1970 Living Barbie Commercial with Maureen McCormick

LOL, remember this one? That's when they started changing Barbie's face too and she had those weird eye lashes. Friggin' Marcia Brady didn't play with Barbie, she was getting high and had her own car about that time. Even though she wasn't old enough to drive legally. The studio ingnored it because Marcia was a star, she had a chocolate brown..I think it was a Mercedes. None of us had ever seen a chocolate brown car. We all wanted to be Marcia.

Huu?

I had someone comment on here that they have a friend who's an elf. I just puzzled and puzzled that. Please explain that to me and let's discuss it.

Pain in my ass

The Honeysuckle is a weird flower. I think it's called a suckle because it blooms and then sends out a shoot with another blosssom that develops. The parent blossom eventually dies and the youngster takes over, sending out it's own young shoots. Kind of like families.
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I miss my son, I was thinking today..I used to open this door and yell "Hey, Eric, I cut off my leg with the chainsaw, I'm bleeding to death!" He'd yell back "That's nothing, you should see my leg, I was up all night with the pain!" We were making fun of my mother, of course. Her pain is always greater and anything you're afflicted with, she has worse. She just told me she thinks she has a Kidney stone and pointed and asked "Did it hurt here, or here??" I'm like, no and no, but, you're most welcome to them. I don't want it anymore. Then she got distracted by something else and forgot about it. Sigh. Now I can cut off my leg with the chainsaw and no one will notice. I miss that.

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Eric wherever you are..I am singing "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a big hard on." (La la, my mother's favorite tune, that we'd screw up on purpose.)

Is it just me?

Am I the only one that has a real bad feeling about Chaz Bono's sex change surgery?? It scares me.

Holy crap! How long have I been gone?

WTF? I've been so busy reading real people I forgot about the celebs. I went and checked today and MAN! Britney and Lindsay look like dying shit piles. Lindsay is a bag of bones and wearing fringed gladiators with bikinis and Britney has gone brown and bought some new extensions to cover her fried pile. Every time Britney goes dark and starts that Frapachino shit, there's a mental breakdown in the works. I can't believe how much these two young women have gone downhill in the short time I've been gone. This aint good.

More stupid people

The Pumpkins are still behaving and happy. They are climbing the compost pile and the burn pile. I guess they got my note. I was thinking about that store clerk post, you know, some of them are so dumb they shouldn't be allowed to live on my planet, but, there are the good ones. The good ones are smart and quick and people line up to go through their aisle. I'd rather wait in line for my favorite check out gal than go to pimple boys empty line and be fucked with.

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There are some sharp waitress's too. Or wait staff, that's more PC now, but, anyway..I used to be a waitress and a bartender. I did it for years, putting myself through school and even after. I did it because it's a challenging job if youre good at it and I made more money waiting tables than I ever did with my degree. So I always had a part time second job, waiting, even after I graduated. Smart waitress's are not a dime a dozen, if you're good at it you get all kinds of benifits because the owner will put up with about anything to keep you.

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I remember training new waitress's..oh, jesus. Schmucks think they can do the job because it's a no brainer. They find out quick enough, it's a real brainer and they didn't last long. There's the ones who can't total a bill, can't figure tax in their heads. The ones who can never learn to make change. The ones who, even after two weeks, can't tell chicken from fish and stand there looking at their window until the cook comes over and explains it for the 100th time. Hint..fish don't have wings, chicken don't have fins. I remember one girl who was panicked because a customer asked for blu cheese. I followed her into the walk in and she looked at all the salad dressing, threw up her hands and said "See? None of them are blue!!" She ended up quiting because she got 5 tables at once and it freaked her out. Meanwhile I had the other 10 tables in that section and a party of 200 in the back ordering off menu, with drinks..and no bartender. She was upset because I wouldn't do her salads. Like I usually did because otherwise people's salads would have been served with their bill and a mint. So, all I'm saying I guess, is, when you go out to eat, watch your waitress and see how much she does and you can figure out pretty easily if any problems are her fault or someone elses. Hell, you might not even be her table, that's the way shit heads work. And there are shit heads everywhere. When I find a good waitress, I will wait to be seated in her section. And I tip really well. A good waitress is worth it. A GOOD waitress is not a dummy working a dead end job, trust me. A good waitress can make a months rent in a night.

