Monday, November 16, 2009

Happy birthday.......to me

Fuck birthday's when you're this old, I wish my family would ignore me, it would make me feel better about them. Your well wishes on here will mean more to me than anything they could give me, because I don't want anything from them. Oh, and if you're a troll go for it, I won't delete you on this post, but, you bitches better get it out of your system here..you're not spewing the whole place up anymore.
*
So, yeah, it's my birthday and the crap started yesterday. It started early because Lissa was here and that meant they could use her as a go between. I got an unsigned card that made no sense from my mother, hand delivered by Lis, with $30 bucks in it. I was going to send the money back, then I said fuck it. It's a down payment on a pain and suffering bill in my messed up head. I put it in my tree fund. What.....ever. After Lis left there was a loud continuous pounding on the door and someone screaming my name. I will NOT open the door for these stupid relatives anymore, but, this sounded like someone was in trouble and I ran for the door. I opened it to find that aunt I despise grinning and saying "happy birthday. It really pissed me off. This is my home, I should feel safe here and I have the right not to open the door. I don't see why that's so hard to understand. Leave me the fuck alone. Why don't they get that? They don't like me, so why don't they fuck off?
*
That's a question I can answer myself. They love to tell each other how "good to me" they are and how I'm crazy and treat them all like shit and how awful and sinful it is, because they are good and I am bad and evil. And most of that, they claim, is because Satan has ahold of me. Yep. That's why they sing "yes, Jesus loves you" outside my door and plan Jesus interventions for me that I never attend. Did I mention they're all nuts? Okay.
*
So, anyway, bitch face aunt has a plate in her hands and announces she's cooked her special fried chicken dinner for me for my birthday. I always loved it as a child (she says) and here it is again! I lift up the cover and there's no chicken. Just potatoes and some limp greens. I look at her and she chuckles and says "Those darn boys ate all your chicken. Those darn boys!" Now let me tell you right now, I don't give a fuck about chicken, this is about her and me. All her chicken reminds me of anyway is begging for food as a kid and being thrown scraps on the porch. I wan't even allowed to eat in the house with her precious kids sometimes. She can jam her invisible chicken up her ass. I came so close to slamming the plate in her face. But, I just said thanks and tried to shut the door. I'd blocked her ass at the door, she didn't get in. She tried to hug me and I blocked that too. I don't want them touching me. It makes me heave. On top of the plate was a card with a twenty in it. I kept that too. I had to fish it out of the garbage because that's where her dinner went and I noticed the card later.
*
I'm sure she went straight to my mother's shit hole so they could talk about how ungrateful I am and how good they are. There is no end to the "you're so good" conversations between them. This latest "lost chicken" episode is just more reminder of how far down on their totum pole I am and always have been. It's fortunate that they're such "good" people. I just want them to leave me alone.
*
I did have a nice birthday dinner later..Miss Peg cooked it and set a fancy table too. Thanks Peg. Oh, then we went to some single sites and made fun of all the geezer men in our age group looking for love. Later, I drove around and looked at the early Christmas lights, they were so pretty. And today I have the day off and plenty of coffee and Satan's evil cigarettes, so I think it might be a good day.

91 comments:

miss tia said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Best wishes and sending positive energy to you!!!!

Fuck 'em! i would have kept the money too! :-)

CJ said...

That is so far beyond a WTF. Their antics leave me speechless.

Enjoy your day, do what You want to do. Do not open your door to trolls or relatives.

Happy, happy birthday to YOU!

(did you know it's open hunting season on crazies?)

Theresa in Texas said...

Happy Birthday!

Enjoy yourself today!

Nina said...

Happy Birthday Pat. Love the pic of the cake!

