Because it's cute..

And because it's October, and because it's not trying to sell me athletic knee socks as fashion, like Holly Madisn and Katie Price, and it's not trying to end world hunger by stuffing it's face with tacos like Heidi-Ho and SpenceWad, and it doesn't give a fat fuck what jeans Katie Holmes has on.

Moses has the latest hot toy

Paltrow's kid shows off his Rumer Willis tater head. Moses wants Santa to bring him the Princess Bea version too.

George Hamilton had sex with his step mom when he was 12

And, yeah, his son is a hoot, but, it's a bit, so I don't know what to think. I'm leaning towards professionally dysfunctional. Worth watching.

Sarah Palin's childhood

Yes, it really is her.

Poontang whatever

Does someone out there want to explain to me why the state of California needs to have a jury trial for Britney Spears driving without a license? I swear, the government just can't find enough ways to waste money. At least the celebs have a pair of ridiculous shoes or a hangover to show for their money blowing.

Rode hard..put up, you know

Owch, this is what happens when you let Billy Bob touch your hoo-ha.

Nicole Richie On Ellen

I think she's letting Rachel Zoe dress her again, eww. She's cute when she talks about Harlow though.

Spotted making out...

Rihanna has forgotten Chris Brown and is sucking face in public with Kanye. Does anyone give a shit? I didn't think so.

Victoria Beckhams tootsie's

Shouldn't the spikes be on the toe so you could kick ass? I think CL needs to make some with razors mounted sideways so we could shave our legs while we have lunch. Multi tasking, yeah.

The world richest milkmaid

I still don't know why they have to advertise milk, but, even more puzzling is why they had to photoshop Heidi's legs. If her thighs are too big to sell milk, none of us have a chance. Wouldn't it be nice if rural life really looked like that? Fark! Even the cow isn't safe from digital manipulation.

Seams bad to me

I know she designed it, but, did she actually sew it herself too? What's she got, one of those pocket rocket sewing machines that run on double A's? Or did Suri whip it up with a darning needle? My bet, Katie will never be a contestant on Project Runway...she's a shoe in for Who Are You Wearing though. Tom, buy your wife a dart.

Jolie contradicts herself

Jolie in an interview with The NY Times said she'd want her children to watch Mr. And Mrs. Smith..Jolie: "Not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love."
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Wait, what? That's what happens when you talk too much, you forget what you said before. Btw, that's not a scene from Mr. And Mrs. Smith, that's just Christmas morning at the Jolie/Pitt house.

Todays ghost, Happy Halloween!

Ghost Image in Haunted Hotel


Guys, you can get laid at the haunted hotel, but, uhh, your date is ...........dead! This one's spooky.

Rumer Willis has met her match

Princess Beatrice at the Whisky Mist in London.

It's all the horses fault

The Sun...“If you can pinpoint an exact event or incident which spelled the death knell for them as a couple, Madonna’s horse-riding accident was it. Every other row the couple had following that boiled down to what happened that summer.” The family friend said: “Madonna was in a huge amount of pain and expected Guy to drop everything to be at her bedside.


“In her mind that is what every husband should do to support his wife when she has been through a traumatic, possibly life-threatening, experience.
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Bitch, please, I remember that..that was when she decided she was British and that proper English women rode horses. The horse begged to disagree and dumped her on her bony ass. Life threatening? WTF, is she Christopher Reeve now? That was also when she started with the high class English accent, no Liverpool for her ladyship. Gawd. She's gotten even with Guy now by dedicating songs to the "emotionally retarded" and hiring Sir Paul's divorce lawyer. Like Guy Richie is some one legged panhandling gold digger. I looked him up, he's worth 35-50 million (his money, not hers), owns his own mansion separate from their property and a pub and...the list goes on. He thinks Kabbalah is a load of silly nonsense, he doesn't want 12 more illegally adopted African orphans or some crazy gym addict telling him what color to pee every morning. Madonna needs to go have tea and crumpets with A-Rod, I'm over this and I'm damn sure Guy Ritchie is too.

Beyonce is a thief and it runs in the family

Beyonce's fans took a break from ho clone-wig buying to shit themselves over her brilliant writing in If I Were A Boy. Too bad fat ass didn't write it. It was penned by unknown, BC Jean, who had no idea Bouncie recorded it until someone alerted her to the thievery. Bouncie's crooked father/manager is hell bent on getting the rights to the song now AND giving his daughter the writing credit, because the Knowles know no bounds and don't have enough millions. BC Jean is said to be shocked that Bouncie stole her song and claimed it was her own. I'm not.

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BC Jean, very cool site you have, hang in there. Don't let that fake wig addicted ho win.

