Was I close? It is too much to type in PSP.
Dear my real neighbor, this month has been interesting. Interesting, in, it has been a learning experience for me, not in the 'you're interesting' sense. I know you are having some problems and I have tried to be helpful, non-judgemental and yet keep a safe distance. You refuse to respect that distance. Yes, I do have a smoke you can 'borrow'. Of course you may 'borrow' my phone. Absolutley, you can 'borrow' water from my hose. I do expect you to take this dictionary I am leaving outside my door today. Consider it a gift. I have marked the definition of the word(s) borrow/borrowing for your education and convenience.
Yes, water, yes, smokes, yes, food, yes, phone, yes, wifi, yes, a couple of dollars, yes, shower, a beer, a soda, yes, towels, yes, ice, yes, rides in my car, yes, yes, yes. I actually said, no, to the shower, if you remember, but, then you pretended not to hear me and shamed me into letting you use it. I am not really comfortable with that. I also asked you to leave after that. I did it politely, but, you took the hint. It only lased one day, didn't it? Now, I have resorted to not answering the door and you have resorted to yelling 'I can hear you in there' to me on the other side of the door.
Here's the deal, neighbor..we 'bout ta have a blow up. I would really like to avoid that, for your protection. This is MY door, I own that door. I will open it when I want to and only when I want to. You will learn the word NO today, (today, not Thursday or Saturday or next week) no matter how much I despise neighborhood confrontations and no matter how unwell I have been feeling. You know what your biggest mistake was? Not continuously asking me for things, but, your inability to offer me any fucking thing. Oh, yeah. It was you who saw how shitty my microwave is, in fact, you were making fun of the ancient thing, WHILE you were 'borrowing' it. THEN you had the nerve, insight, to brag to me about how you have five brand new microwaves in storage and that every one of them was free. People just LOVE to give you microwaves, it seems. (It was then I realized you were waiting for me to put in a monetary bid and I passed.) I also noticed how when I made you a sandwich, when you said you were out of food, you complained about the kind of chips I had. No, I will not be adding your brand to my grocery list. You also invited the rest of your family over to eat here. If you hadn't, I would have, so that was alright, but, asking first would have gone far with me. Oh, that was an amusing crack you made about my old dial up land line phone too. Ha ha. I laughed so hard about how YOU have an awesome new cell phone (which someone gave you for free!)..with no wifi access. You now have wifi. You're welcome. You have a small child. You need it. It does not hurt me to give it to you, since you have no computer. I won't be an asshole and change the password..until I do. (Because it's my password. Do you see a pattern starting to emerge here?) But, now, I am done. I have given you everything I am willing to give.
Sincerely, your Guntown neighbor. Not your best friend. Not your mom.
ps..on top of the dictionary is a bag of dog food. Consider that your parting gift. You really don't want me to tell you goodbye. Oh, and yes, I know you went through my medicine cabinet. I am sure you had a good reason. Possibly looking for an asprin? What ever. I really do not have a problem helping people, and I do not have a problem telling people when they have crossed a line. Guns and pit bulls do not frighten me in the least. Sharing my shower with a stranger does though. I guess I should (and will) add this to my note outside. "DO NOT FUCK WITH ME, I aint right in the head." Now, surely, you understand that. It is not a question. Do not make me say it to your face. I know you can read. I know you aren't stupid. That is the really sad part of all this. You are ignorant as hell, but, none of you are stupid. You also know that all the bragging, you all did, about how dangerous you are, did not impress me in any way. (I would really wonder about that, if I were you.) I know you know how I feel too. I could see it on your face, yet still..you come. You are strange people. But, not at all unique, as you believe. You are really quite typical. Boring, actually.
pps..helpful advice. Stop using the N word. I don't care where you grew up. You are not black. You're welcome. The ball is now in your court. I was going make an eight ball joke, but, I know the word 'court' makes you nervous, so I will dispense with that humor. It will save you from pretending you don't get the joke. It's exhausting, isn't it? Let's put an end to this today and from now on, we will wave to each other when we see each other. I think that's best, don't you? Actually, that wasn't a question either. You are still welcome to the wifi and the hose. Do not ask me for anything else unless someone is bleeding. Heavily. Goodbyes are for children.
