Woman Narrowly Avoids Becoming Polar Bear Food

What the fuck would possess someone to jump into the polar bear pen at the zoo like this nutfuck in Berlin? "Oh Knut. I love you. You're the most lovable, cuddly giant carnivore in the world. I just want to hug you and squeeze you and...why are you taking a giant chunk out of my thigh?" This woman is only slightly less stupid than that old crank with the chimp.

Die Die Die, Power Ranger...

Former Power Ranger Skyler Deleon has been sentenced to death in California for the 2004 murders of Tom and Jackie Hawks, an Arizona couple Deleon and his charming wife Jennifer Henderson offed by tying them to the anchor of their own yacht and dropping them in the Pacific Ocean. Henderson herself has received two life sentences without parole, which is probably a worse punishment than the nice long gas-induced nap Deleon will be taking. Deleon had a previous killing on his rap sheet - the 2003 slaying of a dude he met in a furlough program (shocking that a man like Deleon would be in such a program) - but got off on some cockamamie involuntary manslaughter deal after his lawyers argued he didn't mean to kill the guy but was just violent cause his daddy was a drug dealer. Think the people who let him off experienced any guilt when they learned what this piece of garbage did to that poor couple from Arizona? Eh, probably not.

Shanna Moakler Tickled By Lindsay's Romantic Travails

If Lindsay Lohan is looking for sympathy during her public breakdown, well, she can forget about turning to Shanna Moakler. Ms. Moakler, who recently broke up with Travis Barker for the 95th time, doesn't feel a jot sorry for Lindsay, despite their practically being soul-sisters.

"Is Lindsay Lohan tweeting about being cheated on??????????" Moakler posted on Twitter. "ahahahaha NO I don't feel bad! I can't stop laughing! omg ahahahahahahahahah"

Wow - that's exactly how I sound when I laugh. I go "ahahahahahahahaha" and then say "omg" and go "ahahahahahahahahaha" some more. Shanna and I have a lot in common. We both hate Travis Barker and we both have to lay off cake or it goes straight to our hips.

Newsflash: Shanna just got back together with Travis. Newsflash: Travis just crashed a model airplane into his face and...oh my God he's on fire! Again!

We be white and it's alright!

I love you, Zuma Stefani Rossdale. I love Casper too. He's friendly, ya know?

Ali Lohan Passes Lindsay In Age

I'm not sure what kind of magic aging solution Ali Lohan is taking, but whatever it is, shit is working. She has now blown by Linsday in age and is fast closing in on her mom Dina. Soon she will be too old to hang onto Lindsay's coattails anymore, and will have to go get her own job. By that time there won't be anything left but Wal Mart greeter or geriatric porn actress.

How Jon Gosselin scored a CuntMobile

Jon: Thank you Kate for letting us take a break from the constant filming...

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Kate: There's no break, Douche Boy, didn't you read Emeril's tweet?

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Jon: Emeril? You don't really allow me to Twitter..

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Kate: Never mind. Emeril Lugosi. I'm teaching him how to cook and you're getting a spin off show. Don't even look at me wrong, I will slap the beejebus out of you. Get those friggin' kids dressed and feed them some grapes on a paper plate. Make sure you say they're organic. My fans like that.

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Jon: Kate, I'm not sure I can handle a spin off. I mean, my free hair plugs hurt and..

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Kate: Don't start it, Bub. You will regret it. Look out the window. See that car? It's yours. And you get to drive it every other Wednesday between 4 and 5 pm after you've done chores.

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Jon: Holy Smackeroos! For reals?

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Kate: Yes, Dickless. I bought it with our kid's college fund. That one kid, the one I don't like much, the little gay one..what's his face? Well, whatever. Now, do you raise our kids AND do a spin off, or do I take the wheels back? What's it gonna be, Massengill?

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Jon: No, Kate! I'll do it! It's so cool!

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Kate: Good. We're done here, I'll see you next month. I'm off to church.

