Another Eric Vid

These You Tubes and his MySpace music and the CD's are all that's left. Eric died on April 26, 2008. Official cause of death, pulmonary embolism complicated by brain seizure. I find these difficult to watch, though family and friends cherish them. It's ironic to me that the last line in the song in this vid are about being led to an early grave, when he doesn't even have a resting place.

I'm thinking about putting this in the local paper

Dear, (insert name of funeral director here), I want our money back. By "our" I mean the many generous people in this town who donated to Eric's memorial fund. How about you make it right? How about giving us the headstone we ordered a year ago and you promised would be here in August. Not going to happen? Okay, then give us back the donations and the concert money that was raised by his band.

Also, how about a burial? I was under the silly impression that a burial fee and a grave opening fee meant a person would be buried. No? Oh, I guess I didn't understand when you said it was $500 dollars JUST to open a grave and then the grave was never opened. I told you, I was shocked to be unceremoniously handed my son's remains by your assistant who was busy getting ready for the next money making funeral. He told me it was just flowers I was picking up. I explained this to you in person and on the phone. You said you were so sorry. My son is still in my china cabinet which is not where he wanted to rest. I'm pretty sure of that, he left instructions and he has a plot. Which has never been opened!
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So how about we drop the concerned act and just settle this. How about you give me the thousands of dollars you owe Eric for a burial and stone which never happened. If you can do this, we won't talk about that crazy beer kegger funeral his ex wife planned. The ex wife who was living with her boy friend at the time. She took time out from ransacking his house to con you. Not entirely your fault, but, bottom line is..you screwed up. I want Eric's money back and I will re-order the stone elsewhere. You know damn well I am in charge of that, and he will have a proper burial and a decent headstone. Oh, and not that piece of used brown junk you tried to pawn off on his ex. I handed you all the money, not anyone else, and you know that. And I can prove that. What a disappointment you turned out to be. One more time. I want our money back. RIP does not mean rip someone off.

Pat Jones, (Eric's mother)

So, what do you guys think? I'm going to put it in the local paper if this isn't resolved by the one year anniversary of Eric's death, which is in April. Are there any lawyers out there? I can prove everything I said. I have receipts and witness's.

Please Kate! Sell me this recipe!

And Cara is NOT super happy. She's learned to feed her constant hunger with sarcasm.

Mos Def Brings the Knowledge on Real Time

Last night's Real Time with Bill Maher would've been nothing but a trainwreck had it not been for the brilliant Mos Def, who gave those two pretentious faggy intellectuals Christopher Hitchens and Salman Rushdie a dose of what real thinking is all about. Eloquence, thy name is Mos Def.

Making Meals into Memories by Kate Gosselin

Kate Geedlin has found a new way to suck money from her fans. Apparently she wasn't getting enough from Eight Exploited Faces and sayings stolen from the Bible. Her cookbook will be out soon, and she will explain to you nutritious recipes and miraculous meal magic moments.
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The problem? I've never seen her cook. Her kids have "blood sugar" meltdowns all day every day. They will do anything for food. ANYTHING. Two tortilla chips and three grapes on a paper plate, from craft services is a bang up lunch. Also microwave popcorn for dinner and "organic" marshmallow fluff on white bread is a big deal. These kids cry and beg, literally BEG for a bagel or granola. Nope, you will eat your popcorn and be quiet.

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So go ahead, all you Greedlin trolls who lurk here, send Kate some more money. I don't know why the kids are almost 5 and still have to wear bibs and sit in high chairs. I think it's a little Kate joke, like, ha ha are you ready for dinner?? And then she laughs as they drool. She knows dinner isn't coming. Constantly hungry and grouchy..it keeps them working. The promise of real food that never comes. There's your memory making, Kate. But, she will give you one M&M if you make poop on camera. It's like watching starving dogs who wag their tail at their tormenter in the hope of a scrap. There are no scraps..Kate is at Mr. Chows.

The Mayercraft carrier????