12 comments:
See what happens when you're nice to people? It's why I never am.
I have to agree with you on this one. But, if you're never nice, then you never meet the good people either. I will contine to throw a dollar a month away on the lotto tickets too. I don't expect to win, but, I have to play just in case.
I guess this is the old "give 'em an inch. . ." kind of thing. That sucks. They sound like major assholes, and if they have any common sense, they will keep their distance from now on. Have they lived there long? Are they professional grifters? It is really creepy the way they have wormed their way into your life. Any decent person with that many nice microwaves in storage would have offered to give you one for being there for them. (I'll bet they were stolen at shift change somewhere, if they actually do have them.) Jerks. I hope they have diarrhea when they are going out their front door, and slip in their own shit.
You are a very kind person for putting up with their crap for this long. Unreal that they are yelling at your door when you choose not to answer it. That takes some nerve.
Christina
Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. A friend of my sister is the same way, but not so extreme. She is always asking to use the phone or come in because she's bored. (She's like ten years old) But one day she was kicking on the door and trying to unlock it with a Bobby pin, and I wasn't home! I was at work! It was my two sisters only there at the time.
But for an adult to do this? Way creepier. I would be scared, but then again I live in an apartment where the people are always changing.
I moved in Sat and Sun. Looked thru everything twice for my cutlery, such as it is, and couldn't find it so borrowed a spoon and a fork from the people on the right. Then I went and got something to eat, and opened up what would be the cutlery drawer and there my stuff was. My sister laughed evilly when I told her.
No internet till Saturday, can't without it that long so am borrowing wifi from the guy on the left.
I don't want to go shower at their houses tho, and it is unlikely I'll be borrowing anything else because I hate it. But hell, a fork and wifi is worth begging.
I don't know why you have so much patience for these people.
I'm making the assumption that this is the guy who worked in garbage collection and woke you up at 4:00 every morning. I hate to hear about this because of the dog and the kid. And I know that even as bad as you are feeling, you will not let the dog go hungry. I don't know what you can do about the kid w/o the parents being there, but I'm sure you will think of something.
You are a lot nicer than I would be.
You described them very well. You made my skin crawl. I guess most of us have come across someone like this, but I've never had to live next them. Are you really sandwiched between Tuwella and this creepy family. They sound like they represent every entry in the DSM.
It never ceases to amaze me, the audacity of people. You try to be a good neighbor and your reward is to be taken advantage of, because that's what it is. I've owned homes for over 25 years and I have never experienced this. Ever. I had a guy who would borrow our tiller in the spring and always returned it with a 12 pack of beer. That's it. That might explain why we have such a good relationship with our neighbors. We talk and joke when we see them, but would not dream of imposing on them.
Can't even imagine putting up with such I don't know..annoying shenanigans! The neighbor sounds almost stalker-ish. Im glad you are drawing that line you won't cross, although taking "NO!" for an answer does not sound like a hint the neighbor will take seriously. If there are kids involved - its hard not to want to help.
Nope, not the garbage man. He's still throwing his beer cans in my yard once a week. No worked a bit. Not completely. I feel so sorry for them, but, my heart knows what they are. They aren't total snakes, but, they are NOT people I want to hang with. I am tired of ppl like this saying 'You think you're better than me.' Yeah, you know what? I do. I have friends, they occasionally do me a favor, sometimes, it's big. But, I would never think of asking them for everything I can think of all day and night long. It's ridiculous and it's pissing me off. We has a straight talk yesterday. Went something like this.."I knocked, but, you didn't hear me." I said, oh, I heard you just fine, I was ignoring you. That one sentence of truth silenced them with shock. It seems no one will just tell them, straight up, because they're scared of them. I am not. I just don't hate them, so it makes it difficult. However, that is the thing that makes ppl like this keep pushing. I think we'll be okay. I'm hoping.
Oh, and they are part from here (Guntown) part from North Omaha's black ghetto, (her). So, they know the rules here. That's why the N word thing was a favor. She really didn't know. She does now.
ps.. I don't know if this helps you understand where my head is at, but, I see a dead child around her. We have never spoken of it. It's a little boy. I may ask her one day who he is.
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