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Jon: Church??? But I thought...

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Kate: You don't get paid to think, Bitch Boy. But, I get paid for church. $25 grand a pop. Mom of the year and all that shit. Speaking of shit, get rid of those hounds.They don't photograph well at this stage and I hate them almost as much as I do kids.

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Jon: Kate, I don't know how to, to, to ask this..but, but, what about coed beer pong? PLEASE DON'T HIT ME AGAIN!

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Kate: Do what you want, Meatless Wonder. I'm fucking my body guard. At $1,600 a day he'd better have quite the, cough, resume. And he does. Remember..time is money and your time is my time. Except every other Wednesday between 4 and 5 pm.

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Jon: Thank you Kate! Thank you!

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Kate: Yeah, yeah, Pocket Pussy, now go fetch my fuck me pumps. Make it the heels. Bye Hannie Wannie poo! Oh, and the rest of you...whichever ones you are. Don't get dirty while I'm gone. I'm outta here.

Does Obama Have A Pair?

As you've no doubt heard, Somali pirates have taken an American ship, and are currently holding the captain hostage on a lifeboat. The captain, Richard Phillips, tried to escape once but was recaptured. The US has sent gunships to the area but we're basically just sitting there with pencils up our asses waiting to see what will happen. Meanwhile, the Somalis have called in other kidnapped ships full of pirate reinforcements. And where is our president during all this? Eating pizza cooked by a chef he had flown in from St. Louis. Oh, and he's "monitoring the situation." Well, that's reassuring.

Question: Why does the captain of this freighter have more gumption than the entire United States government put together? Why has the US done nothing about the Somali pirate problem despite warnings that a hostage situation like this was inevitable? Why does Barack Obama bow to the king of Saudi Arabia then stand idly by while a bunch of scumbag pirates thumb their noses at us and threaten to kill an American citizen? Would Thomas Jefferson have put up with this? Teddy Roosevelt? Ronald Reagan?

(Thanks Sprite for the help)

How can she go out in public like that?

She needs to go on a diet. Big giant fat ass!

The Secret Life of the American Teenager: Episode 1:Part 1

I was turned on to this by a reader in comments. It's brilliantly written and the actors are all top notch. The more you watch, the more you realize it isn't shit. You can sit right here and Tube should take you through the first season. It took me a few days to watch them all, but, I couldn't stop. It cracked me the fuck up when 15 year old Amy's mother, Molly Ringwald told her she wasn't going to raise her baby for her, that she had to get a job and pay for day care. The kid was like WHAT?? Good stuff here. Laugh out loud lines.

Trivia

Remember when Olivia Hussey was all the hot rage?..from Franco Macaroni's Romeo and Juliet? Turns out her daughter is the very talented India Eisley who plays Ashley on The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I know that because I looked up all their bios....because I am a nerd. And also because I was impressed that not all teen stars are idiots.

OctoTwat thinking about appyling for WIC

Nadya Suleman said she is contemplating applying for federal assistance to feed her 14 children. “If I need to apply for (the Women, Infants and Children program) to provide my babies with formula, then I’m going to,” she said Wednesday. “I have to let go of what people think. I can’t live like that.”
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She's lying again. She already gets WIC, betcha. Everyone who has a kid under 5 and is on welfare automatically gets WIC. Now she's acting like she has to humble herself and kiss ass for the babies' sake. Octo says it costs $2,000 a month for baby formula. Someone add it up for me. That sounds like a lot, even for Octo. But, if she was good at math, she wouldn't have 14 kids. Gub'ment cheese is like currency here. I wish I had a big ol' bag of skunk weed. I'd trade it for some Gub'ment cheese. That's good cheese.

Fishy on GOOP

"First of all, I never know what to wear in Los Angeles (are those pajamas??) and inexplicably, I am always freezing here. Having had a good look through the spring collections, I don’t think it’s necessary to make any sweeping changes. They are still selling gladiators that are almost identical to the ones I got last spring and there hasn’t been any major shift in silhouettes. I am going to stick with the classics and update a few simple pieces that are easy to wear."