What the fucking fuck is this Mayercraft Carrier shit? John's posting pics of himself in his mankini again too. He even had his legs waxed. It's like Captain Stubing gone very wrong and Capt. Stubing was very wrong in the first place. Okay, Jen Aniston could not get rid of this guy soon enough. Why doesn't her just put on a ballerina clown suit and finger his own bung on Robertson Blvd? He couldn't look any more stupid.

Dixie Upchuck

Natalie Maines has either gone lesbo or become a Jennifer Jason Leigh impersonator. Oh wait, that's the same thing. Still ashamed to be from Texas Natalie? You make me ashamed to be from earth, you wannabe free speech martyr assface. Yeah, great career choice - pissing off the trailer trash who make up 95% of your fanbase. All to kiss up to some limey swinebags. Well, you wouldn't expect smarts from a yappy midget Texas bitch, would ya?

Rihanna to Jessica Simpson: Save it, Bitch

Jessica Simpson recently reached out to Rihanna, who continues to seem really confused and messed up ever since getting her clock cleaned by Chris Brown. Unfortunately, little Ms. Rihanna interpreted Jessica's well-meaning efforts as meddling and never replied to the heartfelt letter of support Jess sent her. "[Rihanna] was kind of shocked that Jessica had the nerve to try to get involved in her very personal problems," a source told the National Enquirer. "Prior to Jessica reaching out to Rihanna, the pair were acquaintances but not friends.

"Jess is acting like an expert on domestic violence, and it’s strange that she’d write a letter to a woman she barely knows, offering advice and a sympathetic ear. Jess took a gamble and now she’s hurt because Rihanna didn’t bother to acknowledge the correspondence."

Well, Jessica probably is an expert on domestic violence. I mean, she was going out with John Mayer. You think he doesn't hit? Please. That guy has "mean, slappy drunk" written all over him. I think Rihanna needs to get off her high horse and realize there are people out there who have wisdom to offer her. And she needs to figure out that getting little tiny guns tattooed on herself isn't going to scare the next guy who decides to turn her face into a punching bag. Real guns...now that might do the trick.

Miami Fashion Week in Florida

Well, I guess we know what Katy Perry will be wearing this Spring.

Gristle's new daughter

source "Mercy has been handed over to Madonna's people, who are already at the lodge, and is being cared for by a nanny." Jesus, that's cold. I'm not getting warm fuzzies here. That's a little child, not Louis Vuitton luggage.

Justin wants Jessica Biel out of his apartment

Timberlake's friends have constantly been talking about these two fighting.. for months. Now a friend has let it slip that Justin asked him how much time he’d need to give Jessica if he asked her to move out of his New York City apartment without seeming like a jerk. He has a short attention span and already is a jerk. Hear that sound? That's the sound of Cameron Diaz laughing.

Shop much, Kim?

I think there are a lot of bitches who wouldn't want you in their club, Mz. Kardashian. And you have nothing to be snobby about. Were they all out of shirts that said "My claim to fame is a fat ass"??? How about settling for "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing at your head?

Claudia's closet

Claudia Schiffer: “I’ve kept all my clothes. I have a hangar that is normally made for helicopters and I’ve got all my clothes in there." The hanger is climate controlled and has separate closets for each designer.
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I have a problem with this and I'm not sure why. It's her money, she can do what she wants. Maybe the clothes are art and should be preserved. But, what do these models do to warrant such elaborate lifestyles? They walk a runway and let people take photos of them designed to sell us more expensive shit we don't need. Meanwhile, regular people bust their ass every day and are losing their modest homes. I can walk, you can walk..wtf is so special about her walk that she deserves a kabillion dollars for it? Celebs, models and frickin' sports stars..I just can't understand the pay. I know, it's been said. I'm just rambling this morning because when someone who "models" has to have a climate controlled fucking airplane hanger for a closet, it kind of chaps my ass. I'd like to think that if ever got filthy rich, I'd have better things to do with the money than prove how rich I am.

