PETA throws flour on Lohan

Sam and The Blow were at a trendy Paris club when some PETA activist dumped a whole bag of flour on Blows head and screamed "Fur hag!" Lindsay probably dropped down on her knees looking for a straw. Seriously, is that what PETA does with donations? Anyway..why are these two checking their noses? Do they think they got some "flour" up there?

Don't you love this shit?

Madonna's BFF hanging out with A-Rod in Miami. Madonna says he' a poet trapped in a gorgeous body. If he's such a fucking poet let's see him come up with something that rhymes with gristle...or pretentious. I don't even think he's that good looking.

Is it cold there??

We had a nice little snow last night..I would have taken a photo, but, the camera's batteries are dead, ditto all the clock batteries...so that's a painting by David G. Paul, yeah, I don't know who he is either, but, I hope he's warm. The heat went out last night around 9 pm and it wasn't too cold out. It was like, 37 degrees, not terrible. I figured I could wait until today to get a repair person here, no sense bothering anyone so late when the pipes are wrapped with heat tape. So, I get ready for bed, in sweats, two pairs of socks, and a quilt and I'm watching MTV Cribs. You ever watch that? Geez, they were showing homes of rappers..honest to cripes, these are genius's who can rhyme smack with whack and have more money than God. This one guy had a garage ten times bigger than my house with imported tile floors and a big screen tv, so you can watch your shows as you're pulling in. I'm looking around here and seeing my own breath and thinking, something is fucking off. I wanna smack Kimora Lee right in her perfect kisser. That could be a song, if I knew what to rhyme with kisser. I guess that's why I don't have a fly crib.

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I fell asleep and woke up to a light dusting of snow... and an extreme temperature drop. Nice. After you sleep in your clothes, wrapped up like some homeless person under a bridge, you need a shower. Really. So I took one, ohhhhhhhh, so hot and nice, then I stepped out and realized that might have been a mistake. Fuck me! Woooo, that's chilly. I can't tell my nips from the goosebumps. It's like I have nips on my ass..and everywhere else. I decided I could take the chill off the room by turning on the oven and opening the door. I push some buttons while jumping on one foot, then the other and blowing on my fingers...which have started to lose sensation. POP! There's a mini explosion and the ovens digital display goes dark. Really? Are you fucking kidding me?

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So, here I sit, the only things in my house that seem to be working are the coffee pot and the the computer. Oh, and the new fridge..the old one blew up last week after walking across the floor and taking the outlet with it as a casualty. I'm thinking I could possibly heat this place with cigarettes and coffee. I have Bee tucked into my bra so she doesn't catch cold, but, her tail keeps getting in my mouth. I think she's mooning me. I look foreword to work today, the old building is cavernous, but, it has a new furnace. I wonder if I can sneak Bee in with me? Glena is deathly afraid of rats and it IS her shop. Hmm.. what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? I made Bee a coat out of an old sock. Did you ever do that for Barbie clothes? You just cut off the elastic part and add two arm holes..it looks like a little turtle neck. Anyway, it works the same for rats. Quite stylish, really.

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My hair feels stiff..oh, it's ice crystals..hmm. I gotta go see if the blow dryer works, I'm not counting on it. I just noticed my plant died, it's frozen. Ha! Quitter. Ya gotta be tougher than that in Iowa. Stupid plant. I wonder if Gwyneth Paltrow has any advice for me..let's see, oh yeah, here it is...I need to hire a macrobiotic chef for my yacht. Thank you Gwyneth! Life is so simple if you just think it out!

She's lost her marbles

Shortly after this photo was taken Katie Holmes dropped to all fours and was growling like bigfoot, then she bit a photographer and laughed like a hyena. Police were called, but all they found was a crop circle shaped like a douchebag.

Estate Of Panic...

Have you seen that reality show on Si-Fi called Estate Of Panic? Each week, a new group of contestants enter the estate searching for money hidden inside of booby-trapped rooms...bla bla, anyhow, the host is Steve Valentine and he does this lame shtick that it's his home and his money and he looks at all these money grubbers like they're not fit to step into a trailer court, much less his mansion. It's the dumbest show..but, GOD..he's sexy as fuck. I'm not kidding, this guy does it for me. It's not so much how he looks as the looks he gives. I know..I know! He resembles a used car salesman from Transylvania..and I want to fly there and buy a fleet of lemons. I'm drooling..there is something seriously the fuck wrong with me. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure Steve Valentine could cure it.

