Pissy gets a doll..oh, and that dead guy too

Pissy Pres is probably happy with this, thinking of all the residual checks she'll get, but, Mattel short changed fans with the Piss dolly because that's just a left over Barbie mold and looks nothing like her. Elvis looks sort of, kind of looks like himself, so they must have gone to the trouble of altering an old New Kids On The Block mold that stopped selling decades ago. Yay, Mattel, I'm so impressed at your brilliant schemes. I betcha they're made in China and covered with lead paint. A yummy bargain at $75 bucks. Let's all celebrate a sham that lasted 6 whole years and produced the meanest child of a celeb who ever lived. I'll wait for the middle aged Lisa Marie pregnant with twins doll.

Suri's the boss

A blabber mouth in either the Cruise camp or the Holmes camp, because I'm telling you those two camps aren't living in the same park, has leaked this gem to E! "Suri is the one that wears the pants in the family. If Suri doesn’t like Katie’s shoes, she’ll take them off. Tom, too. He does whatever Suri wants. He defers to her on everything."

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A similar article was put out by The Star recently comparing Suri to Shiloh and how Shi get hand me downs and Suri wears designer and calls the shots. Of course she wears the pants in that family..Tommy Girl needs Verne Troyer pants. So, all their bad fashion choices are not their fault. It's the boss's fault. And the boss hasn't stopped wearing those gold shoes for two weeks, proving boss's know jack doodly. Suri is a dictator, she probably had Cheerio's with Fidel Castro today and if there was a prize in the box, you know who owns it. Where will the iron fisted ruler strike next?

Jon Mayer temporarily tired of making a spectacle of himself

John Mayer's been wearing the hoodies a lot lately. Sometimes he wears a scarf over his face under the hoodie, in stark contrast to his usual love affair with the paps and his jokes and messages written on pharmacy bags, etc. It makes me wonder if he's upset over Aniston or just tired of being called a douche bag (a name he used to embrace.) Beats me. I think a grown man who wears a bat shirt with little bat ears should be hiding. But, being an ass isn't anything new to me. He just does it on a grander scale than I do on a daily basis.

Today is Madonna's birthday

And she is not 50. Madonna had a pack of Kabbalah priests channel her energy and calculate her real "spiritual" age and they told her she's 36. Odd how she looks 50 and there's nothing wrong with that. Anyhow, no one is allowed to wish her happy 50th, so I won't either. I'm busy working on getting someone to calculate my spiritual ass fat poundage, so wtf do I know?

Jon And Kate Plus 8...wedding!

There's a rare sneak peak at the upcoming episode where Jon and Kate get married again with all the kiddies in white and Kate, no doubt, wearing a free designer gown. The leis are worn because this is in Maui! How exciting, right? The family is taking another free vacation, but, they just got back from a free beach vacation where they saw the wild horses of N. Carolina. And millions of viewers are still mad because all they do now is go on vacations and to events and neither one of the parents has a job. But, what really has viewers pissed right now is that Jon and Kate are looking at and rejecting multi million dollar properties and houses because they aren't big enough or layed out right for the special family. They have 8 kids, don't you know that?? You can virtual tour the almost two million dollar house the Gosselin's turned their noses down at on last weeks "vacation" episode. HERE is is. The Gosselins now have enough free money to build a custom home and I thought it was nice of them to break it to us gently. Thoughtful..the poor Gosselins, in that ratty 4 bedroom, 3 bath free home they live in now. We must do better by the Gosselins.

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And me? I think it's hilarious and hope Kate gets more freebies and sponsors and "love offerings" so she can continue to entertain me with her diva-tude as she shows off her free tummy tuck, spa treatments, and pro stylist touches while barking orders and insulting everyone in her family (and everyone in the state of Pa. which from the sounds of things, they will be leaving soon) from her throne. I love how Kate begs on camera for more free stuff. "Oh, Jon, we could really use a new camera," Kate will say pointedly. The next week, they have a new camera and the cam pans to a close up of the brand name. Hell, yeah, Kate, way to work it, girl! This show should now be called Kate, Kate Plus More Kate..and you know what? That's fine with me, it's called entertainment. I cannot wait until they start building the new custom mansion. Free. Hell yeah. The people who hate Queen Kate are now as entertaining as Queen Kate herself. Let the shit storm fly.