New Gristle baby on the way

Gristle's lawyers have confirmed they are filing adoption papers Monday. Madonna will, reportedly, have an assistant pick up a baby in Malawi this weekend. I don't understand why she's doing this. She just divorced her husband, she's touring all the time and why Malawi again? She had so many legal problems there last time. If you're too busy to go pick out a baby yourself and have to send an assistant, you probably don't need a new baby. I think this is her way of fucking with Guy's head some more. He didn't seem keen on adopting more orphans and now his kids will have a new sibling and he can suck it. And deal with it. It reeks of control issues and it doesn't speak well of Madonna.

WTF photo

The oddball photo of the week goes to Scarlett Johansson, who somehow managed to transplant her head onto the body of a malnourished 10 year old. Shoot. Now everyone will want a head transplant.

OctoTwat wants a recording contract

A record producer source for Zach Taylor: "Nadya's people contacted us about booking some studio time over the summer to lay down a few tracks. She wants to go for a Madonna sounding EP record."
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Well, Nadya, you have a lot of time on your hands. It's not like there's anything you have to do all day. I hear The Licks are free to do backup.

Rock a bye boobies,
fake lips like a duck,
please squirt your juice,
in my dixie cup.

Angelina's Wacky Diet

Angelina Jolie once again has everyone worried about her health. People say she looks too skinny on the set of her new movie Salt, and now it's been revealed why: according to sources, Angie has been on an absurd diet called the Master Cleanse that involves ingesting nothing but peppered lemonade. Angie allegedly used this to get in shape for the stunts she would need to do in the new movie, where she plays a superspy accused of being a double-agent. Yeah, okay, sure...she looks like hell on purpose. I guess she figured the old "stressed out over her mom's death" excuse wouldn't fly anymore. Everyone knows it's drugs.

How did you get famous Kourtney?

"Well, look at me. I'm, like, little and adorable and I have this nasal whine and I bitch all the time. I hate my mother and I will, like, never forgive her. I hate her. I hate my sisters too. My sister Kim let a black guy pee on her and they made a film and sold it and then we got a TV show. But, all the guys like me the best, but, they can't have me. I have a gay boy friend who, like, pretends to be a womanizer. He's like, one of those prop things. Like Kim's dildo. Khloe is supposed to be the smart one, but, like, if she's so smart how comes she's so much bigger than me? She could have bones removed or something. I don't think she's that smart. Soooooo, I'm a nude model now. Nude means, like, naked, but, with class. For men's magazines. Which Bruce says is not classy, but, what does he know? He was in that Special Olympia thing, like, 60 years ago and now he cleans up our dog poop. I have to go shopping now. I just shop once a day, not like Kim who has a problem. We're having, like, an intervention thing for her. Like I care, right? Bitches! I hate them all. If I wasn't so cute and famous, I'd be mad, like, all the time. Scott says I can win an Oscar from my ass. He's a wad, but, like, he knows shit. I need an Oscar ass dress. Maybe a halter top. Check with me tomorrow, I'll have pictures. You can buy them."

Secrets of Leave It To Beaver

THIS was an interesting read. Who got laid the most? Lumpy! Friggin' Lumpy. Jeez. When I was a child I dreamed of having Beaver's life. This was back before TV moms had clown car vagina's. You never saw Beaver naked, taking a dump.

Lohan's Troubles Continue

This is a promo for Lindsay Lohan's new movie Labor Pains...but don't be looking for it at your local theater. In a statement from the film's producers, it was announced that the movie, supposedly Lohan's "comeback," will be premiering on ABC Family in July with a DVD release set for August. In case you'd forgotten, the movie stars Lohan as a young professional trying to get ahead by pretending to be pregnant. Lindsay Lohan as a liar? There's a stretch...

Valerie Bertinelli on People

50 pounds, huu? Then how come her thighs are jagged? I'll wait for the pap photos because the only thing real here is the sound of Kirstie Alley crying in the distance.

