J-Lo getting sued

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Jennifer Lopez is being sued for 5 million dollars by a flight attendant. Lisa Wilson suit alleges that 90 minutes into a flight to Burbank, CA, she walked past J.Lo’s pooch, and he responded by “attacking her and biting her pant leg.”
In a dire attempt to flee, the alleged victim says she “twisted and fell,” injuring her lower back so badly she had to undergo surgery last year and no longer can work - “at great economic loss.”

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A great economic loss? How much do flight attendants make? I always equated their salary with that of a school teacher, but, as we all know..I don't know jack shit. I used to be a public school teacher until I found a better paying position making pizza. Maybe Lisa could learn to make pizza. You might wonder what a dog was doing loose on a flight. This is Jen Lopez we're talking about. She recently hid in an airport closet and tried to fake paps out that it was a special VIP area. Like we don't already know she's rich and famous. And like paps aren't going to open the door later and find a closet full of cleaning supplies and laugh. But, I'll reserve judgement until I see the dog. If it's a little ankle nipper, Lisa can go fuck herself. Ankle nippers are annoying, but, not worth 5 mil for an attack. I don't care if it was on a flight. Ask the ankle nipping terrier who walked in here yesterday and got told off. I'm not suing my new neighbor, I just scared that little fucker into peeing on himself. Then I applied a band aid and went back to business. If it was J-Lo's dog it would have gone down the same..unless he was a Great Dane. Ramble, ramble..fantasizing about Jen and Marc buying me a new house. With a screen door. Oh, Hell yeah.

Three skanks

Two HUGE skanks and one pro skank at Dan Tana’s restaurant in West Hollywood on Thursday night. Ice T shared Coco with porn legend, Ron Jeremy. Jeremy looks understandably bored. Why shouldn't he be? He's already seen 70 thousand busted plastic tits and flapping giant ass cheeks. He was probably hoping Ice T would pay for his dinner instead of offering him a threeway. When asked about his wife's skimpy clothes, Ice T said : “You don’t buy a Ferrari and then drive it around with the car cover on it.” Yeah, you don't buy a busted ho and make her cover her busted cootch in public. I think I know where T parks his Ferrari. I've heard his car smells like old ho vagina. They don't make a hanging pine tree for that, Dude.

DD's hot mom of the week..Amy Roloff

Matt and Amy Roloff, a married couple who are both 4-foot, 2-inch tall dwarves. They run a 34-acre farm in Oregon and have four children, ages 8-15, three of whom are average-sized while one is a dwarf.

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People think I hate the little people. I don't..I just hate Verne Troyer. Oh, and I hate my best gf's husband's twin brother who is the biggest asshole dwarf I ever met. If I'm truthful, I have to admit, little people usually weird me out because their heads seem so big. But, I love Amy Roloff. She's totally cool and very cute. I don't know how the Hell she puts up with that know it all fuck up of a dwarf husband she has. I'd like to kick his ass, and it always looks like it would be pretty easy. I think all her kids are great too, she's raising them right..but, it's Zach the dwarf boy I like the most. He is just the nicest kid. Anyway..Amy Roloff deserves to be mom of the week with all those kids, a farm, a job, a farting dog, a farting husband and a farm house that looks like a hurricane just went through. I don't know how she survives much less stays sane. The fact that they're dwarves doesn't interest me. I watch the show because it seems real. Though I always want to take a big trash can and start cleaning her house. Jeez, the rest of them can be lazy.

There's a new Blow in town

Michael Lohan surprised Lindsay the other day by telling her she has another sister! That's right, Michael fathered a daughter by the some woman dumb enough to sleep with him and the kid is 13. Michael says the girl looks like a cross between Lindsay and her brother, Kody. I guess that means she has shaggy red hair, freckles and can make armpit farts. Holy crap! Ali Lohan is going to have to go to rehab when Dina grabs the new kid for her reality shit and gets her a recording contract singing show tunes to a rap beat!

