First Lady Fashions

HERE is an article about how some of our First Ladies financed their wardrobes. Every article I've read on this has called Michelle Obama a fashion icon. I could puke at that. That woman wears some of the worst, mismatched, ill fitting clothes I have ever seen. But, that's her day wear. When she goes full on red carpet, someone takes care of her, because she does have beautiful floor length gowns..sometimes.

I don't know who made that one, but, it does look nice on her. I would have lost the flared hip thing, but, considering the crap she usually chooses, this is a dream number. The color is amazing.

HERE is an article just on Michell and how she supposedly pays for all these clothes. Supposedly the First Lady's clothes are not paid for by the government. Umm hmm. When you think about it, it would get real tricky to try and finance all the fashion they are expected to wear. But, I'm sure designers are lined up to get their stuff on her back. Don't you think so? I'll bet she gets racks and racks of free clothes delivered almost every day. She just chooses the wrong ones. Someday maybe she'll figure out what size she really wears. (Eye roll) Because, I mean, come on...

Would Jackie O have been caught dead in that? No. Is she opening a disco here? How tight is that thing?

How about this? Good gawd. She looks like a target for the Taliban. Made of tissue, like those Mexican paper flowers on day of the dead. WTF is up with that?

Ummm.....I don't even know.

Awkward pose in a weird dress. It reminds me of those disposable dresses we had in the 60's. And that's not good. Is she really a fashion icon? Really?

Good grief. I'm sorry, but, she's no icon. She looks like a tranny. My apologies to trannies everywhere. But, this chick looks more like a linebacker turned loose in his mother's closet than a fashion icon.

I almost forgot this one. Muppet.

Kandi Burruss need to dump..her mother

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This wedding special of Atlanta housewife, Kandi Burruss to Todd Whatshisface is getting out of hand. Does anyone else follow this shit? I haven't watched any of it, but, I know I eventually will. I read it all. I can not stand Kandi's insane old redneck mother and I never could. I hate seeing that old attention whore on the screen. At the reunion, the old bad admitted to Andy Cohen that she wanted to be a housewife and bragged about the diamonds Kandi had bought her. Everyone knows Kandi supports her, even giving her a house. But, that wasn't enough. The greedy bitch wants to live in Kandi's mansion and she hates it that her daughter is getting married, because that means less money for her, in her eyes. That's how greedy controllers think. They have to keep you away from everyone else so they can keep control.

First off, let me tell you, I can't stand Kandi. I am not a fan. BUT, it was clear to me from episode one, that Kandi is the only Atlanta housewife who actually works, made her own fortune and continues to create businesses. She is, financially, the real deal. Credit where credit is due. Even if I think adult products and adult product parties are sleezy. Then you have Kandi's old bag mom pushing her nose into everything even though she lives off Kandi! And pretty well to.

Kandi met Todd in Africa when they were filming one of those stupid 'Housewives go on expensive vacations paid for by Bravo' episodes. He was part of the film crew. Is he after her money? Probably. But, it's her mistake to make and her mother needs to shut the fuck up. Bravo needs to stop filming that old woman. She points out that Kandi is fat (we have eyes bitch) and that all Todd wants is money and the good life (let us make our own conclusions, twat) and now she claims Todd was raised by a pimp and a whore. Good grief. Shut up.

Kandi needs to dump her mother. She seriously needs to dump that old lady and not pay her another dime. She needs to stop buying that old rip diamonds and houses and just say, fuck you. I can't stand it. How old do people have to be before they realize that just because someone gave you life, you don't owe them a lifetime of support. Not when all they do is try to control you and take advantage of you. It drives me nuts. If anyone understands all the guilt and emotion that comes from having a controlling mother, it would be me, but, how long will Kandi allow her mother to play this game It's becoming ridiculous and Kandi looks like an idiot at this point. Mama Joyce is winning. Everytime she opens her dumb mouth another point is scored. Will it ever end? Will Kandi ever take control? I want to grab that old bitch's wig off her head and slap her with it. THIS IS NOT GOOD TV!

 
Here are these bitches on The View. Just listen to the interaction between Kandi and her mother. It is SO sick. This is not a normal relationship.If you can stand watching any more of this horrible women, HERE is Kandi and her mother arguing over the new car Kandi bought mama Joyce. That old woman lives her life like she's a huge baller, when in fact, she was a former housekeeper until her daughter got rich. Now she lives totally off Kandi. Which is fine, but, take the new car and shut the fuck up. Say thank you. Thank you is not in her vocabulary.

Houdini Horse Mariska

This is amazing. Mariska the horse is nicknamed Houdini because no stall can hold him. He not only goes where he wants, he takes his friends with him. I've had horses sort of like this, but not this smart. Geez, you'd have to put padlocks on everything! And they say no one taught him this, he just watched humans and learned it himself. Wow.

Grapes and wings

Tying up grapes with bingo wings. When did that happen??? Well, fuck me!

Wipe that look of disbelief off your face, bitch, because you have bingo wings. Gowd...............Dammit.