Jade Goody's memorial is a reminder

Go get your annual pap test. Yes, I know it's disgusting, but, just go do it. If cervical cancer is caught in the early stages it's easy to treat. The operation is nothing. Trust me. It's not even as bad as a trip to the dentist. And I know some of you ladies are putting that check up off.

Bridget's awkward moments

Bridget Marquardt is a perfectly nice girl, but, she's sure had her share of awkward moments lately. Like this rearranging herself for a photo shoot on her show about sexy beaches. It looks like some painful gas there. And her red sole is scuffed. I'd repaint that sucker if I was her. Those things should come with touch up sole paint, for what they cost.

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Then she was on Chelsea Lately and Chelsea asked "So, do you ever see Bridget anymore? Oh, wait, you are Bridget." I don't know who looked dumber there. Chelsea then compounded the faux pas by asking, "So, you're 33?" Bridget panicked for a second, then said "I'm 35." She looked like she was going to punch Chelsea. Yeah, 35. Right. And she was madly in love with Hef. Let's talk real estate, Marquardt. I have some lovely swamp land you'd like.

Fun with Kim K

Kim Kardashian is upset about the photoshop hoo-ha. Kim: "I'm proud of my body and my curves and this picture coming out is probably helpful for everyone to see that just because I am on the cover of a magazine doesn't mean I'm perfect."

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Thanks Kim. The top one is real. I think she should hire me, but, there's a language barrier. I don't speak Stupid Girl.

It seems ParAss has found a new BFF already

I thought about this awhile..I really don't think ParAsshole has any real idea that Kathy Griffin is making fun of her. Oh, she has the vague concept that it's funny, for some reason, and it's publicity. ParAss understand publicity. But, no, I really don't think she gets it, which probably cracks Kathy up. Love the purse, Kathy.

RiRi's packin' heat

Rihanna sends a message by flying in some tattoo artist to give her empowerment with little guns. She's so smart. I hope every woman who takes a beat down from a man learns something from this. First, take him back. Then put cartoon guns on your body to show him you are not to be messed with. I think he'll learn his lesson. If not, use that safety pin necklace on him. Bully's are afraid of tattoos and safety pins. It's a known fact.

Jamie Lynn calls off her wedding!

Jamie Lynn Spears is not going to marry Gomer Pile yet. She feels they're under too much pressure. I understand that, what with the baby and her big ol' career, but, where am I going to wear this sequined tube top now? And what are they going to do with 700 cases of Red Bull? Not to mention the mud wrestling pit. Sigh.

The Gosselins..true celebs

Jon and Kate had dinner at Mr. Chows. If you're so upset because you have no privacy, why would you choose Mr. Chows, where the TMZ paps hang out all day? And why does Jon have that shit eating grin on? I don't think either one of them is "culturized" enough to eat anywhere but McDonalds, where they could order the white trash special with extra cheese.

Sean Penn Has Competition?

Sean Penn isn't the only respected Hollywood thesp who's after Natalie Portman's pert little ass...according to the Chicago Sun-Times, Portman recently got a sniff of Ryan Gosling while he was DJing at a club, and liked what her nose was telling her. Since then Ryan has been texting poems to her and sending her books.

Fuck, Gosling...first Rachel McAdams and now Portman? What is it with you and boring-ass chicks who aren't as smart as they think they are? And I don't even know what to say about Portman except...

SLUT!!!!

Don't Touch Me!!!!!!

Star says Brad has been thrown out of the bedroom by Angie and now he's bunking with the kids. If Woody Allen bunked with his adopted kids we'd be screaming, but it's okay for Brad to do it. "Don't touch me!!!!" Now picture the fire shooting out of her eyes, and James Haven over in the corner jerking off.

You think I'm gonna touch that Natasha's last words bit? Nope.

Who the fuck is that supposed to be?

It looks like that Kardashian kids GF, that Adrienne Ballyhoo whatever. It's not Britney, not her face, not her legs, not her ass..wait, that might be her sweater..nope.