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And there is a protocol for customers too, be a good customer and you will get good service. This post is getting long, so I'll put it in comments.

Thinkin'

I've been finding the most interesting places to read by clicking peoples names in comments on sites I like..and on here. I want to link them all and I have to work on that. The Internet isn't full of stupid people like I thought when I was celeb blogging, but, you have to look for the smart ones. The stupid are out front and all over. It's nice to know the stupid haven't taken over the world. Fuck the stupid..they are not amusing.

Still lovin' my camera, can you tell? The corn patch has a floor of color and a dollar store sun peeks out of the Cosmos.

Flip Flops and stupid people

I wear flip flops all Summer. I even wear them to work. I convince myself the fancy ones are sandals, yeah, I know better, I just don't give a fuck. I have this weird thing about my flip flops, I won't wear them more then a week. Two weeks tops, the minute they look worn or dirty, I throw them away. That means it makes sense to buy really cheap ones. I got these two pairs at our shitty little one department store...half off. I was lucky because they never have anything here and if they do, it's never my size..I am always stuck in the friggin' kids shoe department. Gawd, I get sick of wearing Mary Kate and Ashley at my age. Thank goodness the twins think all little girls are whores, or I'd never get anything hot.
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They had a sale at the Dollar Store and plain flip flops were a dollar. So I bought 6 more pair. The sales clerk was a box of rocks, she has a line to hell and back and I figured she was young dumb, so I decided not to be grouchy. The young dumb myth was shattered when she held up my 6 pair of shoes, and with the most confused look on her cowish face, asked seriously "Uhhh, Do you want these in a bag, or what?"
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I just stared at her with my mouth open, weighing my answer. I was thinking, no, bitch, I would like to wear all 6 pair out of here. I am a fucking Caterpillar. Or, noooo, I'm having a flip flop party in the parking lot. In my family we always throw flip flops on the fourth. Or, What are you, fucking retarded? I settled for "That would be nice, thanks." You'd have been proud of me, I think. She was too easy anyway.
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Your turn..tell me about the dumbest sales clerk you ever ran into.

Lilies

We have lots of Lilies, I like them, they're hardy, and the foliage is always pretty, so they always look good. Mom gets them all confused, she can't tell an Asian Lily from a Day Lily. These are Day Lilies. The yellow ones are a hybrid, the orange ones are wild. I dug them up from a ditch. They grow crazy here in Iowa and every country road has a big stand of them. People always call them Tiger Lilies, but, they're just wild Day Lilies. They spread like crazy. A good plant to look for if you're broke, you can always find a pick up truck load for free. They can cover a whole block area in two years. I mow them down when they get out of hand. That yellow one is creamy and very pretty. Day Lilies are awesome in trouble spots that you don't want to mow all the time, like hills.

Getting there

Yeah, I know, I keep looking at it and taking it's picture and I seem picky about it, but, I really had an image in my head when I started this bed, and it's surprised me by being almost perfect...but, not quite. I'm still waiting for the Four O Clocks and Cosmos and some others. And that damn hole in the fence has to fill in to provide the backdrop. I like watching it develop. I bought it a couple more solar lights today and I cleaned out the bird bath. I know I'm ridicuous, you don't have to tell me. But, in two to three weeks, it should match the picture I had in my head when I was out there cleaning up broken glass and junk. There are some nice dark places in the yard. I think a yard needs dark places.

Hidden corner of the yard

I don't think I've shown you this spot yet. That old bench swing is a piece of crap, but, it's still sturdy. I really like this spot because you're surrounded by green and it's serene. It hasn't quite filled in yet, but, it's working on it. There's Heavenly Blue Morning Glories in abundance and when they bloom I'll take another picture of it, because it's so pretty. There's also Morning Glories and Cucumber's growing up the swing poles and some Virginia Creeper that showed up. And there's seed Tomatos behind the bench and Honeysuckle getting ready to bloom. I just mow around the vines and sometimes I pull out a few big weeds, like Ragweed, otherwise it's pretty wild. There's not much grass, it's mostly ground ivy. I really like it there and sometimes I take some coffee and a book out there and read. Have to kick all the cats off the bench, they like it out there too. Sometimes things are best left alone, you know? If I started buying fancy lawn furniture for this spot and weeding, it wouldn't be the same at all.