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If Paltrow wasn't such an asshole, I'd feel sorry for her. It's like she's talking to herself. I don't think she has any friends.

Stevie nix's Loahn

Stevie Nicks says Lindsay Lohan can't play her in a movie. "Over my dead body. She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip. Then maybe we'll talk."
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I don't know why anyone would ask The Blow to play Stevie or why they'd even think a movie about Stevie could last longer than it took to go get popcorn. She also says Britney Spears is not a rock star, she hasn't paid her dues. Nicks wrote a couple of good songs in the 70's, her voice always sucked and she was more famous for her sex life than Fleetwood. Stevie Nicks is the only one stoned enough to think Britney is a rock star. She needs to go back to her bong, her closet, her diaphanous skirts and casting spells on paper clips and stray cats.
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And yes. I know she still looks good. I'll give her that. She's nuts though, always has been.

Patti Scialfa-Looking for Elvis

Just a reminder that Bruce Sringsteen's wife is a very cool woman and if he's cheating on her, who's he think he's got that's better? I wish there was a shit load more of her and less of the friggin' Boss, the Asbury punk.

Congrats to Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. are expecting their first child in the fall. They've been married for six years with no hint of scandal. That's a lifetime in Hollywood.

Dumb girl blogs

Kim Kardashian: "Why is Octomom wearing my Jimmy Choo sunglasses!? I think it's a little ridiculous that she claims she has no money and is on welfare to take care of her 14 children, yet she is out shopping and buying Jimmy Choo sunglasses!I guess she'd rather spend her octo-dollars on accessories. Aren't 14 accessories enough, Octomom?? Am I sensing a shopping addiction here? Khloe and Kourtney can hook you up with someone who can help you battle this!"
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Yeah, because no one else has figured out all these smart things like Kim K. So, people on welfare can't own Jimmy Choo's? What would you like people on welfare to wear? Is there an approved Kardashian list of accessories for welfare recipients, Kim? My fun pokes at Kardashian have been half hearted jests..until now. She really IS a stupid girl and it's a damn good thing her parents had money. Burn in blog hell, Kim K... I sentence you to life in the stupid file.

Pete is in trouble, capitol T

While Ash is at home with the kid, Pete parties with the band and some groupies. They made a slip and slide with KY and some other stupid stuff. If you think he's not in trouble, you're wrong. There's nothing like the smell of poopy diapers and vomit down your back while looking at pictures of your dear "hubs" making an ass of himself. Oh, wait, having the whole world seeing the pictures. Yeah, that's worse. He should have stuck to drinking piss.

The internet is for?

The sword of damacles is hanging over all our heads. Pray for us, Miley! Pray for us! Sob.

Ron Wood babysitting his grand daughter, awww

No....wait....that's his new girl friend, Ekaterina Ivanova. She used to be a cocktail waitress. I was a cocktail waitress for years and Ron Wood never asked me out. I do have a story about some Stones roadies, but, you don't need to hear that. I'll just say, they tip well. Way to go, Ekaterina! Can I call you Ek?

Closer to the Lord

“I’ve never been closer to the Lord since I met him ,” she says about Justin, on The Rachel Ray Show in an interview airing Friday. “He’s really made me read my Bible. He’s made me actually read the stories in the Bible — not the quick little verses — that not only help me, but show you how to help other people.”
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I think she meant closer to the LOAD. There's a cure for that, genius. Get your head out of his lap and turn on the windshield wipers.

Yes. She did

Don't smoke weed! Rock out with your cock out! Mother fuckers!

She thinks she's Keith Richards now. There was a brief break where Britney wouldn't go onstage until the pot and cig smoke cleared. Her reps apologized, but, said smoke is unsafe for Britney and her dancers. Yeppers. Shoulda thought of that when she was snorting the Hyde parking lot and ParAsshole leftovers. She should be a drug councilor.