I read that you can give yourself a mini face-lift by posing with your hands on your cheeks. But, it only works on one side with selfies.  Okay, I am done with this shit. Bingo fucking wings. What's next? Ass droop? Turkey gobble. I think I have those already. Tits on your knees? Check. But, GD bingo wings, really? If this is 60, you can shove 70 where the sun don't shine. Jesus.

Nicole Kidman on family

HERE Nicole Kidman talks about life on the bus with husband Kieth Urban and his tours. She loves her children so much and says she'd have more in a heartbeat, but, it isn't going to happen because Urban has different views. All that is fine and dandy and I'm sure true. But, then she goes on to say she's learned to pick her battles after dealing with teens, Isabella and Conner, her children with Tom Cruise.

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All of that is baloney. I'm a huge fan of Kidman, but, I don't buy that she 'picks battles' with those oldest two. Tom took those kids away from her and I doubt they even call her mom. (Didn't Katie Holmes confirm that years ago?) I doubt she has any interaction with them other than the occasional  phone call and maybe, maybe a short holiday visit. She probably doesn't even get that or we would have seen it in the press. Tom and his army of lunatic Scientologists cut Nicole out of those children's lives long ago. I'm sure it hurts and she'll never get over it. I'm also sure she's still afraid to tell the truth. She's kept Tom's secrets for so long. Those goddamn Scientology goons are no joke. I'm also sure Katie Holmes was well aware of what Nicole went through with that little creep and it had a lot to do with how she made her escape and got to take her kid with her.

I feel bad for Nicole, but, yeah, it IS different this time. This time you have biological kids, even if a surrogate was involved with one, but, she also isn't married to fuck face Tom Cruise and his lunatic cult anymore. If she and Urban ever split up, she'd still have kids. All this shit has to have wrecked her in some way. You know it did. No one could go through that and be completely normal. And I will always wonder what Tom had on Nicole, that she allowed him to take her children. Because you know that's how that cult works. It had to be devastating. I'm glad she's happy now with her new life, but, I sort of wonder if it wouldn't be better if she just stopped talking about Isabella and Conner. We all know they're gone. They're old enough now to do whatever they want. But, you never see them with Nicole. Because they're brainwashed Scios and that's that.

Letting go of your children has to be the hardest thing in the world, but, sometimes people have to. I guess you'd just keep the photos and the memories and tuck them away for personal viewing and not talk about them any more. Because when your child is a Scientologist and you aren't, they aren't yours anymore. Heart wrenching as that is, it's the truth.

The wedding of two fame whores

HERE is a story of such excess and egotism that I was rolling laughing at it. The KimYeezer wedding and some of the crap that went into would put even Goopy to shame. And the sheer stupidity that massive egos cause! Kanye running around with a saw just hours before the ceremony, sawing a bar in half! Yelling about Italians and minimalism. Kim unplugging lights that took days to install and had to be hauled up an incline with cranes! Black marble life sized statues, an army of them, ordered only four days before the event! On a whim of Kanyes! Golden toilet towers! What? These people are truly insane with ego. Oh, and apparently they treated Andrea Bocelli like shit and kicked him out while that idiot Jayden Smith in his bat costume stayed! OMFG!

Andrea Bocelli, you may be famous and admired around the world, but, Kim and Kanye don't have a bar stool or a glass of water for you. Not when a Smith kid is around. Don't let the flower wall hit you in the ass on the way out.

Read that shit and tell me what YOU think of this pretentious nonsense.

The mystery redhead, from another perspective

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Maddox Jolie Pitt is 12 and he's in his first relationship. His girlfriend is British and Angelina says she's 'a great lady'. I think she's giving her son a break by calling this child a 'great lady'. She knows how not to embarrass him. She also takes it seriously and they've had the girl friend on the red carpet as well as getting back to England as often as they can, so Maddox can see her.

It was actually Alissa that brought this to my attention. She was overjoyed to see Maddox with a girl and a redhead (like me!) to boot. I asked (seriously) so who is this Maddox? 'Oh, he's a really hot guy and every girl in third grade likes him.'  I asked, but, why is he famous? So, she says, in typical kid fashion, because his mom is in some movie, I think. I asked what movie? She says, Maleficent and can we see it? Yes, sure. (Because I see everything Angelina does.)

So, to someone not quite 10, Maddox is the famous one. Angelina Jolie's name didn't even ring a bell. Nope, no idea, never heard of her. I asked who Maddox's dad was and she told me she didn't know, he's not important. He's just, like, a dad. I asked if he was good looking and she said, he's okay for an old guy. Not embarrassing anyway.

I decided to break the news to her that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are huge movie stars well known to the entire world. She said, 'Are they like those Liz and Dick people? 'Cause that movie was dumb.' I tried to explain that Lindsay Lohan is not Elizabeth Taylor, but, her eyes glazed over and she really wanted to talk about Maddox's girl friend's clothes. It became clear. Maddox is a star. His parents are just parents. I have to get with it. I think she feels sorry for me because I'm old and don't know these things.

