Rumer at the House Bunny premiere

Rumer Willis unveiled her boy friend, Micah Alberti. You know what's weird? In still photos Rumor's chin is usually huge, but, on film..not so much. Do you suppose she's actually really good looking in real life? I'm going to pick on him instead. He has a choppy nose job and a girl name, I think Rumor can do better. Oh, and nice dress.

Janice Dickinson, quote of the week

On bringing plus sizes (is that a disgusting 10?) to her modeling agency, Janice said: "I don't want to represent plus sizes, but we gave it a shot. I love fat people; I just don't want anything to do with them. Is that bad?"
*
Ta ha! No, but, my first thought was "I love crusty smelly old ex-super model vaginas that need their own zip code, but, I just don't want anything to do with them. Is that bad?"
*
And right before I found this gem, I took a shower and accidentally dropped the towel in front of a totally unnecessary full length mirror. Recoiling in horror, I suddenly realized..hmm, I'm not very fat anymore at all. All my life I was too skinny and tried to hide it, then I became too fat and tried to hide it. Am I on my way to being too skinny again? Somewhere in there (it's logical to think) I must have been perfect. Damn, I wish Janice had been there to point out that one week or two. OR...we could all celebrate our unique perfection like Jennifer Love Hewitt did after being called a fat ass. Oh, wait, she just lost 18 pounds which is still a size 2, in her world. Stupid Hollywood..I'll kick your ass.

Maureen McCormick refuses to see Tropic Thunder

Maureen has a mentally challenged brother and has this to say about Tropic Thunder..“I haven’t seen the new Ben Stiller movie ‘Tropic Thunder’ – and I won’t go see the movie because of what I’ve heard — but I want to add my two cents to the opinions on whether it’s offensive to the mentally challenged,” the former “Brady Bunch” star wrote on her blog on Fancast. “I know Ben Stiller has said that he’s making fun of actors, not people with disabilities. Still, the movie is geared toward a younger crowd and I fear a lot of those teenagers and college students will leave the theater thinking ‘r*****’ is [an] okay word to use. It’s not. It’s taken years to get people to stop using that word.”
************
Why does she even matter? Oh, yeah, Ben Stillers wife played her in the Brady Bunch movie. So relevant. Let's only make nice movies about nice people from now on. Someone heave a football at her nose.

Blood Car

Yeah, I know it's from 2007..but, I just saw it. We finally got ONE copy and I'm the only one who's checked it out here. Blood Car is becoming a cult classic, have you seen it? The kinky chick is brilliantly funny and the "hero" deadpans lines like "I have candy in the trunk. And makeup. Yes, a trunk full of candy and make up..and puppies..in the trunk." This trailer emphasises the bloody parts, which are not that funny, but,the rest of it is. There's one (mercifully short)disturbing scene at the end where a kid gets shot. They could have left that out, for me, but, I kept telling myself "it's just a movie." If you have a very strange dark sense of humor, and I guess I do..go rent it.
Oh, and I knew I was going to see something really different when instead of getting the click to "play movie" option, I got "Watch this fucker."

OMG...the worst cakes ever

Bindi gets to eat her dead dad's head on her 10th birthday and that's just the tip of the icing iceberg..I almost tossed my cookies on this site. Cake Wrecks. What in the samhell is wrong with these people!??

Together again, at last

Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams have rekindled the most boring romance of the century. Good for them. Notebook 2 anyone? Didn't the old lady die in that? I can't remember, my brain went dead after the first 12 minutes, but, maybe they can bring her back and she recovers her memory and the old man looses his and she has to explain it all to him from her point of view and it turns out he's a big liar and a wife beating drunk who pimped her out for shots of Scotch. I'd watch that.

Pics of Tori's new daughter

Tori and Dean show off baby Stella, awww. And this is a shite load better than the photos of Tori's broken boobs floating around. We all know there's something seriously wrong with her implants, I don't know why we have to look at them again. Anyhow, the baby is sweet, no one looks half bad here and I really like the pepto pink and white nursery. It's pretty.