Nadya speaks out about Angels In Waiting

You know what? I believe her this time. I believe her 100%. Nadya may be nuts, but, she's not stupid. Angels were Satan and so is Allred. I told you not to trust them, Nadya! I fucking told you.

It's not over!

Lindsay explaining to the paps (yeah, that's who I'd talk to) that her and Sam are on a break. Yeah, just like Ross and Rachael. Is this the part where Phoebe has her brother's triplets and Joey hides a sandwich? Yeah.

More rumors about the royal couple

Brad took his boys to Dunkin' Donuts, "they were laughing and smiling, you could tell the boys really love him." Of course they love him, you half wit, he's their father and has been for years. WTF? Who writes this horse shit? Stupid people should die. Lines to the left and right. If your IQ is less than a Dunkin' Donut, step to the left, where you will be bombed into oblivion by the Stupid Patrol.
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Angie's reps said she did not collapse on the set of Salt. They lie all the time, that's what their paid to do and who cares? The latest rumor is that Angie told Brad she wants other lovers. She's tired of being monogamous and thinks traditional roles don't work for her. Yeah, but, if Brad has lunch with Aniston, he's toast. Angie's probably been watching that Make Me A Super Model show, Jenny Shimizu's a judge. Ahhhh, old times, eh, Ang? I hear Sam Ronson's single.

Halle Berry stays home, shops online

“My guilty pleasure is very boring, but I buy baby clothes online,” Halle told Harper’s Bazaar, “Nahla can’t wear all the clothes I’ve bought, and we don’t go anywhere because I can’t deal with the paparazzi. Gabriel’s always like, ‘She doesn’t even leave the house! Halle, you’ve got to stop.’”

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I like that story and I believe her. You get a photo of pretty little Nahla once in awhile. You sure don't see her out every day being paraded around like a dancing monkey or Suri Cruise. It's just proof of what I've said all along, you can keep your kid out of the flashbulbs if you want. I don't know why, but, it makes me happy to think of Halle at her computer buying baby clothes and waiting for the UPS packages like everyone else. None of us really know what Nahla wears. Halle and Gabriel take their own pictures of her.

She's on to you, crabbie

“I’m like, I’m smarter than you think. You know, I understand what you’re trying to do. It’s all a mind game and what not,” she said. It's tough being a Disney kid. “I feel like some people will almost think of me as a joke because of it,” she said.
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No, the squeeky clean image isn't why we think you're a joke, Miley. I'll give you a break here, since you ARE just a kid. Your parents are a joke...and what not.

Rock out with your cocks out!..

Mother fuckers!.. Britney was screaming at her fans after her last concert. You know, because nothing rhymes with Cheetos. I'm sending her some Fritos's. It'll blow her mind. Like time travel..yeah, like that. Rockin'!

Please Tell Me This Was A Bit...

I hope to hell this incredibly uncomfortable radio appearance by Billy Bob Thornton and his "band" was some kind of Joaquin Phoenix-ish hoax. Cause if it wasn't? Then Billy Bob Thornton needs to be committed. And given lots of really strong anti-psychotics. And electro-shock. And perhaps a lobotomy is in order. Or maybe they should just put the dude out of his misery.

Obama Bows To Saudi King. Impeach His Ass Now.

The White House is denying that Barack Obama bowed to the camel-fucking king of Saudi Arabia. Yeah? Well what do you call it when a dude bends full at the waist in front of another dude? A subtle attempt at checking out the dude's package? No. It's a bow. Clearly, Barack Obama has been falling asleep during the meetings where they tell him about proper protocol. What's next? Is he going to whip it out for the president of Pakistan? Tongue kiss some random sultan from some made-up desert kingdom? Can I have my vote back? Seriously...this guy is an embarrassment.

