It runs in the family

When Casey visits she always brings some of her animals. This time she brought Rocco the pit bull and her rat, Sherlock. I was a little put off by the sheer size of him..he's a hulk! He's bigger than my moms dog and he squeeks really loud. But, after she left to go see her dad, I took a deep breath and got him out. Turns out his size is all show, he's just as sweet as my Bee Bee. The two rodents liked each other very much...uhh, maybe a little too much. Sherlock is getting neutered before they can share a cage. Bee Bee's virtue must be protected (she wears a purity ring, but, I threw out her Jonas Bro CD's). Anyhow, we're having a good time here. Don't forget to send me some photos for tomorrow!

Angelina promoting Changeling in NYC

She looks like she's ready for another baby to me.

Hot guy alert

Freddy Rodriguez at the 5th Annual VH1 Hip Hop Honors, NYC. Yeah, I wish he'd tie his boots, but, I noticed everyone at the HHH was doing that. They'll be doing it until they trip over Flava and end up face first in a giant clock. But, dang, Freddie's cute. If Ugly Betty doesn't end up with this guy, I'll know the writers are blind.

Mini vacation

My daughter is coming home today! All the way from Kansas City, where eveything's up to date and I hear they have buildings seven stories high, and I have veg/beef stew simmering and all the Halloween lights a blazin'. Maybe we'll go to the big city and shop at one of them Wal-Mart's I've heard tell of. So, I'm off...see ya later. Hugs to all.

Well, finally!

Finally...Karen (Who dressed you, honey?) Walker and Jack (Jazz hands) McFarland seem set to get their own series and not have to deal with creepy Grace and pathetic Will. I am so excited. These two were the ONLY reason to watch that stank. Now, get me some pills and a rich fat guy and one ticket to Just Jack. Oh, hell yeah. Make that two tickets, I'm taking crabbie.

Kate Gosselin invents the sandwich

If you want a sandwich..go to an expert! Kate Gosselin (HELLLOOO, lady with 8 kids, comin' thru!) ..Kate develops her own lunches, she's amazing!

Peanut butter and apple sandwich (Original by Kate Gosselin)

Ingredients
you will need..
1 craft service table (fully stocked)
1 organic chef
$2,000 dollars worth of organic groceries (free)
1 jobless husband who takes orders
5 film crew members
1 lawn chair
1 8,000 square foot mansion

Instructions
Place one piece of organic wheat bread on counter
Scream "Joooooon, I'm exhausted!"
Go sit in lawn chair and roll eyes
Make annoying children go get lunch from craft services
Instruct film crew to show your good side
Have Jon spread peanut butter (organic, no less) on bread
Call stylist and demand TLC pay for it
Yell at Jon to add apple slices (moron)
Make up a generic word
Tell moron to apply second piece of organic bread on top of organic peanut butter
Scream at moron to slice diagonally
Sigh and tell the cameras how exhausted you are
Plan free vacation
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Think I'm kidding? Check THIS out, be sure to read some comments. I guess ordinary moms don't want to be fed bullshit.

Two twats who think they're funny

Alba and Panty waste my time. At least ParAss Hilton has someone write funny stuff for her. These two should be embarrassed.

WTF dinner

Fergie and Sophia Loren at Cipriani restaurant in London. WTF would they have to talk about? Ferg: "Sooo, uhh, you believe in God?" Uhhhh.."Who's your surgeon?"

As seen on TV!

Oh, so there's this website that features TV products that don't suck......and Min N Fix isn't on it. What? I meant to blog about Mix N Fix last week, but, this reminded me. Mix N Fix does not suck..it worked. If you've ever wondered. It's amazing and sticks to anything but skin. Which is good because I've been known to super glue my fingers shut and I wore foam insulation for two weeks. It wasn't pretty. I'm putting up new curtain rods and I'm using Mix N Fix and I will never fark with drywall or wood screws again. Back to the website..the Magic Bullet. I want it. Do you have one? Are they telling the truth about it?

