Proof that Jon and Kate still adore each other

You HAVE to watch THIS clip from The Soup. Sorry I can't embed it, but, it's worth the extra click. Hey, Jon, OctoMom is still available. LMFAO!

FuckFace Noodles

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Kate Beckinsale was quoted at Elton John’s post-Oscar bash saying that she just wanted to go home to have a cup of tea and a bowl of Pot Noodles. Well, the flavor development people at the instant noodle company heard this, and have decided to come out with a flavor in her honor: “Steak & Beckinsale.”

PotNoodles spokesperson "Steak & Beckinsale is just like Kate – classically British and a tasty little number."
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Really, Steak & Beckinsale???? I would have called them Pharaohs Tomb noodles, Cup O Cunt, or Pot of Twat.

Free clothes for Nadya's kids

A company named Custom Kingdom has offered free clothes to Nadya Suleman's 14 children, all of them, for a year. The high end company will let Nadya pick or they will select thier new and favorite designer duds to the tune of $500.00 per month. And if Nadya still needs them in a year, they will continue. I'm pretty sure Nadya will say yes to this offer, you know why? Because Angelina Jolie dresses her kids in Custom Kingdom. You know Nadya can't resist that incentive.

Rihanna and Chris Brown, back together

It's not a rumor, Rihanna and Chris Brown are holed up at a home Diddy owns on Star Island near Miami, Florida. "She’s not listening to anyone,” says a Rihanna pal. “And of course Puff got involved in this."
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Well, who didn't know Diddy would be involved after the bla bla shit he was talking " “Can’t we give Chris a break? … I know I make mistakes in life.” Along with "Michael Phelps, amazing … He’s a real f—in’ person; he makes mistakes,” and the ever popular “O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing though?”
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Yeah, because beating your girl friend half to death, murdering your wife and her friend and smoking a bong are all the same thing. As for Rihanna, her father says he'll support her decisions and stand behind her. Someone better stand behind her..to catch her ass when Chris Brown drop kicks her to hail and back. And he will. If she manages to live through it, at least she'll always have Diddy saying "She's amazing. Is she not amazing?" This shit's depressing.


Note..my readers are right. It WAS Kanye that thinks wife beaters and bong smokers are the same and OJ is amazing. It's Diddy who's helping RiRi and Chris get back together. Diddy's blogging about his tantric sex right now. Two important awesome men..is it any wonder I got them confused?

NIp/Tuck....that new guy loves the furniture

I mean, he REALLY loves the furniture. OMFG....he didn't just fuck the couch, oh, no, no, no..he made sweet love to the couch. OMG!

Have you heard this one?

Have you heard about the OctoMom Breakfast Special? Yeah, it comes with eight eggs, no sausage and the guy next to you pays for it.

Neato!

"Famed Etch A Sketch(R) Artist Unveils Barack Obama Masterpiece Honoring Black History Month." Yahoo didn't give the name of the artist though. That's cool, isn't it? Lets all get out our Etch A Sketches and see what we can come up with. Send them to me at flying_buttress@hotmail.com

Twilight "heart throb" Robert Pattinson in Tokyo

Yeah, he's a heart throb. What ever..I don't want to talk about him. I want to tell you about this crazy ass chat room I saw yesterday. I've never seen Twilight and it was playing online and they had a chat room next to the movie. Yeah, a Twilight chat room, Jesus. So, Twilight blows, I was about to fall asleep when I started reading the chat. OMFG. Some guy calling himself "Andrew" was in there and all the little Pattinson fanatics were fawning all over this dude. "Andrew" (trust me on this, every psycho man in a chat room calls himself Andrew), Andrew is all, like, "I have things I can't tell you, secrets I must keep for my own safety. For your safety, as my friends." Chicks calling themselves "LoliPop19" and "SugarLove" we so sympathetic. "Oh, tell us Andrew, we're your friends, you can tell us!!" Andrew finally admitted, he is somewhere between "being" and not "being". Oh, the pain of this confession. Luckily SugarLove and LoliPop19 were saved from a possible turning in private chat by "Angelina21" who sashayed in and announced that she just hates it when people tell her she looks exactly like a young Angelina Jolie! 5 minutes later Andrew and Angelina21 disappeared leaving broken hearts all over the chat room. Don't you love real life? Gosh, I sure hope Angelina21 was carring a wooden stake! I'm so worried about her! Sigh. I have to load some Java..I think I need to get in there. Right after I have my lobotomy.