Cookie eats popcorn

Meet Cookie. Bethenny Frankel's best friend. Sure, this is just a dog eating popcorn, but, this was posted by Bethenny herself back in 2008. So, dear Cookie is getting pretty old. It's shameful that Jason thought it was okay to use this elderly dog to upset Bethenny and make her look like a crazy bitch.

Personally, I think Cookie is hilarious because she looks so cute and harmless, but, in fact, she's a sturdy sized dog and she will go ballistic and tear the shit out of any stranger (or even people she's already met) who enters Bethenny's apartment. She can get fierce and downright mean...and a tiny bit dangerous! I used to crack up when she'd go off, because I usually agreed with Cookie's assessment of people. She's a sharp Cookie. I'd rather watch Cookie then Jason any day.

 

Cookie attacks. LMAO! Have fun in court, Andy. I agree  with Cookie.

The Frankel, Hoppy divorce is getting SO dirty

This Bethenny Frankel divorce from Jason Hoppy is getting so dirty I can't believe it. But, the more I read, the more I understand what motivated her to let her dirty laundry flag fly. Jason has dragged out this divorce for what seems like years. In a statement from her lawyer we hear, 'He threatened to destroy her,' Frankel's attorney said.

'He had her followed and spied on along with their daughter. He hacked into her most private personal email.'

​ '​He has consciously placed his desire for revenge … over the best interests of this family and particularly the child,' Mayefsky concluded.​ ​'He has sought to obsessively control their every move through their daughte​r."

I totally believe that. He seems like the type who would try to destroy her simply because she doesn't want to be with him anymore. And he IS controlling. You could see it on the show. Every word she said, he had to butt in a try and correct her way of thinking or put her down for the way she said it. It was sickening to me and I remember yelling at the screen, "Tell that asshole to shut the fuck up, Bethenny!" It seemed to me, as a viewer, that she tried really hard to please him and his whole obsessive family. Hell, he knew who he was marrying. He married an assertive bitch, he liked her that way or he wouldn't have married her. Would he? I think now, that he married her for fame and money and when he couldn't control every thing that came out of her mouth, he went ballistic. 

I know this is a lot of typing about someone I don't even know, but, I think this happens to a lot of women.  Gawd, first he refuses to move out of HER apartment that she bought and decorated, then he accuses her of taking everything when she left! Go figure that thinking. Of course you'd take your stuff, asshole. She took the cooking utensils. She's a fucking chef! WTF? She even left him temporary cooking stuff until he could buy some. I wouldn't have done that. WTF is he on about? 

Oh, there SOOO much more, but, the one thing I just read HERE is that the bastard locked her dog, Cookie in a storage closet. Anyone who watches Bethenny knows Cookie is second only to Bethenny's daughter in her life. She's always had Cookie and  Cookie is treated as a member of the family. He knew that would flip her out to know Cookie got locked in a storage area! He also took Cookie to a dog hotel and refused to tell Bethenny where the dog was! That shit is such deliberate meanness. I mean, gawd, Cookie is Bethenny's best friend and she had her own You Tube channel. That shit wasn't posted by an assistant. It was all Bethenny and Cookie. So, doing these things to Bethenny isn't like if someone put my annoying dog in a storage room. I'd just go, ehh. But, he knew Bethenny would flip the fuck out. Anyone would know that. He's an asshole.

This Jason dick needs to get his ass kicked in court. He's now making Bethenny look like a crazy bitch and that's so fucking typical of a controller. It's called gaslighting. Look it up. I just hate him.

You ugly controlling bastard, when this is over, no one will take your damn picture and no one will pay you millions to be on tv. No one wanted to see you or your goofy mother in the first place. We tuned in for Bethenny, you were just there, sticking your big nose in for no good reason. Get lost.

Men who do this to women ARE controllers of the worst kind. Have you ever been in the clutches of a controller, male or female? Tell me about it.

A letter to Gwyneth Paltrow from a Green Beret Sargent, Bryan Sikess SFC, USA

By Bryan Sikes, SFC, USA
Clash Daily Guest Columnist
To Miss Paltrow,
I’d first like to start out by saying how terrible I feel for you and all your friends that on a daily basis have to endure mean words written by people you don’t know. I can only imagine the difficulty of waking up in a 12,000 square foot Hollywood home and having your assistant retrieve your iPhone, only to see that the battery is low and someone on twitter (the social media concept that you and all of your friends contribute to on an hourly basis to feed your ego and narcissistic ways), has written a mean word or 2 about you. You’ve hit the nail on the head, war is exactly like that. You should receive a medal for the burden you have carried on your shoulders due to these meanies on social media.

You said, “Its almost like, how in war, you go through this bloody dehumanizing thing and then something is defined out of it.” I could see how you, and others like you in “the biz”, could be so insecure and mentally weak that you could pair the difficulty of your life on twitter to my brothers who have had their limbs ripped off and seen their friends shot, blown up, burned and disfigured, or wake up every morning in pain – while just starting the day is a challenge. How about our wives? The ones that sign on to be there for us through thick and thin, that help us to shake the hardships of war upon our return? And do all this while being mothers to our kids, keeping bills in order because we are always gone, and keeping our lives glued together. They do all this, by the way, without a team of accountants, nanny’s, personal assistants, and life coaches. Yeah, reading a mean tweet is just like all that.