Pat is an ambiguous name..

Geez, I was just opening mail and in the junk box was a weahlucy. Yahoo. I thought maybe it was a reader, so I opened it.
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weahlucy@yahoo.comHello dear new friend.Glad that I'm just browsing now in the Internet and I come acros your contact and i was much feelings oaver it,I'm miss lucy weah by name,please i will like us to hold a good relationship with a real love,I'm happy to look at your contaact today ,you sound so gentle to me that was the reason why i fall very much interested in you,contact me personal with my private box for more introduction also i will sent my pictures to you so we can know more about each other,i will be happy to see your mail my dear,age or colour even distance can't deny any genuine love,so please lets give our self a trial,thanks till i hear from you,miss lucy............. weahlucy@yahoo.com

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Yeah, yeah, they fell in much interest from a contaact (?) , whatever that is. Are there men out there who are so lonely they fall for this? And I wonder what the scheme is? How is "Miss Lucy" going to rip me off? Should I write back and find out? I'm a little bored today. I haven't had true love in a long time. Will Miss Lucy love me long time?
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Okay, I wrote back..see comments. Let's see how much Miss Lucy loves a lonely wealthy old man. ..and just what she'll do for him. LMAO!

Frimmy's Columbines

Frimmy has Columbines in her yard. She says she didn't plant them. Maybe someone else did or maybe they started from a stray seed and were allowed to establish. Columbines are magical and delicate. They grow wild here in Iowa and every year a stray seed will pop up somewhere. I've never seen white ones, Frimmy. I think the white ones are particularly pretty. They look like fairy skirts. Those pictures are beautiful and I really enjoy the close ups. Thanks!

It's raining

I love the garden in the rain. It's not stormy enough to affect the fireworks show, so far, and I have my lawn chair ready. I asked mom and aunt Ruth if they were going to come watch it, but, they both said they're too old to walk out to my garden. Please. Pffft. I survived check day, I had to wait for hours for them, but, it wasn't hot, so I didn't bitch. I had Sweet Thursday in the car. Have you read that? It's the sequel to Cannery Row by Steinbeck. I'd thought I had read evey one of his book at least 12 times, so finding Sweet Thursday shoved in the boxes of romances that came into the shop was like finding gold. I'm reading it nice and slow and tasting all the words. I love Steinbeck, you don't have to figure out if you're a feminist, an existentialist, a socialist, a pragmatist or any other freekin' ist. Reading Steinbeck is like going home and being 12 years old again without any pain. He makes me remember the things I loved about the people I hated.

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So, no real irritations today and my aunt Ruth was surprisingly lucid. We talked in the car while waiting for mom and sometimes she snaps out of her senility and becomes the sharp woman she used to be. She never was like the rest of her sisters. I admit I still get ticked at their insistence on buying lettuce because they have those stupid government coupons. If it was Iceberg, I'd get it, because I can't grow that here, but, it's not. Look at my lettuce. I dare you to find anything wrong with that and I have tons of it. But, I let it go. I have lots of corn, boy, and tomatos. Nice bell peppers. I love the bells, they're so sweet. I know the family is enjoying the garden, they're just weird. I bring them sacks of stuff from it nearly every night and they get all excited. I wonder what it's like to live in a place where you can garden all year? It might be cool, but, then again, gardens and gardeners need a break.

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So, anyway, there's my lawn chair and the fireworks should explode right over the trees and my corn there. That's the stock yards and the fair ground back there. I can hear the cows bellowing about all the excitement. I'll try and get some pictures. I bought a bunch of sparklers, snakes and snaps for Lissy. And I'm sure the older kids are armed with bottle rockets and fire crackers. And mom bought me a present.I know..I thought, oh, wtf now? Gawd damn. Then I opened the bag and it was a can of Deep Woods Off. That made me laugh. Stuff is pricey too, so I liked it. See?, she sucks me in by doing something thoughtful and funny once in a blue moon. But, it's a nice Summer weekend, just starting and why look a gift horse in the mouth, eh? Maybe, just maybe, it will be a peaceful weekend. Spell check isn't working, for those of you who have the need to correct things. Go ahead, knock yourself out. I won't mind. But, I won't remember it either.