Todays hotness..so I'm told

Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford on the set of Gossip Girl. I'm sorry but these two girls couldn't look more gay if they were sipping Pink Squirrel's out of a lavender Orchid while wearing ballerina slippers. Or naked bent over humping each other. I feel sorry for young girls today. This is all they have. Well, there's the Jonas brothers, but, we know no one scores there.

Call me skeptical, Denise Richards

Bitch Hole's kids are in therapy.."My kids are in therapy. It’s very sad that they need to be there, but they do for now. On the other hand, it’s good they have an outlet to deal with their feelings and someone who is just their advocate."

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Yeah because she's not. The ever unhappy tots will write a Mommy Dearest someday, until then I can watch them try their toddler best to interact with a mother who doesn't seem to know them. She talks to them in that stupid soft baby voice, repeating everything they say...you know, the kind of voice you use for tiny kids you don't know when you want them to like you. She pretty much sucks at it. The kids mostly say things like "That's MINE!!!" and "Huuu, mumble mumble?" I'm ashamed of myself for this next thought..her kids aren't that cute on camera. They seem like ashtrays or lamps. Frowning lamps. Oh well, she can always buy another pig.

Playboy can buy a good pig therapist.

We really don't need to see the sex tape

Isn't this photo of Verne Mini Pad and Ranae Shrider enough to get a mental picture going? Ranae is an aspiring prostitute, cough, model. I'm thinking why??? But, I know why. There are sick people in this world who fantasize about pulling a rabid whining bald squirrel monkey into their crotch and humping it until it stops breathing. She stopped too soon. Okay then, I just made myself heave.

Is Mitch turning into another Michael Lohan??

Mitch Winehouse needs to shut up now. Here's what Mitch told Radio 5 about is daughter Amy..
"She’s covered in nicotine patches. The only thing that can go into her lungs are fresh air. She faces a stark choice - either she sticks to it or she won’t sing again. She’s eating like a horse - she’s 16 pounds heavier than the last time she was in hospital. There will be a decision on whether she can sing at Glastonbury. She understands she has to change. All she wants to do now is to sing!"
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Mitch is turning out to be quite the story teller. He had us believing Amy has emphysema and is near death, then we found out the doctors actually said she has dark spots on her lungs indicating that she could develop the disease if she doesn't take care of herself. If she's 16 pounds heavier, she must have been a match stick before. There are 50 million photos of her buying cigarettes and booze in the last two days. Mitch needs to give it a GD rest. Doesn't he have a taxi to drive or something? Man, he's all she's got and that's sad. Well, her mom too, but, mom stays out of the spotlight. Here's a thought though..nicotine patches could become the hottest celeb accessory. You could make an entire outfit from them. Could be hot. I don't know what else they're good for.
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My mom just brought me breakfast because she thinks I smoke too much. I could get used to this. Get out of here mom, you just want to be on the internet like Mich Winehouse! Kidding! Can I get some more coffee? Thanks! Good thing she's not wearing her glasses. Heh.

TimberTard and Beil-Ass walk her dog

This is what passes for news on a slow day. Biel has Tard walking her dog wearing the same old stanky sweater she should have thrown out years ago. You know she's demanding that he tell her her ass looks great in that or he won't be allowed to go golfing and play pocket pool for a month. Tards is holding her hand because if he doesn't the dog is trained to go for the tiny gonads. Cameron Diaz retaliated by being seen with that model who used to date Aniston and holding up a big fake looking ring she bought herself. All of the above mentioned, sure in their misguided belief that we give a shit. I love Hollywood.

Brooke on those nasty pics of her and her dad

Brooke Hogan: I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car," the singer tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now. "He used to change my diaper!" she adds."
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Yeah, and now he's changing your tampons. We get it..you're a close family. A family of ICK.

Hot couple at the beach

Tea Leoni and David Duchovny spent the weekend on a Cali beach. These two have been together forever, have two kids and still seem happy. Everybody looks like shit on the beach, but, they only look half shitty, so they must be really good looking in person. She looks better with short hair though. He looks good all the time and should have married me..but, I still like her. I'm forgiving that way.