You know what is really “dehumanizing”, Miss Paltrow? The fact that you’d even consider that your life as an “A-list” celebrity reading internet comments could even compare to war and what is endured on the battlefield. You and the other “A-listers” that think like you are laughable. You all have actually convinced yourselves that you in some way face difficulty on a regular basis. Let me be the first to burst your bubble: a long line at Starbucks, your driver being 3 minutes late, a scuff mark on your $1200 shoes and a mean tweet do not constitute difficulty in the eyes of a soldier.

Understand me when I say this: war does not define me. It is a chapter in my life that helped shaped me. Being a husband and father is what defines me. Remember, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never…be close to what war is.
***********************************************

Well, that about sums it up, doesn't it? I think she'll be very irritated when she reads that he thinks her shoes only cost $1,200 dollars. That's like calling her a peasant.

Autum Asphodel explains bullies and bullying

This is something and someone I have wanted to share with you for awhile, but, I was reluctant to do so. Because Autumn is someone I'd like to protect, even though I don't really know her. I've been a fan of hers for a long time and the more I learn about her, the more interesting she seems to be. And also, the more I learn. HERE Autumn talks about bullies and bullying. I had Alissa watch it and she understood it. We had to talk about some things here, some difficult things, and this helped. I also explained to her what Autumn meant when she said bullies pick on people they perceive as weak and how sometimes you have to stand up for yourself when things go too far.

I found Autumn by accident. I was looking at different fashions actually and Autumn popped up. I thought she was cute and Goth and went about my way. Later, I was learning about transgender people and again, Autumn popped up. So, Autumn was born in a male body, but, she is now a woman. Interesting. She talks freely about her surgeries and her journey and even video blogged through it all. What she went through was horrendous. I don't know if I could have endured it. But, she's happier now. Learning all that was something else, but, again, I went on my way.

Later, much later, I was learning all I could about certain mental illnesses and who should pop up again? Autumn. Oh, my. Now, I learned that not only is Autumn transgender, but, she is also a schizophrenic with disassociative disorder. Which means, she has created multiple personalities. She is currently in treatment and is doing well. She is also studying psychology and she's very, very smart and well spoken. She is not afraid to show you her alters. In fact, I've been watching her for so long now that I can tell when a vid is made by Autumn or Iris or another personality. Lissa knows all of this, but, she hasn't seen the more graphic or disturbing videos. She does love Autumn though and loves to do her makeup like Autumn. I think she learns good things from Autumn. She's learned to be open minded and not to make fun of people who are different, because they might just turn out to be pretty cool.  Autumn is an interesting person, that's for sure.

HERE, she introduces us to several of her many alters. Is this real? You tell me. I've been on her channel awhile and I accept it. It's real to her. But, she's also very clever. Keep that in mind. If you click her name and look around, you will find the vids describing her sexual reassignment surgeries. It blew my mind how much she went through to become a woman. She also talks about her abusive childhood in some vids and describes how that affected her. Autumn herself put it out there, so I guess it's okay if I share it. Some of it is hard to take though, I warn you. Some of it is a little scary. It makes me wonder if I'd be so accepting if I met her in person. I'd like to think I would. I'd like to think that. But, you can never know for sure, can you?

By the way, if you're curious and really brave, you can watch the actual surgery of a male to female transgender HERE. It's graphic though, but, very interesting. Female to male surgery is HERE.

The Whittington family..Ryland's story

Some parents have to ask themselves, pretty early on, do you want a dead daughter or a healthy, happy son? For Ryland's parents, the answer was obvious. The more I learn about this, the more empathy I have for these children born into the wrong body.

WHAT in hell is wrong with this little idiot?

I don't give a fuck about KimYeezer's wedding. I have not one fuck to give, but, then I read this..

'Will Smith‘s son Jaden wore a white Batman costume and ran around like a chicken with its head cut. Vogue Italia’s editor in chief, Franca Sozzani, was getting irritated because he kept coming up behind her and throwing his cape over her head.'

Here is the source and I'll be damned if there isn't photos. Are you kidding me? This little shit pulled this at a wedding reception?? Who the fuck does this kid think he is and how the hell are his parents raising him that he thinks this is okay???? On what planet do you pull a stunt like this?? These Smith people are out of their damn minds. Shut up and sit the fuck down, Gawd.

Fury over sign posted near London public park

"Do not walk your dog here! Muslims do not like dogs. This is an Islamic area now."

Sign posted near a public park in London. Oh, my. Ohhhh, my. I have no idea who posted it and neither do authorities. It's been taken down after a battle nearly broke out. People were seriously pissed. When I talk to or read about people in the UK, most of them are infuriated at the large number of Islamics in their country and the ramifications of this. Like, this sign, the dress, their restrictions and the Halol meat being sold to everyone. I live in Midwestern USA farm country, so I deal with very little of this. But, I wonder what your take on it is? Are Islamics trying to take over or are they just taking advantage of other countries freedom of religion laws? Here, it's Christians trying desperately to keep their hold on everyone else. They're slowly losing the battle, but, that's another post. I just wondered what you all think of this stuff. Not trying to start a war or bash Muslims.

