How Do You Get This Cut Off From Reality?

Dishy reported earlier that an arrest warrant had been issued for Lindsay Lohan by the Beverly Hills police. Since then, Lohan has emailed Perez Hilton denying the existence of said warrant:

This warrant for my arrest is completely fabricated and its a horrendous lie. This will make me loose every single deal that I have right now. Its horrible.

Okay, little tangent: I don't know why, but lately, everywhere I go, I encounter this fucking thing where people can't spell the word "lose." There is only one fucking "o" in "lose," idiots. I mean it, it is like a fucking epidemic right now, and it seemed to just hit all at once. Anyone who doesn't believe humanity is just one great big herd of morons...

Anyway, back to Lohan's denial...someone needs to explain to her that when a police department issues a warrant for your arrest, then confirms in a statement that said warrant has indeed been issued, you have to move on from the whole "somebody is making up a vicious lie" routine. It's the police...they don't send out phony arrest warrants and issue phony statements just to jack up silly starlets. They have more pressing things to deal with - like covering up for Mel Gibson. Just turn yourself in Linds, it'll be easier on you in the end.

Reese's pieces

Does anyone else think it's weird that Reese looks just like her cartoon charactor, Ginormica? Then I see a photo of her strolling in her adorable mini dress and boots. Cute, right? Then I see a close up and it's like, Holy-fucking-moly! Who punched the pug?

More Gossip from the Brangelina camp

Brad and Angie have a deal..when one of them works the other stays with the kids. They take turns. Now, Angie's filming Salt and Brad invited his mom to move in. Angie threw a fit, saying that she had taken care of the kids while he worked, so she told him to tell his mom she wasn't needed. Angie calls the shots.

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I totally believe this one. I don't care how many nannies they have, this is what men do. He's lucky she didn't rip his balls off. If he has balls.

Pea brained Alba

"Artist" had better be the name of a rock band...otherwise she's an idiot.

Warrent issued on Lindsay Lohan

A warrent has been issued on The Blow, the police want her to turn herself in peacefully. WTF, is there going to be a shoot out? TMZ thinks it's a probation violation, she probably failed a drug test. So, they can't find her? Here's a hint..BAR. If you see Lindsay Lohan turn her in to the Beverly Hills Police Department. Just kidding..buy her a drink.

Whuuuuuuut?

Check out OctoMom, looking all skinny. Geez, having 8 at once didn't even phase her, she must be an alien or a farm animal in disguise. Someone TP'd her new house. Yeah, way to stop the madness there, ShortBus. Some of the babies are ready to come home, but, the hospital still won't release them. She has to make some changes in her home..I don't know wtf all that is about. How the hell is Nadya supposed to pimp those kids if they won't release them? Morons.

And continuing with my shoe fetish..

We have Fergie's orange and black ankle breakers. The black part looks like a police monitoring anklet and there is no way you wouldn't get hurt on those things. Then PishPosh with her beaded and rocked mules. I don't care if the heel is 6 inches high, if it covers my foot like that in the front, it's still a mule. And I hate mules. But, I love rocks and beads, orange and shiny. I should just glue stuff to my house slippers, then I'd be happy. I put Posh's face on because I'm not having a good morning, so, why should you?

Yeah, Shauna Sand...

...but, can you dance in them?

Fashion shrimp

I just loved that photo of Christian Siriano sandwiched between Behati Prinsloo and Miranda Kerr. No wonder his bodices fit so well..he's got a great view.

Snotty Paltrow names drops and spells it wrong

As D-list pointed out, it's Seth ROGEN and SOFIA Coppola. In her haste to name drop her important "artistic" contact list, Paltrow got it wrong on the self serving GOOP. I have to look names up all the time, or I make up new names. But, Gwyneth knows it all. There's about 7 million articles on the net now about why everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow. I know why I hate her, she's full of pretentious bullshit. You know how I spelled your name Gwyneth? I looked it up. I had too, because everyone calls you Fishsticks.

Blohan the fur thief

I've often wondered what happened in that deal where Lindsay stole some chicks fur coat and then stupidly wore it in front of the paps. Masha Markova settled the dispute out of court, and The Blow paid an undisclosed amount. Lindsay doesn't want to talk about it. That wasn't the first time Linds has been accused of stealing clothes. I wonder if she gets sticky fingers when she drinks and snorts?

Lady GaGa on stage

Yes, I like it. It's a nice change from seeing Katie Perry dressed like the retarded version of a food group. Though she kind of looks like Barbie between the legs.

No. I don't care for Fergie's new look

It's harsh and peculiar and the hair extensions hang jaggedly to her waist. They look fake as all get out.

And speaking of silly girls..

