out a scale and starts dismembering her chicken and weighing it.....leaving bones and scaps on a napkin. She did the same with her broccoli and the meal seemed a little short to her so she got some more broccoli and weighed it. Then she puts it all in the go box and tosses the scraps and her gloves away. And leaves..happy.

Sigh. Okay, I'm just a fat pig and who am I to tell anyone how to eat, but, who the fuck wears gloves to touch their own food? Seems to me the more famous you get and the richer you get, the more fanatical you can be. When stars like Jen Aniston and Courtney Cox make a restaurant store their own fat free whole wheat dick dipped pasta (yes, they do) or they wont eat there..it gets weird to me. Hey, fruit baskets...just go out and eat or stay home with your chef. WTF is the matter with all these nutballs?

Suri at the zoo

Suri went to the zoo and got to see Knut the polar bear. Has anyone else noticed that Tom always has his hand around Katies neck lately? Sometimes he's just grabbing her neck..it's strange. Is there a secret button back there or is he just afraid she'll make a break for it?

Yeah, Tom, you look totally normal. Not scary at all. (cough)

Courtney love sucking up to Chanel

After that big disaster at ParAss Hiltons birthday party last year when Courtney Love wore a Chanel ripoff she's now learned to love Carl Lagerfeld. She wrote him an apology and offered to do anything to make up the faux pas to him. This is what they finally came up with. I'd rather go naked than wear fake Chanel.

Here's some Love-isms from Haprers..

“In a way, it’s insanely subversive, because I don’t think anyone has done fake couture before. But honest to God, I did not know. I hope it was burned.”

On Karl Lagerfeld: “I really connected with Karl in a way that I didn’t think I was going to…from the ponytail to the image and the persona, I didn’t think we were going to click, but I ended up genuinely and sincerely liking the man.”

On the fashion world’s feelings toward her: “The fashion world, they don’t trust me anymore…and why should they? I looked like crap for years…I didn’t know what a season was. Someone had to explain it to me.”

She's disturbing. Everything she says and everything she types on her blog is disturbing. She just can't be that stupid..can she?




Besides, Janis Joplin did the naked bead thing already. She did it first, and she did it better.