Please tell me you're not done, Nadya

You thought I was done with this shit for the day, didn't you? Nope. See, I've been too angry over all this to type about it, but, once I let go of the hate and embraced Nadya, well, now I can type all I want! That pic was taken before Nadya's nose went narrow and her lips pooched out..which I'm sure is an allergic reaction to something. Heck, I have that. When I eat cantaloupe my lips puff up like Angelina Jolie. It's not my fault, so I understand now where Nadya's coming from.
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Nadya explained to me how she had to get all those embryos implanted at once. She said they were her children and a gift from God and she had to give them life. They have a right to life. Then Nadya said she was done having children. NO! No, Nadya..there's still eggs in your ovaries! God would want them to live to! She has to have more litters!!! Lucky for me, I understand that when Nadya says no, she really means yes. Nadya is easy to read once you embrace the holiness that is Nadya. It's like when she said the octuplets middle name is Angel. All of them are named Angel, you know, because they're Nadya's little Angels. But, only Nadya and I can hear the LINA in the end of that word. As in Angel-LINA. Nadya's uterus is not out of business, no way.

Happy Valentines Day

I'm embracing Nadya Suleman!

I have a new frame of mind. There's enough hate in the word. I love Nadya the OctoMom! After watching that interview in YouTube twice yesterday and then seeing it again on TV last night, it's become clear to me that OctoPuss is a genius!!! And all her kids are booger cute! Why should the world hate OctoPuss for doing the same damn thing Kate Gosselin did, only bigger and better? Oh, hail no! I want TLC to give her a TV show. I don't know what the title would be, but, I'm sure you'll have some suggestions I can pass on to the network.

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I know, I know, DD is mean and sarcastic....not this time. It's better for my dwindling mental heath if I embrace Nadya fully. The woman knows the system, how many of you would be willing to pop out the world largest litter for fame and fortune? Huu? And everything she says is a lie! It's all caught on tape! I love that. And then she had the foresight to surgically alter her face to look like a famous star..then claim she doesn't know anything about that star. Oh, my, god, it's genius. In my new frame of mind, I now realize that Angelina Jolie had HER face done to look like Nadya. It's not Nadya's fault that Jolie is nuts. She's just jealous. Every one's jealous of OctoPuss. I can't wait for her child rearing book, her diet book, her cookbook, her 14 little faces book and the TV show!!! I have to tell you, I feel much better now. Love is a beautiful thing.

The first pic is Nadya coming from a nail salon..good moms take care of thier nails. And the second is Nadya at a video store. Hey, she hadn't thought of Jolie in years, not since the last time she saw a movie and that was years ago. So, damn straight she needs to rent a movie! Maybe soon some director with half a brain will put Nadya in a movie! Or make the Nadya Suleman story..OMG, that would be awesome.

Took Longer Than I Thought It Would

Someone finally got around to finding out what Angelina thinks about her would-be doppelganger Octomom. Guess what? Angie don't like her. Angie thinks Octo is creepy and furthermore wishes Octo wouldn't send her letters. Yes, Octo tried to contact Angelina but Angie is too good for low-rent tramps like that and ignored the shit out of her. The best Angie's peeps could do was express concern for Octo's mental state. One of them said:

It is clear this woman needs psychological help. It's one thing to clip out a celebrity's photo from a magazine and ask your [hair] stylist to copy that cut. Who hasn't done that? But to have a nose job, have collagen injections in your lips and start talking like Angelina -- that's over the top.

And who knows about going over the top better than someone who hangs out with Angie?

There's Flesh Left To Eat?

Michael Jackson has reportedly contracted a superbug that doctors say could begin eating his flesh if they don't stop it. You wanna know a hard way to make a living? Being Michael Jackson's flesh-eating superbug. Slim pickings there. Oh, and of course, sources say Michael caught the bug while getting his nose reconstructed. I call bullshit on that though. You can't reconstruct something that doesn't exist.

