There's Torture And Then There's Torture

Even Dick Cheney thinks this would be going too far. Frankly, at this point, living with Bill Maher himself might be worse than having to bunk down with Jon and Kate. At least with the Gosselins you'd get a decent meal, and wouldn't have to listen to a crazy old pothead rant about the bees dying.

Gosselin scam crashing

TMZ is reporting that The Pennsylvania Department of Labor is investigating whether "Jon & Kate Plus 8" is complying with child labor laws.
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TLC issued a statement saying they comply with the laws. We all know the laws don't protect reality child stars like they do child actors. I don't expect anything to come of this, but, at least people are finally becoming aware that what Jon and Kate do is not entertainment.
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Jon and Kate are also under heavy fire for potentially committing financial fraud with their schemes. PA Attorney General Tom Corbett could file a case against them, if he so chooses, but, he's said it would only hurt the children. Citizens are outraged that someone could break the law, in effect stealing great amounts of money and get away with it because they have 8 kids. You can read about that HERE.
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Bottom line..These two aren't cute and people know it. It's gone far beyond stealing recipes. The train is crashing and I get to watch. We all get to watch. Isn't it fun? Having fun, Kate? You are not even an intelligent criminal.

From Wall Of Sound To Prison Walls

Phil Spector has received 19 years in prison for being the motherfucker what done shot Lana Clarkson. Justice has now been done. Just like it was a couple years ago when someone finally took all his shit off Let it Be and released it the way it should've been all along. I want a picture of him with his prison do.

Stick-Arms Break Easily

I don't want to alarm anyone, but Angelina Jolie suffered an injury this morning on the set of her new movie That New Movie With Angelina Jolie That No One Cares About, and had to be taken to the hospital. My God, don't panic! The movie people say she was doing a stunt but the injury was nothing serious and production on the film has resumed. Just breathe...everything is fine.

Fake Religion Booted From Fake Encyclopedia

Wikipedia has decided that members of the Church of Scientology will no longer be able to edit pages on their site, citing a policy against people making changes to entries for self-serving reasons. The Wikipedia folks accuse CoS members of "openly editing [Scientology-related articles] from Church of Scientology equipment and apparently coordinating their activities." So a bunch of people with no credibility were using a medium that has no credibility to spread lies about itself. Sort of like, say, the Catholic church having its own TV network. Or the Republican party propagating its nonsense via radio. Where is the truth amidst all this? I know, but I'm not telling.

Today's Suri photo

I think with all the designer clothes and pap snapping, not to mention Katie calling her an "amazing woman," we forget that Suri really is just a baby. Look how little she is. Why WOULD you take her to American Idol? Come on, just because they say she's a genius doesn't mean I buy into the claim that this baby even knows what's up. Her parents have made themselves look stupid. Again.

John Cryer's ex..felony child abuse charge

Bizarre and disturbing story of the day is John Cryer's ex wife, Sarah Trigger was arrested yesterday on felony child abuse charges. Police arrived at her home in Hermosa Beach, California and found a child with rope mark on the neck. A weapon of some sort, related to the case, was also found. Trigger is now out on $100 thousand dollar bond. The child was not John Cryer's son, though the ex couple do have one son together. WTF is going on, Duckie?

Jon needs an apartment

TLC is looking for a camera friendly apartment for the nutless wonder. Because the show must go on. Don't they have a damn apartment over their garage that's bigger them most of our houses? Of course they do. And she's never home so how would he bother her? What ever, let's get on with it. Make some jokes about him packing up his tiny testicles and her yelling about apartment coupons. I want to know why these two whores aren't both living in a gunny sack at the bottom of a river.

Archie and Veronica engaged

Archie finally proposed to Veronica Lodge....breaking Betty's heart. D-List dude thinks it might be a scheme cooked up between Archie and Betty to get Veronica's money. I doubt it. Men like bitches. This news may mean nothing to you, but, to a former kid obsessed with comics, it's killer. I remember well the day I decided to learn to draw the Archie cast perfectly. PERFECTLY. As I mastered the intricacies of Riverdale High, the soda shop and Jughead's hat...I suddenly came to the realization that Betty and Veronica..........were the same person. Let me repeat that, least you die of shock. Betty and Veronica are the same person. I was 9 years old, and the world never looked the same again. And no one ever fooled me again. My cynical eyes narrow to slits at the dawn of every morning, knowing people suck and everyone is a liar. And I won't be going to the wedding.

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark..part1

Hey, Katie Holmes is starring in a remake of this old horror movie. I was looking through videos and I found the whole movie on You Tube. Oh, man, I remember this scared the crap out of me as a kid. I wonder if it's still scary? Probably not, but, I'll watch it all this afternoon. With the lights on.