This Doesn't Surprise Me At All

Miley Cyrus says that, despite her fame and money, she still sometimes behaves like a scared little child who thinks the boogeyman is under her bed waiting to grab her ankle. "At times I feel I'm very mature for my age, but other times I feel very immature," Miley said. "I still like to sleep with my parents sometimes. I'll go into their bedroom and snuggle with my mom, because I've been working all day and haven't seen her."

I'm sure Billy Ray heartily encourages this. And no Miley, it's not normal for daddy to rub his giant throbbing boner against you. Call the fricking police!

She's On To You Katie

"Hey there giant emotionless lady who claims to be my mom. Do you think we could give this whole dragging me around for the cameras thing a rest? I'm tired. And look at the fucking shoes you make me wear. And this dress. What the hell, am I in the Sea Org already? I'm, what, not even three? I mean, I realize my daddy is Tom Cruise - allegedly - but don't you think fast-tracking a toddler that way looks a tad, I don't know, silly? And by the way...where the fuck do you get those glasses? I spend every waking minute with you and I swear I've never seen you buy a pair. Do you shit eggs into a pile of straw and a couple months later they hatch sunglasses? You know, you really aren't fooling anyone."

"We Made You" Eminem

Eminem - New Music - More Music Videos

Yes. I did miss you, as a matter of fact.

Coming to a 4-H barn near you..

BMG Nashville has dropped Jessica Simpson from their label. Columbia Nashville and Sony Music Nashville don't want her either. They'll release some polite bullshit, but, the truth is, they're tired of empty seats, forgotten lyrics and her rambing about Tony for 30 minutes before every song. Jessica cried "But I rhymed hart with fart and Tony loves me!" Also some intelligent sparring, as in "You guys sux!" And "Do I look fat in these here cutoffs?"

For Lindsay...

Thrilled..just thrilled

Kim KardASShian is excited that Eminem made fun of her in his latest video. She calls it "a thrill." Did Em tell her to shave her forehead? What's up with the stretch marks on her tits? Is that monkey on the show actually her secret love child? There's a reason her and ParAsshole are friends. It's called shared stupidity.

She's never had one original idea in her life

ParAsshole, you are NOT Lady GaGa, not even close. You have to be the stupidest girl in Hollywood. Standing on tables, in clubs, with no underwear, lip syncing to Stars Are Blind is not a fucking tour.
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Now she has to have a new BFF show because Brittany Flickinger was only using her for publicity. Well, why the fuck else whould anyone be friends with her?? Being this dumb should be illegal.

Turkish Rush Limbaugh Goes Blackface For Barack Bit

Political correctness as we know it evidently doesn't exist in Turkey. Neither does bathing or learning to keep your hands off another man's goat. By the way, why is it Istanbul, not Constantinople? I know it's nobody's business but the Turks' but, damn it, I want answers.

Kelly Clarkson jokes off her sexiness

Clarkson (blogging) on her I don't Hook Up video.. “So I just got the video and it’s hilarious! Watching me crawl across a table attempting to be sexy in a fantasy is pretty funny to say the least I hope y’all like it. We had a lot of fun making it!
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I've always admired Clarkson, she stood up for herself to record companies, she writes her own stuff and she's good..but, I don't like that she's uncomfortable being sexy and has to play if off like it's comedy, when she know's that wasn't the intent. If you have pork and booty, you can still be sexy. Own it. In ya face!.. to insecure critics who have nothing to discuss but some one's bikini body. It bothers me that it bothers her. Just own your sexy. All girls should.