Crazy bitch broke her nails

A Utah woman listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for her long fingernails has lost them in a car crash. Lee Redmond of Salt Lake City sustained serious but non-life-threatening injuries in the accident Tuesday.
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She's okay, she just broke her nails. She can finally wipe her own ass now. Crazy bitch.

Fricking Hell Man

You wanna know what's grosser than Octomom's distended, stretch-marked belly? Yeah...that. I haven't seen anything like that since the last time I tried crossing a bridge in a fairy tale. What's up with her hair? Actually, there's something more disturbing in this picture: Jake's Brad-hat. Be careful there Jakey-Poo - if Octomom sees you she might think you are Brad and kidnap you and make you daddy to her misbegotten brood. I got the shivers now.

Isla Fisher and Amy Adams

These two drive me crazy trying to figure out which one's which. I swear! I can NOT tell Isla Fisher from Amy Adams..I gave up talking about them a year ago because I was so confused. I think they're the same person and they're just fucking with me. Yeah, they probably trade contact lenses. It's all a big joke, huu girls? I can tell the Olsen twins apart, but, forget this. AGGGGGG!

I want that dress!

Taylor Momsen at something or other. What is she, 15? Yeah, 15 and a fashion icon. Whatever, I just want that dress. It's the most beautiful dress I've ever seen. I would wear it to bed every night and be buried in it. Oh, and I'd wear it to parties with a little velvet jacket and say, ha ha, you wish you had my dress! Click it to make it bigger and then you can tell me if I'm nuts.

Guy and Madonna fighting over photos

According to "sources" Guy Ritchie was a little upset at Madonna's W magazine photo spread, he told her she's old enough that she should be over this sort of thing and it embarrasses their children. Gristle was shocked that Guy had the audacity to comment on her "art." He don't know nuthin' about no art. Why doesn't someone tell Guy that that Jesus dudes pantied peen is art! And that Gristle will stop showing moldy wrinkled vagina when they close the coffin lid? And those kids of theirs need to shut up and go suck their solid gold pacifiers..learn what art is, you punks.

Hugh Hefner has lost his marbles

This bears no resemblance to anything human, 'specially not Skanky O'Day. Next time you meet a man in real life, give him a copy of PSP and tell him to invent his own woman. If you meet a man on the net, send him a photo of Jessica Rabbit. That's all I have to say about this fuckery.

They're not dating

Drew Barrymore was seen making out with Hugh Grant at the Waverly Inn and now wags have them dating. Pfffft. That's not called dating, that's called good judgement. Bad decisions, stumbling bumbling, drunken, disheveled hair, bedroom eyes and totally juvenile behavior..who doesn't love that in a man? I had a dream about him last night. I'll keep that to myself.

The Osbournes: Reloaded!

Oh, Hell yes! I'll watch this!

Adnan says he's still Britney's boyfriend

Overheard by a Heat Mag photographer, Adnan saying: “I still love Britney. I’m her boyfriend,” Adnan told a pal. “Britney has a beautiful soul. We share something really special. The truth about us will come out eventually, but it’s not for me to talk about. I love her.”
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Okay. I just got up. I'm still half asleep, but, he's probably not lying. How long has Britney ever gone without a man? Uh hu. Still that restraining order must put a damper on Adnan and Britneys love life. There's always cyber love..type dirty to me Adnan. Uhhh, don't use them big words neither.

The Paula Deen diet

Yawl better get on this. I've lost 60 pounds and have become a vegetarian. What inspired me? I saw Paula Deen eat. That woman would put butter on an asprin.

Chris Brown continues to be a punk pussy

What a puke! Instead of an apology for beating up Rihanna, Chris Brown posted this on his private Facebook, "You'll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!"
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Dude! You are such a chickenshit pussy! I don't care if she's the shallowest, most annoying twat in the universe (and she probably is)..you can't hit her! It's like kids, man, kids can make you want to shove your head in a meat grinder, but, you can not hit them! Do you hear me, Jon and Kate Gosselin? Back to Brown...I think you're done, little boy. Soooooo done.