Don't let us stop you

Sigourney Weaver wants to be the next celeb to go to outter space on Sir Richard Branson's next lil' space tour. She joked that she's building her own space ship in her backyard. Sigourney, be sure to take those pants with you.

Leonard Nimoy's Full Body Project

Leonard Nimoy has a new coffee table book out showing his photographs of larger women. I'd be more impressed if he could have found some women who didn't look so damn pissed off about being fat. You ate the case of Twinkies, we didn't. Damn, I haven't had a Twinkie in years. What was I saying? Oh, fat and pissed off. Not a good combination. He needs to write a book explaing the difference between Dr. Spock and Mr. Spock. I could give it to my mom for Christmas. She might believe it if it came from him.

Is there anyone out there named Jennifer?

Ben Affleck may be auditioning new Jennifers if the split rumors are true. Ben denies it. I find it amusing that Ben Affleck thinks we are even mildly interested. Wouldn't it be nice to never have to carry a camera? Kids first tooth? The paps will get it. Kids first day of school? Paps will get it. Violet is cute, I still think she looks like Matt Damon.

Get a job!

This is all Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo seem to do. Here they are in Salt Lake, no I don't know why. I don't care why. They sun themselves, screw in hot tubs, cry when they're photographed screwing in hot tubs, then go find another hot tub to screw in. He has a reality show. It's called High School Musical: Get in the Picture. He just traded brainless for bitchy. And lazy.

They look just alike to me

I guess I'm the only one in the world who thinks Katy Perry and Zooie Deschanel are twins. I'm a Zooie fan and I can't tell them apart..you figure it out. I get tired of trying. Also the name Zooie is stupid as hell, but, it's not her fault. Her parents must have been stoned.

Julia Roberts and her green bags

I have no clue why this is news. I just put it on because we all have those damn bags and it doesn't make any difference to the check out kids, they still put bananas on the bottom and canned goods on the top. That's what Pete the squirrel lives in. Don't knock it, they're porous and cozy. I wrap him in a baby blanket and stuff him in his green bag. He is quite happy there.

Kelly's in love

Kelly Osbourne is in love and says she's met a man she adores. His (?) name is Luke Howell and she says they aren't a celeb couple because they like to stay home and watch TV. I'm pretty sure celebs can own TV's, and he looks like Samantha Ronson in the 6th grade.

The ultimate concert candy

It's supposed to be a guitar. I had to read that on the package before I finally figured it out. That's because it is a pink penis and 15 year old Miley looks like she's just salivating with joy over it. It also says Disney on the package. Disney fucked up. Every adult in Miley's life seems bent on destroying her career. She might as well give up and go into porn.

Mini Me sues TMZ over sex tape

Verne Troyer has filed a $20 million lawsuit, claiming TMZ violated his rights by publishing and airing portions of his sex tape. Verne claims the sex tape is stolen..yeah, we've heard that before, shorty. This is one time I won't get a nasty letter from some celeb or their lawyer because I'd rather set myself on fire then watch the disgusting little troll have troll sex. I can't think of anything that I would rather NOT see than that. Blech!

I'll catch up tomorrow

Okay, I can see I missed very little. I'll be back early in the AM, until then..entertain yourself by visiting I Has Cheezburger, which is pretty cute. I haz squirrel to feed and jelouz rat.

Silence Ho! Barack has spoken!

Scarlett Johansson said she could hardly believe how Barack Obama answered her emails in such a timely manner and spoke of their email relationship. Yeah right. The reason she couldn't believe it, is that Barack claims it never happened.

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Washington Post.. But speaking to reporters aboard his campaign plane, Obama said the actress doesn't have his personal email address. "She sent one email to Reggie, who forwarded it to me," Obama said, referring to his 26-year-old personal assistant, Reggie Love. "I write saying, 'thank you Scarlett for doing what you do,' and suddenly we have this email relationship"

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Embarrass yourself much, Ferret Face? You need to go watch a Marilyn Monroe biography.

Gwen at the park

Gwen Stefani sits and watches Kingston play in the park. Fine and dandy. I just want to know why someone would toss on their good coven wear without drawing up the circle, calling the Elementals and lighting the cauldron. Hecate' will frown on this. Heh.