Miley Cyrus Can't Be Hanna Montana Forever

Miley Cyrus told Us Magazine that she doesn't see herself still playing Hannah Montana when she's 30. "I can't be Hannah Montana forever," the teen slut insists. "I have to have something after this." And let me guess...it involves a stripper pole, your father and a bottle of barbecue sauce. That kind of thing only sounds fun in the beginning Miley...after you do it you realize how stupid it is. And there's really nothing nastier than BBQ sauce in your pubic hair.

Hollywood couplings..

Sean Penn and Natalie Portman seen "canoodling" at Sunset Tower Hotel's Tower Bar on March 17th. Let me know when they're seen ca-fucking. Seans still married. This will work out well.
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Rihanna and Wilmer Valderrama at the Geisha House in Hollywood. This is their second public date. No, no no. That's all I have for her. Wilmer is a big mouthed skeezy man whore. He's the one who told the details of popping Mandy Moore's cherry and described Lohan's body in detail. I think he even porked ParAss. Eww, he's gross.

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There's someone else, but, I forgot. I'll slip it in when I remember. Much like Wilmer.

Chloe Sevigny reaches new lows in fashion

Would it kill her to put on some makeup with the purple tit grabber? Oh, guess where her cootch is? Give up? Maybe she's dating a blind guy and that's a path he's supposed to follow.

Stop yanking my chain, Blo-han

On the "real" Lindsay Lohan:"I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't lie. I love to act and write and be creative and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it."
On why she can't get work:"If people would just leave my personal life alone--because it's really not that interesting--then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting."
On her dreams:"I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be."
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I posted that pic to remind Lindsay that this mess is her fault, not ours. The reason you can't get work, Blow, is because studios can't insure you and you have a reputation for not showing up. No one is willing to throw millions away on an out of control party girl. Period. You will never win a fucking Oscar. I'll bet this blog on it. But, you could have had a decent chick flick career, like Aniston...instead you chose this. So shut up, suck it up and go fuck yourself. You are not amusing anymore. You..are..DONE. Do I need to send you a registered letter?

Stinky vampire

"He stinks. I mean, it's awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy,"complains someone who works in very close quarters with Robert Pattinson. And it's past the point of a little BO. "He completely reeks," complains an annoyed crew member.
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Pattinson has admitted he hates bathing and can go weeks, even months without it. He says he has residual crud in his hair that may never come out. How'd you like to be a stylist dealing with that shit? Or the poor shlub who gets his clothes next..that's what stylist do. The stupid girls who worship him won't care. They'd pay big bucks for his used toilet paper..if he even uses toilet paper. Gross.

Simon Baker at TV Guide’s Sexiest Stars event

Simon looks happy there. I know it makes women happy when I post about Simon. Whatever "it" is..he has it. Yep.

We'll have Chelsea Handler until 2012 at least

Chelsea's contract with the E! network has been extended and her salary is now eight figures. In other words, she's a big deal, kicking her boy rival's Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Carson Daly ass's. I shouldn't have included Carson Daly, a monkey with a spray tan could kick his ass. But, Mz. Handler is holding her own. The fact that she's shacking up with the head of the E!/Comcast CEO Ted Harbert is something she's quite open about and jokes about where her "kashlapuss" got her. I like Chelsea, as far as late night goes, I don't think you'll find may people in her league. Joel McHale..that's about it. I wish she'd stop excusing people from being idiots based on their looks though. "She's pretty though, right?" ..seems to be a running non gag. Pretty or not, rip them up, Chels. Handler's very real penchant for hot midgets is satisfied by sidekick Chuy, who provides one liners worthy of eye rolls. She could lose him, really she could. Does anyone know what the hell happened between Chelsea and her other partner in crime, Heather Long Boobs McDonald? She's gone and Handler takes pot shots at her. Whatever happened, Chelsea needs to suck it up and get Heather back. Together they were pure gold. Or green, as E! translates it.