Abbie Cornish rumor

It wasn't enough that Reese Witherspoon got humiliated by her ex hubby, Ryan Phillippe's affair with Abby Cornish (the couple is still together) but, now someone thinks casting Abby in that as yet "Untitled Moon Project" is a great idea. Problem? Jake Gyllenhaal is the star. Nice move there....it's like they do this stuff on purpose. Maybe it's a really crummy film and they need a cat fight to drum up some publicity.

*

On the plus side, I like Abby, I guess Ryan does too. Owch. Good thing Jakey-Poo is...no, wait he's straight. Right, Reese?

Suri in the year 2038

When life gives you lemons, you make the lemons sorry they ever fucked with you. Her Mother a fond, but, vacant memory now existing only as rusty spare parts in the new Bill Gates Personal Robot franchise and her Father resting comfortably in the L. Ron Hubbard Home For The Short And Insane... and Suri's inheritance long gone, taken by The Church Of Scientology...Suri is glad she saved her Dads shoe lift collection. One remaining fan, some senile old lady named Oprah paid a $1,000 dollars for them on eBAy. Suri parlayed the money into billion dollar fashion business and now laughs all the way to the bank in her mom jeans with ba ba accessories.The Olsen twins now work for her at minimum wage, Conner is her personal pilot, Bella is her personal assistant, Sunday Rose does her taxes, and dreams really do come true.

And THIS guy..gowd

Laughable. Calling her heartbroken over him. And yeah, he probably isn't out and out lying about sending her that "it's over" text...what he's not letting slip is that she didn't give a fuck and was already done with him. Aniston acted like the bigger person and let him do the breaking up after she gave him clear signs she was done. It was her parting gift to a guy she doesn't hate.
*
How do I know this shit? Been there, done that, so have most of you. You meet some guy (or chick) and he's hot looking and fun and great in bed, but, right before you can actually fall in love with him you start to notice things that creep you. He's cheap, he talks about himself all the time, he's not that funny when you're alone...and by the time you notice his wandering eye, you just want out with no trouble. So you start blowing him off and distancing, knowing he's not a moron, he'll pick up on it and break up with you real fast, saving you the trouble and his manhood. And you don't care because he wasn't great enough to hate. Oh, that's also after you're bored with the sex, turns out it was only hot because you thought he was so cute at first..he really didn't have a clue. Than you act like a lady and never talk about him except to your real friends who laugh like hyenas on Margaritas when you tell them how lame he gave head and how his ex pooped in his bed. A year later you run into him and you can hug and act friendly because you never gave two shits about him after the first week. True story.

Bull plus shit

US Weekly says Brad and Jen will meet on the red carpet at the Toronto Film Festival, they both have crap to promote. Oh, what a thrill. Angie will give Jen a knowing wink, Jen will have tears in her eyes, Brad will hang his head in shame...or they'll avoid each other and we can skip this bullshit. He's hardly the stuff dreams are made of anymore, jebus! And he has a pack of kids. I'd say she's over it. Duh. Women do get over things, even former pretty boys. You never forget the humiliation though, maybe she'll laugh at him as he walks by and whisper "hi, jowley." Then I'd look Angelina up and down, concentrate on her post twin tummy a second, and smirk like a cat. But, that's just me.

The whimsical aroma of confusion and despair

Jessica Simpson on her new perfume: “With Fancy, I wanted to create a pretty fragrance, one that I could be just as comfortable wearing on the red carpet or every day ith my favorite jeans. For me Fancy is just that: fancy. This is a special fragrance–personal, whimsical, playful and romantic with a heart of gardenia, an essence I truly cherish.”