Tori's "miracle" baby

Yes, little Stella is adorable and I'm happy for Tori Spelling, but, why is this a "miracle" baby? Under that headline was "I never thought I'd have a daughter!" Okay, all babies are miracles..to their mothers, but, come on..there's nothing wrong with Tori, she already had one kid. It's not like she had to have Candy crawl up there with a turkey baster full of Deans sperm and impregnate her during a waxing moon. WTF? Maybe OK saw Dean's painted toenails and decided the conception was divine.

Angie..still and still

Jolie is still in France and still pregnant with the twins. I see I didn't miss a damn thing. Sigh.

I'm Back!

Sorry I disappeared, but, the cable went out. It's still out at the apartment today and the electricity too. But, the cable stayed on at the little house, which is in the flood zone. So, I said fuck it and chose flood valley over high ground with no lights or cable. I lugged my comp over here in the storm, that's how dedicated I am. Some call it addicted, but, we won't go there, okay? Ohhh, it's lovely here. The door is open and the water is nearly reaching it..'bout another inch and I'll be frantically mopping and bailing..but, I have the net!!! The rain is lovely dripping off the pile of trash I threw out front and all I have is an old wooden desk, my comp and 1000 CD's..oh, and a chair. That's okay though..there's some soup in the cupboard so I might be here awhile. Thanks for thinking of me. Hugssss..now, let's go see what I missed!
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Just thought of something..where have I been banned? I have a new IP. Hmmm. :)

Do Mayer and Aniston have a sex tape?

I just can't think of any other reason for this. Pass the popcorn (as long as it's not sitting in David Arquettes lap.)

The Faces...Stay With Me

Blast form the past..First they were The Small Faces and had one huge hit..Itchycoo Park (which is really a good song, look it up) then they got a little skinny lead singer and dropped the Small becoming just The Faces. Soon the little dude became a huge star and The Faces became rock history. You know who he is. Oh, yeah..I think that's Ron Wood on the geetar. Amazing old vid, isn't it?

Heather Locklear in Treatment

Heather Locklear is seeking treatment for psychological issues at an Arizona facility, her publicist confirms to PEOPLE exclusively. "Heather has been dealing with anxiety and depression. She requested an in-depth evaluation of her medication and entered into a medical facility for proper diagnosis and treatment," says Locklear's rep, Cece Yorke. "This is a confidential medical matter and no further statement will be released."
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I'm sure Heather will get flowers from Denise Richards.

Lawda Mercy!

This was voted the WORST cover song EVER by Total Guitar mag. How's about we take the crappiest song ever written in the entire history of rock and fucking roll and then have some French Canadian chick (Celine Dion) sing it while hopping about on one high heel? Umm. I didn't know if I should laugh or gag. TY EvilBeet..you really are evil.

BAM! Right in the face!

Naomi Watts at the launch of Trump International Hotel & Tower Dubai. She looks like A Chorus Line meets Russell Crowe in Gladiator and then got scalped by wild Indians. One singular sensation, every little step she, en guarde, Kemo Sabe!! Ehh, fuck it, that made more sense than her outfit. Maybe they were French Indians. You don't know!

Jen's in London

Jennifer Aniston took her bottle of Smart-Dust to London because that's where hottie John Mayer is playing. Is she stalking him? Ta dum ta dum..I'm sure he invited her. Geez. Sources (sources are people who jerk off a lot and make shit up about people they wish they could meet) say Jen slipped in a puddle of passion punch and asked John to marry her, but, was met with "uncomfortable" silence. Please, when you get dick drunk and do retarded things like that, there's no one else around to hear you. So either it didn't happen or HE told it. If he told it, she'll dump him. But, I think she ask him and he said yes. Y'all think I'm just crazy, but, these two are getting married in about a year and having some babies. Uh huu..you wait and see. Her biological clock is toinking out of control and he can't do any better and he's bright enough to know it.