Photoshopping a Kardashian

Kim K for Complex Magazine. That's a load of work, right there.

Just Overdose Already

Pete Doherty is - sigh - still in love with Kate Moss. "I miss her," the cat-murderer told Q Magazine. "And I would like to speak to her." I'm actually shocked he still remembers her. Or himself.

Who ever would've bet on Pete Doherty to outlive Natasha Richardson?

Twittering is hazardous to relationships

Jen hated John Mayer twittering all the time. He couldn't call her or send an email, saying he was too busy, but, then she checked his stoopid twitter page and found twits every few minutes. Jen was fuming. She called him and told him it was over and he said okay. "He took it like a man" says the Telegraph.

Then he twittered "This heart didn't come with instructions.'' I'll bet his penis did though. That probably came with a book. Hell, his penis probably writes books. I know it twitters.

Lindsay Lohan Lies About Lying

Lindsay Lohan landed an interview with E!, and used it to set the record straight about her alleged wild ways and shaky relationship with the truth. "I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't lie," Ms. Lohan asserted. "I love to act and write and be creative, and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it."

Hmm...positive message. Sure. Let's see, the last movie you did was that horror thing where you rubbed your cunt against a stripper pole then got chopped into little pieces. What was the positive message there? Never give up your dreams of being a dirty skank even when you've been reduced by 40%? Yeah, I'm sure that helped lots of people. And the Herbie remake, that was very uplifting too. And would've been moreso except Disney got embarrassed and digitally shrank your titties.

Sorry Lindsay, but no one believes a word you say anymore. And no one cares about your silly career aspirations. That part of your life is over. You are a tabloid star - you exist to get in trouble and make us feel superior. You do a good job of it. You should be proud.

The Gosselin wankers

There were two episodes last night. I can't even sort through all the shit that was wrong with them, so I'm counting on you guys to add your observations. Kate was obnoxious as usual. She let the kids paint a picture for the first time in their almost 5 year old lives and tried not to freak out. Jesus. Then she said she liked to "culturize" her children. It sounded like she was growing bacteria. She picked out their paint color to match her walls. I couldn't even laugh at her lack of art knowledge and "culturizing." It was so ignorant I don't even have a joke here. She's just insulting her viewers, her children and everyone who's ever heard of her. It almost killed her to say thank you and the damage control was at it's peak.

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Jon spoke about the gossip going on..he stuttered that he goes out and people take pictures and "do what they have to do." In other words, he's blaming us for talking about him in bars playing titty pong with young girls. He has no privacy and it's our fault. Yeah, I forced him to be on TV 24/7 and act like a drunken horny fool. They threatened not to come back next season. Oh, yeah right. They are now producers of the show. These two white trash whores will pimp their kids until they get old enough to say no. The product placements have grown to a new obnoxious level, with Jon Googling an insurance company and calling it "work." Oh, fucker, please! When Kunting Kate picked out the children's paint color to make "art" because she's soooooo "culturized"..it was kind of the end for me. There's nothing funny or cute here anymore. I'd rather go clean the yard. And not call it a "projek." Kate can go shove all those kids back in her clown car. They're doomed. If Jon is pissing his pannies over no privacy, how come there were two episodes in one night? Couldn't fit all the sponsor whores in one show? Loser. He needs a Juicy Juice enema.

Vivid offers porn star nannies

TMZ reports: "In a letter sent to Nadya, Vivid Entertainment is offering her seven figures, free health insurance for one year and a bus big enough for the family if she agrees to do a reality show for them. The catch? All her nannies have to be porn stars and she has to appear semi-nude in a XXX flick."

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What the fuck is wrong with people? Vivid ought to have worldwide wankers ban for even coming up with this shit. Those are innocent children in that house! Babies! What that fucking fuck is wrong with those people??? That made me vomit. Jesus Christ.

Two small horses, one big ass

Whatever KP (Krazy Puss) is selling..I'm not buying. It's probably just an old picture of her prom dates.