What's wrong with the world?

I know it's not Sunday, but, the news is sparse so here I am wondering what's next? Gone are the days when people felt a bit sorry for idiots and ignored them..now the village idiots get their own TV show on Bravo or the E channel. In a world where John McCain can approve messages comparing Barack Obama to ParAss Hilton and Britney Spears and people are more worried that McCain pissed of major republican party funder, Barron Hilton than the fact that the stunt was pathetic and tasteless, what am I to find funny today, with the exception of Chelsea Lately? In a world where the chief of the Los Angeles police department makes Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson look like rocket scientists and Heidi and Spencer can afford a 12 million dollar mansion..I find little to laugh about.
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The world now worships idiots and the stupider you are, the more money and fame you can have. It is no longer shameful to be a moron, it's accepted and expected. Movies about morons and moronic subjects make millions. Singers who can't sing get recording contracts, actors who can't act get movie roles and every other idiot has their own You Tube channel. We have a president who is puzzled by lens caps and children's books and people with plastic breasts campaigning to save chickens. The dumbing down of the world is not in my favor. I am disgusted with it all today, but, I'll be back tomorrow. Don't forget to send in your Sunday photos...I think we all look foreword to that here. I do. Have a good day.

Chelsea does the Lohans

If you don't think this is funny, there's no hope for you. Chelsea and Heather McDonald...genius.




Nana! Sigh.

Dear Kate Gosselin..

Kate, I hate criticizing someone I actually have some admiration for, but, you have to stop hitting your husband or I'm going to stop watching your show. Seriously..I can't be the only one tired of it. One of your kids is always in the corner for hitting because "We don't hit in this house" but, you smack hell out of Jon in nearly every episode. Stop it..it's ugly.

No restraining order for Sam

Britney Spears has decided not to get another restraining order against Sam Lufti, but has said she will take appropriate legal action if he comes near her again. Pleeease...Britney probably said "Look at my nipples, heee hee." Sam's welcome to come manage me..he can drug me all he likes, I never plug in the phone anyhow and I like regular coffee with fake creamer. It cuts down on the lines he'd have to stand in to fetch it for me. I don't need body guards either, I only have that one stalker. He's harmless. You need a job, Sam, come on over. I know for a fact there's at least $12 bucks in my checking account...I trust you. Oh, there will be a squirrel cage to clean, but, it beats picking up dog poop. I hate seeing a man out of work.

What's YOUR kid up to today?

Found this on You Tube. Kids are so adorable at this age. On the stupid meter he gets a 9..his parents get a 10.

Cher's cottage for sale

Cher must be feeling a bit cramped..she's got her Malibu house on the market for 45 million. What a dump, huu?

White trash throwdown...Nikki and Bianca

Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky and her dad got into a real throwdown with ANTM's Bianca Golden and her mom. The altercation took place at the Providenciales International Airport in the Caribbean and was over seating issues.

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"Blonsky’s rep declined to comment. The 19-year-old Hairspray star was charged with assault and actual bodily harm as well as common assault; her father, Carl, was rung up on a count of inflicting grievous bodily harm. Bianca Golden was also charged with actual bodily harm and assault. Golden’s mother, Elain, was hurt so badly she had to be airlifted to a hospital in Florida, according to Sgt. Chase."
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Nikki was in a neck brace in court this morning and is free for now on $6,000 bail. Golden was also released on bail. Nikki's father Carl was also charged with inflicting bodily harm, for his alleged assault of Elain Golden, Bianca's mom. As far as I know, he is still in jail. Elain is still in the hospital with serious head injuries. The only way this could be better is if John Travolta had smacked Tyra Banks in the face with his purse.

Marc Jacobs knows I'm brain dead

Thank goodness for Marc Jacobs designs. I could never figure out what that was by myself. Now if only someone would write CLOTHES WASHER on that white boxy object and STOVE on the hot thing in the kitchen.