J-Lo and Remini out to lunch with J-Lo's purse

Three bags do lunch. These two are becoming quite the BFF's, eh? This is bad. No good will come of this. If I had to pack that bag to lunch, it had better have been footing the bill.

Shiloh and Zaharah trade clothes

A reader spotted this before I did. I love that white hooded sweater the girls are trading. Angie's kid's wear some expensive clothes, even the plain T-shirts they wear are vintage or designer, but, I'd buy that stuff too if I could afford it. But, they do trade clothes in the family, which seems so normal! Maybe in the rush they didn't know who's sweater it was. Angie doesn't seem to fuss much over the kid's clothes as long as they're dressed appropriately for the weather. Is it bad that I like that about her?

How to cheer up small children by dressing as a skank

Megan Fox leaving Wonderland School in Hollywood after visiting her ex, Brian Austin Green’s little boy. That's how you dress to go to an elementary school? Ptttt. Take notes Jen Garner, you've obviously been doing it wrong in your mom jeans and Peter Pan collars. Nice outfit, Megan..uhhh, are those the kid's pants you're wearing? Hopefully he's taking Skank language classes too, so you two can converse. Or maybe Skank is a universal language.

Lisa Rinna scares me

She's going to be butt ass naked in Playboy, so she's blab blabbing about being gorgeous and how she looks better now than when she was 35 (was that like, 40 years ago?) and how lucky she is to keep her weight down without being anorexic. Sigh. Hey, Lisa, I know how you can lose 30 pounds real fast! Have your lips removed.

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By the way, I bought those same fug earrings at Dollar General and used them for purse pulls. True story.

Alba and her kid..again

There is only one reason to walk down the street carrying your baby like that..to make sure the paps get a good frontal shot. And for Honor, that IS a good picture. Good work, Jessica, you poor unhappy creature.

Two cardboard cut outs get married

A tube of Brylcreem married a hanger in an intimate ceremony yesterday. Gisele carried a bouquet of lettuce, the guests dined on edame and mineral water. The cake was made of celery. Tom Brady says he's never been happier, except every month when he writes that child support check to you know who.

J-Lo and Marc sueing baby carriage company

Silver Cross pram ad...Little Maximiano and Emelina (Max & Emme) will enjoy the greatest comfort in the iconic British classics that Jennifer ordered from exclusive baby boutique Petit Tresor.. The twins were pictured recently at home with their proud mum and dad, along with their beautiful new hand made Silver Cross carriages. The babies are the first children for pop diva Lopez, and the fourth and fifth for her partner, salsa songwriter and singer, Marc Anthony.
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Silver Cross will now enjoy the $30 MILLION dollar law suit the Anthony's filed in a California District Court for knowingly and intentionally misappropriated and used the names, images, likenesses and photographs of Lopez and Anthony to market and sell Defendants’ line of high-end baby carriages.
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Suck on that Silver Cross..oh, and by the way, your $3,000 dollar baby buggys look like something the Adams family would use. Do they come with a pouch for extra blood storage?

John Graziano's Father Nailed For Trying To Take Out A Hit...And Not On Nick Hogan

The father of decerebrated ex-Marine John Graziano has been arrested for allegedly attempting to hire a hitman. I know what you're thinking right now: Dude tried to take out a hit on Nick for what he did to Johnny-boy. But this is not the case. In fact, Edward Graziano was allegedly trying to have his estranged wife Debra offed. Cops say Edward meant to pay for the murder with $1,100 in cash, a $1,000 check and a $13.06 gift card to a pizza joint. Oh, and here's the fun bit: He wanted Debra killed...in a car wreck.