My corn is making ears

All these picture programs are a pile of crap. Name one, I'll bet I have it and they all suck my ass. Irfanview is the only one worth a shit for just cropping and resizing and it's broken and won't reload. I'll work on it tomorrow, I'm too pissed off right now. I'm blaming it on blogger...it seems reasonable somehow. Anyway, I have baby corn...and peas and more tomato's. Gawd, my hand looks like Madonna's. Ewww. Oh, well, if you think that's bad, I'll post my bare ass. If I had a decent picture program. I think I'll go watch the TP Boys, or House. Why do women love House so much? He's such an ass.

Jon & Kate Plus 8 - "Beach Getaway" Webisode (Parody)

I know you've all seen the "Leave Kate Alone!" Vid, this one is Jon and Kate on the beach. It would be funny if it wasn't just like her. I don't know how Jon lasted as long as he did. I would have killed her.

I had that dress...and that hair

I watched Dakota Fanning in Hounddog last night. Gawd, everything in that movie was something we owned. Sleeping in junk cars was camping out, the shitty house, the clothes, the pots and pans they used. Even the weeds around the screen door. It was familiar and depressing. I liked when the black dude called her a little nigger and he said anyone who lets people walk all over them is a nigger. That made her a little white nigger. That Lewellen character was pathetic....and too familiar. I wonder if Dakota was embarrassed to play that? I was embarrassed watching it. It's humiliating to remember being a little white nigger girl. Though Dakota can count her money until the end of time now. Pretty good movie though.
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I am very familiar with adults who do anything they want right in front of chidren and then accuse the child of being a sinner for their curiosity and the knowledge they didn't even ask for. It was a theme in this movie. Grown ups were so stupid back then. Mad Men in the boondocks.

Mom! You're embarassing me!

That's Casey on horse number 2, she outgrew number 1. Wasn't she cute? Yeah, she was still cute a few years later when she entered junior high. She grew boobs and got some braces and the world changed. For the first time, she realized her mom wasn't perfect.

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We lived out in the country, so on my days (time divided with her father) I had to drive her 22 miles to school. One way. I am not a morning person. Mornings blur me, I'm kind of half witted and grouchy...and I always worked nights. I hated getting dressed just to come home and go back to sleep. So it became a habit to pull on leggings under my nightgown, suck down some coffee and go. I'd drop her off at school and head back to the farm. One day she told me sullenly that it embarrassed her, the way I wore my jammies to drop her off. Sigh. I don't know why, but, it irritated me. Let me put in here right now, that this is one of the few times I was irritated by my daughter. I can't even say pissed off when I'm typing about her. People will think it's because she is my child, but, that's not quite it. Casey is so sweet. We, in the family, always say she was born with extra heart. She's just a good, kind, decent person and always has been. She didn't get that from me. Anyway, She was a good kid who almost always did what you asked, never got in trouble and loved everyone. But, that day....geez..there it was, staring me in the face..Jr. High politics. It's the meanest, isn't it?

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The more I thought about it, the more ticked I got. And I'd like to add that I did not sleep in lingerie, I slept in oversize T's back then with goofy prints, like the "hang in there" cat. Nothing sexy. I doubt seriously that any of the oh, so, sophisticated junior high kids even noticed me slumped in the car as she scrambled out. AND..I think you all know I come from real embarrassment. Serious humiliation memories. I need a shrink..I digress..

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I decided they'd never seen me, it was all in her head, but, I'd make sure they saw me that day when I picked her up. Oh, yeah. Jeez..this is bad, but, I've started it, so here goes...