Reading between the Gosselin lines

What they actually said..(more or less, I didn't write it down word for word.)

Jon: So I forced the kids on a nature walk and they picked up some leaves and stuff..

Kate: What are you a botanist now? Alexis and Hannah would like a walk.

Jon: Alexis didn’t like it and why don't you do the interview since you were there?

Kate: Excuse me, I was just guessing.

Jon: Well, it's ridiculous.

Kate: Oh, I’d hate to steal your spotlight, go ahead and speak.
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HERE'S WHAT I HEARD..

Kate: So, all about me. I was in New York and I was looking hot and I guess Jon took the kids on some stupid yukious nature walk while I was gone. He's so stupid. He's the reason our kids are stupid.

Jon: You wouldn't know because you're never here and why don't you stop pretending you live here anyway, bitch from Hell?

Kate: Fuck you, lamer, I bought a beautifing apartment in NYC. You didn't know that, did you, you lazy fucker?

Jon: You can eat shit and die colossal CUNT, because I bought a condo in Utah. HA!

Kate: I want a divorce! You get the kids!

Jon: I want a divorce and YOU get the kids!

Jon and Kate: We hate those damn kids!
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Here's the Walk In The Woods episode, part one. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'. These two morons hate the fuck out of each other and they hate their kids too.

Young and dumb

Robert Pattinson claims he had a stalker and he took her out to dinner. Yeah. “I had a stalker while filming a movie in Spain last year,” Pattinson told Crème Magazine, as reported by England’s Press Association. “She stood outside of my apartment every day for weeks — all day every day. I was so bored and lonely that I went out and had dinner with her.”Unfortunately for the obsessed fan, Pattinson did not have the fairytale first date in store that the woman might have been hoping for.“I just complained about everything in my life and she never came back,” the 22-year-old said. “People get bored of me in, like, two minutes.”
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Really? Because I'm bored with you already and I didn't even get dinner. First, you don't take stalkers to dinner and second..I don't believe you did. Is that your amusing anecdote of the week, Robert? Send it to Readers Digest. This kid is so full of shit that sometimes I don't even think he's a real vampire. Yep. I said it. Fake vampire!

Jessica has a fashion line coming!

Hey, you bitches..Jessica Simpson is not fat, she's curvy, and she knows what looks good on a woman's curves. So Jess has decided to have her own fashion line. Yippie! I can hardly wait! The line will include Jessica Simpson circus tents, mumus, mom jeans and accessories like duct tape, lobotomy's, polyester hair, and paisley kerchiefs to cry in. You keep the faith (and other relevant things like that.)

They make an awesome couple

Well, it seems to be true, Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love are dating. He ask her out at the Golden Globes and they've been spending nights together. I really have nothing bad to say here, they're a match made in..well..probably some doctors office. Instead of dinner they can go have surgery together and compare the botchery over a cig. Where is she heading in that getup, by the way? Burger King?

Isn't life a beautiful thing?

I woke up to this shit and almost puked. It took me awhile to be able to put it on here. Nadya, you sooooooo beautiful! Agggggg. Every time the opening to Jon and Kate comes on with her swollen belly wrapped in saran wrap, I quick change the channel. I saw it once and had a gut ache for days. Blaaaaaaaaa. Hooie. Now this. Gaaaaaaaa. America's favorite jobless, botoxed, food stamp gettin', artificially inseminated TardMom of 14. She's got an entire large family in there..think about that. I hope no one's eating right now.

So what's up Joaquin?

Hmm. So what's really up here? Is it an act or what? Joaquin Phoenix is not really funny, so if it's a bit, it's not good. He looks and sound just like my brother and my brother is having himself a little vacation in the nut hut right now. I had to run his one stringed guitar out to him because he has a one armed musician friend out there. Yeah, it's funny..but, I'm not kidding. Anyway, backs to Joaquin..maybe the dude has just had enough. Maybe the world is too stupid for him and he refuses to participate anymore. That I understand.

Why do I hate her so much?