The mouse that roared

Project Runway's winner, Leanne Marshall is being called the little mouse who roared after taking home the mega prizes and a spread in Elle for her "petal" fashions. Leanne called them "inspired by waves", but, everyone ignored that. Whatever they were inspired by, they were her own and I had her pegged as the winner before the finale because she was the only one who understood relative art in a show. Done deal, even though I liked some of the other designs better personally. But, I was just outraged at runner up, Kenely Collins. OUT-RAGED! Wearing absurd bouncy feathers in your hair does not detract me from the fact that you showed designs that were not your own. The woman was busted twice for it. Once, and you can plead (ineffectively) ignorance, but, twice??? It's pretty bad when some chick in Iowa wearing her garage sale fake Lohan leggings recognizes "your" designs from an Oscars dress and Yahoo fashion pages. Asshole. She should have been kicked out, right then and the only prize the plagiarizer deserved was a subscription to People magazine. There's your recommended "fashion history" class, you fake! I'm still mad, can you tell? Project Rip-Off can kiss my ass if that's how they play.

Opening night of All My Sons

Katie Holmes short little husband and her buddies all say she was "amazing" in All My Sons, the critics were not so kind. Let me give you the highlights of one review..

He praises the veteran actors in the play, but, of Holmes he says "That's not to say Holmes' performance is a revelation. At best, she exhibits a girlish exuberance that could serve her well in certain stage roles, provided she finds a director who can ease her obvious self-consciousness and get her to focus on the often-intricate process of character development. Sadly, Simon McBurney, who helms this production, is not that director. "
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Owch. And.."When Holmes introduces that young woman, Ann Deever, she is intriguingly vital, a breath of fresh air in the Kellers' stifled lives. But as Ann's experience evolves and her emotions shift, Holmes' tone doesn't. Her initial poise begins to seem strained and her relentlessly energetic line readings strangely flat — even when she screams them out, as she does quite jarringly at one point."

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Double owch. He concedes that you could do worse, though he makes it clear that it would be difficult, at best. To end the slightly sour note of the night, Katie appeared at the after party in this white harem and black lace number which she designed herself. Translation of the entire long drawn out event..Katie is mediocre, will be unemployed soon and a Cruise design label is imminent and unavoidable.

Jen goes to John's place

Jennifer Aniston went to John Mayer's house on his birthday, yesterday, and she had to be escorted in by cops because of all the paps, and they still couldn't get any decent photos of his house. They piss me off. Anyhow, presents were involved.

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OK got some asshole to talk about John's house.. “Since they started dating, they always — ALWAYS — stayed at Jen’s place,” an insider reveals. “John’s home is your typical bachelor pad; it’s run-down, overgrown with trees and needs a paint job. There’s probably a moldy tuna fish sandwich and a six-pack of beer in the fridge. That’s not exactly what Jen is used to.”

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Seems to me I remember photos of her SUV parked at his house before and blurry photos of her leaving there, so I call bullshit on their snotty source. They make it sound like Aniston is some snot who could die without a coaster for her crystal. Please.

Proof that 15 is too young to be attending runway shows

Justin Gaston walked the Christian Audigier runway.. Miley Cyrus is inappropriate and her behavior is probably not appreciated. Someone needs to learn some manners or go to the mall.

Something's fishy

GO3 fish sticks, a heathly fish product, promoted by David Beckham at Wembley Stadium , London. They contain fish oil! There's a shocker, fish with fish oil. Yeah, of course the first thing all bloggers wonder when they look at that is, where's Gwyneth Paltrow? But, I'm going crazy trying to figure out what that oval thing on the plate is. At first glance, you think, boiled egg garnish. At second glance, if that's an egg the hen must have been a mutant rebel. A lemon? Lemon goes with fish, right? Weird as hell looking lemon. I give up. Fire the prop people..maybe it's one of Beck's balls. Posh has the other one in her bag...unless their housekeeper stole it and sold it on eBay.

Thoughts on The Rachel Zoe project

An obvious 30 minute ad for Starbucks, Rachel's husband, Rodger (spelled with that fucking D) has the most fucked up hair I have ever seen on a man since Donald Trump. I mean, wtf is that thing on his head? I keep waiting for it to fly off and attack his whiny skinny wife like a wombat with spit curls. Rachel is a monotone wack job who's as entertaining as dirt. Watching Zoe schlepping around, in her teetering Louboutin's, with her greasy extensions hanging in her face wearing what appears to be a raccoon who died of mange and bitching about how hard life is as a "innovative stylist to the stars" is painful. Seeing her two brain damaged emotionally retarded assistant chimps sob over who left the nipple covers and corn pads for the Cameron Diaz dressing with a complete overdose of the nasal slung words "literally" and "I could die!" is....enough to send socialites everywhere running to Wal-Mart.