NOT hot slut of the week

I usually pay no attention to D-List dudes Hot Slut Of The Week pics, but, this one...well, that's not nice. Even if it's just a joke. Kate Gosselin is about as far from a slut as you can get. Sometimes she can be a little full of herself while trying to do everything perfectly, but, if that's the worst thing that can be said about a person, she's okay with me. Besides the woman had 8 kids in 4 years and is still sane. I love that photo..it hangs in her house. Hmm, okay..Kate Gosselin, DD's Hot Mom Of The Week.

So, don't talk about it

Peter Cook, paid $300,000 to Diana Bianchi so she'd hush up about the affair he had with her teenage self while he was married to Christie Brinkley. She had to promise she wouldn't sue him for sexual harassment too. I don't see how you can sue for sexual harassment when his dick is in your mouth and you're smiling, but, whatever, I'm not a lawyer. So, now she's taking about it anyhow only no one cares. Maybe she can sell it as a screenplay to that women's channel. Are there any phony husbands of washed up celebs out there who want to sleep with me and then have me shut the fuck up? Because it's a well known fact that I can keep my mouth shut. Shudup! I can! Cough. You have my email.

Don't look for Michelle Williams at the "Dark Knight" premiere

From Page Six.."An insider said, "Michelle is furious with Heath's family and threatening to boycott the premiere. Matilda is supposed to be the beneficiary of the will, but Michelle has seen nothing from them. Heath didn't have much in cash, but there was a big house in LA and a back-end deal for 'Dark Knight' [that] could reap millions." Ledger's will, made out in 2003 before Matilda was born, left everything to his father, mother and sisters. But Matilda is now considered the beneficiary, and Kim is the executor. Williams fears that by the time Matilda reaches 18 and can cash in on her inheritance, nothing will be left."

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Ukkkkk, I'm closer to this story than I ever wanted to be, as you can imagine. It is MY job to protect everything Lissa has left from her father. I feel bad reading this stuff. I feel bad that Michelle is worried, I feel bad that the old man can't lay down his pride, admit he's not some big investor genius and put the money in a trust for Matilda. I feel bad for people who know such grief and then have to deal with this monetary worry. I feel bad that Heath Ledger died. I feel worse that my son died shortly after. I feel bad and stupid that I type the first things I think. Mr. Ledger, please give Matilda the money and be done with it.

Puke me!

EWWWWWWWW! I'll give you a hint. He has one ball and rides a bicycle. She has one bicycle and rides everybody in town. Wait..so does he. He may be the biggest slut ever. They make me throw up. I'm throwing up now! Did I tell you they make me sick? Ewww.

Penny Lancaster shows how to breast feed a geezer

Tiny, skinny, rooster haired Rod Stewart, dressed all in pink, lapping on a yacht. Heh. I do him.

Britney Spears..still hot

When Poontang left Jamie Lynn and her new baby, paps surrounded her. The crowd was so big her body guards had trouble getting her out of the throng looky-loos. Everyone's making a big deal that Poon only stayed for the birth, then split. WTF is she supposed to do for the kid? Stick around and breast feed it? Brit has things to do, y'all. She has boots and moo moos to buy. She has big plans to comb her hair this year.

Hollywood, just cut it the fuck out

Socialite, Tinsley Mortimer was set to get her own reality show, but, MTV canned it because all she did was get dressed up and go to parties every day and didn’t have anything interesting to say. It was mortifingly boring..so Gossip Girls gave her some part on the TV show. Great. Some boring rich person who has nothing to say, has never done anything in her life because she didn't have to and loves shopping with daddy's money. Make her a star. Really.
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Do they think we're so bored that anyone will distract us from the dissatisfying experience that is our own wretched lives? If you are a socialite, go put daddy's name on the charity of your choice and become the queen of your exclusive country club. Say hello to your maid of a different color who is just like family even though you don't know where she lives, but, you give your old designer clothes to her kids because you're more than just rich. You have talent. Do I sound bitchy? Good. Her name is Tinsley Mortimer for cripes sake! I'd kick her in the cootchie just for that. We already have a ParAss.