Katie will play the Kim Darby part. I can't imagine this winning her an Oscar.

Tom Brady is retarded

Tom Brady told reporters that Gisele is not pregnant. Adding: “I’ve got dogs. That’s all I need.”
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Idiot. There is something brain busted about both him and his goofy wife. And he looks like a pubescent girl.

Candy says Tori killed her father

In a Massachusetts radio station interview yesterday, Candy Spelling said: “My daughter one day decided that she wasn’t speaking to my husband, myself and my son and that’s how it’s continued for the last, oh gosh, four or five years. And it was sad, that’s what killed my husband actually. He just didn’t want to live after that. He has just done everything he could possibly do for his daughter and she wanted no part of him once he couldn’t do anything for her.”
Candy added: “I’ve always been trying to work on the relationship. I don’t know what the anger is.”

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There you have the truth. Tori killed her dad, the fact that he was 900 years old and sick had nothing to do with it. I wouldn't know where the anger comes from either, since, clearly, Candy is mom of the year and doing everything she can to show Tori her maternal love. Okay, I can't even type any more about this sick evil old bitch. When is she going to die already and leave all Aaron's money to her squat yapping dogs?

Angie looks different

Brad and Angelina have thrown up the white flag in their Mr. and Mrs. Smith relationship, now their at the hot hot stage again, so I'm told. They sneak off for hot tongue kisses and are planning their 70th child. His grey hair doesn't bother her and her crows feet turn him on..wait, I mean, laugh lines. She's reinvented her look. Look at that..nice. She used to be famous for nude lipstick and smokey eyes. Now she's putting the focus back on her full lips and going lighter on the eye makeup. It's very becoming, she suddenly looks 10 years younger, and more beautiful than ever. I'm so glad they're passionate again, I couldn't sleep knowing they were fighting. I wonder when the "Aniston is suicidal" rumors will start? Today or tomorrow? Angie should give her stylist a fat raise.

Why, Khloe, why?

How can I ever like Khloe KardashyWhore again when she passed up a perfect opportunity to rid the world of Monkey Face? She could have slipped a rope around her ankle attached to a cement block and grabbed her legs and pitched her foreword. But, no. Why? Why? Why?

Correction

Remember when I said I'd probably hang out with Bethenny Frankel if I lived in her NYC world because she made me laugh? I was wrong. I wouldn't hang out with any middle aged woman who felt the need to show her ass in public. I don't even care if she can cook. What an idiot.

Lourdes...always amusing

Is she raiding her mother's old boy toy closet or watching too many animated Tim Burton films? Hardly matters, Lourdes is a great beauty, that's a fact. Her mother never was. I wonder if it's true that her mother is jealous of her and spends only 30 minutes a day with her kids, like that nanny claimed? She's going to Kabbalah here, Madonna still makes the rules.

Kate Gosselin...she's oblivious

Sigh. Gloria Allred and Paul Peterson are on her ass. There's some serious petitions about potential legislation changes in the state of Pennsylvania regarding child labor and it's because of HER. Her own brother and his wife appeared on national TV and called it, and I quote "Child exploitation." Yet, the mom who's never home and can't cook is now touting her new cook book called Love Is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories.
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Unfortunately, though her kids can't remember her name, the Chex brand website remembers their own recipe and it is not called Monkey Munch. Chex calls Gosselin's publication "plagiarism." Dear Load, next you're going to tell me Kate didn't invent the 4th of July flag cake!

Broderick and SJP are moving

SJP and Matthew Broderick are moving out of their West Village brownstone and into a home that will fit their soon to be expanded family. Hmm. Isn't it odd that this is the only celeb story in ages that I have actual feelings about? I will miss photos of the couple dressed up, going to events and coming out of the brownstone. I will miss photos of SJP and her kid with the strange short pants tripping lightly down those steps. It was such a beautiful backdrop and so much a part of the pictures. Couldn't they just buy the next brownstone and knock out some walls? Aiden would have done that for her. I'll find a way to blame this on Mr. Big.

First time...

That's the first time I've ever seen Miley Cyrus looking like a normal cute 16 year old girl. Ever. Tomorrow it will be back to the peace sign, mouth hanging open, screeching, tongue lolling, cleavage baring, what ever. Her parents must have slipped some childrens cough medicine in her morning coffee.