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The only thing I've gotten from watching this is learning that stars pay their stylist's a shit load of money. They don't get gowns for free like we thought..Rachel (and people like her) get gowns for the Oscars on loan (the designers get free publicity) and decide what looks best on who. She gives them a few choices and also picks out the jewelry which is on loan. Rachel also has all the shoes. So, that's why some of the stars shoes don't fit them. I always wondered that. The shoes are returned to Rachel after the red carpet events and so stars often wear used shoes. Again, I'd wondered about why I see the same clothes and shoes on celebs...now I know. Rachel also stocks everything from Spanx to thongs. Yep, stars wear used underwear. Rachel admits if she picks something avant guard or haute for her clients and encourages them to wear it and they get torn to shreds by style critics, it's on her head. In other words, when we see stars looking completely idiotic, there's a stylist behind it, possibly laughing as they change careers. I also know what's under Zoe's gown when she wears floor length..Jen Garner's head, kissing her ass. Apparently, Garner couldn't dress herself if she lived in a women's prison and her only choice was an orange jump suit. It's a look into the world of the ridiculously superficial rich. More money than brain cells..true Hollywood. I'd like to shove them all in an LV garment bag, lock it, and fling it into their Olympic sized pools.

New pic for Womanizer

Bloggers and commenters do have some influence, they changed the Womanizer promo pic after we told them the last on looked like a spooge covered used blow up sock monkey in a retard circus. Now, if they could just write her a decent song..

Gerard Butler in Men's Vogue

GB took some time out from sucking face with Shanna Moakler, who he says he wasn't sucking face with, but, there are pictures, so wtf?..and posed for Men's Vogue. He looks hot and the pics are nice and old time glam. What do you think Eliza?

Paltrow's boy, Moses

It's been awhile since I've seen Moses, since Paltrow doesn't feel the need to pimp her kids out everyday like Tom Cruise and Jen Garner. Moses is cute. I love Gwyn's look there, it's very English lady transplants heirloom roses before equestrian class. Someone needed to pick up the trash though. That's very DD waiting for the damn garbage men who make more money than I do. Anyway, the point is..I like it when I can just look at GP and she doesn't talk. It keeps me calm.

Lynne Spears has a great idea

Lynne Spears is shopping her book, Through The Storm to studio execs and she wants Julia Roberts to play her daughter, Britney in the movie. Seriously. No word on who she wants to play Jamie Lynn, maybe Sharon Stone. Miley Cyrus could play Lynne and Zac Effron could play the daddy. Oh, I'd cast Perez as Gomer Pile. Anyway, Julia Roberts just got her laugh of the day. So did I.

Jolie on the Today show

When Matt asked her about acting I spaced out because she's yaking in monotone circles again, but,I liked seeing more of The Changeling. I just don't see her as a genius, like her followers do, sorry. In the end, when he asks her about adopting more kids, she says yes and that they do have plans, but, it's very clear that they are in plans to get more kids right now and she won't give details away.

Little Rocks, big expectations

Chris Rock to OK: "I don’t like my kids. My kids are rich – I wasn’t rich. I don't like them. They expect shit. My kids have been all over the world. I didn’t go anywhere until I was 35. I like the nanny's kids. They’re happy with a Tootsie Roll."

Dunst at La Poubelle

Someone's getting rehab for Christmas! Again.

Mel B, Scary Spice at the Mobo Awards

Don't judge..if a buffalo took a giant shiny shit on your head, you'd wear a hoodie too.

Denis Leary..shall we call him Doctor Leary now?

Denis Leary on Autism.."There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks … to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you — yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."
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I'll bet you Jenny McCarthy's implants that fucker votes. Ask his inbred cousin, Ricky Thompson (see post below), you can find him at Wal-Mart's parking lot picking his nose and eating it.

One of the brain dead voters

From MollyGood...An Alabama man's thoughts on Barack Obama's race:
'He’s neither-nor,' said Ricky Thompson, a pipe fitter who works at a factory north of Mobile, while standing in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart store just north of here. 'He’s other. It’s in the Bible. Come as one. Don’t create other breeds.'

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I can't figure out who's stupider, the little air head celebrity teenagers who use the word "fuck" twenty times to get their little brain dead fans to vote for the "cool" dude or the obviously mentally deficient adults who think Obama will tear out the White House roses and plant a watermelon patch. They all need to go read up on the electoral college process and then kill themselves. Hopefully it will involve anal flame throwers and video cameras.

We're fucked

WTF is he doing on Rolling Stone? What's next, Mad Magazine, TV Guide, Vogue? Cosmo is kaput or I'd expect to see his big eared mug on there in some Dolce and Garbage'. McCain uses images of ParAss and Britney, Sarah Palin is more worried about doing SNL than running a country and all of them suck the ass of every silly young celebrity in the world. They all need to shut the fuck up with this celebrity shit and figure out how to pull America's head out of it's broke ass. ParAss Hilton is starting to look more and more like a legitimate candidate.