When Radiohead refused to meet Miley Cyrus she threw a little fit and called them mean. Thom Yorke smacked her by saying "When Miley grows up, she’ll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement."
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No, she won't. Anyway, here's Miley and Justin going to Mr. Chows. 16 year olds don't go to Mr. Chows, they go to McDonalds. It's that false sense of entitlement rearing it's ugly head yet again. At least her purse is almost big enough to hold her ego.

Split? I'm not buying it

I've heard rumors of these two splitting up all week, now People has "confirmed" it. Well, if People says it's true, it must be so. Pffft..I wouldn't count on it. The subsequent reuniting will bring both of them even more press. She has movies to shill and he's got a new variety show. Sometimes I think everything in Hollywood is carefully orchestrated. You watch.

Alba at the Miu Miu Fashion Show

Jessica Alba is trying hard to turn herself into a fashion icon, I really think she fancies herself as the next Victoria Beckham (only more bangin', obviously.) Now that she has a kid and a husband she's in a new phase, in her mind at least. Making intellectual, cough, and political statements. Bicycling around Paris with a designer bag in the bike basket and ignoring the paps that she calls with her itinerary. You should be careful there, Alba, paps are like dogs, confuse them and they might turn on you. It all boils down to "If I wear something really stupid and expensive, will you take my picher?"

Blow news

Lindsay has a new tanning product out, it's called Sevin Nyne (maybe she's a Star Trek fan?)..I don't know who in Hell would buy tan stuff from her, she's always orange with tater white hands and feet. I hope it comes with very simple instructions. Blow and Ronson caught fighting again..nothing new there..but, the last time, Sam walked out and left her in the club and she jumped into her car and chased Sam down, screaming "Did she fucking leave me!?" She'd been drinking all night according to witness's at the club. I believe them 100%. It's only a matter of time before she repeats her DUI and an uneven spray tan won't help.

It's all about the baby, if you ask me

When I read that Howard Stern had been arrested for supplying drugs to Anna Nicole Smith, my first thought was, what took them so long? We all saw that video he made of Anna high as a kite, nine months pregnant and old Howard getting off on the dreams of money he'd make by selling it. Way to take care of your "wife", huu? Then he had the nerve to keep that cash cow baby, knowing it wasn't his. Can't they throw child endangerment charges in there somewhere? They got that fucked up doctor of hers too, Dr. Kapoor. They're both evil. I think Howard is one of the most evil people alive. I guess being evil isn't against the law. They'll probably get a slap on the wrist.

Joaquin Still Playing the Heel

Joaquin Phoenix still hasn't gotten sick of his little experiment in mass alienation. In fact he upped the ante last night by staging a fake fight with a "heckler" at his rap show. Even if he were sincere about the rapping thing...people wouldn't come to his shows to hear him, they'd come for the spectacle. Sad thing for Joaquin is that now he has to top this. He has to shave his head and change his name to MC Kojak or get some crazy symbol tattooed on his forehead or beat the hell out of Rihanna. Otherwise it'll get stale.

Trip to the Vet Part 1

YOU tell me what's wrong with this episode. There's so many things wrong, I can't even list them...besides the fact that Kate is never home. Mom of the year..never home.

Class dork?

Ryan Seacrest at age 13..this explains a lot. Brad and Angie still hate him, why isn't someone doing a documentary on that? When Brangelina hates you, the world is not your oyster.

Birt and K-Fed, in love again

On tour together, with the kiddos, a "source" gushes, "The truth is, they're falling in love again, I don't think they ever really fell out of love to begin with!"

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They have so much in common, they're both made out of a heaping helping of Frito pie and Big Gulps. I'm kidding..sort of. Don't tell his girlfriend or he won't have a, cough, bowling partner. And she won't have a babysitter.

Shiloh's imagination

The Star: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have added another kid to their brood — Shiloh's imaginary friend, Amy! A source close to the couple says their 2-year-old daughter's closest confidante is a made-up pal. "Shiloh says she likes Amy more than Knox and Viv," says the source. And at dinner time, Shiloh often announces, "Amy's not hungry," and pushes away her own plate!
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No amount of reasoning can change her mind. Amy probably shares her cookies. I'd be slightly afraid of the rest of them if I was Shi. She's so cute, I can't stand it. Do you suppose if I got a dozen orphans, Jolie would consider a trade? Shiny black orphans, Angie..you think about it.

Nicole and Sunday Rose

It's just hit me that no matter how many times I've typed the name Nicole in here, I have never once gotten it right. I always have to go back and change it. Which is odd because it's my daughter's middle name....and I picked it.

Which all makes me think of my mom's best friend, Penny, who's Chinese..she named her kid Teresa. Forever known as Tweesa. "Tweesa getting mawied." At least I can pronounce my kids name. All of this has nothing to do with anything. Neither does this picture. The kid's just cute. Love her cowlick, hate the socks.

What's up with this?