Completely inappropriate thought: Is it possible Nick and John's accident was no accident? You see where I'm going here. Maybe Edward wanted John taken care of too, and paid Nicky to get it done. Nicky probably would've done it just for the gift card and maybe a new set of rims. Little faggot.

Ellen Page And Drew Barrymore Are The Hot New Lesbian Couple

Step aside Lindsay and Sam, there's a hot new lesbian couple on the Hollywood scene: Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore. Yes, Gertie and Juno are slurping each other's tuna. Open evidence of their relationship came to light at a recent Cat Power concert in Hollywood, where Drew was seen to rest her head on Ellen's shoulder and rub her nose on her neck. Lesbians at a Cat Power concert? Who ever heard of that?

And there's sure to be plenty more hot lesbian action in Drew and Ellen's new movie Whip It!, which stars Ellen as a small-town misfit who joins a roller derby league. Drew is directing that movie...and I think we know how Ellen got the part.

Oh My God I Love That Purse...

Oh, it's his neck. Never mind.

Katie Holmes finds out Tom wants another baby

How the Lily Allen Q cover was shot

You can go HERE to read how it's done. They claim it took 100 hours of photoshop and they blame that on the panthers. Pffft. Yeah, right, it wasnt her fat ass, making her crack pipe disappear or, Hell, it probably took 100 hours just to wipe the dumb look off her face. Uhhhh, who's legs are those? Because they aren't hers.

OctoPuss on the son of bitch Dr. Phuking Phil

I can't even listen to his dumb two faced ass anymore. He's all on Octos shit when he had the AU-FUCKING-DACITY to have Kate Gosselin on as a mothering expert. What's the difference Dr. Phuck??? I hate that no good son of a bitch. I'd rather someone get his lying phoney ass off TV than prevent new litters. PHUCK YOU, PHIL! You pile of ass hair.

Jen-a-Jon on the red carpet

I somehow missed this. Something big is happening here. These two are becoming the new golden couple.

Jen Anistons boy friend regains his sense of humor

John Mayer on Ryan Seacrest.. “Interviews with Seacrest are like flooring it in a golf cart: you’re not going fast enough to do any real damage, but you still hold tight.”
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Okay, that was pretty good, Mayer. You're suddenly hot again.

The "Brood" goes to Little Mermaid on Broadway

There's something you don't see everyday (at least lately)..people who can actually afford all their kids. Is Shiloh sucking her fingers or is she just telling us the play stinks?

Michelle Obama does People

The First Lady says the First Dog will be here in April and her kids are excited. On the puppy's name..“Oh, the names are really bad. (laughs) You listen and you go – like, I think, Frank was one of them. Frank! Moose was another one of them. Moose. I said, well, what if the dog isn’t a moose? Moose. I’m like, no, come on, let’s work with the names a little bit.”

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Well at least she lets them pick the puppy's name. Puppies! Puppies! Now I know why Kate Gosselin got puppies..Michelle can't possibly be more important than a tuplet incubator. Look for Kate to NOT be wearing that pink Tracy Reese dress. It cost less than $400.00. Am I the only one who thinks Michelle probably shouldn't have done People? I don't know, it seems kind of tacky.

The love is gone

Holly Madison and Criss Angel have split. She moved out of his Vegas place and is staying with family. The love of the century might be..........over. Excuse me while I get a tissue. I'll bet the Playboy Mansion is looking pretty good right now.

The Gosselin report from Philly Mag

Kate Go$$elin speaking at a church..She describes her resolve not to selectively abort any of the embryos; how Jon’s miserly employer laid him off because he didn’t want to insure all those kids; and the early days in survival mode, trying to feed eight mouths and standing in line for heating assistance. “We had no van … no car seats … no cribs, we didn’t have room in our house, we had no income,” she sniffles, and her fans nod in sympathy.