Tom proves me wrong

I just received this photo in my email box with a note that said "Do you know what's in the bags behind us? Glib bloggers who say my marriage is in trouble." It was signed by a Com Truise. I'm scared. I'm too frightened to mention the Beggin' Strips he carries in his pocket to make Hatie Colmbs follow him like this.

Tumor Willis?

"My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames,” she says. “When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I’d put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, ‘Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.’ "

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That's not a good sob story, all kids rhyme insult names. But, at least Chinzilla has a great bod and she doesn't blog stoopid everyday. It's not like she's Brooke Hogan, for craps sake. Oh, she also says she's not gay, but, I don't know anyone who's called her gay. Didn't we go through this with PantryLiner? 5 minutes with no paps and they start saying how they aren't gay. Then their photo shows up with the headline "not gay!" And Tumor should have quit while she was ahead. Portrait of a Laughing Potato...there ya go, Tumor. If Van Gogh was alive he'd paint your tater head, but, he aint, so we laugh.

Someone's pants are on fire

Someone besides Gomer Pile is telling some fibbers lately. Tony Romo's reps issued a statement "Tony does not call Carrie Underwood." So, who do you believe? Better yet, who does Jessica Simpson believe? Jessica is home chewing her Lee's press on's to the quick, eating chicken from the can and asking Daddy if she's still pretty. Carrie Underwood's diabolical plan has her cackling as she gazes into her hour glass at the meat eater..heee heeeeee heeeeeee, little girl!

Felicity does More

On how she got the part of of Lynette on Desperate Housewives: “I’d just left two screaming kids in the bathtub and it was raining. I thought I pulled myself together well. Later on, one of the producers said, ‘It was so great, because you were such a mess and so frazzled, and your pants were filthy!’

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Amusing. I hate that show, but, sometimes when she's on with all those damn kids I watch that part and when LongWhoria comes on I switch channels. There's something I like about Felicity Huffman and her husband, Bill Macy. Maybe it's the fact that they don't seem like idiots in the tabloids all the time, they just do thier jobs well and don't go out of their way to be raving morons.

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But, I really put this cover on here because I just saw her in Transamerica and wondered if anyone else liked that movie? I rented it twice (we only got two copies in town) and there was no sound either time, so I resigned myself to waiting for it to show up on TV. The other night it actually did and I thought it was good. But, I'm weird about movies, I like quiet stories about relationships between people and movie makers who allow me to laugh when I want. Anyone else a fan of Transamerica? Just curious. HERE's a trailer if you haven't seen it. I thought she was pretty amazing in it.

Handing it to her twice today

You have to hand her this..she always wears sort of cute clothes and usually looks like she just stepped out of the shower, which is amazing considering this is a girl who became famous and got a reality show because she let some guy pee on her in a sex film.

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And the "twice" part is her response to Paris Hilton calling Kardashian's ass a bunch of cottage cheese. Kim: "Who cares? At least I have one."

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Yeah, I'm surprised she's the celeb making me the least nauseous today too. I could pick on her skanky weave, but, I have laundry to hang out.

Trump buys Mc House

Donald Trump on Ed losing his house to foreclosure: "When I was at the Wharton School of Business," Trump said, "I'd watch him every night. How could this happen?" The Donald bought Ed McMahon's nearly 5 million dollar house and he's going to lease it back to Ed and for all I know "lease" means free but, with bragging rights and hero status and now Ed Fucking McMahon can shut the fuck up about his alleged broke-ass-ness and Ed's wife can go back to buying $50,000 worth of designer duds everyday and Donald Trump can figure out another way to work his snotty alma does it matter into every conversation. And they can all continue to wear $4,000 dollar sun glasses and move into a water buffalo's vagina with Rosie O'Donnell and her rubber clogs for all I give a shit. This story would have been a lot more fun if Ed ended up in a trailer park running a laundromat. And that's too good for the person who's face is on all that shit mail that says "You are a million dollar winner."