Aniston on Oprah

Interesting, I hate sucking ass, but, she's really likable and looks amazing. I can't find part 2..but, Oprah asked her about dating Mayer, she said yes, but that she's not pregnant, but, still nauseous. I would be too if I was dating the king of You Tube.

Kanye..the voice of..what?

Kanye West: "I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice."
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Uhh huu, give some of these guys a little bling and they get all crazy and declare themselves important in history. Whatever, you pompous dick. Kanye has this blog that I keep in my favorites because it's mostly just photos of really expensive modernistic things that no one but him could afford, but, it's kinna cool. He probably doesn't write a word of it anyway..oh, and he calls himself "Yeezy." HERE it is if you want to check it out, he might approve the posts when he takes time out from insulting Britney and Timberlake. He's a busy "voice of a generation"...I'm just glad it's not mine.

What the f'ing F is he on about??

Aniston told him he'd better shut his face about her, but, she didn't say anything about being an idiot on You Tube. He just can't stop himself. I know it's not new..I see his hair too, but, his name is Mayermusic on You Tube and it's his thing. It's about as bad as Pete.

Lookin' good

Keri Russell is looking so good these days. I used to hate her on Felicity, she actually made me want to kick my TV apart. But, after Waitress, I started loving her.

Alba's bangs

The gossip is a little sparse today, it's like all the celebs suddenly decided to grow a brain for one day and there's no one to make fun of. Jessica Alba got bangs to look wretched and put upon from underneath. I think she kind of looks like Moe from the Stooges. I wonder if they're fake?

Goop poop

From Gwen's GOOP site..apparently if we follow her advice we can learn fashion from her great wisdom. It's something like, buy a designer dress, take dress off hanger (she has little arrows in case we're too dumb to understand that part), put dress on. Add designer shoes. Again, arrows. I'm going to have to study this more, but, I'm confident that after I read it six times, I'll catch on and be as cool as Paltrow. There's also fashion financial tips, like, save up for it. Wow.

Jen-A-John out to dinner

Jennifer and John are in NYC right now and the paps stalk them...this is the best photo they can get?? At some endless event Mayer said "I think I’d be pretty good at proposing. I’d figure that out. I’d get creative."
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I think him getting creative with a proposal is probably scary to her. I wouldn't put anything past him. Oh, he just scored a TV variety show on CBS. Yawn.

Victoria’s Secrets Angels in Miami

Adriana Lima, Behati Prinsloo, Heidi Klum, Doutzen Kroes, Karolina Kurkova, Selita Ebanks, Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio and Miranda Kerr...I can totally understand why men love the VS catalogue so much. They do pick the prettiest women for it, don't they?

A real lesson in life

The skanky girl friend of Robert Kardashian Jr. just told us all we need to know about Hollywood. She's admitted that she and her new publicist leaked those nude photos themselves as a publicity stunt, then told the world they were stolen. Now she's got a contract with Playboy, which kicks Disney ass anyday. The lesson? If you have morals and talent and are willing to work hard, you're fucked. If, however, you are a liar, an attention whore and you have a tattoed ass crack the size of the Guadalcanal..you will get $100,000 a day. If you have a sex tape, and think it's okay for someone to piss on you, you can get your own show..ask Kim.

Ignore the dead body doorstop

I like Paula Abdul's house. I love it when landscapers use plants instead of lawns. If I was rich, I'd so hire someone to do that and never mow again. Paula probably hasn't noticed it, between prescriptions and false eyelashes, her world is a little blurry.

Bouncie's half wit sister

source
Thunder Thighs, Solange Knowles was absolutely livid when organizers at World Music Awards failed to realize she's an A list celebrity and put her in cupboard and told her it was her dressing room. Other clebs, like Mariah Carey and Alicia Keys were given the deluxe treatment with huge suites and luxurious swag, but, Solange could barley turn around in her closet. Furious and insulted, she made Beyonce share her digs and some of the other celebs were giggling about her. The nerve of those people! Don't they know who she is??? Their going to get angry letters from at least three people, in jumbo crayon, as soon as they can post bail.