Khloe's a magician

There's my favorite krunk kriver, Khloe Kardashian showing us a neat trick. Make a white hourglass in the front, fill in the rest with black, stand against a black background..viola! At first glance you think she's Kute Kourtney. Yawn.

Brooke Hogan is sexy-like

Kind of makes you want to hump a sloth, doesn't it? Ummmm, sloths. Someone count this twats toes.

Kate isn't crying

Kate Hudson doesn't sit around and cry. She moves on. Kate's been seeing her ex sort of almost guy, Eric Lindros. Someone close to the Hudson camp says "Kate and Eric have been holed up at her parent’s house Muskoka, Canada. She went there immediately after she and Lance ended things. Eric’s been a great support for her."

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Yeah, yeah. "Fuck you, Lance, Eric loves me for myself and he's not afraid of commitments, and I'm not even bitter, you one balled cocksucker! Waaaaa!"

Amy's strange deliveries

First a blood mobile shows up at Winehouse's door, a couple of days later..she gets a home slushie machine delivered. I figure Marilyn Manson's coming over for brunch.

Smiling through the pain

Hayden PantyLiner puts on a brave face while collecting a parking ticket. She parked her giant gas guzzling vehicle in a no parking loading zone because she's important. Or maybe she thought her ass needed the loading zone. It hurts to realize you aren't famous enough to get out of a parking ticket. Just park in the handicapped spot like Julia Roberts next time, Panty. Then we'll realize you're a star.

Brit's fling...maybe

All I know about Britney's latest love interest is his first name, Lee and that he's her body guard. Her reps say this is untrue and Britney is still 100% single. Well, for fucks sake, reps, we never said she wasn't single. I hate Hollywood double talk. I also don't understand how that little dude is a body guard. Does he know some wicked kung-fu or what? Because he's smaller than she is. She needs to ask herself the important questions here..how many frappes can he carry? Can he understand her English accent? Does he mind scraping dog poop off the couch? Will the Entertainment Tonight cameras love him? Can he rap and text at the same time?

Lance thought Hudson was too clingy

A buddy of Lance Armstrong spilled the beans about his breakup with Kate to the Chicago Sun Times saying "Lance felt Kate was ”just too needy,” and was coming on ''too strong, too fast … sensing Kate was way too desperate, a woman who clearly can't be on her own without a man in her life at all times."

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Well, isn't that sweet? I tried to tell her not to date this jerk, but, she never listens to me. On the other hand, he had to know if he bought her a cup of coffee she'd be picking out wedding dresses. Then this "friend" had to throw in the fact that Lance adored Sheryl Crow because she was so independant. That must be code for owning a penis. So, Lance is now as single as his one lonely ball and Kate is off in search of some other ugly guy to cut her kids hair like. Next!

Someone needs to tell Jessica to shut it

Jessica Simpsons latest interview in Elle is like something out of a Harlequin Romance. On Tony Romo..She says they’re a match made in hillbilly heaven. “Most of the guys I dated were captivated by my heart, but they had different ways of trying to get to me. Tony understands me,” she says. “He appreciates my talent. He’s the first person I’ve spiritually connected with.”
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Captivated by your heart? Is she kidding? Oh, and Tony Romo appreciates her talent, but, when pressed can't name one of her songs.
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On John Mayer..“John believed in the Jessica Simpson that’s within. He cherished our love. He helped make me the woman I am today.”
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I can't even touch that one.
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Jessica Genius also talked about the "abuse" reference in one of her song. Turns out the abuse was in high school when some mean kids TP'd her house and wrote naughty stuff on her sidewalk in marker. OMG..how did she live through it???
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If I was the interviewer, I'd have asked which man in her life caused her to be a polyester granny gown wearing geek trailing behind some sports star while trying not to let her boobs fall out or trip over her gigantic shoes. When she talks she makes me cringe. Is Joe still her manager? Why won't he tell her to shut up? I'd make a list of safe topics for her, like, lunch, her dog, shoes, handbags, lip gloss...things she could handle. I can't even stand it anymore.