I'm so sick of the Ali boobs story

Speculation on Ali's boob job ripped through the net and caused a brain blow out for her sister Lindsay who declared anyone who wondered a pedophile. The Blow added (on her My Space) that "All i am trying to say is, is that, i was raised with a wonderful family surrounding me, of course we have our ups and downs, but all in all my mother taught us to appreciate what we have been given. Nor would she ever encourage, or allow a 14 year old child to alter her body."
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But, Lindsay, it's clear Ali has new lips. So that makes you (or whatever fucktard you paid to blog that) a big fat liar, but, don't worry, I enjoy your ability. No one lies like a Lohan, it's a gift. I think we all know by now that Dina would steal Coco's butt implants armed with nothing more than a line of cut coke and a butter knife and jam that ass fat into Ali with a bendy straw herself if it could guarantee another season of Living Lohan. Now, dammit, Ali, go buy some more grown up slutty clothes and earn your living. Ohhh! THAT'S where the shows title came from!

Strange Hollywood faces

I've been wondering what could be stranger and sadder than Shawna Sands ideal of beauty, making hersef look like a blown out wrestlers roided asshole and actually paying to look like that...then I saw Jay Manuel. People are supposed to be orange and made of wax with Chiclet teeth and spray on eye brows? Trippy. How do these people really see themselves? I'd like to be a gnat in their brain for a minute to understand it, but, there probably isn't room for a gnat in there.

Casey Aldridge says he didn't cheat on mini Cheeto

Gomer Pile (thank you anon commenter for that gem) says he didn't cheat on Jamie Lynn while she was pregnant and he called the Spears clan and pleaded his case. The Spear's thankfully opened their arms, well, probably one arm, they don't want to be dropping the checkbook, and welcomed him back into the fold. Gomer had to explain that brick faced trailer trash just told some lies for money and he was innocent. This is all very hard on Gomer who had to take time out from his busy day of hunting for sticks to scrape the pig poop off his unlaced boots and explaining to Jamie Lynn how his mama cooks with real lard to make vitils guuud eatin'. Seems the wedding by the cement pond is back on and no one asked Jason Alexander a damn thing today. Maybe he died of stupid.

Z's special day

Brad Pitt was joined by his parents for a special day out with Zahara. They all went to a modern art museum in France last Wednesday. Z seems to be out growing that Flav-A-Baby label she has here..heh. She's very cute and pretty when she smiles. Granma Pitt seems to think she's pretty adorable. Who wouldn't be happy to be let out of the pack for a day?

Selma Blair in Kath and Kim..and related gossip

Selma Blair isn't looking too attractive with this pose, but, I guess she isn't supposed to because it's for the filming of her "new" series Kath And Kim and she's supposed to be dysfunctional and her TV mom (Molly Shannon) is also dysfunctional and it's supposed to be new and funny, but, it's not new because the Aussie's already did it. But, I hope it IS funny so there's something on TV that's not a reality show and maybe something to talk about besides celebrities stupid love lives, which won't happen because Kath And Kim is getting more press due to the fact that Jennifer Aniston has been linked to Selma's ex, 28-year-old model Matt Felker.

And there's Matt, who's had no photos taken with Aniston, so you figure it out. But, word is, Selma dumped Matt because he cheated on her. And friends of Courtney Cox say Aniston wasn't dumped by Mayer, she dumped him because he cheated on her three different times with a cocktail waitress and a promoter’s assistant and a groupie. And that broke Jen's "three strikes and you're out" rule, which all sounds fishy to me. Oh, and Johns "friends" say he is really upset that Jen's seeing someone else already and he didn't get to call the final shots in the relationship and I'm having flashbacks of a year ago when the hot vodka hunk admitted he'd never met Jen Aniston. And Mr. Felker isn't as good looking as he looks in that "model" photo. He's kind of dorky, if you ask me, and I still say Aniston and Mayer aren't over. They're just getting sneaky. And don't you love how Courtney Cox throws her two cents in from a distance? Yeah, me too.

Miley has a new boy friend, we can all sleep at night now

The worlds most famous 15 year old is dating Adam Sevani. I'm so relieved her quest for love is fruitful. And so relieved he has a My Space.