BTW, I had a Muslim net bf before (judge all you want, he was awesome) and he LOVED dogs. He just couldn't own one because he couldn't touch them. It would have made his hands spiritually dirty. The more I learned about his Islamic ways, the more I understood that our differences could not be overcome with any amount of open mindedness.

Brad does wine now

You can go HERE and read about Brad Pitt's new obsession. It used to be architecture, then art..now it's wine. It's easy to say it's pretty simple to be a wine expert when you can just go buy a spectacular vineyard, but, Brad and Angie worked for their money and they can spend it as they want. So, they bought a vineyard and he's learning how it all works. In one way I think it's really cool. But, another part of me just yawns and glazes over. All wine tastes like mouldy dust to me. Even the smell of it makes me want to vomit. Wine people are nuts, the way they carry on about wine and the differences and the vintages and bla, bla. Cork sniffers, I call them. At least Brad won't turn all Goopy about it. I hope Angie likes wine too, because he's going to be talking about this for years. Of course, she does have some influence. They don't live in Waterfall House, do they? Heh heh. No. They live in castles now. Who's idea was that? Umm hmm.

What's your take on wine and wine experts? Can you even stand it and the cork sniffers? You know what else I hate? The wine captains in restaurants. Wine 'captain' with your stupid corkscrew necklace, I'll have a Pepsi on ice. No, you won't get a wine tip here. Sorry. I'll give you a buck if you can get the harp player to do some Nirvana though. I'm classy like that.

The wicked C-U-Next-Tuesday is back

Kate Gosselin and her plastic hair extensions are heading back to tv. The cough, cough, learning channel, no doubt. You can watch the short film of it HERE. That bitch (I was going to say witch, but, that's an insult to Pagans everywhere) says she bought her kid's cell phones just so she could take them away. She still cackles like a maniac with a corn knife.

Who does that? Who buys a kid a cell phone, JUST so you can grab it when they don't tow the line like good little soldiers? They're like trained monkeys, money making monkeys. Only the monkeys are starting to revolt. The army is falling apart. I don't think I want to watch any more of her no matter how bored I get. That's just no way to treat kids. Kids, no matter how irritating they can be, are just small people. People aren't perfect and Kate just can't understand that. The older they get, the more you can see how much she's fucking them up. How is that good tv?

Footage of the North Dakota tornado

I'm so fascinated by the tornadoes. Are you? Now that everyone and their dog has a vid camera, we're getting some amazing storm footage. That tornado that hit North Dakota injured 9 people and tore the hell out of some areas. Here some guys are filming it..in a trailer park! I can't think of a worse place to be during a twister. I'm in the same boat though. No basement. My plan is and has always been to outrun it in the car. That's worked out quite well in the daytime, but, at night it's scary as hell. You can't see them. You can hear them though. The only thing you can do then is throw a mattress over your kid and hope for the best. Still, the law of averages is on my side and we've already been hit here. So, hey, I still like them. They're amazing. Every time the siren goes off, we run outside with the cameras. It's a tornado alley sport.

Go to You Tube and type in North Dakota tornado and you'll find a ton of mind blowing videos.

House backs plan to change school lunches

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WASHINGTON (AP) -- A House committee has endorsed a Republican plan to allow some schools to opt out of healthier meal standards.

It's about time. A nation of shool children have been hungry all school year because there's nothing on the requirement list they will eat. Not to mention, the billions of dollars and tons of food that goes to waste. Michelle Obama has taken some real heat over this stupid lunch plan and has had officials speaking out for her, denying that she had anything to do with it. Bullshit. She had everything to do with it. She wanted to regulate what we put into our kids while she has personal chefs and professional gardeners at the White House. Quit lying, Michelle and take the heat. Admit you were wrong and it didn't work. Maybe I won't have to pack lunches next year if the kids can get a fucking tater tot.

Nobody want's your skanky broccoli, Michelle. 'Specially not five days a week. That salad looks good to me. Too bad school lunch salad looked nothing like that. Neither does the fruit. I've had better meals in jail.

Wonder Years reunion

 

The Wonder Years reunion. (From the source).."Danica McKellar, Fred Savage, Dan Lauria, Alley Mills, Olivia d'Abo, Jason Hervey, and Josh Saviano are together again! More than 20 years after The Wonder Years ended, the cast of ABC's beloved dramedy reunited on the show's set to film DVD extras for the upcoming The Wonder Years DVD release. "Sitting in the Arnold kitchen!"

Yeah, that's awesome, that was a GREAT TV show. The only people who seemed to be slightly miscast were Fred Savage and Danica McKellar. Forgive me for that, but, Fred was such an adorable boy, then as the show went on, he became a teen. When that happened, holy fuck. Talk about a dropped pie. And Winnie. Please. The only thing that girl had was hair. They even said that in the show. Remember when she and Kevin would break up and he'd talk shit about her, then say, "But, she has that hair" and the other boys would go, "Yeah, that hair". She was a dropped pie too.