****************
Translation: God, that was so hard to memorization. My eyes look like two piss holes in the snow from staying up all night checking Tony's phone and text messages and I'll bet that fucker's learned that delete thingy. I'm going to take a computer class some day and learn to check his history then HE might be history but not really because if he leaves me like that stupid John Mayer did I will take a whole bottle of baby asprins or jump off a cliff, then they'd all be sorry and people would talk about what a good country singer I am, not like that stupid Carrie Underwood whore. I hope she dies. Like my stupid pregnant sister, I hate them all and I'm so glad I'm the pretty one and what is that smell????? It smells like chicken in a can. Ewww. Oh, anyway, buy Fancy, yeah, that's what I was paid to say. Ha ha, I remembered. I'm not as dumb as they think.

I'm a sad sonofabitch

I love Harriet Carter Wednesdays at IBBB, I always try to remember to get my HC bashin' fix on hump day, it cracks me up. IBBB says "you may have thought you've hit "tilt" on the "dumb-ass-o-meter" but thanks to the stylist department at Harriet Carter you can really kick up your retardation a notch or two." Inspired by fire crotch, you say? Man, I'm a loser..I want that so bad. Samhain is coming, can you imagine me reading Tarot cards in that? I'd have to kick up my price to pay for batteries..totally worth it. Someone send me the catalog, my dumb-ass-o-meter is warning me supplies won't last long and my Cher in the 80's wig needs updating. Sadly..so not kidding.

Shame on The Enquirer

"John said: We'll be together when Elizabeth is gone." That's probably the cruelest thing they've ever done.

*
People have emailed me wanting to know why I don't comment on the Edwards scandal. It's simple..I don't care because I think all politicians are big fat greedy liars. All of them. Some of them just take longer to get caught.

Sienna Miller's house

I really didn't think Kim Stewart could spell "SLUT." My apologies for the previous post, Kim, you're more together than I thought.

Rhys Ifans and Kim Stewart...Sad clowns

Are they clowns now? Did someone hire them to juggle in the circus of the dim, misguided and mismatched goth couples carnival? How come it takes two people to hold her up on solid ground? Does Rhys think he's actually clutching that tree behind him? Can he get any skinnier? Are the hats puke catchers, in case they throw up their booze supper on the way home? So many questions.

Star set to do that game show..

Star Jones is going to be on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader? Star has a law degree so she probably is more knowledgeable than most 5th graders, but, not smarter. That's misleading. May I suggest something she'd win hands down, like "Are you uglier than a pile of fresh Great Dane shit?" Or, "Are you more annoying than bleeding piles?"

Shoes and gossip

If there's anything better than shoes and gossip with fresh coffee, I don't know what it is. But, Suri got some cool new green shoes and it didn't seem to make her happy. Neither did painting her own pottery with her mom. Hint, if your kid is in diapers and sucking bottles, she's too young to paint pottery. But, I think what really has Suri down is that All My Sons hasn't sold enough tickets. Box office sales are slow and sad and there's speculation the play could face and early closing. If that's true Katie needs to find another job real quick or she'll have to move back in with Tom after months of sweet freedom. Man, that's gotta sting. Tom hogging all the closets, Tom wearing all your high heels, Tom telling you his mom and sis are coming for lunch and staying two years. Tom giving you a framed picture of David Miscavige for the bedside table. Peachy life.

Jess sells beer and laughs at Underwood

I don't know wtf this beer has in it that's good for you, but, it's smart beer, like Anistons Smart Water I assume..so drink lots of it. I couldn't find one photo of Simpson drinking beer, but, something tells me we're going to need some beer to handle the Jessica/Carrie Underwood continued blond bimbo fight. Jess went on some radio station yesterday and told them she and Tony Romo laughed at Carrie Underwood claiming Tony still calls her. Jess believed him so much she admitted she checked his call log. That's trust, people. And that's not how you snoop, that's just how you start your snoop, right? But, it doesn't matter if Carrie's lying or not now, she got Simpson to admit she snooped and that means suspicion and Carrie won this round. I'm ready for the next round. May the best bimbo win and the prize be forgotten. Because that mofo looks like he fell out of a crackerjack box onto a special ed lunch tray to me.