What do YOU think about this?

Rihanna talking to dimbulb, Sherri Shepherd on The View..
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Sherri asked Rihanna what was going on with her and Chris Brown.
Rihanna giggled and replied, “We hang out a lot. We’re very close. He’s an amazing person but we are not dating. We’re very close friends, though. Very, very close.” Co-host Whoopi Goldberg then proceeded to ask what the difference was between dating someone and being a close friend. Rihanna said, “There’s a very big difference. I think you know!”
When asked about her tattoos, Rihanna explained the new one on her left shoulder: “They’re Roman numerals. Me and my best friend got the same thing. It’s her DOB (date of birth) and she has mine.”
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Raising my eyebrow here. Hmmm, I have some pretty close girl friends, but, I do not have their birth date tattooed on anywhere. Is this chick trying to tell us something??

Kelly's house

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I like Kelly Clarkson, she seems real and doesn't let anyone push her around. She also writes her own stuff too, almost unheard of now. This is her $1.5 million dollar house in Nashville. It's a nice change from the cold boxy cement mansions of LA. The landscaping is pretty. Not a fan of the rock though. Pretty picky for someone who's just dreamin', aren't I? Click it to see it larger.

Kirstie Alley packs it on

They exaggerate her "collapse", it was just a faint, it was hot out. But, the picture seems real. Sources say Kirstie has gained almost a 100 pounds since losing 75 for Jenny Craig and then quitting the program. I feel bad for the woman, addictions are hard to beat and she can't be healthy, but, she needs to stop flapping about making her own weight loss program to sell us and also about the Scientology crap. If Scientology cures all, why can't she put down the corn dogs and do some sit ups? On that note..yumm, corn dogs. I wonder if I have any in the freezer?

Linda Hogan is not very bright

And she's also not afraid of her ex, Hulk Hogan, who she has a restraining order against. If she was afraid of him, like she wants us all to believe, she would not have been following him when she dialed 911 to report him for breaking the restraining order. You can hear the stupid call she made HERE.

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The 911 operators advice to Linda? "Stop following him." Good grief, have YOU ever been stalked? How did YOU handle it?

Hef..new biography

In a tell all about the life of Hef, "Mr. Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream" there ARE still a few things I hadn't heard about him.

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“A foursome did happen with his brother, Keith, and his wife, Rae, one evening. But while Millie, Hugh’s first wife, ultimately backed out of having sex with Keith, Hugh slept with his sister-in-law.”

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“Hefner’s thirst for sexual experience became so strong that he even had a one-time homosexual experience. One evening in downtown Chicago he was propositioned and he thought, ‘What the hell!’ As far as I know, the guy just gave him oral sex.”

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Hugh says the biography is..,"the most authoritative book ever written about me - it’s all essentially true."

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All I can say is.. EWWWWWWWW! I have to go boil myself now.

Death watch

I decided to find a pretty photo of Amy Winehouse instead of the hideous ones floating around. I guess we're on death watch with her now. She has emphysema and is still hospitalized. The doctors say there are nodules around the chest and dark marks and she’s got 70 percent lung capacity. She told her dad she knew she had to stop drugging now. Can she do it? Or will she be puffing some crack as soon as she gets out? I don't think anyone can help Amy, she has to do it herself now, and from what we've seen, she's not capable. It makes me cry.

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Update: Amy has been temporarily released to do a show. She was spotted smoking a cig. I don't think it's the cigs people have to worry about.

Tori's gay husband...yawn

Tori Spelling looks terrific after her second baby, but, her husband, Dean McDermott paints his toenails. He's gay. You argued with me about some guy on here being not-gay and carrying a purse and I let you do it. This time I won't. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Her husband is gay.

A tale of two twats

Sienna Miller is only hugging Keira Knightley because Keira threatened to use her chin as a guillotine and chop Sienna's head clean off. But, first she would painfully shred Miller's face with the cheese grater collar bone. Keira's mother is very upset that people think her daughter is anorexic. Then feed the bitch some fried chicken! And see if you can buy her some talent..err, I mean a milkshake.