Giada De Laurentiis at the farmers market in San Fran. If she really wants us to believe in Everyday Italian then why does she have to drag a makeup artist to the farmers market? Jen Garner practically lives at the farmers market and she doesn't get her make up done there. I'm just bitchy because I hate Giada. I hate her stupid little name and the way she waves her arms around. She has to wave her arms around because she's Italllllian. She tells you that every two minutes while she's doing something like squeezing lemons with her face or bar-b-quing soup. If this is what Italians are like..I'm crossing Italy off my list of places I want to go. I'd rather have a peanut butter samich with the Barefoot Contessa any day.

Picture Shows Rihanna Battered And Bruised - But It's A Fake

What kind of person steals a picture of Rihanna and photoshops bruises and marks on it to make everyone think it was taken after her beating at the hands of Chris Brown? A very clever person who unfortunately is not me...that's who.

Good morning Courtney Love

LMFAOOOOOOOO! No, wait, I have something to say. Bwaaaaaaa ha ha ha, HA HA HA....oh, fuck.

Don't Tell Octo-Mom...

They're lipstick sculptures, in case you're wondering. But who are they supposed to be? Conan O'Brien and Elsa Lanchester? No. They're Brad and Angie, the two people determined to have the most "kissable" lips in the world by the readers of FeelUnique.com. You can buy them on eBay if you really want them. Octo Mom will be selling her own line of fake Angie lipsticks to raise money for the 43 kids she'll have after her next trip to the Bolivian fertility clinic.

The New Fish Lips has a begging site

Oh, I'm crapping my pants at the lies that come out of Nadya Suleman's fat injected flappers. She told us all in that interview she did that she doesn't take any kind of welfare for her kids. Now it's been investigated (someone nosed around in her biness) and she gets around $500 a month in food stamps and benefits for her 3 disabled children..THREE disabled? Whaaa? Okay, picking my jaw up off the floor to continue..Nadya expects the taxpayers of the state of Cali to foot the millions and millions in hospital bills for the new 8 babies. And they will. She's entitled to that by law. But, here's a cute little note..

Octo mom has started a website to her darling litter so that YOU can send them the extras they need. HERE is is, if you'd like to send her your money. She takes all major credit cards. It looks like she used the same web designer as the Gosselin whores. Oh, wait, the Gosselins don't beg for money. They just have a wish list for God. My bad.

The Queen of Cuteness

Harlow Madden..the cutest celebrity baby in Hollywood. Hands down.

Total gossip

There's been a ton of gossip about the Chris Brown/Rihanna beat down, including the rumor that he was flirting with Leona Lewis at a pre Grammy party, but, here's the juiciest rumor. A source says "He got a booty call. He got a text. Rihanna saw it and she got upset." Then the fight started.

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Who was the text from? OK! Magazine says:
.....at the Verizon & BlackBerry Storm Grammy party at Boulevard 3, where Chris chatted up Paris Hilton while Rihanna performed. "He and Paris went outside together," a witness tells OK!. Back inside, they got closer. "Paris was all over him," the partygoer says. "Rihanna caught wind of it and spent the rest of the night glued to him."

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Don't you love it? It sounds exactly like something Paris would do.

SJPeePee's camel toes

Squeezing your meat curtains is out. Squeezing your tootsies is in. Just so you know.

Nip Tuck FREAKS me out!

Last nights episode of Nip Tuck crossed the heebie jeebie line for me. Yeah, Nip Tuck freaks me out all the time, but, only in a ha ha it's TV way, this was different. Last night Kimber wanted Christian to make her daughter Jenna look more marketable by using Botox. Her daughter is just a little baby!! OMG I was so freaked out when she went at that tiny baby with a needle full of poison. And then Christian helped her!!!! He's the kids Grandfather!!!! I kept saying to myself..it's only TV, it's only TV, it's only TV. Oh, man. Then today I looked up babies and Botox and sure enough, there are people who use Botox on babies..but, the only things listed are medical procedures for infants in special circumstances like cleft pallets or club foots or other deformities. So you just know that isn't the whole truth. Are there crazy people out there giving babies cosmetic surgery and injections so they can be pretty and famous??? OMG. I think there are. Why did this even shock me? The world is full of rotten sonsabitches. You'd think I'd know that by now.