You are a very unique person with a gift for words and gut wrenching strength. Through rage and mistrust you never lack a serene place of love and sharing for Lissa. May this next year offer you some peace and genuine happiness.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday girl! Think of it as gas money for all the Dollar Store runs you make with them. Thats nothing for all the moaning & complaining you endure from them. I'm sorry you don't have any love with the old ladies. But I get it. totally. The stole fried chicken is so typical of those "boys". "Boys"? so they are not adult men that would know better than to eat someone elses dinner? Even a small boy knows better than that. My dog knows better for crissakes!!! You prob wouldn't have eaten it anyway. Other ppls chicken scares me, frankly. Take care. xo
rox

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday, girl!!! I wish you a great day full of whatever you wish--and NO TROLLS!! Gawd, the shit you have to deal with...I'm about ready to send you a chainsaw as a birthday present...jeebus!! xxxooo

10G (Gina)

Always Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Pat!

(you are loved)

valle said...

Yay! Today's your birthday ! You make everyday special for everyone that comes here to your site for a smile .I know you've lifted me up a few times. Have a great day , do what you wanna do. :0)

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you!!!!

Dirty Disher said...

And "the boys" are my cousins..her grankids. I like the boys, they can have my chicken. Her missing chicken was just typical of the way they've always treated me.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Pat
Happy Birthday to you!!!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday!

~Palmetto Girl

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday Pat :-) Enjoy your special day the way YOU want to spend it! You're such an inspiration to all of us..

Anonymous said...

Happy B-DAY

Connie

Cut On The Diagonal said...

You give gifts to us every day. Sure wish I could give you something. Happy Birthday, Pat. Love you, Seestah.
PS (You really need to think about those fire crackers I told you about.)

Unknown said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DD. I hope you have a better day than yesterday. I can make you a sign saying fuck off and stay off my property trolls and wako's.

Mary said...

Happy,Happy Birthday!! You're awesome Pat!

Love,
Mary

Anonymous said...

All the best Pat.

Jarhead

MuserMommyinPA said...

Happy Birthday DD, from one Scorpio to another.

As always, it is you who gave us the presents on your birthday. I wish you a wonderful rest of the day and may the cigarettes and the door hold out!

Sole` said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! You are my favorite blogger. Don't let the family or trolls get you down. You are awesome!

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you all. Means a lot to me.

Marina said...

Happy Birthday DD!)))
I read your blog every day and you are a great person! Keep it up and be happy. All the best)))
Marina

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday miss!!
Enjoy your day!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Pat! XoXo

MonicaW42 said...

Happy Birthday Pat...

Ignore the crazy and try to have one day of peace.

Dan Zinski said...

I'm not going to say happy birthday cause I know you hate it.

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you some more!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday DD! Don't let the old biddies ruin your good day...

Casper

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday PAT!! Love and hugs from Los Angeles! home of satan and paris hilton oh and evil kelsey grammer!! whoo hooo, poppin open a bottle of two buck chuck for ya! come over and have some fun! love bima

Beth said...

Wishing you a very happy birthday! You did the right thing, and if they can't take a joke, fuck 'em! LOL!!!
Sending positive thoughts your way!
Beth

Anonymous said...

Virtual cake, cigs, and $50 dollar bills being sent your way......just cause....screw birthdays

escrow

Lauren said...

Happy Birthday DD!

I always enjoy your blog. Have a great day.

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you, thank you!

Heidi said...

Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday dear Dishy!
Happy Birthday to You!

Anonymous said...

Best wishes on ur bday DD =) much love, enjoy ur day n forgot all those people that annoy u =)

-kg

Matilda said...

What does it mean when your b-day falls right on Halloween? Would that be a double whammy for a scorpio or just another day?

But anyway.... wishing you a very happy birthday, Pat! Hang in there girl!

Anonymous said...

She didn't cook YOU a chicken dinner, she cooked and made it go as far as she could as proof she's such a Giver. Chicken for the 'boys' and leftovers on a plate (with extra cat hair) for you, making a special effort to walk all that way over to gift you personally.

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog DD =)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Pat!!

And many more!! (so you can keep posting and making us laugh!)