Hollywood babies..congrats!

Gwen Stefani really did go into labor in her eleventy hundredth month of pregnancy and delivered another healthy baby boy yesterday. Gwen and Gavin named the new baby Zuma Nesta Rock and he weighed in at a whoppin' 8 and a half pounds. Awww, congrats!

I also found out that Kingston WAS just having a plain old Hollywood-style play date with Jayden and Sean P and that the Rossdale's sent along a bodyguard and a nanny to Britney's house. That's pretty cute, little celeb buddies.

*
And Matt Damon and his wife Luciana had their baby on August 20th, another little girl they named Gia Zavala. Gia has two sisters, two year old Isabella and ten year old Alexia. Congrats to the whole family.

*

Ricky Martin became the father of twin boys recently. The kids were born via a surrogate and are now in the care of their dad. Ricky says he's taking some time off to spend with his new boys and stay out of the spotlight. No names have been released yet, but, that's pretty sweet. Congrats, Ricky.

Why is Kingston with Britney??

Yeah, uhh huu, that is too Kingston in Sean P's caddy with Britney and her boys. I got a brief window to snag these pics before the cable went out again and there's no Gwen Stefani or Gavin in sight and I'm left wondering wtf??? I mean, even if you finally went into labor in your eleventy hundreth month of pregnancy, the last person you'd call to babysit would be Britney..right? You might as well leave your kid at the zoo with a bag of peanuts and say have fun with the monkey's, mommy will pick you up tomorrow. Sean P does not look thrilled with the green thing. Someday I will know the story behind Pootangs babysitting..sigh.

Local area cable connection is unplugged

No, asslick overpriced cable company, it's not unplugged, it's YOU fucking up again. Can I make the light on the external modem blink by sheer force of will? I stare at it..it blinks! Opps, I lost my concentration, no cable for you lousy witch. Try again...you will blink motherfukerthing. Blink! Opps, I looked the other way. My bad. You'd think I'd have this magic down by now, but, I'm a witch with ADD it seems. Oh, well, I can't type and stare at the yellow light at the same time. I may never find out what Suri Cruise is up to today if I don't improve my psychic skills. Okay, take a puff, blow it out, sip of coffee, look out the window, yep, rain..concentrate on the yellow light. There, post, I win! For a minute. Patience, patience...something I can't order online. But, I'm sure they sell it there somewhere along with generic herbal viagra. I just can't get to it today.

Bring back the real thing, Jason and Grant

Dear Si -Fi channel, keep your Ghost Hunters International show..I'll be watching TLC's Kate Plus Kate instead because I don't trust anyone but Jason and Grant. Sure, you put a few members of the TAPS team in the new show, but, none of them are my hero's Jason or Grant. I don't begrudge the real dudes some off time, but, why bother trying to replace them? Entertainment you say? Maybe someone will fall for that, not me. I went to the TAPS sight and read that new episodes of the real thing will be out in September....I can wait....it's almost here. The two Atlanta plumbers have earned my trust and respect, people who see a shadow and yell "Run dude! RUN!", not so much. Or people who look at the camera and claim "they have a feeling." Uhh, yeah. Don't feed me a bowl of popcorn and tell me it's a seven course meal, it's a bowl of air. So is GHI..thanks for screwing up my Wednesdays all summer.

Helena Bonham Batshit

Any other insomniacs out there who've seen that commercial for this "miracle" shoe? They actually have people who claim they were crippled until they found this stylish beauty and "Lordy be! I can walk again!" Never mind that the people who are willing to be seen in it without a gun to their noggin are wearing plaid golf shorts and happy face caps and just generally look like they're having their first visit to the Earth after just stepping off the alien craft from Planet Nerd. I should shut up, I'll probably be wearing them next week and this is the most normal HBC has looked in a year.

Suri finds a friend

The cable went out, and I have no life. Okay?