Why isn't it okay to be white?

Why are all the bloggers upset that The Blow came home from Mexico and she's still white? I don't get it. Maybe she used sun screen. Why is it not okay to be the color you're born with? I'm rambling now..my daughter wants a baby and she's having some trouble getting one the regular way. I said, oh, just adopt one and avoid the stretch marks. She says "What if I brought home a blaaaaaaack baby?" (Mischievous look)...I said, well, then I'd learn to do corn rows, wouldn't I? Pffft, she can save the shock value for Daddy. I don't care what color it is, as long as it doesn't mind having the worlds whitest Granny.

Someone's response to Dugger mania

'Specially since there are 3 and a half Dugger kids missing there. Frick!

Locklear getting handcuffed

Jill Ishkanian acted heroically her lawyer claims. She called 911 on an impaired driver then sold the photos for $27,000 to TMZ. Remind me to move to LA.

What's the matter Hathaway?

Ohhhhhhhh, Letterman didn't ask you about butt sex. Maybe next time.

Note..crabbie and Defamer shot down my butt sex story. I don't care. I still think she likes it down the Hershey Highway. And I won't take it off! I called Anne and her reps said "Poop!"

LMAOOOOOOO!

Forget something, PantyLiner? Like..YOUR LEGS?

Donna Douglas is still around

Dang, Elly May, someone done spent too many years sunnin' down at the cement pond.

It's a diaper bag, honey, really

Nicole Richie finally got her drivers license back. I'm more impressed that she got the old man to carry her purse.

This picture just made me realize..

She could wrap her legs around him twice and still shove her heel in his ass. Which I'm fairly sure he'd be agreeable to. Why are they dressed like the Tin Man?

Welcome to LA

Hugh Laurie and his wife Jo just moved to the Hollywood Hills and thieves broke into their mansion while the couple slept upstairs. Hugh: “We were in bed when it happened… I came down this morning and said, ‘Where’s the laptop?’ Then we realised.”
*
Pfffffft, House would have beaten them with his cane, taken their stash, slashed them with his wit and then played me some blues. Oh, and that would be after the brainstorming that diagnosed them with some unheard of disease that caused painful excruciating tests on their spinal cords and eyeballs...with no anesthetic. Then we'd go out for samiches. (In my version there is no Jo..who is this Jo? Beat it, Jo.)

Not that bad

Sorry, I can't agree with other bloggers about Russell Crowe. I don't think he looks bad. Like the hair, like the extra weight. He's still an ass, but, he looks fine. What can I say? I like 'em average. If he was standing outside in an apron grilling a couple of T-bones, I'd think he was hot.

She didn't understand

Vernita Lee is being sued by the Valentina boutique for an unpaid bill of $155,000. Vernita is suing them right back claiming she shouldn't have been given a charge account there because of her lack of knowledge or capacity. This is the second time it's happened at the same store! I'm going to try that with all my bills. Sorry, can't pay..did not understand that I had to pay. Duh. Oh, I forgot..Vernita Lee is Oprah's mom.

CunnyLingo

Kendra on the "transitions" at the Playboy mansion..."There are lot of changes going on … people are going through changes, there’s a lot of rumors about me moving on, Holly moving on … it’s really sad.”
Wilkinson continued: "I mean, it’s only sad because Hef has to deal with it, and Hef gets really emotional because he really loves us. He is definitely a softie, so it’s really sad seeing him go through this stuff.”
But, Kendra adds, "He keeps it cool, and he has a lot of girlfriends around now to keep him happy."
*
Translation..as Playboy stock goes down, Hugh Hefner's girlfriends don't.

Rumor mill

Tony Romo was seen ring shopping. Jessica Simpson looks like this. You do the math.

Goofy

Shannen Doherty claims she's a germaphobe and no one can use her bathroom, but, her. Why? Because you pee in a milk jug?