Julia really was a spy

Source
The secret comes out Thursday — all of the names and previously classified files identifying spies who formed the first centralized intelligence effort by the United States. And guess who's name is on their list? Yep, telling us the legends are true. Julia Child was a US spy. Always gracious and funny and never once talking down to us, the worlds most famous chef led quite an interesting life. Meanwhile, Wolfgang Puck is picking his nose over his poo poo soup, Martha Stewart is wall papering Turkey Hill in hundred dollar bills, Gordon Ramsay is practicing adding fucking fuck to his vocabulary, Paula Deen is sorting her vaginal sausage rolls, ya-wal, and Rachael Ray is shoving coat hangers in her mouth and fried hot dogs up her ass and declaring the world Yumo! No one will remember those bitches in history.

It gets worse..

Not only did they interview Ms. Trailer Trash , but, they have a picture of Casey shlurping her busted brick face like a mentally retarded St. Bernard. I thought it couldn't get worse until In Touch confirmed this puke fest by interviwing none other than Jason Alexander (Brit's first husband) who says: "Kelli and Casey have been a couple on and off for a few years. They were a really tight couple, but I think it was hard for Kelli, having Jamie Lynn in the picture."

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I'm booking a ticket to Buttfuck Loo-eeeseana and I am going to personally drive a stake through that stump humping wagon wheel loving hound dog fucking retarded piece of redneck shit and pound his fame hungry ass so hard they'll have to bury him in Skoal can. I'm on my way, Jason, you dildo cocksucker. Jason Alex-pile-licking-I-got-Britney-drunk-and-married-her-for -five lousy-minutes-and-I'm-still-running-my-dog-testicle-breath-country-no-name-goat-fucking-ass-Ander.

Where's Daddy?

I can't be the only person whose noticed that Katie Holmes is living alone with her daughter in NYC. What's up with her being photographed every single day alone, looking pensive and troubled or with her daughter looking sad? Yeah, I know about All My Sons on Broadway and her "preparations" for it...pffffft, she's been living there for months and still "preparing." Tom and her got together for the opening of his Tropic Thunder, then he vanishes again.

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So, nosey me, I go try to figure out what Tom has going on that keeps him away from his family and on his "official site" is some bogus old photo of him and the film Risky Business playing in the background. If you click "what's new" you get him and Oprah or more Risky Business shit. I figure I already read what he's up to somewhere and blocked it from my mind because he makes me vomit. Anyhow..I think it's odd that the perfect couple now lives apart.

Britney with Cheetos

Do you suppose she's very brave, has a sense of humor or is she just too dense to know there's seventy billion Britney Spears/Cheetos jokes out there? Or, maybe Cheetos is now sponsoring her entire life.

Katie designed it herself

I had wondered where Katie got that unflattering dress that made a tall willowy young woman look like a stumpy pregnant butterball..turns out she designed it herself. You'd think it would be enough to be wealthy beyond belief and have people say you aren't a bad actress, but, she still seems determined to find something else she can do. This isn't it, and it must be disappointing to hear people insult it. She looked better when she was hanging out with Posh and Armani. She should look into have that ugly little growth removed. Oh, wait, she married that.

Her claim to fame is humping Jamie Lynn's baby's daddy

I don't know about you, but, I love it when ordinary trailer trash chicks get their picture in major magazines when their only claim to fame is screwing the teenage boy friend of D-list teenage sisters of pop stars. Kelli Dawson who claims to be 28, started fucking Casey Aldrige, 19, last year. They must have shut off the electricity in the trailer because he told her she was pretty. Kelli says they were still bumping uglies while Jamie Lynn was pregnant, but, "It just didn’t feel right. He had to deal with the baby coming, and it had to stop." Uh, huu, but, fortunately they do still get together ""kiss occasionally."

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Think this story will throw a monkey wrench in Jamie Lynns wedding plans? I wish they'd had a photo of her getting run out of who's ever yard that is. But, white trash is always fun, right, Aldridge? That In Touch photographer was good to her, her face is harder than the cement blocks holding up the trailer.

First interview in two years?

It's the first time in two years she's been coherent enough to fake an interview and there's all kinds of things wrong in that photo from her gapping dress to the kid in the tux with no shoes and Timerlake hats. She says she wants them to have a normal childhood and we all know it's too late for that, but, they look cute and not special. That's about all she says, at least all I've read so far..the rest was an interview with her dad who lets her talk very little. Smart move.