Celebs when they were young

Waste 4 min and 3 seconds of your life like I did and then tell me which one (s) actually had any talent.

Heidi declares she's now a virgin

I didn't have to go look up a picture for this one, because whore faced plastic tit Heidi Montag's vacuous image isn't allowed on here. But, Heidi is now claiming she's a virgin and her and Spence-wad told Ryan Seacrest how Heidi is "still a virgin" and how religious she is, insisting that her "next album is going to be a Christian one." "We don't sin over here," said Spencer. Who added that they place "pillows in between" them at night so they're not tempted to have sex.
*
I don't watch The Fish Smelling Hills, but, everyone's posting the vid where Heidi has a pregnancy scare. Whew! The test was negative. Well, of course it was, she's a virgin! Hey, it happened to a virgin chick once, I think her name was Mary. She wasn't as holy as Heidi though. I wonder if Joseph had to hump pillows? I should ask Heidi, she knows everything about the bible.

Celebutards are funny

source

It's pretty clear to me that John Mayer is trying (today) to take a page from Jen Anistons book and have his friends talk for him. Johns friend " "She is so intent on getting married and having children, he felt hemmed in. After a 20-minute phone conversation, he just said, 'I can't take it any more,' and hung up. Then he texted, "That's it - the end."

*
Text rudeness aside, this is about the dumbest claim I've heard all week. No chick with half a brain begs some guy they've been dating a couple of months to marry them and have babies. And Jen has half a brain at least, you know she's never put herself in the proximity of the dumb ass celeb category for us bloggers and that takes at least half a brain. John just keeps begging us to believe he ended it. Beg some more, John, this is getting nasty and I love it. Oh, and the other day when he threw his little hissy I was so intent on getting his words right I missed the hilarious billboard behind him. Share the good, John, share the good.

The Dirty Disher finds out she's not cool enough to be invited to taste sandy buttcrack

Roseanne's still blogging..

*
"all celeb news is calling me to come on their shows and talk about my "attack" on brangelina. They say nothing about my attacks on howard dean, pumas, obama, hillary, maureen dowd, bush cheney, pelosi, congress, religion capitalism and satan though...I liked angelina til i heard her say she likes insane mccain for potus. By the way, I think elizabeth hasselberg is a f'r s're closet case that wants to get whipped by sherri shepherd in a black corset while old babs slaps a riding crop on both of their exposed butt-oxes. love, crackpot granny!"

"i do not know brangelina and do not mean to personally impugn them as they might be good people in the flesh, but the media's images of them are smelly and vile, and I must always attack the media's representation of what is good or cool, because those who inhabit the media world of glamour and entertainment and fashion and gossip are horrid people who have no talent of any kind, and yet think of themselves as tastemakers. taste my sandy buttcrack, tmz, and perez!"

********************************
TMZ has declined the buttcrack tasting, Perez hasn't mentioned it that I've seen and I'm glad because that would make me obligated to read what he wrote about the Angie bashing in the first place and my world is boring enough today. I do know Perez bashes McCain, but, I'm not a political person. Does McCain hate boring gay bloggers who would actually like the taste of asscrack? As for Roseanne, she seems to be taking back what she said about Jolie and blaming her rant on the media. How disappointing. I do like the S&M Babwa picture in my head right now though. Spank it good, Babs.

Kate Beckinsale STILL talking about her vagina

Kate Beckinsale just won't shut up about her "Pharaoh's Tomb" and now she's convinced herself that the entire world has nothing to do but get a photo of her vagina. She's invented some game to amuse herself which consists of wearing short skirts with no underwear and outwitting the paps...
*
KB: “It was one of those nights when I wore a supertight dress that you couldn’t have worn anything under, since it would have showed. The paparazzi were literally lowering their cameras like speculums when I got out of the car.
“On the way home, I said to my husband ‘Darling, I think they might have gotten it.’ And so when we pulled in I made him re-enact the thing with his camera - a sort of crime-scene run through. It appears I survived unscathed.”
*
I like the way she calls her poon "it" like everyone would know what "it" is because "it" is so important. Someone send this woman a book to read so she has another subject to talk about. And who actually calls their husband "Darling?" Seriously.