Katie traumatized Suri?

source
"KATIE Holmes, obviously loving cameras and spotlights, shlepped her 3-year-old to last week's "American Idol" finale. The fans were shrieking. The paparazzi were hyper. The kid was shaking. Watching this, Ivana Visnjic, artist wife of actor Goran Visnjic, volunteered a lesson in motherhood with: "What are you doing? This is no environment to bring a baby! You're traumatizing this baby." Holmes promptly left."
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Oh, peeshaw! Suri goes fashion shopping in Paris! Suri only eats with chopsticks! Suri speaks several languages! Suri is an amazing woman! You fools don't understand the genius that is Suri Cruise! She'd tell you herself, but, she's busy changing her designer pull up and rinsing her sippy.

Somone gave Jessica Simpson another reality show

In her new reality show, Jessica Porkrind will fly from country to country and everyday she'll take a wild guess as to her own location and try to remember if a continent has an ocean or if that's just the continent of Canada. Then she will find out what people there think is beautiful. She won't know what they are saying because she will be speaking Texan with a whatever country she's in accent. Then, she will take the beauty challenges and try different tricks and tips to be beautiful. I hope there's one country that has a tradition of falling face first in a hot pile of dog shit for beauty. Or jumping into a pitt of starving lions. Yeah, that would work too. Go to Guam, bitch.

Sad Laboof

Shia Laboof looks sad and his hand is still bandaged up. Yes, I'm spelling it "Laboof" from now on. I'm sick of having to look up how to spell it. Lindsay Lohan should hook up with this guy, they'd be a perfect depressing couple.

Alive And...Well, Alive Anyway

Yup, she's still alive. That's her either entering or leaving Adrian Grenier's house. They were allegedly watching a basketball game. The only bouncing balls Lindsay cares about are Adrian's.

Does Anyone Care?

It's kind of amazing how irrelevant Jennifer Lopez has become. There's no buzz around her at all anymore, certainly not professionally, and not even in the tabloid sense. No one even bothers making fun of her sham marriage or painfully transparent attempts at getting back in the public eye via giving birth. You know you're over when people don't even care enough to ridicule you. It's all her own doing too. She could've been big as a movie star if she'd taken good roles and committed herself to acting, but instead she decided to become a media mogul. The lesson? Better to be good at one thing than mediocre at ten. Goodbye J-Lo.

You Mean She Hasn't Already?

Katy Perry was asked by some dopey radio hosts to name someone she'd like to fuck, and she answered John Mayer. "I couldn't marry John Mayer, it'd be so intense," the idiot said. "I'd definitely shag the shit out of him though. I'll go on record saying that."

Katy seems like she'd be right up John's alley doesn't she? We know he likes big tits, a la Jessica Simpson, and we know he digs incredibly desperate broads, a la Jennifer Aniston. So, yeah, Katy would be just about a perfect match for Mayer. Maybe he'll look her up when he's done ravaging Taylor Swift.

Mariah's still chubby

She keeps packin' it on. I keep lovin' the pics.

Evangeline Lilly poses for Women's Health mag

You know what I find interesting? A couple of years ago, when Lost was the big thing, the media shoved Evangeline Lilly down our throats with rapid speed until we could scarcely breathe. She was touted as the sexiest thing, the most beautiful woman and put at the head of fictional lists and every magazine presented a photo of her. America said "No thanks." Proving we are not sheep, we are people who will think for ourselves. Now she's gracing the cover of Women's Health. Excellent photo shopping won't help. We don't care.

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Evangeline on Angelina Jolie. “No one knows that woman; she’s a complete ice queen, which is perfect. Why should she be any more? She doesn’t owe us anything.”
She added, “[The Lost producers] have seen that I haven’t picked up on the opportunity to become a big movie star. It frustrates [them] that they’ve given me this chance to become the next Angelina… Sure, I’d love to be her, but just the humanitarian side.”

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Stupid much?

You'd better rethink things, Mr. Brolin

In Touch says they have some proof that Josh Brolin cheated on his wife, Diane Lane. Hmm. Josh, I think I can speak for most everyone here (the disgruntled will comment) when I say, we like Diane Lane. She's pretty without being obnoxious, talented without thinking she can't take a less diva role, and well, frankly, we don't think you're good enough for her anyway. Don't mess with the woman who makes tolerable brain fluff for us to fall asleep to with visions of villas and vineyards in our heads instead of the horrors of reality and litters of screaming children. Don't mess with Diane Lane. Isn't it enough that she has Barbara Streisand for a mother in law? Yes, exactly.

Nice Try Isabelle

Isabelle Adjani was once one of the most beautiful actresses in the world, but time catches up with everyone, and it has with Isabelle, who has now climbed on the plastic surgery train in a vain attempt at making people think she is Monica Bellucci.