Daphne

Anonymous said...

DD :) happy birthday ! I love the last part of the
day when u went to the dating site and laff and
all those looking for love single men who have
a prescription for viagara and learned how to
surf the interweb thingamajiggy ! :-)) Kiki

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to Patricia....tha Dirty Disha....

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!!

I love going on dating sites and laughing at all the profiles.

Melissa said...

Happy Birthday, Pat!!! You made it one more year among the loonies -- here's to many more without them ;-)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Pat!
Thank you for the gift of your blog!

Lucy

Vicki said...

Happy Birthday to a wonderful
gal. You ARE special and we
appreciate you.

iambriezy said...

Happy birthday DD!

And here's a li'l something to keep the trolls talking...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrC7aXVTrDk&feature=related

Hope you have a great day.

Peg said...

Happy Birthday Pat! I know it's not the same as family but we love you here.

SharnaPax said...

Happy birthday, Pat!

I hope you treat yourself to something special, even if it's just a favorite movie and some popcorn. Do something just for you.

Know that so many people care about you.

I can B a Bitch said...

Happy Birthday!!! I have been an admiring, laughing, crying daily reader for about a year, and your blog is always important part of my day.

You are an awesome woman and a kick-ass good writer. May you shine on !!!

Anonymous said...

I really do wish you a very happy birthday! I'm glad you spent it with close friends :)

Mags

Unknown said...

Happy Birthday, Pat! Enjoy your day off, you deserve it.

alana said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAT!

I think you're GREAT and I love visiting here. You're smart as a whip!

TVSnark said...

"Here's the chicken, there is no chicken. Happy Fucking Birthday, just wanted to remind you that I've always treated you like shit and I always will.
WHY DON"T YOU LOVE ME?"
------------------------

I hate your family with a passion. I wish I could do something to help you and Lissa be free of those crazy people that don't know how to show love.

My birthday wish for you is Peace of mind. I'm wearing a (rosie'odonnell) red PEACE shirt right now.

PEACE is all we can ask for.

I love you, Pat.

Anonymous said...

happy birthday bitch! Your the shit!!!!

Anonymous said...

Many, many more Dish....xoxoxoxox

snowbunnie

Anonymous said...

just want to wish you happy birthday. i love your website.
thanks for being here

Anonymous said...

Just wishing you a very Happy Birthday.

Deb

Corina 1.0 said...

Happy Birthday DD! Hope you get to have at least 1 wish come true (ala family disapearing in the Bermuda Triangle.) Hang on! I love your blog and hope the writing you do is cataharic (sp) for you.

Unknown said...

Happy Bday Pat! Woo Hoo, ya... not so much...lol

K

Kerri said...

Happy Birthday Pat!

Julie said...

Happy Birthday

You have helped more people than you will every know.

I hope you had a peaceful day.

Brig said...

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown

A very happy birthday Pat!

Thanks for this place.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Pat.

I had to laugh when I read about your card. My mother sent a card to my youngest son one year that had a scene of cats, flowers and a house on it. He was a 12 year old boy...he didn't give a flip about houses and flowers. Well the inside said "Happy Birthday to a wonderful Grandmother".

Our mothers may be long lost relatives.

Elaine

Anonymous said...

Today is YOUR DAY! I hope you felt the hugs we all sent your way.

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
steph

Bohemianmoon said...

Happy Birthday again Pat :)

Bayou Jane said...

Pat,
Blood doesn't make a family. LOVE makes a family! And from the looks of it, you got a mighty big family right here!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER!

And what's up with the trolls? You invite them and they don't show up! You can't trust a troll!

Maureen said...

Happy Birthday, Pat. This post is proof to what a wonderful person your are and how you have touched so many people.
Have a great more couple hours!

Unknown said...

Happy Birthday Pat! I rarely comment but do read your blog on a daily basis. Wishing you all the best...
Patricia

bella said...