Rumors of Kendra getting her own show!

Oh, there's always such juicy rumors from the Playboy mansion, I love that place. The last rumor was that Holly had been replaced as Hef's number one girl by brunette beauty, Dasha Astafieva. So, Holly blogged a bunch of crap about how Dasha is a nice girl and a real big singer in Russia and how she hoped she would blow up here too. It made me laugh, the words were choice Holly, who's not as smart as she thinks she is. But, now gossips are wagging about Kendra getting her own reality show and it will be based on life after the mansion. Seems right to me with that new movie The House Bunny coming out, which has the same premise. Take the reality show offer, Kendra, I'll be watching. Just for the record, Kendra is not a bunny, never has been as far as I know. She likes to drink beer, not serve it.

Nicole and Keith have a date

Yes, it really is so boring that I have to post on Kidman and Urban getting a sitter and going out together in Sydney for a little couple time. My first thought was, dang, what's she done to her hair? Is she old now? Is she going on the bingo bus to with my aunties? Is her purse full of quarters for the slots?

Angie's dad responds to Roseann's rant

Hmm, it might have been a good idea NOT to bring Roseanne's family into the fight since Angie's family relationships are, shall we say, odd? If I prayed, which I don't, but, if I did, I'd pray that celebrities stop trying to influence us with their political choices. In fact, I'd go one better. I'd hook up everyone who came out to vote to a lie detector and ask them if their choice was based on a celebrity opinion and if it said yes, their right to vote would be revoked. Good luck with your fight, celebrity ass clowns.

Mornin'

I wondered what the first post would be today. Then I found a pap photo of Aretha Franklin, not wearing a cleavage baring gown...she looks quite pretty there.

Toilet trained rat

I was distracted looking for rat training videos and cussing the idiots who think putting peanut butter on your finger and getting a tame animal to come to you is a trick. If I put PB on my finger and stuck it in Bee's face she would accidentally bite me and be right to do so. She already knows her name without a food bribe..duh. But, then I came across this vid of a rat that's toilet trained and I was kind of amazed. Smart creatures they are, he gives the bowl a sniff and then realizes what the thing is for. It's pretty clear he knows what he's doing and that is one BIG ASSED RAT! Cool. Don't click it if seeing a rat taking a poop gross's you out.

Christina Applegate is pretty amazing

I knew she had breast cancer and wished her the best, but, I did not know Christina Applegate's cancer would be treated with a double mastectomy. She had the surgeries only three weeks ago, is doing well and cancer free. Christina made the wise decision to remove both breasts even though the cancer was contained to one. Many women who have breast cancer in their familes are choosing this option now. It couldn't have been easy and I'm sure it is still painful when she moves. Christina will undergo reconstruction surgeries for the next eight months and she still has a sense of humor..

*

"I'm going to have cute boobs 'til I'm 90, so there's that," she joked "I'll have the best boobs in the nursing home. I'll be the envy of all the ladies around the bridge table."

*
Brave girl. You go, Kelly Bundy! Good thoughts to you.

Lily Allen drunk and fighting

Lily got into a fight at a club last night and took some swings at some chick who called her an asshole. Lily called her a cunt as in " "Yeah, come and say that to my face you fucking cunt!" She should have just looked at her, said cunt and walked off, but, she had to go over there and start swinging. If you insist on getting into a tacky girl punching match (and who hasn't?) it's always best to have a Chanel bag over your shoulder. It says ..I have class even though I act like trailer trash. I was confused as to why Lily refused to put her cigarette down during the fight. All white trash bar fighters know the first thing you do is thrown down your butt, blow the smoke out sideways, and then start punching. Maybe her greasy extensions were pinching her brain. Or maybe she only had a couple of smokes left in her last pack and knew she was too drunk to go pick a fight at a convenience store. Those convenience store chicks are tough, they keep ball bats under the counter, they'll bust yer head and then you don't even get your cigarettes. Lily probably knew that. Something tells me she would.