More classless Lindsay

source
Lindsay on getting dumped after five hired security guards kept her out of an afterparty for Samantha’s sister Charlotte at the Chateau Marmont: “It’s absolute hell. The worst night of my life.”
Lindsay on the alleged restraining order put on her by Samantha’s family: “I’m not a bad person and this is what happens. I was raised to treat people well, and I’m so tired of this drama. Everyone’s turned on me.”
Lindsay on having her friends turn on her (the night of the Chateau showdown, Nicole Richie walked by her and said “Uck,” and Drea De Matteo said, “Come at me, bitch”): “I’m a fucking 22-year-old girl who’s in love. I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie.”
Lindsay on laughing off that she’s suicidal: “I’m just really hurt! The whole situation is sick.”
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Unless I see it on vid, I don't believe her shit about Drea De Matteo. Drea is a grown woman and you don't see her in clubs showing her ass. Why would she pick a fight with a little nobody like Lohan in public? Blow needs to shut up now, enough of this poor me act. Everyone knows she's nuts. We've all known it for years.

Don't expect wedding bells here

Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy keep flaunting their romance and dressing in color coordinated outfits, but, those in the know (supposedly) say she isn't serious about him. He's a fill in until she finds someone she thinks is important, then he will be out on his ass, without even a sympathy card. Hollywood insiders tell tales of Love, saying she's cheated on EVERY guy she's been with and dumps them by text when they are no longer useful. Her reputation is that she's a hard worker, reliable, but don't mess with her personally because she's cold hearted. And that's why you don't see her with girl friends..she doesn't have any. Except her mother. I don't know if all that's true, but, since everyone in Hollywood says it, (and have said it for years) it makes me wonder. Is she really NOT a nice girl?

Chris Brown Plea Deal Includes Jail Time

Well-placed inside sources are telling MediaTakeOut.com that Chris Brown has reached a tentative plea deal...which will include some jail time. This will probably be that celebrity jail that Paris Hilton and Nick Hogan had where they were kept separate from the general population - obviously, this greatly reduces the chances of Chris having some giant bad-ass fucker do to him what he did to Rihanna, but we can always hope. No doubt Chris will follow his jail term with a talk show appearance where he tells us how much he's learned, then a book deal, then laying another whupping on some ho, etc.,

Michael Lohan Rushes To Lindsay's Aid

Michael Lohan has seen his daughter Lindsay's pain and is swooping in to help make it worse. "Breakups are never pretty and they're never easy," Michael told Extra. "I'm here for Lindsay any time. I've cleared my schedule to go meet her in L.A." Cleared your schedule? That's a good one. What was even on it? Lunch with Stephen Baldwin? Meeting with your parole officer? Continuing your search for a hitman who'll do Dina in exchange for food stamps? Fuck you, you phony bastard. And leave Lindsay alone. She hates you.

They Tried To Kill Barack

A man was arrested by Turkish authorities for allegedly plotting to assassinate Barack Obama during his trip to their foul-smelling country. The cops are downplaying the whole thing, saying there was never really a threat, and the man was only arrested out of an excess of caution. Barack of course brushed the whole thing off, cool cat that he is. Prez then flew his bad self into Baghdad, and is meeting with the troops. Baghdad's plenty peaceful nowadays - thank you surge - so Prez shouldn't have anything to worry about. Binghamton - now that's another story. If I were Prez I'd stay away from there.

CRACK!

Keith Urban climbed on a chair and kissed his wife, cracking her face in several places. She was rushed by ambulance to a nearby body shop where 6,000 pounds of body compound was used to repair the damage. Keith payed for the extensive work in tour bus turds and country music. Which is really the same thing, when you think about it.

GOOP...she should have called it POOP

Paltrow on her Poop blog: "If your bowel movements get sluggish, you can accelerate things by drinking half a cup of castor oil or using a mild herbal laxative. Bowel elimination is paramount for correct detoxification."

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She has nothing to do all day but monitor her poop and post body shop horrors in expensive rags. Bitch needs a job. That stuff is between you and NO ONE..nobody wants to hear it...except your doctor. And it makes him sick too.