Kingston having a blast

That kid is having a good time. Cute seeing them smile like that when you know it's real. I guess we'll hear some Gwen Stefani news any day now, huu? That had better not be a pigtail in that little boys hair.

How's come?

It wasn't Matt Damon..I think Kimmel dumped Silverman because he saw all that hair on her neck and didn't want gorilla babies. Gorilla babies who shit their pants..not a dream for the future. Andy Dick would be perfect for her.

This is my wallpaper right now

That poster is the coolest thing I've seen in a long time. You guys have convinced me to see this movie. You can click HERE for a larger size.

Khloe offers advice to Shia

Khloe Kardashian, who just spent around 50 grand on lawyers fees during her DUI ordeal has some advice for Shia LaBeouf..."Think about your actions and get a driver!" the 24-year-old counseled. "It's so much cheaper in the long run!"

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Dang, she's the smart one. I'll bet if she'd killed an entire busload of preschoolers, she would have said "Oh, shoot, that's gonna cost me." How to save money, by Khloe Kardashian. It could be a best seller.

Mariah wants Nick to get a job

Mariah Carey has just figured out that hardly anyone knows who her husband is and it's bugging her. “Mariah wants him to at least have the status that DJ AM had when he was dating Nicole Richie,” says a friend of the singer, who spoke to Life & Style magazine.
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DJ AM? No shit? Buy the fucker a popcorn stand. I wish I had friends like Mariah.

Britney riding in Cabo

Britney hooked up with Adnan because he was a pap and around all the time. We won't mention that skanky "music producer" she was with, or the guy from rehab. Now she's linked to her bodyguard. She doesn't get out enough. I assume the horse is ordering room service on her bill.

Sup with the shirt, Sam?

Lindsay looks as thin as Sam these days. What's with that shirt? I thought they didn't like peen anymore. Wishful thinking? Hmm..next week look for Kim Stewart to be dating Ronson's wardrobe.

Guess who Kim Stewart's banging

Bored with getting thrown out of John Mayers dressing room by Jen Aniston, Kimberly Stewart is helping Rhys Ifans get over Sienna Miller. Kim's like an inbred dog who hangs around a hot dog stand waiting for someone to drop a dirty weener. This will last until Rhys's Prozac kicks in.

Miley's competition

I'd heard of Selena Gomez, I've posted on her once or twice, but, it was in relation to the Miley/Gomez You Tube fighting, I'd never actually seen her in anything..because I'm not 12. So, the other day I hit the sci-fi channel in the dark and missed, I got that stupid kiddie channel instead and found myself watching Selena. Curious about the hub-bub, I watched her for a good 10 minutes before ADD set in. What I learned was that Selena Gomez does what Miley Cyrus does, but, she does it much better. Selena doesn't mug for the camera, she has chops, she has great comedic timing and an unforgettable face. No wonder kids love her. No wonder Miley hates her. If this kid can sing and keep her clothes on..Miley might be history.

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Note..just checked You Tube..she can sing. Bye bye Hannah Montana. Nice knowing ya..not.

Pam Anderson could have been Scully

Gillian Anderson said producers of X-Files originally wanted a different Anderson to play Dana Scully..Pam Anderson. What?? Gillian: "They were looking for someone bustier, taller, leggier than me. They couldn't fathom how David and me could equal success. At the beginning, nobody trusted that I could do anything. I had no body of work behind me at all, and, certainly Fox felt very strongly that I wasn't the right person for the job."
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Okay, that bit of gossip made my mouth gape open. If Gillian hadn't said it, I wouldn't have believed it. How could anyone think Pammy could be Scully?? The X-Files didn't even have a laugh track.