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Goodness me, I'm sure glad they aren't like OctoMom. They had their shit together!! And that mean boss of Jons, firing him because he couldn't afford insurance! Oh, wait...

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None of this comes as a surprise to David Rothermel. Owner of a custom cabinetry business in Lancaster County, he was Jon’s boss (and a friend of Jon’s parents) during Kate’s second pregnancy. He’s the guy singled out during Jon and Kate’s speaking engagements as the man who “did not want to insure [Jon] … they let him go.” However, Rothermel says — and supporting documents prove — that Jon Gosselin was fired for other reasons. The state unemployment office ruled that Jon improperly did a side job on company time; furthermore, Rothermel claims that before the babies were even born, Jon was on the phone and the Internet soliciting freebies, boasting openly that he was never going to have to work again.

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Ha! Want to read the rest? I read every word and was mesmerized because this article isn't full of speculation or opinion..it's just the well researched truth. HERE is the entire article. Jon is called a former IT man. If IT stands for Ignorant Twat, then he's still an IT man. Get off the Gravy Train, kids, it's about to de-rail! And Kate doesn't even have a coupon for bad PR!

Nick Nolte Needs A Comeback

I wonder if Nick Nolte got any inspiration from Mickey Rourke's big comeback. I wonder if Nick is looking for a story like The Wrestler...something where he could basically play himself, and get nominated for an Oscar for it. I wonder if Nick is looking into adopting a dog in hopes it will die and get him lots of sympathy. I wonder if Nick knows who and where he is at any given moment.

Tranny Breaks Engagement With Homo

Crater-faced tranny Megan Fox has broken off her engagement to douchey Brian Austin Green, but the two reportedly plan to remain friends. I believe them too. If their idea of being friends means harboring all sorts of simmering resentments that finally cause them to despise one another...but not enough to prevent them having nostalgic sex at least once a year. Oh, and by the way all you guys who think it's great news that Megan is single: You don't have any shot. She isn't into broke, greasy-fingered losers who need their moms to do their laundry. Just tellin' you so you don't get your little hearts broken.

This whole Octo thing is SO out of hand!!

Kaiser Permanente Medical Center may not give Nadya Suleman her babies.
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In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, Dr. Phil says Nadya called him yesterday afternoon, distressed after talking to Kaiser officials. She taped two episodes of Dr. Phil’s show, the first of which is scheduled to air today. Says the talk show host: “What she is telling me is that unless and until she has a better living arrangement, that they are not likely to release the children to her.”
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Okay, prepare for a RANT FROM HELL here. First, stop calling Dr. Phil a doctor. He's a giant pile of ass hair. Doctor my ass! And if you think Nadya shouldn't be allowed take her own children home because she lives in a tiny house..then you'd better wise up. Nadya is, in my opinion, a bit off her rocker. Who in the Hell has 14 kids and no job? But, if "officials" deny her her own children based on an inspection of her home, then they'd damn well better inspect the homes of every single baby ever born there.
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Has Nadya ever been accused of abusing or neglecting her kids?? Do her kids not have food to eat? Are they malnourished? No. The only thing they have on Nadya is that she's poor and lives off welfare and her parents. If you support this outrageous custody thing the hospital and Gloria Fucking Allred have going..then be prepared to be next to lose YOUR rights. Let them inspect YOU before you bring your baby home. Oh, don't tell me that's different. If baby home inspections and financial inspections were the norm, Jon and Kate Gosselin would never have been allowed to step out the hospital door with their sextuplets. They went on welfare too. Jobs? What jobs? Duuh.
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And now to sweeten the media pot..an entertainment company has offered Nadya $1 million to make a porn movie! When did Nadya become a whore???? When did a sad mentally unstable baby collector equal "whore?" I'm sick to death of all these god damn people. Nadya is starting to look sane to me in comparison.
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The real question we need to address is WHY AREN'T THERE LAWS REGARDING IVF? Nadya is not the problem here. She's just one sad woman with a shitload of kids she can't afford. I know at least 10 of those in my neighborhood. But, instead of addressing the real problem and fixing it so this never happens again, people would rather take Nadya's kids away, send her death threats and hack her website. Oh, and break her PayPal account with stupid penny donations. And those people are supposed to be mature and concerned with child welfare? Eat my ass. It's going to backfire on you if you think that any of this stuff is going to help.
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Nadya's kids are here. She brought the problem to the nations attention. Now fix the cause of the problem. And stop interfering with peoples choices. Paypal? People have a right to donate to Nadya if they want (I don't want to)..it's THEIR choice. Nadya has a right to believe her embryos are children. It's HER choice. She shouldn't have the right to be implanted with a litter and live off tax money. But, she did. THERE'S your fucking problem. Fix it. Legally. Without taking rights away from her, unless YOU want yours taken away too.