Olivia d'Abo was awesome as the hippie sister. Isn't she the daughter of Manfred Mann? I think so. The mom and dad were great. Pimply brother, Jason was so good he should have had a spin off. It's nice to see them all together again. I missed the formica table.

ps.. I wonder why David Shwimmer (Ross from Friends) wasn't there? Remember how he played Olivia's hippie boyfriend/husband?

That's the only pic I could find of them as a couple. Remember how he camped out in a tent, in the rain, in their family yard to win her back? Her dad was so pissed. Aww, that was such a good show. I'm going to look it up and let Lis watch it. I'll bet she'd really like it.

Brad Pitt hit in the face at premier

Brad Pitt got hit in the face by some stunt queen at the Maleficent premier and even though there were enough paparazzi to populate an entire idiot country, not one of them got it on film. Am I wrong? HERE is one film version. I see nothing, except a bunch of idiots with cameras, some of them yelling some pretty insulting stuff to get attention.

Apparently, the dude who punched Brad has a habit of doing these assault type things to stars. It's his way of getting attention. He should be left in jail for a few years. I don't even understand how he was out after some of the shit he's pulled. Who the fuck walks up and punches someone in the face for no reason?? Why would anyone punch Brad Pitt? It's all so ridic and evil. People are just fucking crazy. But, even crazier is all the damn paps with their mile long camera lenses and none of the fuckers got it on tape. Worthless bunch of bozos.

I liked Angie's dress. Say what you want, but, she's not afraid to dress the way she wants to. She always seems to find something for premiers that relates to the movie roll. She is Malificent on and off the screen. The hair, the spiked single earring, the shiny dress and pointy boobs..it all works. I wish I could see her shoes. Angie usually lets loose with the shoes.




Anyway, if I was going to do something as stupid as punch Brad in the face, I'd do it when Angie wasn't around. I'd be afraid she'd kick my ass.

I forgot to mention that the couple's children were with them when the punching incident happened. When you're little, it would be pretty scary to see your dad get punched. Hell, it would be scary at any age. Are they going to allow this serial assaulter to continue to walk free? Exactly what do you have to do these days to be put in jail and kept there?

HERE is vid of the same guy shoving his head under America Ferrea's dress in Cannes. That's assault too. I would have kicked him in the head. She's much nicer than me.

Women things, shit I don't understand, but, I do

Pam Anderson is back to slapping that nasty faker than fake weave on her head, despite taking years off her appearance by cropping her hair short just weeks ago. The praise she received from the new short cut just wasn't enough to offset the inner turmoil about how she is perceived by the world. Pam is a hot girl. Or she was. There can be no denying it. She has fulfilled the fap happy fantasies of many a lonely man's dreams for ages and even though she's a real adult now (read: not a teenager), I'm sure there are still posters of Pam in her red bathing suit on many basement walls across the world. I'm also sure there are many Pam magazine articles that can no longer be accessed because the pages are stuck together.

So what's a girl supposed to do? Every woman wants to think someone loves her for her brain or her personality, but, is that even possible for a hetro woman? The Internet is full of videos of  young women modeling their OOTD (outfit of the day) and saying pointedly to the camera, "I don't wear this for men, I wear it for ME!'' Yeah, yeah. Then the next vid they make is all about  how to attract men and what men want. The shits of it is, (straight) men want vagina. We all know that. It's a simple basic and true concept. They just want vagina. Oh, and boobies. Men like boobies too. That probably goes back to the old nursing from mommy's good will thing, survival. But, psycho babble hardly matters because...Look, BOOBIES!

Men like long hair. Hasn't that been beaten into most girls since childhood when our mother's velcro'd that first bow into our bald baby heads? How many men have you heard repeat that tired platitude. "I like long hair on a woman." And how many times have we thought, "Who gives a crap what you like?" But, we do, don't we? I can't even tell you the number of times I've been cheated on with chicks that have bad hair. Then you sit and cry to your girlfriends and say shit like, 'But, (sob) I have great hair! (sob)' They agree with you, the whore has shitty hair. This also works when you've been cheated on with a fat girl and you have an 18 inch waist. But, that's another article.

Pam is no different than any other woman. She still can't let go of the image. I had to get my ovaries removed before I stopped giving a shit about what men think. Yet, I still hear the crap. Last Winter I still had to tell a girl friend, 'I didn't wear this idiotic hat because men like it, I wore it because I like it and my fucking ears were cold.' She still has her ovaries.

Real Housewives, hungover yoga and paranormal stuff here

I was up late watching Housewife crap and I can't even keep these shows straight anymore. Lissa was asleep upstairs, I could hear her snoring. Annoying. I hadn't been to bed in three days and nights. I get that way sometimes and it's terrible. Lack of sleep makes me goofy, plus, the kids gave me this lung muck and all I could do was accept the insomnia and get on with it. Bravo was running the housewife crap over and over, so I caught up. I was also watching Tori and Dean (what the fuck does she see in him??) and the damn Duggars (future breeders episode), and Little Women. Which is not Louisa May Alcott. Oh, no. It's dwarfs in bikinis. Which only showed me that little people are just as stupid as normal sized people. I know all this is confusing. Think how I felt.