So, I'm the only one who thinks it's weird that the only times you see Tom Brady's kid is with Gisele? I hardly ever see Tom with him and I haven't seen Bridget with him for ages. But, I see Gisele and little John at the park, on a balcony, shopping, etc. Gisele says she wants lots of kids. She likes kids. Good thing. It's like Tom and Bridget got together and had a baby for Gisele.

OctoShopping

Tell me something? If you have at least 10 kids in diapers, wtf would you pick up ONE package of Huggies for??? It's clear Nadya wants her photos to stay in the news. She already told us that diapers had been provided. She also bought 8 of those Munchkin baby holder things. Shopping in the sales aisle, she hold up one finger. What's that supposed to mean? She has no idea what the number one means.

Rihanna/Brown duet

Chris Brown and Rihanna are recording a duet together..yeah, I know..how sweet. The song was originally written for her, but, now it's a couples project. While Brown is anxious to be photographed with her, Rihanna is still avoiding that. Everything these two do right now is being managed by their handlers. There's a shitload of money at stake. I'd love to be a fly on their wall.

Diane Keaton puts her house up for sale

Diane's Spanish Colonial Revival in Beverly Hills with seven bedrooms and nine baths, and is listed for $12,995,000. I always like looking at celeb houses, check out a slideshow HERE.

Married!

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams got married Tuesday in Savannah, Georgia. She's said he's a good egg. I don't have much to say about this, you don't see these two out in pap shots constantly, they seem kind of private by Hollywood standards. I wish them well.

Where'd you get that squawking bird brain?

And the parrot says : "Hawaii!" (Ba boom)

Goodbye, Love Of The Ages

Star Magazine says Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are through. Levi's sister tells the mag that bitchy Bristol won't let Levi see their son Tripp and calls him bad things like "white trash." Oh those Palins are so on their high horse all the time. One little vice presidential run in the family and suddenly they're better than everyone else. Bunch of slutty oxycontin-taking dirtbags. Levi's better off not having to marry into that mess, let me tell you.

Chris Brown Bails On Kids' Choice Awards

Nickelodeon took some flack for leaving Chris Brown on the Kids' Choice Awards ballot despite him trying to kill Rihanna, but now the awful, insidious network has been let off the hook by Brown himself, who has been forced by his handlers to withdraw himself from nomination. Love this part of the official statement:

While Chris would like to speak to his fans directly about this and other issues, pending legal proceedings preclude his doing so at this time. Once the matter before him has been resolved, he intends to do so.

Oh, I'm sure he intends to do so. In book form. While being paid handsomely. Can this little bastard please just go the fuck away?

Aniston doesn't like Ferrets

When asked if there was a nightmare pet which would deter her from dating someone, Jennifer replied: "A ferret. That would put me off!"

What? How can you not like Ferrets? Ferrets are a fur covered liquid bundle of fun. I'm starting to not like her. She said they weren't cuddly. WTF???

Jessica Simpson didn't get the ring she expected on Valentines

A source claims Jessica said: "I know Tony loves me, but I don't know if he'll ever propose."

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Yeah, thanks for the Earth shattering news.

Jennifer won't shut up about Brad

Hello Magazine: You were with Brad Pitt for seven years - and married for five. It must have been very intense, in the public eye? Aniston: “It was. But I don’t regret any of that time with Brad and I’m not here to beat myself up about it. They were seven very intense years together, and it was a beautiful and complicated relationship. I will love Brad for the rest of my life - you can’t take away good memories. I really do hope that we’ll be good friends again at some point. You can survive anything - human endurance is unbelievable. But yes, it’s sad coming to the end of something special. You try to avoid all the pain but that somehow causes even more. I’m a human being, have human experiences.”
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Okay, she's on my nerves now. She knows they're going to ask her these butt fuck moron question and she could just demand that they stop. She's a star, for crap sake, she could take control. Instead she blabbers more Brad shit. Just shut the fuck up, Aniston. BTW, does anyone think it's a coinkydink that Brad and Angie are rumored to be on the rocks and Jen suddenly starts professing her love for him? I think not. This is getting pathetic.

Parasshole is in love......for the 8,000,000 time

“Doug and I became friends about a year ago and we continued talking and hanging out,” ParAsshole said. “And now we just got back from Tokyo….He’s such a gentleman. So sweet and nice and elegant and smart and fun. I’m just really happy that he’s here.”
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Didn't she say the same thing about Beji? And Stavros and Paris Latte and Joe Francis and don't make me look 'em all up. There's been millions. Literally. This chick has a serious case of whore-itis and that's exactly the reason 1 out every 6 people in the world have Herpes. I used to think I was a slut when I was young, but, ParAssole makes me look like a teeny tiny whorderve on the big whore banquet of life. No one could compete with her whoredom.