This Is Why Twitter Should Be Banned

Demi Moore posted this picture of herself, mid-dentist-visit, on Twitter. Just in case you weren't convinced that Twitter is the most frivolous, idiotic thing in the history of the world. Besides Spencer Pratt's existence.

This Is What I See In My Nightmares

Sometimes I have really bad nightmares. They're all like that picture. I wake up sweating and punching myself in the face. This is even worse than that year when I couldn't stop dreaming of licking John Goodman's taint. Oh wait, that wasn't a dream. It was the year I lived with John Goodman. My lost year.

Amy Winehouse Drinks For The Same Reason Every One Else Drinks

Amy Winehouse's mother (or "mum" as them toofless Brits say) told Closer magazine the root cause of her daughter's drinking problem:

Two of her closest friends are going over to [St. Lucia to] try to calm her down a bit. I think it will make a big difference because in the past few weeks she's been bored.

What reason does Amy Winehouse have to be bored? Oh right: she has to live with herself every day. That would do it.

Let's Hug It Out, Bitches

Jesus wants a big group bear-hug with the Jonases, but they're too busy engaging in their favorite activity - staring into a camera. Is Jesus checking out their asses? Well, you can't blame a man for looking.

More Gosselin lies and ignorance

Sorry, I don't feel well enough to take this shit apart today. I watched a House marathon last night, but, this was on You Tube already today. Me, me, me, I, I, me, I, I, ME ME ME ME. What about the kids? I'm told Kate admitted to having child care help..for the love of organic fluff, finally!...and she also admitted her kids call her by the babysitters name. Please make my day and comment on these two sorry assed loser greedy mother fucking child pimping liars.
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One more thing. Kate, you don't have a job. All you have is a litter with a sold sign on thier naked behinds. You lying, sorry assed, IGNORANT whore.

Is She On Stilts?

Not sure why Katie Holmes was in Washington; must've had something to do with Veterans Day or Columbus Day or whatever the fuck holiday it is today (I know it's a holiday because I didn't get any calls about my warranty being about to expire). I'm also not sure why she's on stilts. Maybe she's practicing to be in a parade. If she can't make it as a stilt-walker, she will try out to drive around on a riding mower and blow an air-horn, or perhaps sit on the back of a flatbed and chuck little candies at old ladies.

Jessica Biel and her lips

Will someone please explain her lips to me. WTF? Oh, and EWWW.

Fergie, Fergie..

Don't ask me what she was thinking with this get up. This is a woman who pissed herself on stage, on purpose, and thought it was alright. I much prefer the urine.

Oddly enough

Drew Barrymore in L.A., wearing a shirt that says "my boyfriend is out of town" while Justin Long was photographed coming out of the VIP room with Hayden PantyLiner in Cannes. Here's some advice, Panty. You really don't want to mess with Drew Barrymore. She is America's sweetheart and you.........are not.

Anal warts in love

ParAsshole and DougBoob in Cannes. They are all over the place, basically having sex in public every night. Big bulbous red noses stuck in each others butts, she pulls down her top and plays with her own boobs and then hikes up her skirt so he can finger her crotch. Every night it's the same pictures, different plastic princess outfits. You have to wonder what in Hell is wrong with these two ass warts? I have no personal knowledge of the sex in public fetish, but, from what I've read, it is about sneaking sex in public. Getting away with it while no one's the wiser. They may suspect, but, they can't prove it. That seems to be the general thrill. These two pus leaking scabies scabs are beyond bizarre and I don't think it's a rumor that they make everyone vomit chunks of disgust. They've been banned in a couple of places.

Buy a napkin

Jolie on the set of Salt eating cake. I know..she eats? I can't stand it when people stick their fingers in their mouths while eating. It disturbs me. Have you ever seen the Kardashians eat? Kim has to stick her entire thumb down her throat and suck it. I mean, really, buy a napkin. If you have a blob of frosting on the tip or side of your finger, giving it a quick lick doesn't bother me. But, this whole finger thing....ukkkk. She looks like a bulimic getting a quick fix.

Strawberry Teeth Whitener : Trailer Park Cooking Show

Good to know, Jolene. That theme song is so catchy. I know it by heart and I like to sing along.

Boogie and Mouse

It's clear they enjoy their library, but, the smoking? Ahhh, I can relate Mouse. Just think of all the chew toys you could buy if you gave it up. Maybe we can quit together. Heh. Thanks, Shelly.

Alex and Gwen are back!

I really love these two little hams and I had a hard time picking a photo, they were all so cute. Adorable! I do have one question for you, Gail. How do you keep your house so clean with these two underfoot?? Someone should give YOU a TV show. Kiss Alex and Gwen for me.