Goopy diet of the stars

Scar-Jo has lost her tits and half her male fans on some crazy diet. Turns out Gwenyth Paltrow is to blame. She turned Scarlett on to her trainer, Tracy Anderson. If you look up that chick, she's the one sucking money out of Paltrow for rip off gym chains where she tells people they can exist on cherry tomatoes, lemon water and bowel cleansings. Last year's "cleanse" made Gwyneth hallucinate and may have damaged her liver. I couldn't care less. Maybe the bitches will diet and enema themselves until they disappear completely. Kieth Urban's tour bus emptied shit more intelligent than these people.

Sienna Miller in a Spanish magazine

Unless a celebrity is Tippie Hedren or Siegfried & Roy the big cats in photo spreads are usually photoshopped in. But..I have no doubt, Sienna took the chain lead here. Some photographer probably told her "nice tits, bitch" in Spanish and she thought he said "Tiger is so tame, toothless." It's pretty hot..I wouldn't have done it. I like having all my limbs. Tigah say "Tastes like chicken!

No Mercy for Madge

Turns out little Mercy has a father and he didn't even know he had a daughter until this Madonna publicity stuff. The young man, James Kambewa, said he was told the baby had died along with her mother. He is now a security guard and is willing to support his daughter. He want's Mercy. So, if he's telling the truth, and there's a good chance he is..Madonna can kiss Mercy's ass goodbye and keep her baby crazy hands to herself for awhile. I hear they have adorable baby girls in China. Try that, Gristle... maybe you can fight with the Chinese and insult their government for awhile. Queen of the fucking World.

Buy them a brain cell..they can share it

When Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron get together for Funny Or Die, they called it brainstorming. That means someone who's actually funny will write something and these two will deiver it like wooden ass puppets. Brainstorming..pfft. I could throw a bowl of stale popcorn farts into a tornado and come up with a bigger IQ than these two will have in a lifetime.

Brown pleads not guilty

Chris Brown pleaded not guilty in the assault charges. How is he allowed to do that, since he and Rihanna were the only ones there and she looked like she'd fallen in a meat grinder? She won't testify and has packed her bikini's and fled to Barbados. This whole thing is crazy. They should sic Judge Judy's ass on him. He looks like a real winner, huu? Smart ass punk. I really hope his shitty little career is over.

Jen and Angie..fighting again

Angelina collapsed on the set of Salt, people on the set are claiming she eats nothing. Is it a weird diet or drugs? I don't know. Then there's Aniston..she's been trying to see Brad again. She called him about a lunch date to catch up since they're both in NYC filming. He agreed, but, Angie reportedly threw a grand scale hissy and tried to pack the kids up and leave Brad, telling the little ones it was an "adventure." Wags at the Waldorf-Astoria say Angie screamed at Brad for half an hour over Jennifer.

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You'd think a lunch/catch up date would be okay, but, Jennifer also booked gym sessions at the Guerlain Spa..which is in the Waldorf! As far as I know, Aniston is not staying there, so what's she up to? I don't think any of these people will ever let this thing go or move on. Sure, some of this gossip is just that, but, the gym sessions, the calling, the fight...I think that's real. Smoke and fire. It must be nice to be crazy and rich. Most of us don't have the luxury of casually running into our ex in the Waldorf just to piss off his current live in.

RIP Lohan

In the continuing saga of La Lohan and Ronson..Sam has outdone The Blow by having her entire family ask for restraining orders on Lohan.