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I found a pair of polyester stretchy pink slacks at the used store. They were too tight and too short with a buldging zipper up the side. Eww. I paired them up with tube top and an open plaid flannel shirt. I wore big plastic hoop earrings and neon green high top sneakers. I ratted my hair to Texas and back and slapped on a ton of makeup. I looked like a cross between a bad tranny and Tammy Faye Baker. Not satisfied yet...I blacked out one of my front teeth with eyebrow pencil. Then I drove to the school, got out, lit a smoke, leaned against a tree by the door and waited for Casey. When she came tripping out with her friends I yelled (in a real hillbilly drawl) "Hey Casey, honey! Over here! I been a waitin'! We got that there Tuna Helper ya'll like so much at home! Yeeeeeee haw!"

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She was so shocked. I'll never forget her face. She tried ignoring me, but, I got behind them and followed them. Finally she gave up and gave me a piece of her mind. Which is real hard for Casey, because she's just so damn nice. Then she cracked up. All her friends cracked up and the crowd that had gathered too. We still laugh about it to this day. But, I'd like to say, Casey, I'm sorry your mama is so crazy sometimes. You probably deserved much better, but, you get what you get, kid...and I hope it helps to know that I not only love you, I always did like you too. You're a good egg.

That's inappropriate!

I knew it. Three days of relative peacefulness is unheard of around here..relative being the key word. Also three days of Bite-A-Weener barking. So I got tired of yelling "Shut the fuck up!" and I wrote the neighbors a note and put it on their door. They're at work. I wasn't mean, I just explained to them why they can't leave the dog out all day and I'm sure they'll take care of it. They're pretty decent. I met Mom coming back and she had this letter in her hand and was heading for the mailbox. I didn't ask..I never do..but, she volunteered: "I wrote them about that dog on the back of the garbage bill!" I was, like, what?? So I took the bill from her and sure enough, on the back of the envelope she had written "Dan, take care of your dogs!! They are barking and driving me crazy!!!!" Jesus Christ on a crutch. Now, the way she's going to tell this later, I just went off on her with foul language, but, that's not true. I tried being nice. I gently said "Mom, that's not appropriate. You can't send that because the bill goes to Dan's boss, not him. And it's not a company problem." She got mad and said he works for his relatives, they're all the same bunch, they'll take care of it! I explained it again and also how the mail carrier would read it, the people at the post office, the whole neighborhood (we live in a small town, we all know each other)..I said "That's inappropriate." She acted like that was a big college word I was throwing around to be a smart ass and put the letter in the box. That's when I took it out, removed her check and tore the envelope up, then I said "Listen up, old lady, you do not fuck with the guy at his job, that's FUCKED UP. GOT IT?" Now she's all pissed off. But, she's a box of rocks sometimes, I have to get that way to make her understand she can't do certain things.
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Trying to help nutty old people is really tiresome. They don't know their ass from a hole in the ground and I always look like the bad guy. You guys are the only ones that know the truth.
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Oh, nice, Dan's home from work and taking the dog in, he must have gotten my note. But, Mom's out there by the fence telling him how much we love his cute little dog. Jesus fucking christ on a cracker. That two faced shit is something her and her sisters do in abundance, I'll never change that. It used to confuse me when I was little and I'd contradict her in front of people. I'd get my mouth slapped or be whipped bloody and I never knew why she was so mad, because she said it! Now she's old and pathetic, but, I don't have all that much sympathy. I probably do look like a bitch to other people. It can't be helped. The neighbor has no idea he escaped a public embarrassment. And she has no idea what she tried to do was wrong. I am so fucked.

Where were we?

Whew! I can not tell you how good it is to be back on a blog that works. Struggling with something you can't fix is the most frustrating thing. I know the place looks pretty weird, I'll fix it up later. It's like coming home after being away for a long time. You have to straighten things up and kick out the dust bunnies.

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I was looking at Tarot cards last night, I searched for garden cards and didn't find any, but, I found the Moon Garden deck. It's pretty, I like the aces, but, it doesn't speak to me. I don't like too much fantasy in the cards. We don't live in medieval times and there are no dragons to slay or wizards to avoid. Metaphors sometimes bother me, it's like, get to the fucking point. People don't want ambiguous bullshit, like that goofy stuff they write in Tarot instruction books. Those sucky books! They want to know real things, like, am I pregnant, is my husband cheating? You can't shit rainbows in a unicorn field. It doesn't help anyone.