Jen-A-Jon back on..for real

Mayer, dressed up, presumably for another date with Jennifer Aniston. The two were spotted having dinner together, kissing, holding hands at Sunset Tower Hotel in LA, this week. The paps got photos this time, but, they're so blurry they aren't any fun. But, it was them, so it's for real back on. I just liked John's gate. I think that's the third time I've put on his gate, I'm a little obsessed with his landscaping and wish the stupid paps would get some good photos of his house. The buzzed hair confirmed the rumors for me though..he always crops his noggin' for Aniston.

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To the reader who bet me..the candy bet is still on, there's nothing I enjoy more than giving a giant bag of candy to a hyper kid with expensive dental work. There will be pics. Heh.

Tea and David have split

David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are seperated. Reps for the couple: "In light of continuous speculation over the lives and marriage of Tea Leoni and David Duchovny, the couple has confirmed that they have in fact been separated for several months. The couple had hoped to keep this separation private for the sake of their children."
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Awww, that's sad. The Daily Mail started a rumor that Tea has taken up with Angelina's ex, Billy Bob Thornton and that David found naughty text messages from him to Tea, resulting in David leaving his wife. The Daily Mail is not to be trusted, they're the ones responsible for a lot of the photoshopped images of stars with "cellulite" and fake fat ass photos. But, Tea has been spotted at Billy Bob's band gigs...but, come on! Billy Bob? Over David Duchovny?? Anyhow, I hope the couple works it out, I like them together. I gots no jokes about David today, I'm still half asleep and I think Jerry and I covered them all the other day, right, Jer?

Split confirmed

Source
Madonna and Guy Richie have split, they have made a joint statment today..divorce is pending, they would like privacy at this time. Okay then, Guy would also like his testicles back. A guy can dream.

Banksy takes over The Big Apple

I love you Banksy!!!!!! Now, if only the whole thing would fall over and smash Katie Homes and Tom Cruise. Squash! By the giant rat..no more boy friend jeans! Oh, that's good arts.

Weird Glamour Reel Moment

Double take. What? Oh, weird. One of them has to be locked in the basement and kept as a spare.

Maddona gossip

Everybody turned up for Madonna's Filth And Wisdom, which I'm picturing as Truth Or Dare with more wrinkles and less bottle deep throating. Lohan looks special ed there. Nice pic, Blow, yes, I'd like fries with that. Oh, Madge and The Blow are going to do a duet together, which I assume is different than just munching each others mangy mirkin. And..Madonna and Guy Richie are splitting for real, say the gossips. He's moving out of HER mansion into his own. No word on who get custody of her gun shoes and penis. Madonna needs to keep her bony fingers off Jason Lewis. And why didn't the paps get close ups of his face? They have 50,000 shots of Madge's washed up mug and SO OVER hair.

Nice photo of Reese Witherspoon in Vogue

The cover was luke warm, but, I loved that shot.

Kim Raver at the “W.” New York City Premiere

Man oh man, bad nose implant. You can actually see the damn thing. Kim, go get your money back and buy a purse. I've been watching too much Dr. 90210.

Portrait of innocence

Brain freeze and soft porn, err, soft serve won't hurt you a bit. Now Miley's coming out with her autobiography. Just what I always wanted to read, the life story of a 15 year old. I hope she writes it herself (yeah, I know.."auto", do you really think she looked that up?) because I can just read it in my head now.."Miley+ Justin = true loves 4 eva! I hate Selena skanky whore! Jonas brothers sux!" The rest will be covered on You Tube.

Get along little doggie..

Holly will be leaving Hef's mansion and taking her big balls of plastic with her. Maybe..“Well, I do have my own place,” she said. “So I’ve got a place to go, but, you know, I’m kind of, like, in limbo right now.”
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Holly got all pissy about Hef's new twin girl friends, Karissa Weenersucker and Kristina Weenersucker, telling E, “Well, I worked with them on their Playmate pictorial and obviously I need to get better at doing my background checks, right? You know, we ask on the application, ‘Have you ever been arrested or convicted?’ and they said no, so I took that at face value, but if Hef doesn’t care, than who am I to care, right?” Her lip was all snerled up when she said it and she rolled her eyes...Hol is the queen of plastic snark.
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What application? The one where you beg to suck rich old man peen? I have no doubt there is an application form for Hef humping. Intelligence is a huge factor, like, I'm sure, you know, like, you know, like, uh uh uhuhuhuhuhuhuh.

Blurry make out pics

Shanna Moakler sucking face with Gerard Butler, it looks like she's kissing him to me. Whatever, she's not Travis Barkers nurse maid. My Space war to resume as soon as Shanna can load these photos to her email. "Dear Travis, NOW you've been burned, love, Shanna."