Yesterday's babe from the 60's

Hollywoodite said... Anita Pallenberg. Yep, that is correct. Anita Pallenburg was a model. "In 1965 she began dating Brian Jones. Subsequently, she left him for Keith Richards in 1967. She had a brief fling with Mick Jagger on the set of Performance. Several Rolling Stones songs such as "Angie" and "You Got The Silver" were written for her. She has two children, Marlon and Angela aka Dandelion, with Keith. After recovering from heroin addiction and her break-up with Keith, Anita studied to be a fashion designer."

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That was a hard one. I found stuff on her while I was looking through info on the Marianne Faithful post. Anita and Marianne were buddies, hard party girls and a big part of the 60's culture.

Katie got new hair

Katie Holmes slapped on some new hair in Tokyo. I guess she was tired of everyone saying how beat down and skanky she's looking. Her girl friend, Tommy seems to like it since he's still doing that almost tit grab move. Her face looks weird and angular though..has she fucked with her face too? And no, purple and red together .. not real attractive.

Panty's in a knot

Hayden PantyLiner is making life miserable for everyone on that goofy show she's in. She wants Milo Ventiwhatthefuck off the show and refuses to be on the same set with him. He won't stoop to her level. Uhhh, that's because he's a grown man who shouldn't have dated a 12 year old mental midget who thinks her petty love life is important. She should be glad she has any kind of job and just do it. Panty's been a royal bitch lately and every one's fed up. I never saw anything in her anyway, she's just another starlet with an inflated sense of self worth and little talent. Dime a dozen. She's going to end up like Lohan....wait, that could be fun.

Brad's been a bad boy

From The Star..In the March 23 issue of Star — on sale now! — we exclusively report that Angelina flew into a jealous rage when she walked past the open bedroom door of 8-month-old twins, Knox and Vivienne — and didn't like what she saw!.
And it's not surprising, for Brad was on the bed, rubbing the back of a pretty young nanny! Angie got so mad she slapped Brad and fired the girl on the spot!
"She completely flipped out," says the insider. "She got right in Brad's face, screaming at the top of her lungs, and told the nanny to get out of her house and never come back!"
The explosive argument woke up the sleeping twins, who began to cry. As Brad tried to console both the twins and the nanny, Angie just snapped — and slapped! — hitting him right across the face.
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LMAO! There's probably not one word of truth there, but, gossip like this starts the morning out right. According to them, Brad was "stunned" at Angie's behavior. Ya gotta love it.

Iron chef expecting a baby, no wait..two babies..what?

Iron Chef, Cat Cora is pregnant. It's a boy. But, wait..her wife, Jennifer, is also pregnant. With a boy. And Cat Cora is carrying Jennifer's biological child while Jennifer is carrying a child conceived from an egg either from her or Cat Cora. They had both implanted. They don’t want to know who the "real" mother is. They have two other sons and these two pregnancy's will make four kids. The dad is an anonymous donor. It's all a little confusing on my first cup of coffee, but, congrats to them all. I'm a big Cat Cora fan, no one spins a skillet like Cat.

WTF can I say about the last Gosselin episode????

Kate comes home from sucking $25 k for some church speaking engagement where she tells the story of their family again and lies about God and passes the hat. She notices one of the puppies is skinny and lethargic. How long has she been gone?? Jon didn't notice or take the dog to the vet. Kate orders him to. The vet says the dog swallowed a small toy. Kate feeds the annoying children some yogurt and a grape and leaves to fly somewhere else to suck money out of the working class wack jobs who worship her greedy ass. She tells us, as she departs, someday she may grow to like the dogs. Maybe. I doubt it, Kate, you've had kids for eight years and you don't like them yet. At least she got to talk about shit, poop, poo, doody, caca again. That's her favorite subject besides how poor they are.

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Jon, sans Mrs. White Trash, takes all the kids to the vets office where their dog has just had surgery. The doctor explains to Dumb Ass, err, Jon that the dog needs quiet and rest. Jon says "yeah, right" and talks about dog anatomy (incorrectly) and alpha females (I guess he'd know) and gives the dog to the kids who fight over it and jump on it like a trampoline. They go home and a four year old girl is shown cleaning up dog piss from the carpet with one paper towel and a bottle of spray something. I guess pee is organic and you can trust a 4 year old to clean carpets. Then Jon threw the dogs out in the yard, explaining "They're outside dogs." Then how come they're always in the basement with all the kids and no one supervising any of them? Anyhow, dog gets mud in it's sutures. Jon gives a fuck. Not.
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The best part of the episode, except for Kate leaving, was when Jon left one of his kids in the van. They walked halfway to the vets office before he noticed he was missing a kid! In the van! It's not his fault though, he can't count to eight. That's what he was doing with those hot coeds in the news. They were math tutors.