Owen and Kate are back together

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are giving it another try. They are trying hard to work things out and spending hot nights together. Uhhh, lock her away from every other dick in Hollywood and lock him away from sharp objects..and maybe they have a shot.

Valentina Pinault sees ghosts

Salma Hayek says her daughter, Valentina sees ghosts and she communicates with them in French, English and Spanish.
"Last night she saw a ghost. I'm convinced," says Hayek, "Last night she woke up and her eyes were open. And she's looking at one specific point and she's going, 'No no no no, au revoir,' which means goodbye in French ... And she's looking at someone, but there's no one there. I was so scared, and I'm like, 'Yes, au revoir, whoever you are, get out!' And then she started saying it in English: 'Bye bye, bye bye!' I guess she was trying in different languages to see what nationality this ghost was to go away. It was terrifying!"
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I see them too, Valentina! Though I'm still not convinced there is such a thing as ghosts. Valentina might see them or she might be farking with her mom's head. She is the child of an actress after all.

Bullshit courtesy the Daily Mail..

Bullshitski! Along with their tagline "Fans worried about Mischa Barton!" Mischa Barton has fans? Where? I don't care how much weight this worthless girl loses, guess what? Still fugger than fug. FUG. Oh, and she still being styled by Rachel Zoe. Yep. Y'all know what kind of diet that is.

The Gosselins got replaced on my TV

I watched a movie last night instead of the Greedy Gosselins 30 minute infomercial. I know there are some of you who come here every Tuesday to see what I have to say about the fuckery that is the Greeds, but, well, frankly, they bore me. How can you watch an entire show about a crazy cunt who scrubs invisible mansion mold for a half hour?

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I watched Saturday Night Fever instead and you know what? Still good. I did tune into TLC once during a commercial and saw the half wit taking his screamers on a walk through his private woods. They were yowling, screeching, poking each other with big sticks, sobbing..there was a ton of snot and mean. Serious mean. Don't you even try and tell me I don't know kids and that I only have ONE four year old here and that's why she acts better than the Howlers. Uh uh. I've taught large classes of 5 year olds and taken them on field trips. None of them acted like that. The Greedlin clan are the most obnoxious disgruntled bunch of 4 and a half year olds I have ever seen. Why are these kids so nasty and unhappy? Oh, because they were raised by ignorant child pimpers. I forgot for a second. Anyhow..back to Saturday Night Fever. Spoiler, Bobby falls off the bridge and Tony makes a friend. Which is more than the Gosselin's have.

Woman of the year?

There's the Elle Style Awards woman of the year..Courtney Love. Umm, what year would that be? I dunno. There's something odd happening under her boob. She looks like a twist-n-turn Barbie that's been melted by some naughty kid. Let me save her one of her intelligent responses on her blog.."yoUnutherFyuker dirter fukfukm HaTe 8 U!" (repeat for sixteen pages) There you go, Courtney.

Oh come on!

Look, I know Jennifer Hudson's been through a lot lately and I wouldn't want to pick on her. I really wouldn't want to...........but, OMG! WTF is that mess? Did she duct tape a lobster bib to her neck? You're killing me here, Jen.

Bridget has a boy friend

source
Bridget Marquardt not only has a new job sonce moving out of Hef's mansion, but, also a new beau. He's 29 year-old director, Nick Carpenter. I didn't even know she liked boys. Or girls. You know..I kinna thought Bridget was happy with her Winny dog and Hello Kitty. Go Bridget.

Octo mom's mom reams her

Source

The octuplets are gorgeous babies, but, OctoGrandma is bitching. Grandma says:"I was very upset. She already has six beautiful children, why would she do this? To have them all is unconscionable to me. She really really has no idea what she’s doing to her children and to me."