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I also found someone who made their own deck with photos and photo shop. It's called the Temperance deck. I like it, it's artsy, but, too personal for me. I don't want to see my photo or family photos staring up at me from the deck while I'm trying to work. The only way I think I can start this project is to make a card, put it on here and let you guys see it. With explanations of why I did it the way I did it. Then you can add things that may help me change it. I know there are other readers who read my blog and people who go to readers. And a lot of amateurs who have their own deck. Never underestimate an amateur reader, they cards give things to anyone interested. Anyway, that's my thought on the original Tarot deck today. Damn, it's good to be Disher again.

Stupid people and birth control

That idiot Heidi Montag is talking again, that's one bitch you can't even accuse of being young-dumb because she won't get any smarter than she is right now and right now she's so dumb she should kill herself. Let me paste in a sample..
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Heidi Dumbfuck quote: "I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they'd never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it's just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth.
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Forget the goofy conspiracy theory, does anyone else on here remember when there was no birth control?? I do. I grew up in that weird time in history when the evolution of all things pertaining to women were taboo. That's right, half the population didn't count. Oh, they had the vote, but, no one I knew used it. They raised the kids, but, none of them knew how. Every product aimed at women was supposed to make you more beautiful to men. And female problems of a biological nature were certainly not attractive to men and therefore not talked about in the mainstream. Can I imagine a Kotex, or god forbid, a tampax, commercial in 1960? Are you fucking kidding? No. The men who controlled the media would have literally shit their pants if vaginal blood was hinted at on their televisions. They'd just become liberated enough to stick those ads in the backs of women's magazines with a picture of a smiling freckled blond on the beach who had a secret. She could swim every day of the month! Wowzah. All things female were hidden.
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It got a little better in the 70's, which is when I came of age (18) but, things weren't open yet, they were progressing, but, not openly discussed. By "things" I mean women's issues. Gloria Steinem and others led a women's movement. A bunch of us in Iowa got drunk and burned our bras outside the Legion hall. The men eventually forgave us. All that stuff really meant to me was that birth control became available. Up until then it was hit or miss, pure luck. Sure, men had condoms. We called them rubbers and talk about things like rubbers made the older women sweat and run to church dragging sinner teenagers with them. Rubbers were something truckers had. They had secret rubber machines in the bathrooms of truck stops. There sure as hell weren't any rubber machines where I lived. So unless you slept with a trucker, you were pretty much screwed. No pun intended. Just about every girl I knew either got married at 16 to avoid giving birth out of wedlock, or like me, they had a kid to raise on their own. That's just the way it was. We didn't think we were a sorry lot. And we didn't spend much time crying over lost childhoods.
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When the birth control pill finally became available, it was the finest day in hick town history. That would have been in the early 70's. But, you know what? WE still couldn't get it. Nope. By we, I mean unmarried girls like me who already had a child to support alone. Oh, no, the sanctimonious elders of the town and churches wouldn't allow it. It was promoting sin. We devised plans where our married girl friends would get the pills for us. Or we went out of town and made up elaborate stories and fake married names. It was fucking horrible and awesome at the same time. To have that little round disc of pills in your hand was such a relief. Imagine planning your own future! Something women take for granted today. You can not imagine how liberated that felt. We were people! We mattered and we had choices! OMFG!
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Now idiots like Heidi who never lived through that time have to talk out their ass. We knew the health risks, they were right on the package. Doesn't that dumb bitch realize women would rather face blood clots, cancer, sterilization and everything else than have no choices?? Doesn't she realize how many women died, bleeding to death from shoving coat hangers up inside themselves JUST because they wanted a choice? I think living in poverty and abuse with no money and a pack of kids to support is a wee bit more "demoralizing" and "depressing" than birth control. Suicide was the only way out. You women out there who are too young to remember this time, well, I hope you read about it and keep making a difference. Don't ever let that time happen again. Make women important, fight for what you deserve. And if you see Heidi Montag..kick her in the face. The world is definitely over populated with her in it.