So, the real housefraus of NYC are just as crazy and gross as ever. They all got drunk and then got up the next day to do fucking yoga. All hungover and looking like old white dog shit piles, they couldn't get it together. Legs spread and farting, killing the grass around them with the fetid booze gas coming from their lippod bungholes. HERE's a clip. It's disgusting.

I snapped. These women think they're so much better than any of us, and yet there they are, for the entire world to see with their old snatches hanging out, passing gas and dripping diamonds. I got totally disgusted and I have a habit of talking to myself (not loud) and I flipped the tv off and said, 'Bunch of retarded, no class, fugly plastic whores.' Lissa started busting up upstairs. She was laughing like a hyena. I said, wtf? You were asleep, I heard you snoring. She said, that wasn't me.

I said, to myself, yeah sure. I told her to go back to sleep, housewives was done in our house. (nasty women.) So, after awhile, it got quiet again and I tried to induce sleep by inner hypnosis. You know, like, go to sleep, GDammit, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleeeeeeeeeep! I couldn't. Every time I thought I might drift off, I could hear the kid sneaking around upstairs. I could hear her walking and moving stuff. I yelled up there, 'go to sleep!'. She yelled, 'That's not me!' Then she came flying down the stairs, scared out of her mind. WTF? I told her to sit in the recliner and relax and we just listened. Sure enough, the footsteps and movements continued, only this time we were looking at each other. It wasn't us and it was even louder.

She said, see, I told you it wasn't me! I asked her if she was fake snoring earlier and she said no. So, I told her I believed her, because I did. Then I said, 'I thought it was coming from upstairs, but, it's not. It's down here with me.' She flipped out and ran upstairs. I started laughing. I could see her up there covering her head with a blanket. It WAS downstairs though. I told 'it' I had had enough and everybody living or dead in this house had better shut their face. The house got quiet and a couple hours later, I actually got a little sleep. The first in three days. It wasn't much but even a couple of hours helps. Goddamn noisy ghosts piss me off. So do gross fake housewives who think they're better than me. Those nasty women.

Oh, and the OC bitches have two new bitches and they all had a hoe-down. I can't even stand the joke possibilities of that. Hoe down. Riding mechanical bulls in dresses with their old wrinkled hoo ha's out and making filthy sex jokes in front of their children. Wearing cowpoke crap that cost more than my house and will be thrown away the next day. Ukkk. They made me sick too. Nasty women.

Oh, and a daytime party is NOT a good idea, ladies of the OC. Daylight is NOT your friend. That was scary. Nasty women.

Those shoes don't help

Jessica Simpson Instagramed these photos proving her recent weight loss program is working. She has every right to be proud, but, come on. Jessica is a good looking girl, not the sharpest pencil in the box, but, pretty. So, how come she's posing like this? What's with the golf club? What's with the weird cut out geometric swim suit? (Otherwise known as a 'stretch mark hider'.) What's with the fug shoes that don't seem to belong...anywhere? Also the duck lips, the obvious sucking in pose, the awkward, all of it. The girl has been at the gym so much she looks like she could kill you with her leg muscles alone and yet, it looks like she just doesn't have a clue where her hotness went. If you have seen Jessica Simpson's former hotness, please contact John Mayer. A sizable sexual napalm reward will be offered. Sorry, that's all that my fried brain could spit out. I have a fever and a lung mung from hell today. I blame kids.

How you doin'? (I sound like Joey Tribiani in my head. I don't even know why. Let's blame Nyquil.) I desperately want to recreate Jessica's pose with my own golf club. My brain laughs at that. That's how weird I feel today.

Mr G and Jellybean (Importance of friendship)

This will make you cry. In a good way.

Chaz Bono lookin' good, but, wtf?

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Chaz is all man and lookin' really good here. Good for you, Chaz. But, his mom, Cher is said to be having a hard time with her son's latest choices. Chaz wants to marry Shane Jenek, aka Courtney Act, a drag queen. Fuck. Cher has always had a hard time with her oldest child's choices, which I never got because she's fucking Cher. Right? I mean, if anyone should be open minded it should be Cher who has a huge gay following. But, now, I'm right with her. First Chaz was Chastity, a seemingly straight girl. Then Chastity became a lesbian. With me? Yeah, okay. Then Chastity became Chaz and courted women as a man. A straight man. Now Chaz the man wants to marry a man who pretends to be a woman.

Fuck me if I get it. To each his or her own, but, if I was Cher, I'd be rethinking this whole lifetime of 'say no to drugs'.