Katy Perry's mom is mad about that song...

Katy Perry's mom has some choice words about her daughters hit song, I Kissed A Girl..
*
Mary: "I hate the song. It clearly promotes homosexuality and its message is shameful and disgusting. Katy knows how I feel. We are a very outspoken family and she knows how disappointed her father and I are. I can’t even listen to that song. The first time I heard it I was in total shock. When it comes on the radio I bow my head and pray … Katy is our daughter and we love her but we strongly disagree with how she is conducting herself at the moment. We cannot cut her out of our lives as she is our child but she knows we disagree strongly with what she is doing and the message she is promoting regarding homosexuality which the Bible clearly states is a sin."
*
Oh, yeah, but, I'm guessing it wouldn't be a shameful and disgusting thing for Mary and her preacher hubby to move their uptight so called Christian ass's into a multi million dollar mansion provided by her daughter from the proceeds of her sinful song. Betcha. And I'll get reamed for this thought, but, that never stopped me..any woman who's this hung up on homosexuality in a freekin' pop song is secretly ashamed that she's dreaming of her face in some poon. I'll bet if someone checked under her mattress, you'd find Sam Ronson posters hidden in a bible.

Dita teamed up with Wonderbra

You know you're not hot anymore when you look at these photos and laugh at the garter belt and think, nope, wouldn't wear one of those pinchy things again for anyone in the world or for any amount of money..but, the front cross strapped bra peaked my interest. No annoying bra straps slipping out of your tank top. I wonder if it comes in white or beige? But, Dita looks good in her 50's inspired undies, if she really had a hand in the design, she did good. I like the polka dots. I wish she'd put them on some grannie pannies. The nosey neighbors would get a kick out of those hanging on my clothes line.

Matilda and her scooter

These photos of Matilda Ledger made me smile. Look at her with her own little scooter! That is so cool. So while Matilda is getting to be a big girl, poor Suri Cruise is being compared to her unfavorably, only because Suri still sucks a bottle, wears diapers and swings in the baby harness swing. So I wondered wtf was up with that and went and looked up their birthdates. Matilda Rose was born October 28, 2005, and Suri Cruise was born April 18, 2006. Six months makes a huge difference in a childs development and abilities. So, Suri isn't delayed in my opinion, her parents are for not starting the potty training and sippy cup thing. And Matilda seems advanced in the motor skills area. Matilda is just adorable and I love getting new pics of her, but, I really hope we don't get too many. Know what I mean?
*
And I really hope everyone knows I was being sarcastic with that "Suri is a tyrant" post the other day. It pissed me off that people can feel free to make up ugly stories about a 2 year old child. Suri is a cutie...her parents are jerks.

An example of Suri's fine motor skills. Well, everyone has boogies. It took Lissa until age three to learn how to handle this in private, and Suri is not three. Pick a winner for daddy, Suri. Heh.

Madonna's 50th..errrrrr, 36th B-day party

Madonna managed to look pretty good at her 50th birthday party, a bit on the tacky side, but, still fairly hot. Someone needs to tell her the things a woman of substance should have figured out by her half century mark..

*
1. There is no need to spell out your name in diamonds on your clutch bag when you are one of the few people in the world who has only one name. The only others that come immediately to mind are Mother Teresa and Cher, and that's not bad company. We know who you are.

*

We all know you have fairly good legs and should leave the hot pants onstage.

*

You should stop your reps from putting out the constant news that your act has always revolved around "pushing peoples buttons" and "shock value"...it demeans any talent you may have and frankly, you never were that shocking. Pseudo masturbation to Like A Virgin shocked one ministers wife in Peoria, the rest of us just liked a catchy tune.