Another bald old man in love with Miley

Travolta: "The whole country is in love with her (Cyrus), as am I. She's got the equivalent of what Olivia Newton-John was to Grease."
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You know, if Grease was the world, and Olivia was a skank.

This is the best thing I've heard all month

So you know that show How I Met Your Mother? Well, they're going to put Kim Kardashian and her big ass on an episode which also features Heidi and Spencer..yeah. I know! I was going wtf too, but, it turns out it's a storyline about how Marshall can't poop anywhere but on his own toilet. So, there's Marshall, pants around his ankles at work, trying desperately to chunk out a load and reading a magazine, when the magazine pictures come to life and talk to him about his problem. Me thinks the writers on HIMYM have a sense of humor that's been absent in the scripts so far. Where else do these three losers belong but in a reeking stall co-starring with a big pile of stinking shit? And, I'll bet the shit gets more fan mail.

Gristle tells Gwen to shut her pie hole

Paltrow has spoken to the press, saying she supports her friend Madonna in these trying times with frequent phone calls. Madonna is furious that anyone would dare speak her name without permission and has blasted Gwen. “If you want to help me and be supportive of me, then keep your mouth SHUT! Say nothing about me or my divorce,” Madonna warned her friend.
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Gwen, oblivious to it all, put on her grandmothers girdle, flipped her hair and explained to all of us that we will live a better life with $5,000 dollar hand lotion and brunch in Italy.

Another tidbit from Vouge

Aniston: "I've said it so many times: I'm going to have children. I just know it."
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She'd better get crackin' ...and there's only one sperm doner on the horizon......and his sweaty fingers are itching to smack his keyboard. The silence is killing him.

Angelina..bla dee bla

Jolie to the LA Times..."I woke up at 3 in the morning with four kids with jet lag and two babies. I put myself together for a few hours and go out. And then I go home. This is my job." On not settling down in Hollywood with her family: "I don't dislike it here. I just really do love to travel. I love other cultures. And I love raising my kids in the world. I'm so fortunate that I get to do that. The center of my life is my kids."
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I could have sworn the center of her life was needling Jennifer Aniston.

Dishy Links

Anne Hathaway's ex might have dropped the soap. Crabbies Hollywood

Jolie threatens to retire..Aniston still doesn't care. Celeb Dirty Laundry

Cindy McCain finds some blind dude who might sleep with her. Gravy and Biscuits

Kate Hudson finds another ugly man who won't marry her. Celebitchy

Kendra's fiance might be slow. MollyGood

Brad calls Jennifer

According to tmz, sources let it slip that Brad Pitt called Jen Aniston to complain about that interview where she said Angelina is uncool. I wondered how long it would take Angie to blow up. We can only hope Jennifer told him to take his tattooed slag and shove her up his ass, face first. He should have had Maddox call. "You leave my mommy alone, you chick flick hag, my mommy's an action star!" Instead, Brad just makes an ass of himself again. It takes some nerve, I tell ya. Can you believe this guy??

ParAss Hilton ParAss Hilton ParAss Hilton

The last time I put this worthless twats photo on here, I said she had her name woven into the fabric of her dress. Someone cyber rolled their eyes and said, I'm so sure, pffft...like I was making it up. Look at her pocket, her purse and her hoodie strings. She has a whole wardrobe of this crap. She's like a bored 12 year old with a sharpie...pretending she reads books. She also has pretend conversations on her phone when the paps are around. She's probably talking to herself with a shoehorn.

Paula Abdul's dead stalker

Her name was Paula too, Paula Goodspeed and here's her audition for Idol. Her body was found in her car outside Abdul's house yesterday, an apparent suicide. The car was decorated with photos of Abdul. Abdul was confused when she heard the news that Paula was dead, thinking she had to plan her own funeral. When she was told she was not dead, Abdul exclaimed "Thank, God, I still have half a bottle of Zanex left."

One really F'd up perspective

Hilary Clinton shows off her Ugly Betty hand puppet. Now, if only her lips would stop moving.