Dina's latest folly

I watched the episode where Ali auditioned for a movie role and won the lead. Yep. I confess to watching this crap, but, in my defense, it's always on, 24/7. So, anyway, the film is a fantasy called Troll. I thought to myself as I sat there staring at my screen..there is something wrong here. You know, something is just..off. It was uncomfortable. I chalked it up to the fact that the show's "zany" scenes seem to be set up. I wouldn't be surprised to find out it's scripted and none of them are good actors, so that was probably the problem. Right? Wrong.
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Turns out someone did their research..not Dina..and found that the director, Peter Davy is a "former" porn producer. He has such blockbusters out as Voodoo Lust, Breast Wishes and Bun Buster. LMAO! Dina is said to be livid. Yeah, she's livid we found out she sent her 14 year old kid to a porn producer. No wonder he said "Ali is perfect for this. The camera LOVES Ali!"

Mitch claims Amy was drugged

Winehouse's dad, Mitch thinks Amy was drugged and that caused the seizure that led to her recent hospital stay. Mitch is trying to convince us all that someone spiked Amy's drink and he's waiting for tests to prove it. I feel for any lab techs who have to test Amy's blood..seriously..it'd be like, yeah, of the eight million nine thousand six hundred and fifty seven drugs we found in her system, there's one she possibly didn't take on purpose, but, we can't prove it. Now pay us for a years work.

Is anyone tired of J-Lo's, cough, movie career?

I hope she's talking to her agent on the phone and firing them, because her new movie The Governess sounds like crap...."a romantic comedy where she will play a professional thief who has to pose as a nanny in order to pull off a heist and take care of a rich widower’s three unruly children.
When she starts to fall for the kids and their dad, she must decide if she can give up her shady past for a chance at a normal life. "

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Suck me off. Another Latino servant who strikes gold with a man movie. Lopez should be ashamed of herself by now. This is nothing but embarassing.

Why the fuck doesn't someone donate birth control?

InTouch has this photo of Yohane and his wife Flora with their new son. Yohane is David Banda's bio father and David Banda, as you all know, is Madonna's adopted son. Yohane on the brothers meeting someday..“I’m confident they will,” he reveals. “It’s my duty as their father to make sure they know about each other and respect and help each other.”
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Dear Yohane..YOU have no responsiblity to David Banda, you are not his father. Guy Ritchie is. You couldn't suck any money out of Madonna before and you won't this time either, even if your new baby is starving and you can't afford medical care. I am glad someone donated a blanket and some fucking bricks. Nice, ever hear of a condom?

Comparisons..

Which one would you rather back your SUV into? Uh hu, that's what I thought too.

Cheech and Chong back together

Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong are getting back together and going on a comedy tour after more than 25 years of seperate careers. It's good news for us Cheech and Chong fans. So, I'm posting some "Up In Smoke'. Don't tell me you have to be a stoner to think they're funny. Here's a scoop for all of you guys I partied with back in the day..I never liked it. YOU were just to stoned to notice that I passed it on. I laughed just as hard as you did.

ParAss releases a shoe line at Macys

Really? Do they come in sizes 13 to 27 ? I guess trannys have to buy their shoes somewhere. Lily St. Cyr is rolling over in her grave and I'm picturing Dr. Frank N. Furter saying "you both look pretty..goovay."

Chef Gordon won't watch his wife give birth

Gordon Ramsay admits he wasn't present for any of his childrens births..he says: “We have the most amazing life. We’re very active in the bedroom and I think you’re a beautiful lady. I don’t want to see something coming out of a sort of sci-fi movie. I don’t want to see a skinned rabbit or skinned pigeon coming out of your ninny and then get excited and hold it. Give it to me when it’s all nice and sort of clean and ready to go.”
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That's not cool. I didn't like that and he's not so hot anymore. Kind of makes SandHumper seem like a better man to me. At least he was there with his tribal drums and stayed through the blood and puke. If you plant a human in someone's "ninny", you should stay and cheer it on as it comes out. His reaction seems almost Elvis like, and that aint good for the wife.

SamRon got a hair cut

Samantha Ronson cut that yuky bob off, she still has the skunk thing going on, but, this is much more flattering. What do you think?