Silence of the clams

What's Alba telling us now? That if you don't vote you become a cannibal in a prison mental institute? Last week it was duct tape. Semi-interesting how she rocks the Obama shirt and then tells us to vote. So, isn't she basically telling us how to vote? Maybe I think too much, maybe it's just a clever way her manager stops her from doing more interviews.

Let me break it down..

Heather Locklear might have been set up by some stalker chick. The woman who called 911 to report Locklear's erratic driving is a Us Weekly staffer who was under investigation by the FBI for hacking into comp files to find celebrities. Jill Ishkanian, that's the bitch's name, called the paps BEFORE she dialed 911 on Heather, AND she followed Heather to various locations. So, basically no one knows wtf went on the other night when Locklear was arrested. Paps swear the star had not even turned the key when the cops showed up. We know she wasn't drunk. We know she was let go without bail. At this point the cops say they don't care who called or why. They think Heather should not assault designer sunglasses with her vehicle (as reported by Jill). Gawd.

Another genius celeb designer

Someone over at Janet Charlton's has a sharp eye and a good memory. Older photo of Rachel Bilson wearing a green dress by Banckok designers, Sretsis. Yellow dress is from Rachel Bilson's "exclusive" line Edie Rose for DKNY. Bilson claims she designs all the dresses herself and they are original. Uhh huu. I smell a whif of bullshit and a lawsuit.

Still in Mehiko

Pssssssst, Sam, (whisper) your tampon is leaking. What? Oh, it's supposed to look like that? Okay then, carry on.

Stupid protests..need their ass kicked

Disneyland will not be closing Gay Days Anaheim for Miley Cyrus's birthday. The park closes at 5 pm, okay? You can be gay all day. I have news for you fuckers...if you're over 12 there is nothing gayer than Disneyland. Now, go sit your ass in a pastel spinning tea cup and shut the fuck up.
*
The National Federation for The Blind is all pissed off at the portrayal of blind people in the upcoming thriller Blindness, starring Julianne Moore and Marc Ruffalo. A spokesman said "The movie portrays blind people as monsters, and I believe it to be a lie. Blindness doesn’t turn decent people into monsters." Hey, genius, it's just a movie, and how would you know..you can't see it. YOU'RE BLIND. Why am I typing this to them?

Stone might be the mom from Hell

More leaks in the Sharon Stone custody case..this just becomes disturbing. The judge said Stone overreacts to medical situations and that she claims Roan has a spinal condition, but, she could provide no evidence to back up her claim. The judge also seemed shocked that Sharon wants Roan to have Botox injections for his foot odor problems and decided there was " no need for any invasive procedure on this young child.”
*
Judge: “Unfortunately, the problem caused by Mother’s overreactions is painfully real for this child. If Mother has, in fact, limited her career to make herself available for Roan, she has done little to make this evident to Roan, his school or this Court.”
*
Cripes! What mom wants her little kid injected with poison because his feet stink?? Don't all boys have stinky feet? Gawd, she's mental. I'm sorry, Roan, sorry you got adopted by some rich fruit cake who needs her head examined.

She doesn't sound crazy..

Britney sounds fine and is back to an American accent. That song still stinks, it sounds like Pee Wee Herman on steroids.

Bet you can't eat just one

When good candy goes wrong. So no one in the Mill Farm test kitchens noticed that those......? Oh, nevermind, let me just deep throat a landmark and be happy.

Janet's in the hospital

Janet Jackson's pukey little midget live in, Germy DuPew threw up in her lap at a party. No shit, he just leaned over and heaved chunks into her friggin' lap. Geez. And now she's in the hospital after becoming ill during a sound check. I don't know if the two events are related. I know it will take a team of skilled surgeons to fix her hair.

Kate Moss and her boy friend

What to do with leftover fabric when your boy friend just doesn't look gay enough.