Kate Gosslein's new puppies

Sure, they went to live on a farm, kids. A niiiiiiiiice farm. Wink, wink. You just keep believing that.

Gloria Allred might be Satan

Atty. Gloria Allred filed a complaint with California Department of Children and Family Services last week to spur an investigation to determine if Nadya Suleman's 14 children would be in danger left in her care."Angels of Mercy" -foster care services at the same time offered (at no cost) to care for Nadya's 14 children for six months, giving a week for Nadya to agree or disagree. Gloria expressed her opinion regarding if Nadya refuses their offer. "Suleman could have all her children taken away."

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Whoa, what's wrong with that, you ask? Gloria just cares about kids and Nadya's obviously kookoo, right? No. Gloria Allred and Linda West-Conforti, founder of Angels Of Mercy have partnered up. Allred now represents Angles Of Mercy. If Nadya refuses their offer of help, (which also comes with mental evaluations on a regular schedule), then Allred will do her legal best to take Nadya's kids away.

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Allred's given Nadya the bums rush and she has to make the decision by Thursday. Can you say manipulation? Railroaded? Cash Cow? How about fame and public relations? If Nadya decides (like I did) that Gloria Allred and The Angels Of Mercy might be Satan, what's she going to do? Hire a public defender?? And pay for it with tax money?

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No, I don't agree with the way Nadya went about getting 14 children, but, in what slimey Hell can Gloria Allred try to take them away from her based on her own legal partnership with a foster care place???? Isn't this America anymore? Fight, Nadya..don't let Satan near your babies!

Orange County shocker!

Last nights end of season sit down for the Orange County Bitches revealed quite the secret. Tamra admitted she's been a horrid bitch, a bad friend and has to be responsible for her own wretched actions, BUT...she also claims the reason she was so horrible to Gretchen was not shown on camera. Tamra claimed some guy, identified only as J, called her in the middle of the night claiming he'd just had a fight with Gretchen and she kicked him out of the car. He said if Tamra didn't call Gretchen and get her to pick him up he was going to out her. Gretchen said he was just some stalker and a liar. Tamra claims he called back and told her husband that he was Gretchen's boy friend and they were in cahoots to get Jeff's money! Gretchen denied it all and then claimed she and this J were only friends and admitted he stayed at Bass Lake with her and her family. So, Tamra's all, like, is he a stalker or your boy friend??? Get your story straight! Jena mentioned seeing J's clothes on Gretchen's bedroom floor once. Gretchen was very insulted. Oh, did I mention Jeff died and she and this other dude are still "good friends"??? Yeah. Jeff was smarter than they thought. He didn't marry Gretchen or leave her all his millions. I'm assuming he left Gretchen the same amount you'd leave most prostitutes who cleaned your bedpan. None of this makes Tamra any less of a worthless bitch.