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Angela told Radar Online that she's worn out and tired of taking care of her grandkids.."The truth is Nadya’s not capable of raising 14 children."

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Oh, come on Granny! Support your daughter..why, there's room in there for a few more cribs, and you still have the living room, don't you? Look how OctoMom cleverly used that sheet as a curtain! Only a dedicated mom could think of that. If she puts up some shelves there might be room for 6 more babies. I don't know what's she's bitching about! Some people think they deserve a life when they get old..HA! They deserve a TV show. Grandma Angela, Nadya is providing you with primetime. You think about that, old woman.

Rihanna Gave Chris Brown Herpes?

The website Bossip.com is reporting exclusively that, before apparently pounding Rihanna's face to a pulp and also biting her a couple times, gentlemanly Chris Brown accused the singer of giving him herpes. Meanwhile, we've found out that there was nothing employed in the beating outside of fists and teeth, which under certain circumstances can be classified as deadly weapons in a criminal report. So that pretty much clears it up: Herpes allegation. Argument. Pummeling, with bites for good measure. Bystander calls 911. Brown arrested, calls Mark Geragos. Released on $50,000 bond. No Grammys. Everyone now knows Rihanna's real name. Fun stuff.

A Giant Banana. Oh, The Genius.

Katy Perry is some kind of mad genius. Descending from the ceiling in a giant banana? Who else could've thought of that? No one. She is the personification of brilliance.

Deadly Weapon Involved In Chris Brown's Assault On Rihanna

The Chris Brown/Rihanna assault story will have us refreshing TMZ all day evidently. The latest is pretty shocking: According to the gossip site, the crime report lists the attack as assault with a deadly weapon. The two lovebirds allegedly fought inside their car 30 minutes after leaving Clive Davis's pre-Grammy party Saturday night, and when cops arrived Rihanna was all marked up and Brown was gone. MediaTakeOut.com says both Rihanna and Brown showed signs of bruising in the wake of the incident, and claims Rihanna is not cooperating with the cops in the matter, and doesn't want Brown charged. Too late, hon.

Veggie Bitch Says Gwyneth Ripped Off Her Shit

Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP is not only a self-indulgent load of hooey from the world's most preposterously pretentious bitch, it is also apparently a complete rip-off. At least, that's the charge being made by Mary Kate Hearon, a wellness expert who claims to have inadvertently given Gwynnie the idea for her notoriously snobbish, preachy exercise in helping the unwashed with their bowel irregularity and possible Thanksgiving dinner dilemmas (Turkey burgers! Gosh Gwyn! You're soooooo clever!).

"This is pretty scandalous," Hearon posted on her Facebook page. "People deserve to know [Paltrow's] idea isn't her own - or creative, for that matter! . . . A few years ago, I had e-mailed Gwyneth's best friend... when I was living in London (developing The Weekly Beet, which I started in 2004). I asked her to e-mail Gwyneth The Beet because I was excited for her to read it since she was one of the few celebs into alternative medicine." Hearon then goes on to describe what happened when she met Paltrow in person (guess what - Gwynnie wasn't very nice to her):

the way she treated me was so scary! She was sooooooo nasty to me, it was scandalous! [Husband] Chris [Martin], the utmost gentleman, stood to shake my hand, but she smirked and was silent when I asked how her dinner was . . . I never thought in a million years she'd . . . create her own site very similar to The Weekly Beet . . . [Goop has] the therapies I've tried, the foods I love, the detoxes that work! A lot of the same stuff!

I'm trying my best to work up a bit of outrage over this, but unfortunately, this Hearon bitch seems only slightly less full of herself than Paltrow, which makes it hard for me to feel bad. In fact, I think it's kind of hilarious. One asslicking little veggie-sucker twat stealing from another. That shit may clean out your colon but it sure as hell doesn't help make you a more-ethical, less-self-absorbed person. Now excuse me while I finish my juicy juicy buffalo burger. Mmm, mmm.