Waitress Snaps

Why you should tip your waitress. AND not fuck with your waitress.

All the cool chicks are in Mexico

Ronson and The Blow are in Cabo. Sam doesn't look so skinny in a 'kini. Jennifer Aniston is also in Cabo..surrounding herself with cases of Smart Water. Seriously. I blew it up to be nosey. A bottle of suntan lotion, a seafood pizza and cases of Smart Water strategically placed in pretty boxes. Give it a fucking rest, Jen. Jesus.

Who didn't see this comin'?

Dennis Quaid is ticked off that Meg Ryan is running her mouth..

“It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship,” he says. “Also, I find it regrettable that our son, Jack, has to be reminded in a public way of the turmoil and pain that every child feels in a divorce … I, myself, moved on years ago and am fortunate to have a happy, beautiful family.”

*
Nothing like rehashing old crap to revive your sagging careers. Pot meet kettle and all that. Yawn.

DJ AM is out, so is Travis

DJ AM attending the memorial for Chris “Lil’ Chris” Baker, who died in the crash. Man, that looks painful. Travis Barker is also out of the hospital.

Say skank, err, cheese

Audrina Patridge covers her wonk eyes and shows us what she'll look like giving birth to a breech baby. It's a girl!

Adnan....not so much a hero now

Adnan claims he has a Britney sex tape and he's only talking to serious bidders. Oh, and other than showing her having sex, he will not talk about her personal problems. Nice. I'll give you seven bucks, Adnan, $7.50 if she's wearing the pink wig. It's the best offer you'll get, trust me.

Ali Lohan..not doing porn!

Straight to DVD, it comes out today. I confess to liking R.L. Stine, not like I'd buy it, but, if it's laying about the shop, I'll read it. I might buy this for Lissa when it goes in the sale bin. Good job, Ali, that should keep Dina's nose happy for a month.

TomKat out to dinner...NYC

Dressing matchy matchy again, the giggle I got was from her necklace which looks (even in close ups) like a cross upside down. Honey, garlic doesn't work on vampires, water and gold doesn't repel witches, and nothing scares Scientologists. Not even massive amounts of Botox..obviously.

Anne Hathaway likes it up the old wazoo

Anne had some things to tell Esquire about anal sex..She says: "Every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing". She also speaks about significance of the first time and the trustworthy partner and how the anal penetration makes her feel feminine in a very special way."
*
While thousands of men are right now searching the net for Hathaway's email addy, Esquire is changing it's name to "You Aint Gettin' That." Or, HA HA HA, Sucker. Or, Yeah Right.

Sean Penn kissed a guy

Sean Penn kissed James Franco in Milk..then he sent a text to his ex wife, Madonna and it said..'I just popped my cherry kissing a guy. I thought of you. I don't know why' . . .
*
Uhhh, I do. I can't wait to see the text he sends her when he's cast in the Sasquatch movie.

Another Big Foot sighting

Big Foot sighted in Paris. Big Foot also goes by the names, Sasquatch, Yeti, Yowie and Madge.

ParAss Hilton's Fairy Dust

“Do you believe in fairy tales?” No, I believe in Penicillin.

Marty and Kathleen show up for All My Sons

Katherine Noelle "Katie" Holmes's parents turned out for her Broadway play. They're from Ohio and her dad is an attorney specializing in....divorce. Hmm.

Scar-Jo marries Reynolds

Scarlett Johansson married Ryan Reynolds in a private ceremony outside Vancouver last weekend. I give it one year, tops. Oh, and twins, of course.

Heather Locklear's mug shot

Heather Locklear was pulled over in the Santa Barbara area, Sunday, and was arrested for driving while impaired. Officers determined she was under the influence of something ...but, it wasn't booze. Tests are still being done and Locklear was released without bail. Between her and her ex, Richie Sambora, I hope they can hire a sober nanny with a valid licence for their kid. Heather does take a nice picture though.