*
Puff sleeves might look good on Suri, but, not a grown woman.

*

You shouldn't make 45 minute speeches about yourself at your own party..only die hard fans would want to sit through that and you didn't invite any of them.

*

Stop thinking millions in plastic surgery can hide the fact that you're 50 and realize you look pretty good for 50 and there's nothing wrong with being 50. The only people that think you're falling apart because you're 50 are brain dead 20 year old girls and gays who wish they were you.

*
Stop calling your tours absurd things like “Sticky & Sweet”..I don't need to point out the reason why this is not attractive.

*
Stop dragging your husband around as a cheering section, we're not as stupid as you seem to think.

*
Don't ask Britney to participate in your tour in any capacity if you intend to get mad later and cut her video from the show.

*
Lay off the weight training, shave your daughters unibrow, wear clothes, tell us why your good friend Gwyeneth Paltrow skipped your party and stop speaking with a British accent when the whole world knows you're from Detroit.

*
It's not funny, it's just good advice.

Holy blogger! Did the Brangeloonie just awknowledge crabbie?

The Brangeloony site must have been asleep today, because he accidentally let a crabbie comment get through. HERE. Crabbie asked "Just Jared…why no reaction to Roseanne Barr’s skewering of your heroes Brad and Angie?" Then we cracked up when a post finally appeared on the item and Just Jareds only comment is "YIKES.'" Oh, stop, JJ you're making me cry for Angelina, your words are too powerful for me, dude. Oh, god, the power of the Brangeloonies..it is a mighty fart...errr, heart.
*
And, no, we don't have anything else to do today so leave your Get-A-Life comments over at JJ's.

Angelina is an "evil spawn with a vacuous husband!"

Roseanne's blogging is giving me the tiniest hint that she's not a fan of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.
*
"Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more."
*
And there's more, lots more..Roseanne is pissed because Jolie won't support Obama and she calls Jon Voight a "used tampon." HERE's her blog, but, you might have to wait in line like I did..it's been pretty busy today. The old ream-a-roonie from Rosie-Loony, you can't call her a Brangeloony though. I guess she's never spit out any dunces.

Paltrow being a star

Gwyenth (that name always sounds like a speech impediment) Paltrow is pissing off the animal rights people with her Tod's ads wearing fox fur and fur-lined boots and leather bags. Ordinarily, I'd ignore it, it's legal and not my business, but, her shit pisses me off because she just caused a stir at an equine fund raiser trying to make people realize how Mexico is wrong for making dog food out of horses. So does she think horses are more important than other animals? This dumb bitch needs to pick a side, otherwise she's a joke, like that silly little Hayden PantyLiner and her dolphin saving crap while selling her patent leather bags everywhere. Never mind, she IS a joke. This is like saying, I'm a vegetarian, but, I do eat fish and occasionally beef and chicken. Then you aren't a vegetarian, stoopid, you're just a mouthy moron omnivore.
*
By the way, Fish Sitcks was not well liked at the equine benefit because she made hundreds of other rich people wait out in a field for hours, without so much as a port a potty, while she barricaded herself in the mansion, doors guarded against entry by her body guards. Later she went out and read a "don't be mean to horsies" poem and left before any of the other rich, but, not famous assholes could rub her royal elbows. See? Celeb pissing me off..I knew the good streak wouldn't last. But, at least I didn't have to hear her poem.

Matilda gets the money

We all know that Heath Ledger didn't get to finish his last film, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, so Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell stepped into a rewrite to complete the movie and let Heath's last work be shown. I thought that was pretty cool of them, but, it turns out the three Hollywood dads are even cooler than that. Depp, Law and Farrell have donated their pay from the film to Matilda Ledger. Their entire paychecks, all three of them. And that's good people doing a good thing and the second post in a row about celebs who aren't pissing me off. That makes three for the day with Ellen and Portia's wedding post and four if you knew how much I was laughing a John Mayer's hissy fit. That's gotta be a DD record.