Ray finally pissed me off

Those of you who hate this bitch will love this post. I've finally had it with Rachael Ray. Yeah, I've been tolerant of her raspy insistence that "You can find these ingredients anywhere these days, even in your grocery store!!!!" No, you can't, bitch. My grocery has never heard of that shit. I've given her the benefit of the doubt when she acts like we're all a bunch of idiots who can't wipe our ass without her detailed repetitive instructions. Yeah, we know you can pour from a carton, Rachael, we also know how to squeeze a friggin' lemon. I figured she's just jaw flapping to fill the 30 minutes. But, last night she decided to make some American food. She called it Ballgame food, because "Who doesn't LOVE baseball, right????!!!!" Fuck you, I don't. She can stick her greasy hot dogs and macaroni up her rich ass. Who's so stupid they can't make hot dogs and mac? And who wants to? And don't roll a fuckload of ice cream "baseballs" in Cracker Jacks and tell me it's an "American" dessert, you fucked up troll. There's a Rachael Ray nip slip..I'm looking desperately for a photo of her with a greasy fried hot dog in her big butt. That was some seriously nasty fucked up food. I tune in to try and learn something, not to be insulted. Done with her now.

That aint ciggy smoke around Aniston's head..

It's a cloud of heartbreak and despair, if you believe The Mirror, because John Mayer has shown Jennifer the door. Another fricking "source close to Mayer" said "There's been a bit of tension for some time," They initially opted for a break, hoping a trial split might make them stronger. Sadly it doesn't seem to have worked. John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Initially, Jennifer was furious when he told her of his decision but now she's simply sad - not to mention a little heartbroken. They have spoken on the phone since the split and are trying to remain on good terms. But unless John has a dramatic change of heart, it's unlikely they'll rekindle their romance."
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Bla de bla, all we really know is that she's been photographed alone and he was photographed in a hot tub with some chick who wasn't Aniston, but, it turned out to be his band mates wife, so I ignored it. Stupid tabloids may have jinked this romance and cost me $10 bucks, but, we have to wait and see. The only part of that whole shpeel that sounded real was John saying Jen deserved more commitment. Sounds exactly like something Mayer would come up with to make this all sound better and his fans still love him even though he dumped her. I'm still not convinced. I'm really not convinced Aniston is so stupid she'd be giving commitment ultimatums to some rocker boy already. Bitches need to get married and have some kids! All they do is fuck with me.

Nothing happened, nothing at all

I wondered how PantyLiner would handle this mess of a family..now I know. She gets her reps to get Mario Lopez on it.

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The PantyLiner's told Mario Lopez, “Nothing actually happened.” Explained Mario, “In fact, Lesley wasn’t even aware that Skip had been arrested. Hayden found out about her dad’s arrest when he called her from jail. They love each other very much and want everyone to know that the matter was completely blown out of proportion.”

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If Mario Lopez says nothing happened we must believe him because he knows Alan is called "Skip" and that's proof that Mario knows everything. Glad that's cleared up. I was wondering who that "lil' bro" belongs to because the only one in the family he looks like is PantyLiner herself, so Panty is actually 30 years old and he's her naughty secret. Hey, don't jump on me for an active imagination, the Panty's are the ones who say cops arrest people for NOT hitting each other. And if I was Lesley, I'd be pissed as all get out that I didn't get to use that $50,000 in bail to fix my deflated boobs. She should have slapped "Skip" with one of those suckers. Sand bagged slapped, just for the nick name alone.

No next season for Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila will not have a third season of Shot at Love because she's found true love on her own. Tila is now shacking up with Courtenay Semel, who I always call Courtenay (with that A stuck in there so no one ever mistakes her for a Kardashian) Smell. I love the pic of Tila shoving out her bottom and handing Smell a dollar because Smell has more money than God, her dad's a chairman of Yahoo, so it probably isn't smart to talk crap about Smelly, but, I'm not very bright. We all know that.