Perfectly phony

Will Smith's son is going to do a remake of The Karate Kid. Seriously, something about this leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Look at that kid. He's 10 years old and the most affected child I've ever seen. Not that he's not gorgeous, he totally is, but, how long does it take to get his hair like that? He probably spends more time in the salon than he does in school. If he even goes to school. And the clothes..I'm so sure that's how 10 year olds dress. It's not his fault..it's his goofy parents. I'm sure their little girl will be pissed because Jaden got a movie and dad will have to buy her one too. Will has another son from a previous marriage, but, so far he's invisible. He must not fit into the perfect picture. Maybe he picks his nose or can't perfect the "admire me" gaze.

Posh's kid

I have no idea why Cruz Beckham is dressed like a Bob Irwin clone on the North Pole..but, I'll bet that's the key to the liquor cabinet on his belt. He's cute, but, those glasses cost more than my car.

Britney Spears Circus promo

Photos are art..there's no law that says they have to look like an actual living person. Shrugs..I kind of like it.

Serious Hollyweirdness

In a bizarre story that sounds like a TV movie plot..a body has been found near Paula Abdul's house. The body is a woman and when her mother reported her missing she told the cops to look at Paula's house. It seems she may have been some kind of stalker and police recognized the name. Paula's reps say she wasn't home at the time but, they are aware of the woman, and have dealt with her before. Thats about all the information, so far, but, it's really creepy.

Vogue interview

Cool! We can read more of the Jen Aniston interview online..HERE. I love that bathing suit.

Amy's latest photos

Amy Winehouse amused herself by serving paps cheese toast with her dirty filthy fingernails and not wearing her beehive and not one person said, gee, she looks pregnant, which she totally does.

Lohan speaks retro

Lindsay Lohan to Access Hollywood.."It's an amazing feeling, y'know? It's out first colored president."
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She looks pretty old, maybe she grew up in the 50's. I wondered what the average black person really wants to be called..actually I see no need to point out anyone's color unless they're orange (Lohan) but, I called up my friend Leenie (the weenie) and said, hey Weenie, African American, black, colored, what do you want to be called? And she said "Hawaiian." And I said, yeah right, you've never been anywhere near Hawaii and neither has anyone you're related to. And she said shut the fuck up, white trash and get a life. Fine, but next time we meet up for breakfast she'd better have a grass skirt on or she's buying. As for Lohan....get to the back of the short bus.

Mayer..silenced for good

During the Vogue interview Jen was reminded of the (really douchey) time Mayer bragged about dumping her..“Trust me, you’ll never see that happen again from that man.”
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LMFAO!

Jen on the cover

Angie mentioned falling for Brad Pitt on the set. “There was stuff printed there that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it was happening. I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss.” Aniston, still galled, tells Vogue’s Jonathan Van Meter. “That stuff about how she couldn’t wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool.”

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There, that explains it..and she's right. But, letting us know that Angie is uncaring about Jen's feelings isn't necessary. I already know that and I don't think it's cool either. It's one thing to fall for a married man, I still believe some chemistry just can't be controlled..but, it's another thing to go out of your way to hurt their ex and it sure seems to be Angie's thing. Sigh..when will someone kick Brads ass?

Jen talks about Angelina

In an interview with Vogue, Jennifer said: "What Angelina did was very uncool." I hope she was talking about that bullshit Angelina pulled saying she and Brad fell in love during the filming of Mr and Mrs Smith. Because if she's talking about the cheating she should have said what Brad did was uncool. I'd like to know how he comes out with his ass smelling so clean. Angelina wasn't married to Aniston...he was.

Obama kids invited to star on Hannah Montana

Malia and Sasha Obama have been invited to guest star on Hannah Montana. No decision has been made yet, but, I don't see how the Pres can turn it down. Miley can teach them a thing or three..how to order at Starbucks while wearing a tube top, how to pretend you broke up with a Jonas brother, how to disrupt a runway show with sexual antics, how to pose naked with your father, how to move your 20 year old underwear model boy friend into the white house. Best of all Miley can show them how You Tube works and how to send naked pictures as an email attachment. There's no end to Miley's talent, Malia and Sasha could grow up just like her! Cross you fingers!

The rules! The rules!!!

Rules for Guy to follow with the boys..