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From OK mag: Around 5 p.m. PST on Monday, Sam’s mother, Ann Dexter-Jones, and sister, fashion designer Charlotte Ronson, were at the Beverly Hills Police Department to look into filing a restraining order because Sam wants to “send a message” to Lindsay.
Charlotte and Ann talked to a clerk at the front desk, who advised them, “The restraining order is the best option. If she violates it, then she gets taken away.”
The Ronsons spoke openly to the officer about their situation. “She does these things to get attention,” said Charlotte of Lohan’s recent actions. “She was trying to get into my party this weekend. We had to tell security to keep her out. Then she booked a room at the Chateau Marmont. Her room was right below… She also followed our brother Mark around.”
“[Lindsay] was doing drugs,” added Ann. “And we could not sleep that night at the Chateau. She was complaining about the music and noise coming from upstairs. She was trying to get attention, so that Sam could come down.”
“She cuts herself too,” Ann continued. “She is a cutter!”
“She got up illegally to our room,” Charlotte told the policeman. “She does these acts of public humiliation. It is all for attention… She was also got physical with Mark.”
Charlotte continued to speak to the policeman on duty while Ann took a phone call and explained the situation to the person on the other line.
Lindsay is furious because we did an intervention,” she said. “Not about the drugs, but because of this situation… It is what it is.”
“[Lindsay] is publicly humiliating [Sam],” explained Charlotte. “She is trying to send out a message.”
The Beverly Hills station can’t issue restraining orders because there are no judges in the building. So the officer instructed the Ronsons to file a petition for a restraining order at the courthouse in Santa Monica.

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So, I figure as crazy as Blowhan is right now, her death is unavoidable. She can't go on like this. It will all catch up to her, probably in a matter of days. Who's going to be there for her this time? We are all watching a young woman destroy herself. And there's nothing to do, but, watch.

I still love Rod Stewart, but,..

That picture of him and wife, Penny Lancaster made me laugh. Why do rockers always marry models? It must be like having some crazy little hand puppet crawling on you.

Blow Twitters

There's not much left of Blohan's tweaking ass, except toothpick legs, saggy tits and ratty hair extensions. She managed to Twitter Sam at the Marmont: PLEASE leave me ALONE. and stop staying in the room below me, you've woken me and my mother up. go to bed. keep cheating u win.
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Right. Lindsay and Dina were probably standing on the bed holding straws up to the ceiling cracks hoping for fallout. If someone sneezed at a Ronson party, you'd have enough blow for a week.

That's disgusting

According to page six someone dumped a load of literal shit outside the ACM Awards theatre last night. It came from Keith Urban's tour bus. "There was about 150 square feet of gunk, a half an inch think, outside the main entrance. It was a literal shit show. " It took 12 hours to clean up the disgusting mess.
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That's outrageous and someone should be fired and Urban fined. How could anyone think that was okay? Urban always looks like a little puke to me anyhow, so it doesn't surprise me that this is the kind of people he hangs with.

Raising Wyatt

Sheryl Crow's little boy is getting big. I think she's a total asshole, but, at least she knows you can find a beautiful child to love in America.

Whore cake, Blow cake, illegal lesbian activity cake

Ronson put this pic on Twitter to show Twatter what she's missing. These two skanks are both stupid, but, they're making me miss the good 'ol days as I sit here munching organic almonds and knowing the closest thing I'll get to high again in my life is a migraine. Fuck both you dim witted bitches. I hope you get arrested.

Farrah Fawcett on Letterman 1997

Someone mentioned this interview in comments. It IS a very famous interview and I don't know what's wrong with Farrah here. She was very nervous and may have been stoned. Farrah has never been accused of having a drug problem, as far as I know, and she is not a stupid woman. She attended University of Texas in Austin, graduating with a degree in Microbiology. She also studied art and clearly has a knowledge of the subject. Yet in this clip, she thought David's set was real and couldn't remember words like "foot" or "feet." I don't know what happened here, but, it shows how gracious Letterman can be.

All Hef's girls show up for his 83rd birthday

It was held at the Palms Casino. I'm assuming that's Kendra's soon to be hubby, Hank there, since she's practically grabbing his junk, but, you never know. It'd be weird, wouldn't it?..Hey honey let's go to that old guy's birthday bash, the one who used to pay me a grand a week to fuck him. Okay! It's good they're all civil, I guess. I think Kendra really is Hef's friend. Bridget and Holly were there too, along with Hef's Weenersucker twins. I wouldn't put it past Holly to be trying to get Hef back..an old rich boy friend is better than no boy friend. I hope Hef realizes he's too good for Holly.