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I love the look on Smelly's face as she prances off with her prize, who will never have to work again unless you consider society muff diving work. Lindsay Lohan didn't when she shacked up with Smell and that's why their pic is on here. Sam and Smell used to be friends, but, Smell had something Sam wanted. I don't know if they're friends anymore, but, I'm pretty sure they all shop at the same shiny dress store. Aren't you just fascinated with "society?" Me too.

Battle of the cuntry queens continues..pick a side

Carrie Underwood was asked by Allure if she kept in tough with Tony Romo.. "We were both small town people doing very big things, and we relied on each other, dealing with fame. I don’t know. The phone will ring and it’ll be him, and I’ll maybe not answer."
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Take that, in your face, Jessica meat eating shirt wearing wanna be. Tony Homo still knows Carrie's number and she may answer and she may not. Jessica Simpson's happiness is in Underwood's hands. She really is a horse whisperer.

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Jessica, meanwhile is busy peeing on sticks and reading whatever she wants to into the results. In July she announced to Tony's family that she was pregnant with with his baby, but, the reaction wasn't what she expected. First there was shocked silence, then his dad yelled that they weren't married and his mom cried "How could you do this to us?" That bit of funny came from a family source who was there, according to the Enquirer. Must have been a disgruntled Romo. But, Jess had read the test wrong and now everyone is happy, but, Jess. Carrie Underwood seems happy. Heh. This kind of explains the Simpson beaver shoot. Carrie can't touch the beaver. Carrie has no control over the Simpson beaver. Jessica's smart like that.

Tyra helps celebrate first all black model issue of Vogue Italia

Maybe Tyra can enlighten me as to which of those broads is black. I see some pretty black faces behind them, but, they sure aren't allowed in front. If you happen to BE a black woman out there, tell me what YOU think of this.

The Royal Ronsons

Don't ask me why Harpers Bazaar calls them royals but the photo was pretty amusing. Did you know Sam and Charlotte are twins? HERE's the interview, if you want, which you might. I don't know..I'm confused.

Jack Black and his wife at Tropic Thunder

I can't figure out if he's sexy in that pudgy average guy way, or just a fat douche hot dogging for the cameras. He sure knows how to get attention..he's probably a douche bag. What do YOU think?

Hey, 7 year old kid, you're too ugly to be Chinese

A 7-year-old Chinese girl was not good-looking enough for the Olympics opening ceremony, so they used her voice to sing the national anthem, but, had a much more acceptable looking kid lip sinc it. "The audience will understand that it's in the national interest," said Chen Qigang the ceremony's chief music director. You can read the rest of China's quest for perfection HERE and see film of the little lip syncer who was deemed cuter.
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I'm surprised they let the "ugly" kid live, she's a worthless female after all. Get the fuck out of China, kid and don't plan on taking your dog..that's dinner.

Zero to 8 in five min

Harper’s Bazaar had their photo shop people earning their pay this month with Rachel Zoe. They had the task of adding some meat on her cranked out bones before the issue hit the shelves in September. The stylist to the stars isn't into food, when asked what she lunches on, Rachel said "Truth? I don’t. I’m not a lady who lunches; it’s a lull in the day."
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Truth? She lunches on white snort and I could care less. They should have photo shopped those fug shoes out and interviewed her wig.

Brooke Hogans brilliant message

From Brooke's blog... LOL poor press and clingy gossip lovers....
It's so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day...LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people.........or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? :) Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of...um.... don't you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!Love Always, Brooke
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How does she figure she can "jack up" any one's day? I AM surprised she could take time out from scratching her crab infested vagina to type. Good one, Brooke..I have to delete this place and go find Jesus now. BTW, it's Mice Elf..ask Sly and The Family Stone.

Panty's parents made up

The PantyLiners are a happy family despite the fact that he's out on $50 grand bail for punching her in the face yesterday. It was all a misunderstanding. Lesley is happy to have a jacked up face with tox needle marks all over it and no wrinkles and half a shaved off nose and two big fat lips her hubby didn't even give her and Alan is happy to have a frappe bottle filled with Kahlua and Vodka and a starlet daughter who can bail his ass out when he pounds some sense into his disrespectin' wife. And they are all HAP-PEEEE, I tell ya, so stop gossiping about this lovely family and stare at the space between her legs instead.