Traveling Pants 2..

Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera and Amber Tamblyn at the The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, NYC. Why does Bledel look like a deer caught in the headlights? Was she shocked to see Dina Lohan at the after party?

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Dina walked into the Traveling Pants after party and took over some reserved seating meant for movie VIP's. She was asked to move and made a huge fuss. Dina and Ali and their party were then escorted out. Which is a nice way of saying, they kicked the bitch to the curb. Dina is convinced SHE is a VIP. Too bad no one else is.

Beouffy not at fault in accident

Shia LaBeouf was found NOT responsible for the accident that sent him to the hospital for hand surgery. The other guy ran a red light. Shia was driving drunk, but, come on..he has a right to drive drunk. He's a celebrity!

Hollywood split

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong have split up, reports are that he couldn't handle the long distance thing. I didn't even know they had any distance since their noses have been up each others bums for 3 months. Nice of them to get the kiddies all involved in it, though if you're busy sucking face for 3 months, I don't know how you avoid that. I suck at relationships, so wtf do I know? I DO know she probably woke up sober, took a gander at him and yelled "NEXT!!!!"

Miley gets a job offer not related to this photo

LifeStyles Condoms wants Miley Cyrus to be the, ahem, face of their product, but, she turned down the million dollar offer. Her reps say she will not be ASS-ociated with condoms. I'd think looking at Miley lately would be a huge way to sell birth control. You could prevent having her around before she even got started. Lovely ass crack there, Ms. Disney.

Happy 31st, Milo, your teenage gf might be a slut

Digital Spy..Hayden asked the wardrobe girls to make her a Velcro-lined version of the outfit she wears on her show. As she sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to Milo in front of cast and crew during lunch she ripped off the costume to show off her sexy red lingerie in a bump-and-grind striptease. Milo’s face went bright red.
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Isn't that something you do for your guy in private? People think I pick on this kid, but, how can I help it with stories like this? If he was lucky, she put the outfit over her head and just showed him (and everyone else) her ass.

Shannen Doherty is an idiot

Shannen Doherty, who seems to be cutting her hair with a lawn mower lately, walked into a Malibu police station to complain about paparazzi following her. (Yeah, because they all follow her, cough.) The cops had no idea who she was and she left in a huff. Really? She should have said "I'm that talentless has been from 90210 with the one eye that's 4 inches lower than the other who gets fired all the time for being a diva cunt." They would have gone "OH, YEAH!"

So, Ryan Seacrest and a shark walk into this bar..

Actually it was the ocean and I could have found a joke for that title by skimming through all the worthless jokes hammered into my brain from bartending, but, I don't feel good enough to pull off lame, so here's the story. Ryan said he said he went out into the ocean this last weekend, when he felt a sting. He said, "I thought it was a stick. I wasn't sure what had happened. I saw it swim! He took a bite, and he left." He actually found a sharks tooth. Somewhere there's a shark hiding from someone who hired him to do a job. You can't trust sharks. Simon Cowell should know that by now. I'm just glad it didn't mess up Ryan's hair, there's only so much tragedy I can take.

I'll be back in an hour or so

I'm going to the doctor. I have felt like a bucket of crap for a while now and the medical center here is playing this game I call "The Doctor Lottery." They won't give appointments now, you have to call in every morning to see if anyone cancelled and you can get in to whine. I thought by the time I got in, I'd be all better, but, nope. So, today I won The Doctor Lottery..yay me. I have my "goin' to the doctor" outfit on and I took off the green plastic thongs. Though I don't know why since his offices are filled with pics of him in camo, hunting, which is strangely not comforting, but, better than the Jesus paintings my last doctor had and the advice to pray away a stomach bug. Hmm. Ok, I'll be back soon. Maybe I have something antibiotics cure so I won't be so grouchy this week, huu? Or maybe he'll be carrying his hunting rifle and he can just shoot my ass.
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