Macaulay Culkin and The Pizza Underground

The Pizza Underground is on their UK tour. I can't even pretend I understand Macaulay Culkin. I won't even try. The sad sack on the guitar plays just like me and he's the best this band has. In other words, why the fuck are they a band? Is pizza funny? Is Mac still hooked on high grade heroin? Does anyone actually pay these people to preform? Most of all, do they have the Ashton Kutcher seal of approval? So many questions. I wish I was cool. Perhaps if I buy some sunglasses and chug some Draino?

ps..I just took another listen. Still don't get it, but, now realize I play way better than sad sack. Dear Macaulay, call me. I can play lead. (It's technically lead if you're the ONLY guitar player, right?)

Internet harassment charge carries only a 26 week sentence

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Nutshell: Rachel Lyne had a brief affair with a plumber, but, broke it off when she found out he was married. Then the plumber turned stalker and his jealous idiot wife joined in. They harrassed Rachel on the Internet by posting on hundreds of sites that she was a prostitute. She had streams of strange men coming to her door until she finally had to move away. She also had a pet vanish and reappear hundreds of miles away.

These two losers, Richard Holman and his dopey wife, Amanda, have been found guilty of harassment and jailed for 26 weeks each. So, that's all you get for doing something so cruel and dangerous over the Internet?? I am appalled at the things people think they can do to another person just because it's the Internet. Any of those strange men could have been insane and could easily have murdered Rachel. Can you even imagine how scared she must have been? 26 weeks?? I don't think so. They tortured this woman for over 7 years! Her parents and friends were also targeted. When are we going to make Internet court punishments fit the crimes? Someone needs to sort this shit out.

You can't simply click it off and turn the other cheek when it's knocking on your door in the middle of the dark night. This wasn't someone she met on the net, this was someone who knew her address because he'd been there in real life. The net was nothing more than an attempted murder weapon, if you ask me. There's no way you can protect yourself from psychos like this. Well, there is, but, you need to purchase a fire arm.

Grandma's babysitting

I had a hard time typing those words in the header when it was one Kris Kardashian Jenner babysitting while KimYeezer is on their honeymoon in Ireland. The filthy idol rich are NOT like us. Why in the world couldn't the fame ho and the egomaniac take the baby with them? They could have brought nannies up the ying and has a separate suite for them and North. Then they could have popped over to give her breakfast and put her to bed at night before hitting the town..or whatever the fuck you do in Ireland. See? I just don't understand these things. Baby North is too young to be away from her mommy and probably her daddy too at this age. For any length of time, I mean. She doesn't understand that she was spawned by two fame whores, possibly as a ratings gimmick. Seriously, who leaves a baby that young when you don't have to? I hate to sound judgy, like who do I think I am? But, it just feels wrong however you slice it. Remember when Princess Di broke with tradition and took baby Wills along on a long trip? Yeah, and she had to defy actual royalty and the traditions of an entire nation. These two jerks just think they're royalty.

And while I'm at it, I'm also sick of the sack cloths they dress this kid in. She's a really cute kid, how would a little color or a few frills hurt her? This crap they dress her in might cost a mint, but, it looks prison issue. Maybe it's from the new KimYez line, Babies Behind Bars. (Goopy probably already has that trademarked.) I think Nori needs a tin cup and a corner to accessorise that crap.

This makes me so happy it's ridic!!!!

All the rows of greens and herbs we planted in the garden are up and adorable!! Nothing failed to germinate this year. Wooo hoo! Yes, I know my excitement over this is annoying. I even annoy myself.

Ditto all the flower seeds!!! Even the weird ones!! Here, Zinnia's poke through everywhere! Such a joy. Is that a shingle? Wtf?

The second planting of Kentucky Burl Tobacco is up with hardly a missed space in the bunch! Yay!!! The rain tried to drown them, but, I caught it in time.

The various melon and pumpkin seedlings are the most exciting things out there. Grow, my little babies, grow!!!!! You shall be Jack O Lanterns and yummy juices from my juicer!!

That's a 'dead' Tomato. Yeah. I didn't have the heart to rip the poor dead ones out when I replaced them, so I just planted between. I figured one or two of them might try to live. No, not one or two..ALL of them made it. They grew back from the bottom, see? You saw them. They were deader than dead. Only, they weren't.  Plus, all the stray seeds I planted that were decades old all came up. Holy shit. No one needs that many Tomatos. WTF? Well, it's a good thing I like them, I guess. I sure hope my friends needs some this year though.


I have about 5 days left to plant any leftover or desirous seeds and that's it. After that, it will be way too hot here. So, I'm just strolling around with a shovel and basket, planting the fuck out of anything that will hold still long enough for me to dig it. Planty, plant, plant! It makes me happy and I can always move the seedlings if I get around to it. If you don't plant them, then you know nothing will grow. It's better this way, right? Right.

Kid Predicaments

LMAO!

China still doesn't get it

The bosses at the bureau of Chinese Tourism were told that people like wildlife! So their idea to promote China was, to pin live butterflies to the dress of some chick and film it.  Yeah. They pinned the still live and flapping insects to her as children screamed in terror. Good job, China. LMAO.

Maybe next time they can pin some flapping orphan girls to her and we all get to feed them puppy parts. Stupid China.