I hope you had a great day Pat - you deserve it!!! best wishes!

Anonymous said...

Your (cyber) cake is awesome. 666 years isn't so very old, I'm right behind you. (cackle cackle)

Alison said...

Happy birthday DD!

I know what you mean about people who make a big fuss over birthdays...it's annoying. I guess I'm weird, but I've never understood the big deal about birthdays.I stopped having birthday parties after fifth grade. I just didn't care anymore at that point.

Definitely keep the money you mom gave you. My dad used to send me money for my birthday (he's since stopped, I think because of his bitchy new girlfriend's influence, but meh, whatever) and I had a good mind to send it back to him because he was never a good father in the least, but then I thought, Fuck it, I don't have a real father figure so I might as well at least keep the money to make up for it a little bit.

Beth said...

May all your birthday wishes come true!

Anonymous said...

Happy belated birthday Pat. Well at least no one forgot in the family lol.

Awww hope it was great. Wishing you lots of laughter cuz we just need to laugh more the older we get :)

crystal

bored said...

Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Hope you did whatever made you happy! You deserve all the best.

Noelle said...

Wow! New moon last night. There is a real nice circle here.


"Can I borrow 20 bucks" Ha Ha......

Dianew said...

Pat ~

I'm so sorry I missed your birthday yesterday but, I send to you lots of GOOD wishes and hope that someday soon you will get the peace that you so desire. I understand more than you will ever know about 'family' and not being wanted.
I am grateful that I can now include you as someone with whom I choose to be in MY life and that you have generously accepted me. Happy Birthday and wishes for much happiness.

Mich said...

Oh, I am a day late. Happy (belated) birthday! Wishing you all the best for the year to come.

Shelly said...

I hate Birthdays, I feel uncomfortable when people apologize for not getting me anything. I always like a simple "Happy Birthday". I also like home made gifts from my kid. One year I got a mason jar filled with cut up crepe paper and glitter glued to the outside. It was the best gift ever. I kept it on top of the TV for about 6 months.
Happy Birthday DD!

J said...

Happy Birthday, DD. Maybe with your b-day cash you should buy a peep hole for your door so they can't sucker you into opening it anymore!

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you all. You guys are awesome.

Anonymous said...

Happy belated Birthday from Sammy & I!!! :)

Screw your mom and crazy aunt. Screw my crazy mom too.

ronnie said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Is there some way you can just cut these people out of your life & Lissa's life? They're so toxic.

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you!!!!! No, Ronnie, I'm stuck here. Biz, wow. Heh heh. Hug Sammy for me.

Nissa said...

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
I hope you had a good one, you deserve it.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Pat! You've made me laugh, cry and everything in between!

Dirty Disher said...

Thanks again! And thank you all a million times for reading me and for making the comment section..which makes my day every day!

Merette said...

Pat,
I wished you a Happy Birthday over at Moon's site on the entry she put up. I'm sorry I am late in wishing you a Happy Birthday right here on your own site. I hope the year ahead is a good one for you. No matter what, Pat, we all love you and your great blog. I love coming here to read your great stories and have a really hysterical laugh. That cake picture kills me. I love it.

Anonymous said...

Happy belated birthday Pat! You are awesome. Love you and your blog xo

~ Jess

lia said...

ahhhh so you are a scorpio, no wonder you have such a sensitive skin and such a nasty bite to match. happy birthday!!! and many more in full happiness and good health.

cyberisis said...

A belated Happy Birthday to you!

Anonymous said...

Happy belated birthday!!!!!
Sorry your relatives are close enough to contaminate a perfectly good day.
I wish you every good thing in the coming year! The next time your mother decides to come to your house to abuse you, may she lose her way.
The next time your aunt comes over with invisible chicken, may a renegade pitbull chase her all the way to Peoria, and the next time someone comes over to vandalize your yard, may they spontaneously burst into flames! Let me know if this actually happens and I will send you a bag of marshmallows!

Christina