1. Under no circumstances should they be allowed to read newspapers, magazines, or watch TV or DVDs
2. They must adhere at all times to a macrobiotic, vegetarian, organic diet with no processed or refined food
3. All water they drink, even when it is to dilute organic juice, should be Kabbalah water
4. They should wear only the clothes Madonna has sent with them, if they need to be bought anything new, it should not contain any man-made materials
5. The boys’ hands should be regularly cleaned with disinfectant spray if they are in public places
6. They should not be bought toys that are spiritually or ethically unsound
7. The divorce should not be discussed with them
8. Madonna should have contact by phone with them when and how often she chooses, as often as three or four times a day at times she sets
9. Guy should not introduce the boys to any of his new friends, especially any new female friends
10. Madonna wants the boys to spend their time she’s given with Guy, and not large amounts of time with his parents, their grandparents
11. The boys should not be photographed when they are with Guy and it’s his responsibility to arrange security so it doesn’t happen
12. At bedtime, Guy should read Madonna’s English Rose books to David

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She's SO fucking with him. English Rose? Rocco probably tries to be manly and not cry. Meanwhile..Madonna gets uglier and uglier. Someone on here called her Gristle. That's her new name.

Such a cutie

Such a cute little boy with his mother..can you guess who he grew up to be?

Movin' on up

Guess who's not perfect

When those suckers hit her knees, she'll just buy butterfly robots that attach to her nipples.

Guy gets his boys

Guy Richie was overjoyed to be reunited with his sons at a London airport yesterday. Rocco was screaming "Dad! Dad!" and Guy threw his coffee right on the floor to free up his arms for hugs.

Travolta's new look

He reminds me of that little magnetic game I used to have where I used a magnetic wand to put metal shaving hair on the bald guy. I was always pissed off that they never made a girl version. Stupid toy companies.

Rebecca Romijn's IQ just went down by 30 points

I guess being pregnant with twins is the same as a lobotomy with a rusty nail. Someday she can show her twins that photo and say "Look how stupid you made mommy."

Lindsay in Harpers Bazaar

HERE's the interview, and it's worth reading. Is she a lesbian? No. Is she bisexual? Yeah, maybe. There a lot more to it than that, she's sounding very lucid lately.

Jayden's out of the hospital

I was really glad to hear Jayden is out of the hospital, but, I still don't know what was wrong with him. Britney posted on her site and said it was something he ingested...does that mean a food allergy or did the kid eat her cigarettes?

Their love is real

Sharing twin pops of contentment..they prove their love is undying with hickeys. Never before have I witnessed such a display of commitment and loyalty and my heart fills with purity and I cry the tears of the emotionally privileged. True love, what naysayers aspire to and only the righteous achieve..Holly + Criss, it shall be written and the angels shall rejoice. No pun intended. It hardly matters that Criss doesn't have enough in his bank account to pay for Holly's last Mickey Mouse purse, what matters is that we are witnessing history. And we are inspired. Cue the heavenly choirs and suck it, Hef.

Bailon Ballyhoo

Gossip is sparse today, not even a photo of Suri (she must be on strike) but, if you think I'm making a post out of the leaked photos of that Disney whore who's only claim to fame is fucking the hairlipped "senstive" brother of that chick with the really fat ass who got a reality show because she made a sex tape with Brandy's brother and knows ParAss Hilton...ehhhh. Those pictures getting "stolen" was the best thing that's ever happened to that chick. God. I'm going to go clean the loft. I saw a spider up there the size of Karadshian's ass.

Best rumor of the week...Angies pregnant

Angelina Jolie is pregnant again. Yeah, right, when I read that I started piss laughing..her stitches aren't even healed yet. BUT, she sure isn't saying anything to kill the rumor, quite the opposite. She told Access, "Anything could happen,” she said. “We’re open to anything, we love kids and we’re having a great time… It’s chaos in our house, but it’s so much fun. We’ll definitely have more."
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If that isn't enough to make you wonder, there's this.. With Kung Fu Panda 2 in the works, Angelina said another pregnancy wouldn’t interfere with her role as Tigress.
"It’s the action movie I can do with a giant belly, so we’re good," she said.

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I'm just shaking my head. I think I just got a stretch mark reading that. She should really install a revolving door in her uterus. Make it Plexiglas..the paps need pictures.

The Japanese toilet for men only

It has to be for men, right? Chicks would be facing the other way and miss it all. Unless you get off on the well documented fantasy of showing Nemo your ass crack.