Lohan has friends, they might be imaginary

Interviewer: "What was you favorite part of the Oscars?" Lindsay: "I was actually very excited for Penelope Cruz. She's a good friend of mine."
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Yeah. Is this like when Scarlett Johansson thought she was good friends with Barack Obama? Uh hu.

Why I Look Like Death By Mischa Barton

Mischa Barton insists she is not on the verge of death but is in fact in the pink of health thanks to her new regimen which includes not eating. "Just so you guys know, I'm happier and healthier than ever," the Keds pitchwoman posted on her unread blog. "Things are really well in Mischa world and I've just been watching what I eat. I still love my Pilates and yoga, and have cut back on fatty foods a bit. My time in India and Paris really just helped me lose a little bit of weight but there's nothing drastic going on!"

Pilates and yoga? How can you do Pilates and yoga if you lack the energy to even move? Actually, I take that back...Mischa must still have some energy otherwise she wouldn't be able to post on her blog or call the suicide hotline or snort blow. My advice to Mischa: Increase your caloric intake and also go fuck yourself you useless bitch.

OctoMom and Octo Grandma fighting

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Gosselin pups are here

Well, they got the dogs. Kate made it clear she doesn't like dogs, but, she got two of them. She insulted the breeder, "bla bla bla in my ear, I remember thinking, stop talking to me with your bla bla, I'm never calling you!" But, ratings dropped and she did call him. Mady screamed because she didn't get to name them. Mady screamed because she didn't get to pick them out. Kate could have let her do one of those things for one puppy, but, then Mady wouldn't scream. Kate knows good TV. Mady seemed to love the pups and took a break from kicking the living shit out of her brothers and sisters to nurture the little canine wonders.
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Kate held one pup up and instructed it to never pee on her carpet. DO YOU HEAR ME? Then it licked her nose and she screamed "NO! I'm not ready for that." More screaming when they got home. The pups, who'd never been inside before and never been away from their mother, piddled. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Screamed Kate. They're going back! I'm not joking!
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Now Kate says they're six weeks into dog ownership and she made it clear, she's exhausted. The dog have gotten bigger and they are biting the kids! Nipping and chasing them, some of the little ones are scared of them. They are chewing up everything. Why didn't someone warn Kate!? Poor Kate. Mady loves the puppys. Jon says he loves the puppies very much. Awww. Kate said, hmm, that's interesting. Which means, get the fuck out of my life, puppies. Soon we'll see the episode where they give them away...and get new carpet. I hope Mady gets my sympathy card.
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And in all fairness to Super Mom Kate..she just said she'd try dog ownership. She never said she'd commit to it. She tried parenting..she never commited to that either.

Kibbles and bits...

Bouncie's nip slip and Hugh Jackman looking down at the smoking bowels of Diva Hell.

SJP does Harpers Bazaar

Nice photo. SJP will never be too old to skip across a bridge wearing chiffon.

Oscar Jewelry

Which ones would you buy? My personal favorite is the hard candy looking thing Amy has on (but not with the dress she wore). I like Heidi's bracelets, but, not her rings or earrings. Taraji's diamond flower drops were deemed best in show by the snotty fashion police. Bla. And Angie can keep her 60 pounds of Emeralds..I don't like the shape.

Michelle and Barack at the White House dinner for govenor's

They look great. It seems to me Michelle is becoming more stylish and modern.

Awkwardness

Jessica Alba doing a bad job of pretending to enjoy being sucked on by her husband Cash Warren at the Vanity Fair party. Oh man...that relationship is such a sham. Alba clearly only used Warren for his sperm. When Jessica finds out about sperm banks and turkey basters...damn, is she gonna be pissed.

Get A Room You Manly Men

Maybe Mickey Rourke should've been in Milk too. Maybe he should've played Penn's boyfriend instead of James Franco. What am I saying? James Franco should never be replaced. Especially not with Mickey Rourke. Now that Mickey lost, is it okay for us to go back to thinking he's creepy and washed-up again? Oh good.